


First

by tashawrites



Series: Super Natural Fic Series : Youngjae's. [2]
Category: GOT7, K-pop, Monsta X (Band), Red Velvet - Fandom, exid, iKON (Kpop)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-15 02:46:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 163,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10548738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tashawrites/pseuds/tashawrites
Summary: Youngjae, has one more year to go before he graduates, just one more year he needs to survive the shitty Yeoung Heung High School atmosphere. With his favourite hyung already graduated and abroad, he's left alone and defenseless to the unforgiving school in-crowd.Hanbin, walks around on autopilot. He is seen and heard, but sometimes he's not really there. He falls into a temptation that he has tried to resist for so long, but will he be able to take responsiblity? What will life be like if has to actually live it?Bobby is the affable best friend and side kick of Hanbin, both have known each other since birth. They know each other well but is there something that Bobby hasn't told his closest friend? Bobby has his own issues and a situation arise which he must quietly resolve.Changkyun is the new boy in town, a new student in Yeung Heung, he does not yield to society's pressures. After all being a social outcast was the least of his worries, he has a destiny that he is trying to avoid and there is a someone he has to avoid with all of his will power.





	1. I.

It had been raining down so heavily, the droplets were coming in down thick and fast, i couldn't see past the rainfall. The rainfall was loud and chattering down on the car and the tar in front of us. The sky above us still remained angry and dark as it had a few minutes before.

"Shit!", Hanbin mutters unable to see through the rainfall, the road in front of us has essentially disappeared. The outside was all doom and gloom, no one had been on the roads before the rainfall, it was almost as if they had foreseen what we hadn't been able to.

The windshield's wipers were hardly helping, as they wiped one stream of water away, another flowed down to replace it. Although Hanbin had slowed down his driving, it would be pretty hard for him to continue if the rainfall kept up like this.

"Just a minute" he says, either to himself or me he doesn't make it clear. I don't ask either as he concentrates on carefully steering his precious car to the road side. I internally laugh to myself, I'm sure he's hyper aware how dangerous it is to drive in weather like this, not just for us but for his car.

"Looks like we won't be going anywhere till it lets up", he casually comments setting into park and switching off the engine. A brief silence settles between, apart from the rain fall shattering on the dash and roof. It was pretty quiet, but comfortable.

Hanbin leans forward leaning his head on the dashboard, squinting as if he would will the rainfall to lessen. I chuckle at the idiot in front of me, "what's so funny?" he asks looking and sounding a slightly self conscious.

"You" I say before leaning over to fluff his wet locks, his clothes were drenched and stuck to his body. I wasn't any better off, my hair was stuck up in different directions and my clothes were matted to my body. It was definitely gross and uncomfortable.

Slowly he turns head to watch me, a soft smile graces that beautiful face of his. "Do I make you laugh?" he asks quietly, I smile and nod my head to confirm. Although it hadn't always been like that. Hanbin reaches his over to caress my face, my face heats up at the contact "good, I like that" he admits sheepishly. 

You're good to laugh at" I tease holding onto his hand briefly. His hand feels so warm against my face, although it wasn't completely wet any more I was still pretty cold. But I keep smiling through it, I didn't want to worry the other.

The rain continues to fall down harshly, pitter pattering on the car roof above us. It seemed that something had opened up in the sky above us and would not be relenting any time soon.

"Could it be God?" Hanbin half jokes, I knew he wasn't a believer, but sometimes it didn't seem that way. "Could it be a God like Zeus?" I can't help but grin, he was silly. I hadn't known this for a long time, but he was very silly. " Zeus Zeus, why are you being like this?" he questions the imaginary being. 

With no reply, Hanbin sighs and leans back in his seat, the rain was not letting up. " Sorry Choi Youngjae", he quietly apologises, as if he had let me down in some way. He couldn't have foreseen this at all, "this day was meant to be special" he mutters displeased with the turn of events.

"You should plan better next time captain-nim", I tease, he lights up at the sound of my nickname. He watches me wordlessly, with his warm smile drawn upon his handsome face. I start to shiver a little, I wasn't sure if it was because of the drenched state I was in or if it was the effect Kim Hanbin had on me.

Hanbin reaches for my hands placing them in between his slightly larger hands, he smiles sweetly rubbing them together. The sparkle in his eyes as he watches me, it was meant for me and that still took some time to getting used to.

"I should have planned better" he apologises once more, despite the fact that neither of us could have expected this. Our day trip had started out so nicely, the sun was shining and the breeze was perfect. I reassure him that I was fine, in reality the rain wasn't anything that could ruin a day with him.

It was sunday and we had managed to make the excuses and cleared our schedule. We were meant to leave town for a day trip, it wasn't meant to be particularly special or out of the ordinary. Just a fun day between two boys who happened to like each other, however this trip was proving to be more fateful than expected.

"You're so cold, why the heck didn't you say anything and just freeze like this", he asks with concern, something that I was still trying to get used to. It hadn't always been this, and it wouldn't be would it? I watch him wordlessly searching his puppy like eyes searching for an answer.

He continues to blow on our hands and rub them together,my heart flutters and I feel myself warm up from the inside, being this close always did this to me. It got worse over time, I didn't know if it would ever relent like the rain eventually would.

"Tell me a story", the sudden request takes me back a little. " Story?" I wither a little under pressure, didn't he know all my stories by now? "It doesn't have to be twilight, just talk to me. Tell me something you remember?" he encourages me. 

Something that I remember? The question was so vague, yet I managed to remember. I had a story already floating in my head, it was a few months ago and it had led us to this point. Well it was the beginning as far as I could remember.


	2. II.

Hanbin's POV

Planning ahead wasn’t exactly my best suite I will admit, I usually kind of just went with the flow of things. I didn’t really have any control in my life so I tended to just let the tide throw me about, thus far I hadn’t been scared and there wasn’t any irreparable damage. As far as I was concerned, it was all good in my hood.

That kind of relaxed attitude had admittedly lead me to the point where I was starting to feel unsatisfied with my life. It shouldn’t be that way though, I have two parents who love me and adore me, as well as a siblings that I have grown up well with. I grew up ideally, with a comfortable family unit, in a wealthy area and was given all the things that I desired.

I should want for nothing, my parents had worked hard to make sure that it was that way. That despite their busy schedules in the law, they would raise me and my siblings with their own hands. They were super heroes who had raised one son who was abroad, married and working in finance. My oldest brother Dongjun had graduated from a top Seoul university and was now abroad making money and being married to the woman of his dreams.

My younger siblings twins Mari and Jung Woo were both little geniuses, not one but two young children with high IQ’s. Little devils who would be successful in whatever they put their minds to in the future, they were honestly the family’s pride and joy. I would be lying if I didn’t want them to be and do better than me, I was rooting for the demons.

Middle child me wasn’t too bad either, when I think about it wasn’t like I was some sort of dunce. I paled when comparing myself to my siblings, but I knew that I would succeed too sometimes it felt like I had no choice. I would be the Kim child who would be following in the footsteps of my parents and becoming a prosecutor, defense lawyer judge. Who knew, as long as it was in the law field, I would be doing it.

Now I don’t really need the violins to play for me, for one thing my parents were not forcing me physically to do it. However that doesn’t mean the pressure hasn’t been weighty, it’s been enough to crush me down and comply. When I sit and think about it, there are worse things to be in the world than a lawyer. Yet what has always bothered me was the feeling of powerlessness.

I was weak and unable to really go against my parents, it was a mental game and I had lost long ago. So now I just floated by and let anything happen, for example this party. Upon hearing that Hayi would be holding a get together with friends, my mother encouraged me to attend. She had always been encouraging of any relationship between Hayi and myself, whether it was because she was from a good family or for other reasons I had no clue.

Instead of arguing and complaining about her request, I would get dressed and waste my Saturday evening at the Lee compound found nearby. It was large mansion with too many rooms to house the family of four, but still wealthy people didn’t buy for need but instead for pleasure and pride. As public employees both my parents scaled it back, only rarely buying extravagant gifts for the special occasions. Those didn’t come around often, so it would be fair to say I grew up in a modest home.

One of the rare occasions had splashed the cash was last year on my 18th birthday, they had rewarded me for good behaviour with my precious car. Beatrix was named after my favourite femme fetale from Kill Bill, she was my pride and joy and was an escape for me when I needed it. If I needed to be away from everyone, I would fill her up and drive her whenever until my mind was no longer muddled up and confused.

Today Beatrix takes me to the Lee mansion, I wasn’t planning on staying too long, and I never liked these parties anyway. They weren’t fun, they were just fashion contests, and wealthy and elite children complaining about their first world problems.

Not that I was any different or as deep as a well, no I just didn’t like the people. I couldn’t stand them, they were already so fortunate to be in the positions they were but continued to try and belittle those who didn’t have. Sadly I had been part of that group, in fact on the outside it could seem like that I was still part of it.

To most people I was spoilt child of the prosecutor and lawyer couple, as well as the boyfriend of the future heiress Lee Hayi. On the outside it looked quite clean and cut and according to everyone but myself we were heading towards marriage, the thought made me cringe.

“Habinnie you came!” Hayi greets me, she quickly pulls me by the arm and hooks her slender arm through it. She leads me through the low key party of around 20 people, the music was playing but not loud enough to drown out conversation. Most of the guests are spread out through the luxurious living room and dining area.

Hayi had managed to put this together in a short time, but it was a glamorous party for the few special upperclassmen that she valued as well as those she had to keep close to her for networking. Even at this age she had to be careful and set up future relationships, we were the future generation who would be taking over from their parents.

All eyes are on us as I head off to the corner of the room and take a seat, Hayi sits on the arm rest of the recliner and chats to me. She doesn’t even bother hiding her smug grin, I had declined her earlier offer to return, so she was happy with this development which came courtesy of my mother and their little partnership.

I don’t even know why she even wants me to be here, I wasn’t having fun nor would I and unlike her I didn’t like these events. She knew all that but I guess having me as eye candy, the look of it all was worth it. “This is good, you’re really cute when you’re moody and broody like this”, Hayi teases me playfully.

“Don’t be too cute though. I don’t want any of these girls over you” she jealously warns. Despite the end to the two year relationship Hayi still held out feelings for me and wasn’t letting go of me. Although I was slightly uncomfortable with this thought, I still didn’t avoid her, there was no way to. She was someone who was a fixture in my life.

Our relationship was still pretty amicable, we spent so much time together that it was like we had no other choice but to get along. Hayi was smart and witty, and yes when paired with her bluntness it didn’t work in the favour of many. However her status and charm meant she usually got away with it, not many had gone against her or tried.

That included myself, what was the point in arguing with her, it was long and unnecessary. So I sit and chat with Hayi and no matter what we manage to comfortably talk, we had started out as friends, so it had been a relief that we could stay that way. She was someone I would always have in my life and sometimes that was good to know.

“What?” I ask him. It was funny how easily our situation had reversed. Instead of my earlier sulk at hearing Youngjae’s sulk, and then that being proceeded by Youngjae requesting I tell a story. There was a silence settled back in the car, nothing could be heard but the rain, Youngjae was sat in the passenger seat, completely wet.

Did I say something wrong? I can’t help but worry but Youngjae turns to watch me, “continue and tell your story Hanbin” although he says with the cutest pout ever. “This story is about… me, and us… just listen” I say reaching over to Youngjae’s hand. Immaturely the other limps his hand in mine, not responding to the tight squeeze that I give him.

Later that night after nearly two hours of enduring boring foreign vacation talks, future careers, and planned marriages I head out. I wait for Hayi to be distracted by one of her loyal followers, before eventually slipping out of the party. It wasn’t exactly polite of me but I knew Hayi would forgive me, she always did.

As I head out for the night just me and Beatrix I try and think of something to do with myself for the rest of the night. Bobby had gone out of town and wouldn’t be returning till midweek, and honestly I didn’t fancy doing anything with anyone that wasn’t him. Not many of the friends I had out of Bobby were as fun as he could be.

So I decide to head to a place that would be at least comforting to be, over the last few weeks it had been a place I gravitated to. As I approach the door I’m a little bit disappointed to see I had arrived a little late. The coffee shop was empty and the lights were off, and the owner Park Jinyoung was closing it up.

“Hyung wants to see his wife this weekend, please forgive me” the elder jokes in response to the disappointment that I wasn’t hiding at all. I apologise and head off, disappointed at not being able to see him. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little bummed that I hadn’t made it in time to see him. Had he even been working I wonder? For the last few weeks it had been that way, so maybe I just had been very late.

As I make my way to my car I spot a person who was very familiar to me, the person I had been looking for all this time was heading to the bus stop. There was a bus approaching and without much thinking, I jogged to catch up with the boy and catch the boy.

Again. I will admit I wasn’t one for planning for things, I was someone who went with the flow, and for some reason my feet were not in my control. On impulse I had followed by classmate into the bus, paying for my ticket me head on and follow him on.

Over the next few stops the bus slowly starts to fill up, it was getting more and more full. I had never seen the bus this full before, according to some of the whispers on the bus a train station had been cancelled and so the travellers were filtering onto the bus. So at this point I had been shoved from one end of the bus and I was directly in front of Youngjae, not that I minded much.

There wasn't much space between us, a few inches at best that separated us. The other wasn't putting forth an effort to hide his discomfort at the situation, we weren't friends or share a close bond. I understood it but I didn't like it. Look at me, I plead at him with my eyes, but he looks down at his phone as he scrolls. I look over and see he was just managing some files on his music player, nothing that meant he should ignore his school mate who was a few inches away from him.

The bus takes a sudden turning and sharp, it throws those who standing and without anything to hold through the air. I'm included in that group, I'm tossed into the arms of Youngjae, and it happens so quickly and stuns us briefly that we just stand still. His breath was so hot on my neck that was the first thing that I noticed, it was his breath. What followed was the warmth if his body, I could feel his chest on mine, and his arms. One of his arms had made their way to my waist, he had helped me keep balance and moved so quickly.

Out of control would be an understatement when describing how hard my heart was beating, this was the closest I had been to Choi Youngjae in a long time. I liked it, having it and experiencing it made me craze much more. In the corner my eye I see the nape of his neck, it looked so inviting. I wondered if he actually knew, did he understand how I was feeling right now?

Did he know how much I had come to desire him? How much I just wanted him to look me in the eye? No matter how often we saw each other, and he would do his best to avoid me. I partly understood, whilst I tried to figure out my feelings for the other, I had acted like a jerk, a total asshole who didn’t understand myself and took out a lot of shit on him.

However it hadn’t been like that in a while, not that I made it too obvious. I had just tried not to be a dickhead around him, no more immature taunting, I had made sure to leave Choi Youngjae in peace. Well I had tried, but it was easier said than done, I could scarcely resist him.

Even admitting this to myself was strange, the realisation had come only a few weeks ago. Boxer boy hadn’t been able to escape my thoughts, it was becoming something that I had to address, there was no longer hiding from it all, and it had to be faced head on.

Not that I had done that yet, how could? I was still struggling with that. As the bus ride goes by I watch Youngjae and the memories slowly come flooding back. How he had become the school’s laughing stock, and the butt of many jokes.

Lee Suwoong as well as being an asshole, was petty as fuck and a pathetic shit head who seemed to take out his inadequacies on those around him. He had always been a jerk, if you would class me as a jerk then he would be a mega super jerk. He didn’t taunt and heckle to make people laugh or for peer pressure, no he was cruel and ruthless.

Weeks ago after a lively football game on the sports field, it was a strangely competitive game. Usually whatever team I was on won, I was a good leader as far as when it came to sports. I knew best when it came to tactics, however the competitor team wasn’t taking our attacks lying down today. It was all thanks to Choi Youngjae.

The normally quiet and laid back participant was going all out, he was passing, making opportunities, slipping past opponents and scoring. His sudden success had seemed to get under the skin of some, most especially the jealous and petty Suwoong who was on my team who was not too happy about the school’s outcast had beat him competitively.

Honestly when I thought about it, Youngjae was cooler than I had once thought. He had the ability to ignore all the jeering and abuse thrown at him, and with his determination and skill, he had helped beat a team who was should have otherwise have won. Bobby who had been on his team had failed to hide how impressed he had been, I don’t know if I faired any better either. Choi Youngjae was someone we needed.

Stubborn Suwoong however was doing everything he could to further ostracise and bully Youngjae. He had a vendetta and was determined to push Youngjae to the edge, and so his immature act took place whilst most of us had headed out of the locker room after taking a well-deserved shower. Youngjae often took his showers a little while after the other male students, usually on request of the ignorant assholes. They didn’t want the “homo kid” getting hard over them.

So by the time this started happening I was in the cafeteria with Hayi, Bobby and Sun Ah pretending to pay attention to the conversation taking place. I look around the busy cafeteria and saw Changkyun and Joy sat together, Youngjae was missing and he was gone a little longer than he usually did. My heart skips, my palms sweat, and I was concerned.

My instincts seemed to pretty correct as minutes pass and the giggling I heard bubbling through the cafeteria. “Why are they being so noisy? Hayi mutters disapproving, she continues to eat uninterested in the mere mortals. “They’re noisier than usual” Bobby sits up on the bench and looks over to see what was happening.

“What the fuck” Bobby mutters, he jumps down and walks over to the crowd who had formed. I follow him unable to resist my curiosity, and come to find that on a table in the middle of the cafeteria was a school uniform. It was laid out, the shirt, the trousers and blazer, one of the male students was missing this uniform.

“Whose is this?” Bobby questions, looking slightly annoyed. “The homo kid” one of the bland, blank and anonymous underclassmen excitedly squeaks with a giggle. Her attention moves from the clothes and to Bobby and me, her eyes sparkle and her eyelashes bat for us. “One guess whose behind this” Bobby mutters disapproving, I frown annoyed knowing who it was already. “Fucking asshole” he was forever pissing me off.

I reach for the uniform from the middle of the table and without a word, I head over towards the changing room. However I stop in the middle of the hallway, he was stood there already, and he had left the locker room. To my surprise Youngjae was stood there in the middle of the hallway, he was there with his boxers.

All his flesh was bare, his milky skin was showing. His stomach was more defined than I thought, he wasn’t squishy that I had thought. His thighs, and his butt, and suddenly I feel myself feeling flushing up. Youngjae stands there watching me, he doesn’t speak but the look in his eye. He was embarrassed and humiliated.

“Was it you?” he asks? Looking down at my hands I had his uniform in his hands. Suddenly the hallway becomes noisier, as students file through from the cafeteria, a lot of laughing and heckling happens. This scene was all too much, I wanted to just take Youngjae by the hand and lead him away. To take him somewhere safe and away from the assholes.

Walking down the hallway Youngjae is silent, he doesn’t look at his tormentors, and his eyes are focused with me. “Do you find it funny?” he says stood in front of me, his eyes locked up on mine. My heart skips a beat, despite the tension of the moment I was fluttering in front of him. “Am I really that much of a joke for you?” he asks.

Before I can even answer his question, he snatches the clothes out of my and keeps staring at me. “If you think this is something that will break me down, then you’re sorely mistaken, I’m not easily broken down”. The steely look of determination sets my heart aflutter, he snatches his uniform away before heading on off without a word.

“When did you get so cool” I whisper under my breath. In that moment, watching him leave, something in me felt cold. I should have done it, I should have pulled him close and tried to shield him away from al the bullshit, from the eyes of his tormentors.

Without any thought I pull him in, stood in front of him, on the bus full of packed people, I pull Youngjae into my arms. Its swift, a small movement of my arms wrapping around his shoulders. I hear him quietly gasp, his body goes rigid but I hug him closely and rub his back softly.

“What the hell are you doing?” he tries to struggle but I hold him close towards me in my chest. I tell him to stay still and force my arms around him, keeping him still and eventually he stops struggle. “Why are you being like this?” he asks me suspiciously. “You feel so warm”, I hug him close and I feel his arms slowly slide around my waist to pull me close to him.

This was so good, it felt so good to be close to me like this. His breathe was on my neck, and I wondered what he was thinking. Does he know how crazy this is driving me? Did he feel like I felt, unable to find it within myself to let him go? I just wanted to stay like this, I was fulfilled and content so much in this moment.

Minutes by and the other doesn’t shift, he just stays there and doesn’t even speak. I don’t focus on that, I was just focused on the pace of his breathing, he was calm, and how was he this calm? I wish I could be as cool as he was right now, but I was going out of my mind. “What are you doing tonight?” I squeak out, I clear my throat nervously and wait for the other to reply.

“Mmmmmm” I hear him speak, his voice vibrates through me sending chills down my body. “Nothing special” he finally quietly reveals, this was amazing. We were getting along so well like this, it was so calm and I felt myself feeling so comfortable. “What about you? Will you be seeing friends and talking about hugging the homo sexual kid randomly?” his questions strikes me hard and unexpectedly.

Youngjae slowly pulls out of my embrace and briefly watches me, not saying a word but it felt like there was a lot said. I felt like a bad person, for hugging the other, I suddenly felt like a piece of shit. The other turns around and squeezes the crowd of people leaving me with an empty feeling.

Before I can move quickly to chase the other, to stop him and apologise to him. He’s already, squeezed out to the front and left the bus. There is a brief pause as the bus checks for traffic, the other stands outside of the bus briefly, he doesn’t look at me. I’m so desperate for him to look at me, I want him to look at me so badly.

“Please” I whisper praying that he would look at me, but he doesn't or at least it doesn’t look like it. Youngjae puts his headphones on and heads in the direction behind him on the curb side. My heart drops, I didn’t like this and I do not like feeling this way at all.


	3. III.

Youngjae's POV

Early morning fifteen minutes before the school bell would ring, I stand up on the school rooftop. Hidden from everyone I finish up a video call with my most precious hyung Tuan Yien. He had been my only ally at Yeung Heung, but the elder had graduated almost a year ago and was travelling the world. Despite the early morning hours, the elder forces me to listen to the Gloria Gaynor song blasting through the speakers. It was fuzzy and almost hard to hear, but still annoying and irksome.

” Go on now go walk out the door, just turn around now. Cause you're not welcome anymore, weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye. You think I'd crumble you think I'd lay down and die, Oh no, not I will survive will survive"

Yien giggles slightly tipsy, he was in his hotel bed still up in the early hours laughing his ass off. "This is outrageously gay hyung", I complain at the music choice. "Aren't you outrageously gay?” he teases me playfully. I was too boring to be outrageous about anything, apart from school and a part time job and studying, I didn't really have any time to be interesting. I was only really ever gay if a cute guy walked by. I never thought of my sexuality often, not on a day to day basis. It was only ever bought up as a slight by the immature class mates that I was surrounded by. On a day to day basis I thought about breakfast, college entrance exams, survival, universities, lunch, the villa, survival, homework assignments and my new after school job.

Sadly I was another boring teenage misfit who was going to be doing my last year of high school, it hadn't been exactly easy so far but fortunately there were only a few more months left in this school year. "All I'm saying is we spent this summer working on you not being a pushover", Yien had stopped over on his world tour to see me.

"Just because I'm gone doesn't mean you bow down to those assholes", Yien was an idealist, we were in different positions. "I'm not travelling from Paris to fucking Mokpo to defend you, so you have to do it yourself" he continues to lecture me.

"Blah blah blah. I know I know hyung, I will defend myself", I half lie. I would do my best to avoid confrontation but if push came to shove, I was prepared. "Don't worry Yien Tuan, I won't be a pushover" I try to reassure the drunk elder. "I will survivee" I joke playfully. Yien lets out a strong and long high pitched cackle, as he goes out of view. Our call is a little brief due to the start of the school day, so I say my goodbyes to a whiny Yien hang up. As I walk to class I can’t help but worry about Yien was fine. His call was a little strange.

On my way down to class I am cornered in the hallway by the pretty boy jerk Lee Suwoong and his side kick Kim Dongwoo. It had been like this since the beginning of high school, well not exactly like this. Usually when these jerks came within yards of me, Yien wasn't far behind. They were scared of the martial arts trained foreigner, who had on many occasions taken on the school bully and pretty much chopped them in half. However there were times where I was alone and defenseless, Yien wasn't in my classes so whenever they could they would try to corner me and well... Bully me.

It’s not like a one on one situation that was rarely the case, usually I was out numbered, and today it by six people. I had to think carefully, I didn't want to be hurt, or to look like the school's pitiful bullied kid. I tried to minimise the possibility of this news reaching my overbearing parents and my overprotective older siblings. So whatever name, slur or little or shove that was thrown my way I would take. I also assessed the situation well, I didn't want to get involved in fights, it was my last year of high school and I needed to keep record the crystal clean. So if I was shoved around or worse I learnt to take the hit and get on with my business, there were plenty of door frames I had bumped into and clumsy me fell over so often it never gain questions were marks were to be left on me.

Pinned to the wall help up by my collar by one of the bigger nameless goons, he was Jin something... Min... Something, I had never bothered learn his name, he was just a yes man of Suwoong and Dongwoo and would probably end someone's loyal chauffeur or whatever. It has been weeks since our school year had started and none of our altercations had become physical, probably because I had been able to ignore their verbal assaults and head in any direction they were not. However today I was not lucky, I had been found and today things had escalated quite quickly.

"I'm failing History already, what are you going to do about it?"Suwoong the pretty, entitled asshole questions me. What the fuck could I do about your inability, I want to ask but I doubted it would make things easier. "He asked you a question" Dongwoo threatens me. “I’ll pray for you", I reply failing to filter my sarcasm. The giant goon lifts me clean off my feet," what the hell did you say?" What the fuck is this, he was 18 like me, what kind of steroids this guy had been taking, it’s not like I was skinny or anything.

This was quite a feat he was pulling off. "What do you plan on doing to get my results up?" Suwoong asks with a cocky smirk. Shit. What does this fucking dunce want me to do, "I could lend you my notes I offer", he dismisses straight away. "Tthat sounds like too much work" the spoilt fucker asks. You lazy mother fucker, what the fuck did he expect me to do telepathically send him my knowledge? "How about you do my homework for the rest of the year, try not to make it too smart. No one will believe if I go from Ds to as".

Feeling a frustration brew up in the pit of my stomach, I grimace and answer "no. Fucking no" I answer. "Wow you got brave" Suwoong taunts. "Yyou’ve got your own brain. Do your own work" despite the risks, through gritted teeth, I continue. "Are you forgetting you're unprotected here, your boyfriend isn't even in the country?” The goon pushes me further up the wall with a menacing look in his eyes, holy shit he's definitely on some strength roids.

But losing my patience and frankly just bored of this all I kick in a failsafe plan, I literally kick it in as I swing to kick goon one somewhere near his crotch. Immediately he lets me out of his grip and falls back, he groans loudly and grabs the sensitive area which I had cruelly attacked. I push him away and quickly run past him and his in the opposite direction of Suwoong and his goons and although I hear my name called out I keep running. I run around the whole school building the long way to my class, till I eventually arrive to my home room, sweaty and panting. 

Fortunately I was late which meant despite a small lecture from my home room teacher Mr. Lim. Fortunately I had a higher authority to look over me for the next two hours as I would be staying in this class to take Math’s with Mr. Lim. Fortunately Suwoong and Dongwoo and their goons were not in this class, I thank my lucky stars that I had studied hard last year and scraped by to get into the highest set class for pretty much every subject.

As I catch my breath in front of my desk is sat is Park Joy who was my only ally within in this school, she was a pale, slender and very short 18 year old and cool. She was an old friend that I had grown up with, though sometimes it felt as if our friendship was bore out of a pity on her side toward me but I appreciated her. With a strong gaze and bold attitude no one messed with the mouthy new girl, the popular clique of girls had tried but most of their powers worked with rumours and name calling and neither worked on the thick skinned girl who was wholly self-confident.

"What took you so long?" Joy asks seeming quite concerned. We had come into school together, we shared the same bus to and from home. She lived a few stops before me so we had decided to meet up and travel together. Joy sits down scribbling on her notepad briefly before she discreetly sends a paper across to me, I write back a reply to her on a piece of paper. My skype call lasted longer than I had expected, I skip out the earlier altercation with Suwoong, Dongwoo and the roid rage goon who would surely end me. I just wanted to avoid further explanation or pity. Joy takes advantage of a busy Mr. Lim who is with a student looking over their work, she turns to me, and in hushed whispers she speaks.

"So you were on a call with Yien?” Joy knew my main subject of torment was my sexuality so she walked carefully on egg shells when we were in public. She was doing her best not to involve others, "so what did he want?" she hushed delves. "Just a short catch up" I say with a casual shrug. “Short catch up, isn't it like 2 am in the morning in Paris, why is he calling you so early?" I tell her I didn't know, an honest answer. It’s not like we had talked about anything of importance, he was in Paris with his travels and I had assumed that maybe he had called cause of an emergency.

Yien was known for his wild shenanigans that sometimes went out of his control, there had been many times that I had snuck out in the middle of the night to sneak into an apartment or two and untied the older from a bed, bathtub and home strip pole. I had hoped he had not done anything and expected me to travel all the way to Paris to saw his ass for, I could afford it but any money I made at this point was reserved for my university life next year. We all couldn't be like Yien, gorgeous and born into money, he was able to travel the world during his gap year. He would be returning to Korea and moving to Seoul with me for university, it was planned. I just had to survive this year.

"He's a jerk, he probably just felt like bothering me" I shrug off, I could sense where Joy trying to go in her line of questioning. Most people that came across Yien and I assumed we were dating, it had been rumoured for the first two years of high school and quite frankly had become a source of my torment. However in reality Yien was a friend who forced himself on me, one day he sat next to me and I was never able to get rid of him. Admittedly he had come in useful, as a bodyguard, emotional support and confidant. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t miss him

During our homeroom class we are introduced to a new student, well he was new to most of the class but me. He looked different from last time, dressed in his crisp school uniform, he seemed to fit the grey blazer, white dress shirt and grey trousers perfectly. With it he wears a comfortable looking pair of black pumps, with his brown hair styled up from his face. He was handsome so he would definitely gain a lot of fan girls, I could already see the eyes of certain students eat him up.

"Hello, I'm Im Changkyun please take care of me", he receives a warm greeting from the other students. He had been accepted and his pathway was set to be quite comfortable for the last part of the year, despite it being a very late transfer, I was sure he wouldn't struggle for friends. I make note of certain students getting ready to introduce themselves to the new fish in the pond, however they all seem quite surprised when that fish makes his way towards me. Honestly speaking I was too, but I was sure when he found out the hierarchy of this school he would change his mind.

Changkyun much like the night before warmly greets me again, and introduces himself to Joy. It seemed that the new student would have no problem as far as socialising, he had a cool and casual way of talking that could draw a person in. If he was as smart as I assumed that he was, he would use that skill to win the popular and elite around. For now I would have to just sit back and watch his plan of action and see if it paid off.

On the instruction of Mr Lim who seemed to feel like I would be the perfect person for it, I walk the new student on a tour of the school building. We make shallow conversation, I try not to stray from talking about the tour. As we do the tour we bump into king and queen Hanbin, Hayi and their followers or friends Bobby, Cha Sun Ah and Suwoong. It was the first time that I had seen Hanbin since that weird moment on the bus last week, I still felt uncomfortable when I saw him. Fortunately we had not spoken since and we didn’t need to address it.

This time seeing him with Hayi I feel a pang in my chest, I didn’t know why to be honest. Something felt strange and it had been like that since last week, I couldn’t tell what it was that I was feeling. I watch as Hayi hooks her arm in Hanbin’s arm, it appeared that they were back on. They would eventually end up together so they might as well start now. I watch as the glorified band of the rich, privileged good looking elites pass by, I try my best to avoid interaction but even after I pass I can't avoid.

Suwoong walks by with a smirk, “oh there goes the f-word!" the immature asshole heckles me. I try to ignore it and keep going on the tour, but the heckling continues and a crowd gathers slowly. “So is that new boyfriend? Is he going to protect you now?", Suwoong didn't have his goons so he couldn't cause me physical harm, so right now he wanted to do as much harm to my reputation as he could.

Watching Changkyun his expression to a more stony expression, he looks pissed, probably being romantically linked to me. I do my best to ignore it and move forward, but Suwoong keeps heckling, gaining laughs from the mindless puppets of the school. Hanbin slaps him around the head "hey, we have tactics to talk over. Ignore them" he says before leading his group away. Yes ignore us, like we are at fault I think sourly.

"Are all the students here jerks?"Changkyun asks as we continue with the tour. Knowing the way things worked, I don't trust the other with my real opinion. I don't want to talk about it so I continue on with the tour ignoring the question. As rude as it seemed, I just didn’t any bitter words I used to come back to bite me when Changkyun joined the popular and the elites, right now he was someone I did not trust.

Later on once the tour is done, it’s not long before he has a crowd of students who manage to drag him away. Not that Changkyun seemed disappointed, he looked like he was eating up all this new attention. He was overtly friendly, but he was warm enough to keep conversation going with his new friends. Take that as my queue to leave I head out of the way to get some peace and some lunch.

On the roof I sit to have the lunch my mother had so thoughtfully made, it was a lunch box of some of my favourite foods. With Yien gone on his travels I no longer had a lunch buddy, I didn’t fancy wedging myself on a table next to Joy and her friends as they watched with panic that they were not being associated with a loser like me. So I decide to sit up on the roof, a place where I wasn’t supposed to go but went anyway. I’m sat alone looking at everything below me, it was nice being this high and seeing everyone on the school grounds. It was one of the few time I felt a peace settle over me.

Unfortunately that sense of peace doesn’t last too long, I’m not even halfway through my lunch when bursting through the rooftop doors is Lee Suwoong. Unlike usual he’s without his goons, he’s alone and look on his face as soon as he sees me, signals that what is about to happen isn’t going to be a pleasant experience.

“Oh there is, the school’s f-word” he says half taunting, and half with vitriol. The look in his eyes, it was almost like hate, and sometimes it was hard to believe that simply his distaste for my sexuality was the reason he hated me. I wondered why he was like this, I never would get a satisfactory answer, was my sexuality all that it took for him to hate me like this? Maybe I was reading too deeply into this.

I sit still and try and ignore him, he would try and goad me and I had patience enough to not let it get to me. “What are you doing here by yourself? Do you think you’re special or something?” Suwoong asks sounding more bitter than usual. “What cause you like it in the ass that makes you something different?” he grossly taunts. “Hey fucker I asked you a fucking question, answer me!” the words, admittedly they weren’t nice to hear, ever.

Seeming to lose his patience, Suwoong pokes my forehead with his fore finger. He keeps going, demanding answer from me until I fall to my side. My forehead stings a little, it would definitely leave a mark and I wasn’t exactly sure how I would be able to explain that off. “Don't be mistaken Choi Youngjae, you're trash” he spits out harsh words I had heard before. “I will ruin you and It’s not just me, you're trash to all of us” there he goes, he says what he can’t say in front of everyone.

What he does in front of the public can’t be really classed as bullying, it’s just jesting and fun. Rich and handsome boys will be boys, however this is the ugly side of Suwoong, the side that only Dongwoo and his goons get to see. I don’t know if I would call it pure evil, but it was pretty close, his attempt to break me down mentally. It was a purposeful attack and I was doing my best to not believe him, to I was worth something. I am worth something and I deserve to live. “I will break you down” he threatens before straightening up and reaching over to fluff my hair.

I cringe away from him which wins a satisfied chuckle, before leaving he picks up the lunch box next to me and walks over to the ledge of the roof. He throws off my food and I don’t move or protest, I would choose my battles properly. 

Silence. I had been telling this story for a while that I hadn’t even noticed how silent Hanbin had become, he wasn’t moving at all he was just frowning in silence. The rain continues to flow down, it was getting worse as the time passed by, what would we do if there were floods I wondered. The smacking of the raindrops is all that’s audible right now, Hanbin looked like he had something on his mind. I sit and watch him and wait for him, I never liked pushing him to open up. He had to do that all on his own, I would try to be patient, although honestly that was quite hard. 

After waiting a little while I eventually walk down to pick up my splattered lunch off of the school grounds, a small little audience surrounds to watch my moment of humiliation. Just another to add to a catalogue of many, I couldn’t give a fuck if they got their shits and giggles, I was fine. “What’s this?” I hear a familiar voice suddenly ask, I turn to see students disperse at the side of our Science teach Miss Park approaches me the messy scene in front of me.

The young attractive, well dressed, tame and cool teacher Miss Park or Yeeun noona outside of school approaches me. The look on her face is both of confusion and concern, “Youngjae are you okay?” she asks crouching down to help me with my lunch box. “I'm fine” I try to quickly clean up, the look on her face shows she doesn’t quite believe that. What could I say, I doubted anything could explain this away rationally.

“Is it happening again? Are having any issues?” I was grateful for her concern, of course she would be worried about her boyfriend’s little brother. However due to that close connection I didn’t want word of what was going on getting back to my hyungs, I didn’t need any fuss with only a few months left to go. “I was just clumsy” I say trying to act sheepish. It doesn’t really look like she believes it, but she can’t exactly force the truth out of me, “Don't go up on the roof you know it's off limits” she warns me sternly. I nod my head to signal my complicity to it and head off without another word.

Before my last classes of the day I make my way to my locker to get a book, I was running a little bit late but it didn’t seem like I was the only one. Across the hall Hayi stands with Sun Ah discuss a party at the weekend she had thrown at her house. “Anyone that matters showed up” Hayi says with confidence, and rightly so. She was the school It Queen, everyone at school would want to go, but some of us lowly rung on the hierarchy would not be invited. I wonder if she knew that after her party that her boyfriend was somewhere across town, and that I was in his arms.

Hanbin had held me in his embrace, his warm embrace, his cheek was pressed on mine and I could feel his breath on my neck. His strong arms had enveloped me in his arms, he had felt warm and softer than I had imagined not that I had ever imagined it. I hadn’t expected my night to end up like that, to know that up close Kim Hanbin smelt of strawberries. It was a sweet smelling shampoo scent that had clung onto my nostrils, I had been charmed and without much thought I had stayed in his arms.

I had nearly lost my mind in how comfortable it all felt, why did he feel like someone that I belonged to? Like I belonged in his arms, like I should have never left them, and that when I had left that night I had overreacted. But why had it happened? Why else other than to fuck with me would he have hugged me, that question was lingering in the air but I was trying to not thinking about it.

After all, I didn't matter. I was used to being the social pariah. I didn't care much I had a taste of the next chapter of my life and all I had to do was end this one cleanly. Arriving a little late to class catches the attention of my dick weed Spanish teacher Mr. Geum. He was a short grumpy balding middle aged man with a stick stuck so far up his ass, he was the type of teacher that I hated. Instead of asking why I had been late or even caring he just used his power and position to yell at me and get whatever feelings of inadequacy out on me. He couldn’t do it to the sons and daughters of the cooperation owners, so it was left up to me and a few others to take the brunt of his asshole behaviour.

In front of the whole class I receive a lovely and length berating, and my class is a very sweet and attentive, giving the little exchange all their attention. I hold back the urge to roll my eyes through the mini lecture, and grit my teeth through the laughing and teasing I receive. Choosing instead to go to take my seat in class and buckle down, I would pass this class and leave this people behind that was my goal.

It didn’t seem to be primarily on the minds of my fellow students, not right now. Most of them were swept up in the excitement of the party of the year at Hayi’s grand mansion. The have nots listened enviously as the haves ponder what Hayi’s party had involves, sat in the middle of the class I have the misfortune of hearing it all. Worse yet it seemed like the seating had changed around, instead of sitting behind me as usual, right next to me was Kim Hanbin. On his face he wore a grimace on his face, he looks directly at me not once faltering in his eye contact.

Thoughts of an overreaction passed through my head, although his sudden affection last week had been strange. Maybe he had been having a hard day, and my reaction, it didn’t help my case and my desire to survive. I just couldn’t help but be suspicious of the other, ever since last year things between the pair of us had honestly been tense, although before that he had joined in heckling or teasing. He had never overstepped and being rude or harsh to me, but this year, something in had changed. I could only think the reason this had been had changed his attitude, he didn’t seem like a person who fell for peer pressure. No, this is a change that happened when he had walked in on me kissing another boy, that boy being Yien.

The elder had pinned me down into a kiss, and instead of pushing him away, I had let it happen. I was the Choi Youngjae with low self-esteem and felt that being kissed by best friend would make me feel better somehow. Although I had not instigated the action, I hadn’t stopped it. I should have and although it did not affect my relationship with Yien, it did change somethings for me.

At the beginning of this school year Hanbin had become cold, he was no longer kidding, or playful with me. He genuinely hated me and he became added to the list of old friends who no longer wanted anything to do with me. I couldn’t be sad about it, no not when I hadn’t done anything wrong, my sexuality wasn’t wrong. He was wrong.

As the last lesson drags by still in the corner of my eye I watch Hanbin unable to resist, I hated to admit it but he was very nice to look at. With his eyes closed, I take note of how long his eyelashes were, I don’t know why but the way they lightly fluttered on his face as he peacefully slept. He looked totally innocent. Why was my heart skittering the way it was, I felt little pins and pricks in my hands, it was making me feel uncomfortable.

Hanbin was known for his relaxed approach to education, he liked to take his little naps because he didn't need to listen. He was walking into a family legacy of lawyers when he left school, he did need excellent grades and despite his relaxed approach to most it seemed that he mysteriously got them. It was rumoured that his family's strong connections within the school meant he could skate by and still receive special treatment. He lies taking a nap without complaint from the oaf Mr. Geum.

It would be a lie if I said that I did not envy being able to get away with things like that, but for now I just and sit the other. Until eventually just short of the bell ringing, as if he was body was programmed to wake up. Hanbin yawns and stretches, before wiping his face of any drool or eye gunk he had accumulated. For a brief few minutes before the bell rings I notice him me, he didn’t wear the grimace this time but it was like he was thinking of something that involved me.

I didn’t really need or want to know what he was thinking, it would only come back bite me on the tush. So I look ahead and try to pretend that there wasn’t a hole being burned through my skull.

When the clock strikes 3:30pm I am officially saved by the bell, Mr. Geum dismisses us with a passive wave whilst focused on the gaming app on his phone. As I head out of class I make my way towards locker, it’s a lot harder to do today with a crowd surrounding it. As I squeeze through I notice I few giggling people giddy with something so amusing, whilst others looked shocked and disgusted, nothing I wasn’t used to. I continue to push through to my locker to find what everyone was gawking at.

Posted on my locker was a picture of foreign and nude topless of a woman. Written on her tan skin in red, are the words. Get it right sicko, this is what a real man enjoys. I snort. “A real man” they really were ignorant bottom of the scumbag barrel idiots. Before I can reach down to rip down the porn that had been put on my property I am interrupted. “Choi Youngjae, what the heck is this?!” oh shit, it was principle Kwon and I knew his dislike for me would mean trouble for me.

With the excuse that my parents were both at work, I manage to draft in big brother Jinwoo to come in and take responsibility for me. Despite the obvious fact that the picture was meant as insult to myself, principle the homophobe wasn’t going to let it go that easily. He needed someone to blame for the commotion caused, and seeing as it was locker, then I was to blame.

So after a scold from him, I receive a false one from Jinwoo. The elder berates me in a louder and harsher tone than I was used. For Kwon’s sake, I make it seem like Jinwoo’s words were weighty and that I was apologetic. He seems satisfied enough with our act and lets us both go.

15 minutes later in the car journey home, I laugh with my elder brother about the misunderstanding. Jinwoo knew what type of person I was and that was so far from my personality, if anything it would be something Junhyuk might have pulled in his more rebellious days. Amongst my siblings they had racked misdemeanor criminal activities and teenage pregnancies and marriages. It was fair to say that I was the best behaved amidst siblings who were had been well… the opposite.

“Are you okay?” Jinwoo asks suddenly, he was someone who worried easily and I could tell he was concerned about me and the bullying I was going through. Unlike my siblings I wasn’t warm bright and infectious, they had no problems because people gravitated towards them. Even troublesome Junhyuk, despite fitting the iljin image he had instead been the school’s saviour. By crushing down the bullies, he had the kept at his school and won a lot of love from people all around.

Me however…. I was just trying to survive, I didn’t know if I was doing a good job or not. “Jae-ah please be more open with hyung”, I quietly nod, I knew he was there and I was grateful for it. But I wasn’t going to crumble any time soon, so for now I could handle anything thrown at me. “Do not tell mum and dad” I make the plea to my brother. I knew my mother would overreact at the fact that her youngest was being treated in a bad way, and I figured my father would be disappointed in the fact I wasn’t defending myself and manning up. “I won't if you visit me once a week” Jinwoo says with a sly. I didn’t expect that even if I didn’t he would tell my parents, the sibling code was in place and this was serious to break it. However my brother was loyal and would do anything for me no questions asked, so I reluctantly agree to the blackmail.

When I return home a little later than usual of course my mother is concerned, but I quickly mollify her with an excuse about books at the library needing to be returned. “Well sweetheart, dinner will be ready soon. For now you should go up and see that friend of yours”, I pause slightly confused with my mother. “Jinyoung’s sunbae’s nephew, he said he was a new student and was good friends with you”, I blink bewildered. Changkyun was here? And he was saying that we were friends, this was completely freaking weird.

I head to my room down the hall, I had to admit my nerves were completely up. Why was the person who I had cut the cord with earlier back here? What was his interest in me? When I get into my bedroom I find the other sat comfortably on my bed, he had already changed out of his school uniform and was in a pair of skinny jeans a black hoodie with his hair casually swept up. He looked cool and relaxed, as if he had been in this room a thousand times already and was well acquainted with the space.

“Youngjae you’re here!” he greets me with the same steady warmth he had always shown me. Changkyun explains that he had heard through the grape vine of what had happened to me, the look in his eyes shows some sort of sympathy. “Anyway that’s all bullshit, it’s obviously some ignorant waste man who we just need to ignore”, I raise my eyebrow surprised. We? “Yes we Choi Youngjae, look at your watch and your calendar and note it all down. Right now is when we became friends”. I tell him to take it back, after all being friends with me means he’s going to be a target. “Being a misfit is the least of my problems Youngjae” he says with a knowing chuckle.

Just like that we were friends, and we’ve been friends since then. He reminded me a lot Yien, an ally who I would eventually come to trust.


	4. IV.

My eyes droop a little and I feel a comfortable warm blanket me, but I have to snap myself out of it. I couldn’t afford to sleep now, the time wasn’t appropriate and any misbehaviours would come back to bite me square in the butt later. So I straighten up and try to focus on what the patriarch of the Lee household was saying.

Lee Jonghyun was the head of the household, a highly regarded brain surgeon who had come from a long line and generations of medical professionals. He was a stern and strict professional, hard working to get to the point to, admittedly I found his strength and his determination highly admirable.

Jonghyun was known for his strong resolve and honourable character, he wasn’t a money grubbing doctor. He wasn’t cold or neglectful, he was known as the saviour and angel doctor, who often did what he could to help those who could not help themselves. Giving back to his community as he had been fortunate to grow up wealthy, he appreciated and helped those who had not been so blessed.

He had built up his reputation even before marrying his wife, Kang Nara the only heir of a pharmaceutical company. Over the last century the Kang family have built themselves up in the medial world and had come from pharmaceutical industry. The union between the pair was an arranged marriage, between the elders of both families.

Despite this, the pair seemed fond of each other. Nara’s warm aura seemed to have broken down the barrier that seems pretty evident around Jonghyun. It is rumoured that Jonghyun had been completely against the planned marriage and had planned to fight his family on it, however he ended up falling for his wife to be.

Years had passed and the pair had become a power couple, with influence that reached far outside the elite Seoul scene. They were important to a lot of people and definitely people who were looked up to, the smart, wealthy, happy spouses who were now parents. They were parents to their precious only child Lee Hayi, she was the apple of both of their eyes and that was something she knew.

As interesting as they were to listen to, they weren’t just boring adults. They were people who with stories, interesting stories from their well-travelled lives, I was beginning to stir a little bit. I was getting impatient, this dinner had run a little longer than I had anticipated and there was somewhere I needed to be.

However I couldn’t pipe up and ask the elders to hurry up, so I sit as still as I can trying not to show any signs of the agitation I was feeling. So I bit my tongue and continued on in the hopes that I wouldn’t fall asleep or just lose my patience and rush on out.

Eventually the two elders allow me to let me go home, and thankfully they put their collective foot down and decline Hayi when she suggest that she and I go out. It was too late and we had school the next day, and it was getting pretty late too. I was relieved that I could excuse myself and rush over to the place I was so desperate to be.

Thankfully the place was still opened, it was late and there weren’t many people left over due to the late hour but there were enough to keep the place still open. I take a seat in the corner of the coffee shop in the corner where I loved to sit, it gave me the opportunity to watching Youngjae whilst being incognito. To my relief the younger was still there and he was working well, cleaning up tables and serving customers. 

Youngjae was working alone in the shop, he wasn’t swept off of his feet due to the few people that were around. At some point Youngjae slows down completely and sits talking to an elderly man, he listens intensely and nods his head quietly responding with a gentle smile on his face. His calm and warm aura radiates and shines throughout the room, the older man seems to really relax.

I feel a twinge of jealousy at that, not that I thought Youngjae felt anything for the older man, no but because I never got that kind of reaction from him. That’s made clearer as I head to the counter to make an order from Youngjae, he isn’t cold or awkward instead he’s stiff and polite. The warmth from before, the warmth that I craved so badly from him was not there, what could I do to get it from him?

Things had been awkward weeks after the hug, the hug that neither of us had talked to each other since. I saw him passing by in the halls or even in the cafeteria, every time I saw I become more desperate to pull him in and talk. I just wanted to explain to him that I wasn’t trying to fuck with him and I wasn’t making fun of him. That wasn’t my intention at all, how could I convince him to try and understand me?

Honestly today wasn’t the first time I had found myself at the Happy Coffee, waiting for Youngjae trying to get the courage to speak to him again? “You… closing down the shop?” I awkwardly ask the other as he serves me my drink. “Mmmmhm” he simply responds and he doesn’t say much other than that, my heart drops a little just at the disappointment. I was going out of my mind, I was desperate for him to just talk to me.

“Can we talk?” I finally gather up the courage, I needed to talk to him and just get it all out of the way. “I am busy customer, is there anything else you would like?” he says handing over my drink. I frown finally starting to get irritated with Youngjae, even if he misunderstood me on the bus, this felt like too much. My immaturity bubbles from my gut, I reach for the cup on the desk and I head off out.

Hours later I’m still up, fully awake and unable to go to sleep. I had some time to think of the failure that I had been with Youngjae, and to be honest I was becoming more irritated as the seconds passed. Why couldn’t I have just chilled out, taken the hit and waited for him to leave. If I had just been a little bit more patient, I wouldn’t have made the misunderstanding prolong itself. I wanted to explain myself to him, but how could I do that when I was freaking storming off like an immature child.

My failure was not what was keeping me awake, no this was a normal occurrence for the me who suffered with terrible insomnia. No matter what therapies, drugs or whale music I tried, sleep always seemed to escape me in the night time. It was quite surprising that I actually functioned as human, despite the fact that I was up through most of the night. There wasn’t anything I could do to sleep, and I only seemed to get more and more bothered staying home letting my thoughts swirling around my head.

So I quietly get changed into some comfortable work out gear, and sneak out of the house which I shared with my siblings and caring parents. They would all be fast asleep, so I would take advantage of that. I sneak out and do what I normally tended to do this late at night, I talk a late night jog. It was still pretty dark outside but fortunately the street lamps illuminate the path in front of me

My jog ends up at a park which was miles away from the family home, it was a large gated fancy park. Made for the leisure of the people of town, there were absolutely no people around at this time. The gates had been locked, so I just about managed to jump over the fence, and enter the secluded place.

It so late at night that I’m left wondering if maybe I wasn't I being foolish to wonder here alone. Even if I had hopped the fence a crook could and hurt me, but that didn’t really scare me. However something about physical pain didn't bother me, I'd never beaten by my parents or teacher, my brother would sometimes hit me, I always deserved it. Admittedly I could be the spawn of Satan.

Truthfully speaking I wasn't a masochist either, pain didn't bring me pleasure, but I wasn't scared of it. Physical pain was short lived, if you scraped your knee in a game of football by the next week your will and determination will have made you completely forget that. There were some things that weren't easy to forget and some things I couldn't forgive. I run these thoughts through my head over and over again, unable to reach a conclusion.

Had I done right? Why didn't it end out so well, my intentions had been well meaning? Why had I been the person to lose out in the end? I sigh still bothered by it all, months had passed and it still bothered me a lot. I needed to let it go, in fact I would do it that way, I would keep my promise from last year. Even on the path I was being led on, it was important that I kept my interests at heart. I would get good grades to get into the right college and law school and eventually become a prosecutor.

After some deep self-reflection I had come to the conclusion of ending the year safely, I would end my high school years on a high. I would get great grades and end up with several top college offers, and I would have succeeded getting our team to the school football final. I would just make sure to have a clean year, I wouldn’t join in with the bullshit and be the villain, and I was my own different person.

There was something I needed to make up, there was a wrong I had to right and I had to clear up the misunderstanding between Youngjae and I. There was a cloud of misunderstanding floating above us, I just needed to clear it up. I wanted to hug him again, I wanted to hold in my arms around, it felt like he belonged in my arms. My heart panged for him, he had no idea that I felt this way, the fact he probably didn’t like me irked me.

Whilst lie in the park I feel a sense of peace settling over me, I was calm and would be able to make it through the day. I knew I would be able to have a good day, just as long as I was able to see Youngjae, even if he ignored me as had become a habit.

At day break I head back home and find the whole house had stirred up and was awake. Secretary Jo was already here, she informs me that my mother had rushed off to Seoul City due to an emergency with a client. “She’ll be gone in a few days” the young attractive woman informs me. It was early but she was dressed in a smart and tailored skirt and a smart shirt. Her makeup is modest, it’s soft, just the way my father liked. I bite my tongue and walk past her and head off to my room to get washed up and changed. What adults did between themselves was their own business, I wouldn’t get involved.

Seeing Secretary Jo in hour house at this house, it was no longer a surprise. Just as long as the twins didn’t question it or get hurt then I was fine. The two were getting ready for their day of school, Jungwoo was busy playing a game. Meanwhile Mari was blasting whatever teen bop boy group that she was obsessed with. I on the other hand just needed to get washed and dressed before heading off out. Despite the house ahjumma’s attempts to have me eat the food she had prepared I skip out and head off out in Beatrix.

I take my precious baby down to Ahn-Kim mansion, despite being a millionaire’s son and having several cars of his own already. Bobby insists on receiving a lift from me, he insisted he didn’t like to drive, but I just figured he was being lazy. Either way I obliged him seeing as he is best friend and well it was the least I could do in comparison to the things he did for me. Without asking any questions Bobby was the type who would be loyal, stick by your side and help you out. No matter what.

So I have to wait up for a little while, I have to wait for my flitty bff whilst he gets ready and I become relieved that I had left the house earlier. I am patient and I wait, we had known each other since birth, our fathers were best friends and attended the same college abroad. Much like his father Bobby was bright, fun and magnetic to be around. My light definitely dimmed when around him but I never minded too much, he was the most fun person to be around. With him I could be genuine and be completely myself, I appreciated it.

“Here is captain-nim!” Bobby greets me warmly as usual, he was the outgoing and laid back guy who had a smile for everyone. Even if you weren’t his best friend, he’s all smiles and his eyes form as eye crescents. He was like a little bundle of walking sunshine, he would always be kind to anyone who was around. Unlike most of the kids of the elite that lived in our area, he was someone who didn’t judge a person based on their background. That’s probably why he had all types of friends, from different backgrounds and cultures. Being friends with him had definitely opened me up as a person and given me a clarity that I had not had before.

The drive to school is a relaxed affair, Bobby cranks up the music and we bop along to his hyped up playlist. Every now and then the other complains about something or other, usually to do with the exams that were soon coming up. His parents were not letting Bobby take his nonchalant approach to things any longer, they had him on a strict after schedule. He would be seeing a tutor every other day. His father was determined to hand the company he treasured so much to a smart and capable son, and I truly believed that was Bobby. There would be no problems along the way, I knew Bobby hadn’t fought against his planned future, only because he loved the company his family owned.

Bobby is still having a little moan and bitch as we walk into the school building, even between the greetings we receive from other students. Bobby was very popular, I was too but I didn’t have his way with people. He chats with some of the students and flirts with a couple of the underclassmen. He did his rounds and was almost like a celebrity who was interacting with his crowd of fawning fans.

Meanwhile I was distracted looking through the hallway, I search through the throngs of people for the one face I really wanted to see. However instead of seeing the face of the pouty faced boy I had grown fond of, walking in my direction was Hayi and with her was her side kick Sun Ah and the school’s Iljin and my frenemy Lee Suwoong.

“Good morning boyfie!” despite our break up Hayi still enjoyed using that nickname, maybe she enjoyed the nickname but I doubted that was it. To Hayi what we were going through was a break, I was meant to sow my wild oats before we got married, but when I thought about it, she never really gave me the opportunity. None of the girls in school were brave enough to date the powerful Hayi’s man. So unless I did it behind her back, it never happened. So for now, it wasn’t happening.

Hayi hooks onto me tightly and soon starts discussing something or other, I don’t catch most of it but I can tell she’s not happy so I just let her get it off her chest. She was mad and she was justified in that feeling, I think. As we walk at a snail’s pace down the hall Hayi greets many of her adoring fans, I don’t mind much no one seems to want to engage in conversation with me and I appreciated that.

As we walk down I spot near the end of the hall gathered together was a brand new threesome, all surrounded quiet closely it looked like they were all trading jokes. Joy leans on the locker talking to the two taller boys in front of her, and for the first time in a while I see a spark in her eyes. She looked happier and brighter and genuinely just happy to be with the people she was with.

“The misfits have congregated” Hayi snidely comments on the new group, she smirks and waits for a reaction from the robot follower who obliges her with a laugh. It was fake, but Hayi seemed to enjoy the control she had over the students, they were her puppets for the most part. Apart from Joy who had gone against the grain, she disliked the way Hayi had operated and verbalized that. Joy did not escape unscathed, any friends she had before that encounter scattered out of the path of Hayi. They didn’t want to be flattened as collateral.

Joy had friends, she wasn’t a loner or anything but it seemed now that she had a friendship that made her happy. With Youngjae whom she had always been kind to Youngjae and to Changkyun who she hadn’t taken much time getting fond towards. Joy throws her head back laughing and smacking Youngjae’s arm repeatedly, whilst Changkyun leans onto the other’s arm laughing. The new group seemed to be gaining interest of a lot of people, admittedly they looked quite cool, the misfits who had fun together. They laugh and continue to talk, Changkyun and Joy are both engaged with what the other was saying. Whatever Youngjae had said had obviously been very funny, funny enough to have his friends close to tears. Was Youngjae really that funny? I was dying of curiosity, wanting to know it was he was saying, would I find it funny?

“What was it you guys were talking about?” I was dying of curiousity even to this day. Youngjae whose head was leant back on the back of his seat simply grins, the glint in his eyes as he harks back. “It’s stupid, it was just a stupid story from the coffee shop. That’s all” Youngjae reaches his hand over to stroke mine which were rested on my lap. “You seemed happy” I say trying not to sound so jealous. I was happy that he was happy, I really was but still. Jealous.

Youngjae nods his head in response, a smile spreads across his face. “Yes, they are friends who I truly treasure”, even with the clarification of the relationship being friendship. There was something I didn’t like or trust about Im Changkyun even to this day. “I didn’t know that you were watching me” Youngjae says with a sheepish grin, a blush creeping on his face. Did I really make him feel this way? Sheepish and happy? I watch him briefly before returning to the story, I would take all of him in. 

I don’t get much time to watch Youngjae, the hallway was busy and I was being dragged from pillar to post by Hayi. Bobby is fortunately still there and stops me from pressing control alt and delete and just logging of and working on the auto pilot I often use. With him I discuss new music, it was something we often did. Our brief debate on better male vocalists gets interrupted by Coach Parker, he pokes his head out of his office and calls for me. He reminds me to meet with him at break time to meet him for a brief period to which I agree, but Hayi doesn’t seem to.

Hayi rolls her eyes all the way back into her skull, she doesn’t hide her irritation. “Why is he forcing you to give up your break like that, can't he just discuss this during your meetings later on?” It wasn't as easy as that, our football team wasn't great, some observers could say we were trash. Coach Park was under pressure to get our teams into a finale. If we could get that far in an upcoming tournament then the principal wouldn't drop the activity all together and the kids in the lower years could continue to play. I was determined to win, so I agreed to do anything to help Coach Park to achieve that. My explanation doesn’t receive a good reaction.

“Whatever, that’s so stupid you leave this year, why do you care if the team?” Sun Ah thoughtlessly questions. “What would be the point in explaining it to this dummy?” he pokes her forehead and Bobby teases with a grin on his face he reaches around my shoulder leading me away.

The morning passes by pretty quickly as they always did for me, mostly cause I chose to catch up in sleep during that time. For some reason I slept best at this time, it could be the mundanity of this history class that sent me into slumber, but for me it was cause I was so comfortable. I could never pin point why I always had this feeling, I would just lay my head on the small wooden table provided by the school and drift off. No one stopped me, it appeared my parent's hefty contributions for the school left me pretty untouched.

Those with money could survive in this school, they could get away with pretty much anything. As part of my ritual, I use my arm as a pillow I prop my head on it, eyes fall on the back of his head like it always did. My heart race picks up its pace for a few minutes before eventually settling down into a comfortable rhythm. A warmth settles in my stomach and I slowly drift off, with the sound track of Mrs. Kang her very boring lecture.

Thankfully the double class allows for me to sleep a little longer than any other class, I get a few needed zees and feel a little bit more refreshed. I'm able to sit through a half an hour tactical talk with coach Park without losing the will to live, his complaints are issues I've had two regarding our team. Not only were we not a motivated group of people, but there were a lot of stars and not enough team players.

Coach Park was a young man in his early twenties who had once been a successful and popular football player in Korea. With his youth and skill on his side, he had even gotten the attention of clubs in the UK, and had been mulling over those choices when fate had cruelly intervened. He had been involved in a car accident, a hit and run which cause the function of his leg to never fully come back.

The ex-superstar Park Kwangji had to resign himself to giving up his dream and training and helping younger children achieves there. He was a former student of Yeung Heung and loved attending the school for some reason, his good memories had bought him back and now he was a sports director at school and our talented and determined coach.

Coach Park identifies the problem with our team, that being that too many players wanted to shine in their last year and didn't care for the team, "you need to lead them better. If not the same age friends then the kids who have joined need better guidance". He also highlights an issue with our defense, and mid field, until we sorted that out and found players who were less concerned about glory, then we wouldn't succeed. I’m depending on you Hanbin, I promise him that I would try my best and I would not only for him but for myself.

Despite the meeting being short, not more than 15 minutes. That time being taken up is something that seems to bother and further annoy Hayi, like it had been her time that had been eaten up.

I do my best to ignore the bitching and get something to eat and drink, the food was bland and nothing special but anything to fill my stomach up would do. As I walk up to the food queue I spot near the front of the queue was Choi Youngjae, or at least I thought it was, those were the same narrow shoulders and fluffy brown hair I loved.

Youngjae was waiting to pick some food, when he turns and spots me in the corner of his eye watching me. Surprisingly he doesn’t turn away like he normally did, not straight away. Instead across the queue I see him watching me, the look in his eyes, it wasn’t of the normal disdain he had for me. I couldn’t identify what he meant because as I tried, he turns away to the attention of the cafeteria woman who calls him.

The object of my desire quickly collects his food and rushes over to a table near the back of the cafeteria where Changkyun and Joy were sat. They all seemed quite happy and in good spirits as before, and continued to be that way, Youngjae seemed to be laughing a lot. Meanwhile I spot Bobby briefly watching the group too, his main focus that being Joy. The way he watched her, it had been like that for a little while, and it was becoming more and more obvious that he liked her.

When I return to the table Suwoong is there and he has joined Sun Ah and Hayi and their little Coach Park bitch session. “That cripple thinks because he was once an athlete that he knows everything” he cruelly spits. Suwoong could be when he chose to be a real asshole and a jerk, and such harsh words could easily slip off of their tongues.

“Those who can't teach, why should I trust a failure like that he callously”, he comments. Suwoong's joke was definitely cruel and tasteless, but that was his method of operation. He enjoyed stepping on those he deemed weaker than himself and made no apologies for it. With such a rich and influential father got away with a lot, there were sometimes even I had to pick my battles with him. I not only represented myself but also my father, his relationship with Suwoong’s father meant I could never overstep and cause trouble that would trickle down. So for now I bite my tongue and excuse myself, with the excuse of needing to fit one more nap I head to the quietest place in this whole building.

We had a couple of free study periods so I would be spending my time alone, the others knew that I wasn’t to be disturbed at times like this. Sometimes I just needed my own time to myself, I could get cranky or easily agitated otherwise. So I find the quietest corner of the two storrey library building, behind many book shelves hidden away, I sit down to get comfortable and get to sleep.

As I try to settle into a comfortable position, my eyes droop a little and I feel myself floating off. However I don’t get to the point where I am settled in the warmth and comfort, I’m pulled out before I can reach that point. Stood above me watching me through the haze was a familiar face, it was a beautiful and shining face that I liked so much.

Youngjae was above me and bent over getting a closer look at me, his face was merely inches away from mine. My heart races out of control, the thudding in my chest is hard. This was all surprising, seeing him this close, why was it suddenly happening without any warning? Youngjae blinks looking a bit bewildered as if he was startled or something, but before he can move back up I grab him back by his narrow shoulders.

The brunette still bent over me freezes in that position, he doesn’t move or struggle as I had expected, he looks too surprised, so I take advantage. I wrap my around his shoulders and pull him closer and down to me, he falls down onto me. Youngjae is on top of me, and is straddling me. He’s silent and doesn’t even speak up, so I continue to take advantage and hold him close and hug him.

“I didn’t laugh at you” I whisper to him, holding him firmly in my arms and giving him no room to move. “What the hell are you talking about?” Youngjae whispers, his voice sounding somewhat strained. “I wanted to hug you it wasn’t a joke”, I whisper to him and feel a weight off of me. “You felt warm and I liked it” I continue my confession, before I can get the courage to continue I take long pause. ”Okay” he simply replies and I feel his weight shift off of me.

However I was greedy, I wanted more of his touch and his warmth. This felt so right, I was desperate to hold onto the feeling much longer. “What are you doing?” he whispers sounding confused, and a little bewildered but I wasn’t budging. Despite being somewhere we could be caught right now my greed was hazing my judgement, I couldn’t let him go not even if I wanted to, my grip on him was tight and I wasn’t loosening

“Let’s stay like this a little longer” I quietly plead with him, hoping he wouldn’t struggle from me and he doesn’t. He briefly relaxes and I feel his arms slowly snake around me pulling me into his warm embrace, neither of us speaking. It was strange how comfortable and right this all felt to me, as long as I had known him we had never done something like this.

We were never close growing up, although we did see a heck of a lot of each other. So why did it feel right? I felt like an idiot for having not done this sooner, I hadn’t seen the error of my ways and I had continued to deny my feelings for him. If I had accepted them earlier, then surely I could have had this. Would Youngjae allow me this in the future, would he ever let me be close to him? Not just through touch? Would I be able to break down the wall I knew he had built up?

I rub circles into his back and lean my head into the crook of his shoulder, he doesn’t speak instead he holds me in his arms. His hands pressing onto by back, I sigh content my head begins to feel a little lighter. The thoughts that were once swirling through my head had calmed down, and my heart was no longer going out of control. I felt less stuffy, and I was comfortable and quite honestly I was getting sleepy. It doesn’t take long until finally I relax, my eyes droop and without warning I slip off into a slumber.

“Hey fucker wake up!” the worlds pull me out of comfortable darkness I had been in. The sleep I had been in abruptly ends and immediately the first thought that comes up is Youngjae. When I open my eyes I’m disappointed to see in front of me was my best friend. “Captain-nim, we need to head out and play today”, bobby smiles and taps me on the back to force me out of my sleepy haze.

Bobby pulls me up to my feet and leads me to the gym’s locker room, we had a football game that we have to play. Our school’s football team was up against another local team, it was a home game and we would need to win. Our win would not only be a morale boost, but it would get us closer to a local football tournament that we had aimed for.

Our team was still a little weak to be honest, so it would take a lot of will and determination to get through it. The crowd watching is lively and supportive, despite the fact our team wasn’t as strong as it once was, but people still came to watch us. They supported some of the most popular members of the school, and I could see and hear some support that was directed right at me. I tried to ignore most of it and focus on the game in front of me, I had 50 minutes to leave with a win.

The first half of the game is pretty awful, it displays most of the problems with which Coach Park was having a problem with. Selfish players like Suwoong were intent on playing the game by themselves, he was really quite good but not enough to take on one team. It was irksome, our whole team looked so messy and it was embarrassing us. At half time we had fallen down by three goals and only managed to get in one goal.

Coach Park who had sat at the sidelines seemed to be holding it together and only just. He didn’t shout or blast his anger towards me and my team members, instead he calmly takes off some players and swapping them with of the younger reserve team members. A move that annoys those replaced, including Suwoong who storms off cussing up a storm.

However it’s a move that I think could work, after all the new kids who were called in were called were had more on the line. They not only had to prove they were good, but they had to help save the team that they cherished so much. So I would work with them and support them, and ensure that we won this together and I knew Bobby would help too.

The second half is shaky but even still, it’s a lot better than that first round we had. The opposing team is forced to play harder as our team really gets into the game and challenge them. In ten minutes we manage to score one goal and get closer to levelling things. Our luck changes around the 49 minute mark when Bobby with the help with one of the new players scores a quick and swift goal leveling us at 3-3.

We only have a few minutes left before full time, and although I was satisfied with the reversal of fortune and a tie would be an impressive feat I was getting greedy. My greed becomes almost uncontrollable when I spot him in the audience, Youngjae was stood with Joy who was holding up a sign. The make shift sign reads “Seunghyunie fighting!”, I quickly put together that Park Seunghyun one of the new kids on the team. I had never seen the two together, maybe that was on purpose.

Things move in slow motion, as I watch Youngjae struggling to rip my eyes from him. Through the throngs of people, he was the only person I could focus on, he shined through to me. It had been a few hours since we had last seen each other, he had been in my arms until I fell asleep. Maybe he had put he had put me back in position and left me in peace to sleep, but at least I had told him the truth. I felt relieved because now he must know that I wasn’t fucking with him.

Honestly I am excited, seeing his face it excites me sends me into superman mode. With only with a few more minutes passing I make the most of it, I work and quicker and set the pace of the game. I keep pushing myself to the point of almost collapsing. But I needed to really keep going, I was desperate for this one goal. I keep going until I finally hit gold and thanks to Park Seunghyun we get in a last minute goal.

Our win is well deserved and gives me a little hope. If we worked like this, as a team and not individuals we could end up getting far and keep the team alive. We had a long way to go but the look on Coach Park’s face reads that we were heading in the right direction. “Well done kids, you’ve worked hard” he fondly encourages us to keep up with the team work. “Get along well and this team will go far”, he says before excusing himself for the night, we would see him later for practice.

The mood is lively and most of us are on a high, we had won and that was to be celebrated. So we would be driving to a nearby restaurant that did the best meat and between Bobby and I it would be our treat. So we head off out, Bobby, Seunghyun our favourite junior head off out to eat. As we leave the school building I spot Youngjae and Joy stood outside talking, while Joy talks Youngjae keeps himself busy playing with a football. He is surprisingly more agile than I had expected, his footwork is cool and his tricks are that of someone who was actually gifted.

Yet another thing to add the reasons Hanbin likes Choi Youngjae list, I thought I was running out of things but here was another reason. “Seunghyunie is so awesome!” Joy cheers for her little brother, her smile is bright and eyes full of adoration for her little brother. She rushes over to him and envelops the younger in her arms.

“Wow you two kept this a secret for a while now!” Bobby points out to the pair. “How did I not know you were related”, he continues to tease as Seunghyun tries to wriggle out of his sister’s arms. Joy does not let go of her brother, she holds him close in a vice like grip she continues to shower him with affection. “Wow Seungyunie, noona is so proud of you” Joy coos at her embarrassed brother. “How cute!” Bobby joins in pinching the cheek of the younger.

Youngjae stands in the background smirking at the scene in front of him, he’s so cute that it gives me butterflies. Bobby reveals our plan to go out and eat and invites Youngjae and Joy to come along. “As fun as it sounds to sit with your little army of dweebs, no thanks. I’d rather be with Youngjae” Joy rejects our offer hooking arms with him. “Oh come on kid, let’s go” Bobby hooks arms with Joy and Seunghyun joins him dragging Joy to the back seat of the car. The three shuffle to the spacious backseat, Bobby has a charm that works on the siblings who follow.

“Come on in” I turn to address Youngjae and encourage him to come into my car. Youngjae declines excusing himself ready to leave. Taking no for an answer, I reach for his hand, his slightly warm and sweaty palm and pull him towards my car. I keep my grip on his hand and pull him towards the car, ignoring his protests I drag and push him into the front seat. I wanted the night with him, even if we were surrounded by a dozen other people. I lock the doors behind him and take him and give him no choice but to come with us.

The group is lively and exciting, not only had we stopped our long streak of loses or drawing and very few ties. But with Suwoong and other players gone the atmosphere was gone, no one was worried or pressured into acting a certain way. No comments were thrown in Youngjae’s direction but they wouldn’t, not without a violent reaction from me. The boys were on their best behaviour and were busy fawning over Joy who was only too happy to be fawned over.

The protective Bobby was sat next to her insuring the boys didn’t try and over step with the only girl in the room. To Bobby, Joy was someone precious and it was obvious in the way he watched her and talked to her. He didn’t seem to hide his intentions or feelings in front of her, he flirted openly and she seemed to be reciprocating. Despite her brother in the background who looked like he wanted a hole in the ground to swallow him up, instead of watching a sunbae of his flirt with his sister. I didn’t blame him, but he stuck close and was protective.

“Whoa hyung, did you not eat today?” Seunghyun teases me and the plate of meat in front of me. Admittedly I had piled my plate up with pieces of meat, but it didn’t seem too much, it took a lot for me to get full. The table laughs at the revelation that their captain has a big appetite, especially as Bobby excitedly tells a story about me when I was six overeating. Story which ends up with me throwing up, it was all embarrassing the table seemed to be relishing it.

Youngjae who was sat across from me and had been silent pretty much through it all, he had just a few pieces of meat of his table and hadn’t touched any of it. “Hey come on hyung, you should try and eat something” Seunghyun tries to encourage the sullen other. “Do it quick before Hanbinnie eats it all” Joy teases, I smirk amused and join the encouraging of Youngjae. I wanted him to feel comfortable, if he ate something then at least I would know wasn’t so wound up.

“Eat up Youngjae, I don’t want any of this to go to waste” I try the stern approach, watching and waiting for the boy to make his move. Fortunately he does, he briefly looks at the food before tucking in with his chopsticks, earning him cheers from the others. “It’s delicious isn’t it?” Bobby asks to which Youngjae reluctantly nods thanking us both. I smile, pleased and relieved that all was going well and he was comfortable.

“So Youngjae, earlier on it looked like you have some skills”, Bobby comments, “have you ever thought about joining the football team. Youngjae is blunt in his rejection "I have plans to pierce my eyes with glass" gaining few sniggers from the youngers. “well that's an interesting past time, you could do that any day, come and join friends to play another past time" Bobby quickly responds.

Youngjae scoffs "Joy and Changkyun don’t play football and Yien isn't very good, not to mention he's halfway across the world so I can't think of these friends you speak of" he sourly comments. Bobby doesn’t give up at all, "fair enough. How about this Youngjae, you play for our team and we'll get Suwoong to back off of you". There is a brief pause as Youngjae seems to sour and darken up a little.

"So all this time you've had the ability to, but have chosen not to because it doesn't benefit you?” there is a brief silence. I frown feeling somewhat apologetic, it probably seemed that way, most of us in the room often stood back and watched him get tormented. “If I wasn't sure before, I am now, the answer ends in o” Youngjae sourly complains. Bobby sighs and I can tell that he is becoming exasperated which rarely happened.

“Well... If you change your mind” Bobby offers, “I won't” Youngjae curtly replies. "Youngjae... We may not be friends, but football isn't about friendship. We want to win, and... You could help us" I speak up suddenly and it seems to take Youngjae aback. He pauses briefly thinking about it, or at least it looks like he could really be thinking about it. "No thank you” he simply replies and closes himself down, it was disappointing.

After about an hour of eating and chatting the group finally disperses, Bobby and I stay to try and make sure everyone can get home safely. Fortunately everyone is confident on getting home, a few had drivers or shared cars, and Bobby escorted Seunghyun and Joy leaving Youngjae and I alone together.

Youngjae had excused himself and assured everyone he was fine to go home alone, but I wasn’t going to let it happen. I had followed him in my car, he hadn’t reached very far and was just short of the bus stop. I halt my car and run out to catch up with him, I stop the other by the arm turn him around a move that startles him. As he turns and recognizes me his reaction switches from shocked to plain old pissed.

Youngjae snatches his hand out of my grip leaving me feel a little bit emptier than physically, taking his headphones he greets me with a grimace. "What do you want Mr. Kim?" he already sounds exasperated, my heart skips a beat at the realization that it was just the two of us. We were alone together again, it was good.

"I need you" the words slip out of my mouth surprising Youngjae he looks taken aback. "We... We need you" I stutter trying to maneuver the conversation, Youngjae sighs and rolls his eyes. "I'm not interested" says before attempting to out his headphones back on, disconnected from my brain my body moves to his face and block the headphones. He looks startled and tries to pull away but I keep ahold of him, "what the hell are you doing?" he says trying to pull away.

My grip stays on him, his beautiful face right in front of me, my heart is racing out of control. I could kiss him right now, that’s the most dominant thought that I had. I could really just lean in and kiss those pouty lips, I wonder if he would reciprocate, would he like it? He had already hugged me twice when I had instigated it, would he reciprocate a kiss? What would his lips feel like? Soft? Or because he’s a man they’re firmer?

I try and push down my nerves and keep speaking, "universities accept active people, if you socialize and are active and part of a team it helps", and Youngjae rolls his eyes disapproving. "I know you want to leave this town and get into a good school, I'll help you if you help me", Youngjae's eyebrow raises surprised. "Help me?" he asks, I internally celebrate at this little success, he was interested, I had gained his interest so I go in for the kill.

"Help us, join the team. Bobby and I will get our fathers to write you a glowing statement", silence, Youngjae is deathly quiet. "Not just for universities but for any firm I want to work for" Youngjae bargains straight faced, his eyes intense showing no back down. "Deal" unable to hide my grin, I needed Youngjae, he was the missing link. "Okay, you can let go of my head now, you don't need to use your mind control", reluctantly I drop my hands from his face, the face I had enjoyed cupping. "Okay..." Youngjae awkward comments before reaching to put his headphones back on, "practice is tomorrow, Friday and next Monday, okay?" I tell Youngjae who nods his head. "Yeah captain-nim" he teases.

I don’t exactly get to spend the time I was my real goal, but now I would have the opportunity. I could see him more, and I had just ensured that, through blackmail yes, but I had succeeded.


	5. V.

Changkyun's POV 

My mouth was full of blood, I had bitten down so hard through my tongue and it would be that way until it healed up. The blood was gushing at a fast rate, the quicker I spit it out the more comes rushing out. I spit the mouthful that had built up onto the muddied ground, before it starts up again. It was becoming like this recently and it was beyond irritating.

It was becoming like this recently and was beyond irritating, the pain and agony I felt usually kept me too distracted to be narked for too long. The agonising pain that I felt now, it hits me so hard through my body from my head to my toes. Tears stream down my face and I feel so hot adding to the discomfort of this.

Biting through my tongue was the only way I could stop myself from yelling out in pain, the ache was slowly swelling through me. I knew it would die down but that would take time, time which I had plenty of. It was raining down, droplets trickling down the leaves above. I worked through the pain laying half nude in the mud, I was wet and sticky.

The rainfall continues a bit more, this time. I supposed that for normal people this would leave them pretty cold and shivering, but for me it was just uncomfortable. It was becoming fall and while people were wrapping up tight, he wasn’t going to be affected but I never would.

Running through my veins coursed the hottest blood, it pumped around my whole body and kept me extraordinarily warm. It was unnatural, and the same could be said about me, I was unnatural. I wasn’t normal at all, amongst all the normality that surrounded me I was strange. The normality that I strived for, it was hard to achieve when I ended up in this same circumstance; butt as naked in the woods.

Finally some relief, the pain suddenly subsides. It’s o longer so sharp and it begins to dull down. No longer was it attacking my body as a whole, my back and neck seemed to be getting the most of it. I slowly get out of the foetal position, I take a long and deep breath inhaling and exhaling,

In and out, in and out in and out. I keep up the routine, the way that I had been trained to as a child. I needed to close my eyes and visualise myself without the searing pain. Wash the pain away, watch the wind blow away those feelings. I visualised it. I would do it and as corny as it sounded and had been corny to me when I first implanted it. The tool had saved my life or so I believe and it was becoming worse as time went by.

These events were starting to reoccur, and it was starting to become more than annoyance, it was difficult for me. I was struggling to control it, no matter how hard it was that I tried, I was weak. The monster was stronger than I was and it was really winning its fight. I had nothing, I had no more plans that could get me to tame it anymore.

For now I took each day at a time and I hoped that when the monster creeped out of me that no one would see. I didn’t need to have any witnesses to see first-hand my transformation, I didn’t need to see their horrified and disgusted expressions.

No one needed to see the monster’s jagged teeth, or to hear its fierce growl. It was actually quite disgusting and I didn’t want anyone to see that side. I needed to control myself, I was desperate to do it but right now I needed to get the fuck out of here.

In my haze I had meandered onto somewhere that seemed pretty dark and recluse, the only light coming from the moonlight. I was pretty deep into a wooded area, I had no idea where exactly, I could be out of Mokpo or even Korea, depending on how fast the monster moved. It was a little scary not being able to know where I was, but I was used to it, being scared that is. I was used to feeling fear, and being lost and having to buck up and find my way out of some trouble.

I was also used to finding myself half nude in the mud, or sometimes completely nude and then having to make my way back home. My boxers were in a tattered and pretty muddy mess, the monster had snuck up on me that I didn’t even get the chance to bring a second pair of undies. Even if I did it wouldn’t matter, I was desperate to get in a nice soapy shower and watch it all off.

Finally the pain fully diminishes and I finally get up to my feet, I stand up as straight as I could and stretch well. I feel a few pins and pricks as my body heals back into my ordinary frame, my body was changing.

The Lateness of the house works in my favour with hardly anyone driving on the roads, I can jog my way home. Thankfully I am not too far away from home, so it takes me less than half an hour to get home. I manage jump over the gates of my neighbourhood without being seen and with that luck I rush ahead on foot leaping across the back garden over neighbours in order to reach home.

My endeavour to sneak in the house is foiled pretty quickly, as soon as I step in the foyer there waiting for me is my uncle’s brand new wife Park Sojin. My aunt of three months, my pretty petit aunt stands in the middle of the large spacious foyer greeting me with a stern face and arms crossed. From her expression, she probably doesn’t appreciate the fact it was 2am and wasn’t in my bedroom where I needed to be.

Last time I had seen her, I had been heading up the curved bannister leading to my room. The careful older had been cleaning up as she always seemed to do at a late hour, she had nodded and let head up and that was that. Except it wasn’t exactly that easy, I had taken a shower and gotten changed into some comfortable clothing. My intention for the night had been to get some sleep, before a boring day at school. However during at my sleep the monster had snuck up one, it had stolen away my consciousness and somehow snuck out of here without a sound.

Her bright and shiny eyes sparkle even with a fierceness behind it as she greets me. “Where have you been and what are you like that?” the strict Mrs. Park questions me. I smile sheepish and unable to fully explain to her the reality, I doubted she would believe me anyway. “A stupid prank” I casually explain it off with a shrug and a chuckle. It was a lie, but I was used to those, in my experience if you told a lie with an unwavering smile, people tended to believe you.

My new aunt unlike my uncle was very alert, she didn’t enjoy the wool being pulled over her eye so in this household telling the truth was key. However to me she was someone new, someone who I didn’t put much trust into especially with my darkest secret. Sojin always had her eye on me, I wasn’t quite sure if she wanted me to mess up or not. It was pretty obvious that I was an unwelcome guest in her home, not that I blamed her much. Who would want to be lumped with a teen just as they got married, she couldn’t enjoy the newly wed glow.

Sojin would never make it be known out loud, she internalised her feelings but her face definitely wore those emotions. She was waiting for me to leave to have my uncle to herself, as long as she loved him then that didn’t bother me. When I was gone, I needed someone to stay with uncle Jinyoung then and be with him. He deserved it after all.

Despite her being a virtual stranger, being half nude around my uncle’s wife doesn’t embarrass me as it should. Being half nude and muddy with no explanation was such a common occurrence, that I was no longer fazed. My body wasn’t something I was proud of, nor was it something that I was ashamed of. I was simply just used to being in this state.

Eventually I manage to get showered, cleaned and comfortable in my bed. This time as I lay down, I strap my arm down with a handcuff chained to my large and uncomfortable king-sized bed. Looking at the clock on my bedside table, the clock reads as 2:47am which left me with only a few hours until I had to be ready for school.

However it would be near impossible to rest my head down and try to sleep, I was feeling quite restless. After the surprising burst earlier, my paranoia had suddenly become heightened. Evens so I try my best to empty my head of any thoughts, the more I thought the harder it was for me to rest. So I stay focused on one thing, that thing being the dream catcher above me blowing through the window.

“Your aunt got an eye full last night”, uncle Jinyoung teases me as I enter the kitchen area for breakfast. It was 7 am in the morning and quite honestly I was feeling a very shattered after only getting three hours of sleep. Fortunately there had not been any further appearances from the monster, I was glad of that much.

“Were you okay to get back?” Jinyoung prods further, this time seemingly a little concerned. He knows what truly happened to me, he knew about the monster and was the only relative who was willing to take that on. He was my troublesome mother’s older brother, the same brother that she was the closet to.

Jinyoung outside of my parents was the relative was the person that I felt closest to, he was like a parent of mine too. Despite all the fame and accolades that he has to his name, he had genuinely remained a sweet and humble man. He was down to earth and very ground, he was like any normal but kind man. Jinyoung had been a safe haven for my mother and I, he cared and I was grateful for that.

“I’m fine” I assure him that I didn’t wander too far, and did in the end get home safe. It was truth and seemed to be worrying him, he had probably noticed how often the bursts were becoming. “These attacks have been quite often since you moved here”, it was true. A few weeks into my time in Mokpo, the pain had started back up again and was becoming really agonising. It was out of my control for now, I had to go through it until could find a source of this pain, although unfortunately I might already have an idea.

It was safe to say that I was pretty much in denial, but I didn’t want the things that would come with acknowledging the truth happen. So for now I was putting everything off, and I would continue to ignore it all. I would not go down that path and I would avoid it at all costs, even if the pain became more difficult to manage.

“Be careful, recently there’s been attacks in Mokpo… a few deaths”, Jinyoung warns. According to the news the attacker of these similar assaults and murders was unknown, the dark figure as seemingly terrifying the residents of town. We walked in twos and called our loved ones more often, there was more effort put into ensuring no one was hurt until the police caught the villain.

Wanting to think of anything else, I head of out to school. It would be the last day before the weekend and I supposed it would pass by quite quickly. The school work was easy to handle, my mother had been an avid reader and despite her short education history she was an intelligent woman. She had encouraged me heavily to read and to learn and be educated, even if my career path would have nothing to do with what I studied at school.

Admittedly my learning curve was way ahead of my school peers, so joining the school year so late, it wouldn’t be an issue. My education history along with Jinyoung’s endorsement, had won me a place in Mokpo’s exclusive school.

Yeung Heung had been a fortunate acceptance for me, I would finish my high school career as my mother pleaded with me. To do so I would work hard and enjoy the high school memories while they lasted.

I was having a good time as far as my short time at the school, establishing myself into a comfortable position. The school was a good place, it was as bad as the schools before. The students weren’t much different though, the same kind of stupid childish social structure.

The boys were so desperate to be dominant, majorly desperate to cling to some macho notion of what being a man is. The girls weren’t any better, vain and overly socially conscious which made them someone flitty. Whilst overall those with money ruled and seemed to get around the rules set for others. That was why some people who run around raggedly causing trouble were excused for their shitty behaviour.

Admittedly I was jealous of their favourable treatment, I was just annoyed that it impacted unfavourably on innocent students. With their authorities doing nothing, they were left open to being bullied and victimised. There were a few people who took advantage of their family connections and used it to dominate the weaker students.

There weren’t many people who I had found to be genuine during my time at school, there were a couple of teachers and some fairly decent students who did not join in or condone the bullying campaign. I happened to be the closest to the two victims of those campaigns, they were both valuable people.

Park Joy was the sweet Korean-American girl next door, he had moved here only a few years before because of her family’s business. She was intelligent young woman, who was well spoken, highly amusing and witty. She had a thought process that went over the boundaries of simple teenage problems, she was deep and insightful. She was not only fabulous to look at, but she was a fun person to be around.

Choi Youngjae had been an immediate friend to me, something in him had decided that from the very first moment that we had met. On the surface of it, he looked like an awkward, somewhat oafish person, a concept that seemed to work for him as a waiter at Happy Coffee. However over the last few weeks, I had gotten to see the fun spontaneous and hard edged side of him. I discovered that Youngjae was not a helpless person, he just chose not to help himself. He had me wondering if he was a pacifist or just too lazy?

Imprinting is defined as a feeling a young animal experiences, that animal comes to recognise, a person, animal or thing as a parent or other object of habitual trust. Choi Youngjae and Park Joy were already imprinted on me, I didn’t chose them instead that they had chosen me. With that it meant I wanted to be around them a lot and that I would be very loyal to them and protect them at all costs.

“Your hair looks weird”, Youngjae fluffs my hair playfully at the back of the bus heading off to school, and we speak to each other. The other finally seemed quite comfortable around me, he talked to me comfortably and happily. Youngjae was originally a guarded person, not that I blamed him. I was also the same when it came to people, I didn’t trust easy and it was almost impossible for me to open up.

However here were both were, laughing and joking. Here I was grinning from ear to ear, to discuss a movie I had watched night before on Youngjae’s recommendation.

“It’s Yien hyung’s favourite movie he confessed, it’s not bad to be honest”. My curiousity peaks for Youngjae, he probably didn’t realise how often he spoke about his friend. I could usually gauge from a person’s behaviours and tones how they felt emotionally or for another person. However with Youngjae and Yien it was murky waters. When he spoke about his older friend, I didn’t know if he was talking about a friend, or confidant, a father or even a lover.

Did they date, or were they romantically involved? I was curious and I wanted to know if there was anyone in the world who made Choi Youngjae happy? Could Yien be the person Youngjae be happy with? He was a quirky person for sure, during an impromptu skype session he with Youngjae, I had gotten to see it all happen before me.

“What’s your relationship with my sweet Youngjae?” the elder boldly question. Although Youngjae had been mortified by his long-time friend, I had found it quite amusing. “He’s a cherished friend” I honestly reply. That answer is met with silence, it was slightly awkward that Youngjae seemed to seize up but the reaction wins a wild cackle from his friend.

“Awwwww he’s being awkward, that means he likes it” the elder teased, and continued to tease until the end of the call. By the end of the call I felt assured that Yien approved of me, and I could tell that co-sign was allowing Youngjae to open up. He trusted me and I was grateful for it, we were a good and comfortable space.

On our way through the school parking lot we are greeted by a happy looking Joy, she warmly greets us both. My breath hitches just at the sight of her, she was really beautiful and breath-taking. The light blue from the blazers made her shine, made her glow out through the crowd. Despite being dressed like other female students, she somehow stood out, she had an easy-going and nonchalant calm to her on the outside. She was warm to people, and kept giggly and happy until necessary.

It was pretty hard to deny that our small group of pals was now getting the attention of the other students. From what I had gauged and heard, the majority of the students admittedly thought we were cool. A group of misfits who didn’t let attempts to put us down, get us down. We were thought of as being brave, when in reality it was just that we couldn’t live any other way. Joy was far too confident in herself, and had too much self believe to follow the crowd.

Meanwhile Youngjae had never been given the chance to follow the flock, having been ostracised through most of his high school time. He had gotten used to being alone, he could take digs and slights but from now on I wouldn’t let him. He had a friend in me, and several other people.

Youngjae had seemingly gained a few friends from the football team. Kim Taehyung was someone who was becoming bolder in reaching out, his girlfriend Yoo Jungyeon seemed a little bothered. She was part of a group of friends who were in the middle of the school’s hierarchy, she cared about opinions, but sometimes it seem that didn’t care and that she was aloof to everything. However that was easily betrayed by the look of panic in her eyes that she got when her upstanding boyfriend, interacted with the school’s misfits.

When the amiable Taehyung approached us, the usually frozen and stoic girl looked a little stressed out and concerned. It was obvious that did she not want to be hit by a stray bullet? That wouldn’t happen, not with Taehyung around, he was from a powerful family and would shield her if necessary, but right now it wasn’t. Right now he was with Youngjae and they were discussing an old video game, they are both quite excitable about the topic, it’s amusing to watch.

On our way out of homeroom, Joy remembers that she forgot her books inside her lock. “oh crap! wait for me guys” she cutely instructs us as she heads off down the hall to her locker. As she jogs down the hall I can’t rip my eyes from her, my eyes are still glued to her milky white thighs. “You should just ask her out” Youngjae comments with a knowing grin. I probably didn’t hide my desire for Joy too well. “You don’t have much time left, you should just take advantage of things as they are now” he encouraged me and as much as I wanted to do it, I couldn’t.

Firstly I had no confidence. Not when it came to winning the heart of Park Joy, I was already so far into the friend zone that it hurt my pride. From the moment we had met, Joy had treated me as a close and treasured friend. I was no different to the way she saw and felt for Youngjae, it was completely platonic. Since our first meeting we had gotten close and I had become the shoulder for her to lean on, with her divorced parents going back and forth. Joy was stuck between two parents that she loved so much and was having a hard time, I was her shoulder to lean on.

Secondly, if for some unknown reason she happened to like a guy like me, we would not work out. No matter how strong the feelings were in a relationship, the people who were together had to be both matching. Even with my relation to Jinyoung, our levels still didn’t match. Joy was the daughter of a rich chaebol and a heiress to a large corporation, her life was already set to be incredibly comfortable. I could if I was lucky, only get close to be being her pre-marital fling, and I had too much pride for that. I wouldn’t let myself be that to her.

Lastly, if miraculously Joy managed to convince her parents we were somehow well matched and right for each other, I still could not be with her. For her own safety she deserved not to be with a monster like me, and if she wanted to be with me she would have to accept that monster. Accept the fact that every now and then I would disappear in the middle of the night, or that there was something in me that would always be pretty hard to control. She didn’t need to be around me, she was at risk and that was the last thing I wanted to be responsible for.

“Earth to Im Chingu”, Youngjae waves in front of my face as he teases me out of my trance, with the ever so affectionate name that he often liked to use. I grin and shake off my feelings of regret and unhappiness at the situation, there was nothing that I could do about it all so there was no use in dwelling in it all. So I turn my focus away from the girl that I desired, and talked to my friend. We would have plans to meet later on in the weekend, nothing too exciting but I didn’t need excitement in my life, not with the monster in my life again.

As Joy finally joins us back again, we make our to the history class. We would be late and surely receive a telling off, but that wasn’t something that would bother me. So as we make our way towards class, we bump into a familiar face, someone who we were not expecting to see. Approaching us is the school’s queen Lee Hayi and her side kick whose name I had yet to really remember or care about.

“Look who is it, captain queer and his band of misfits!”, Hayi snarkily comments, causing her sidekick to laugh. Joy scoffs unamused, but somehow this was all amusing Youngjae, maybe because he was used to it, or in the grand scheme of things this wasn’t the worse insult he’d received. Either way I was a little annoyed, he really couldn’t go a day at this place without some fucker trying to insult him.

“I’m curious, how many people fall for this little innocent act of yours?” Hayi suddenly muses and accuses. Youngjae reaches for Joy’s arm to stop her from speaking up, it wasn’t the first time but it was becoming obvious that Youngjae didn’t like being spoken on his behalf. “First you hung out with that slut Yien, and now all of a sudden you have this new kid all over you? You’re slyer than you look”. Youngjae remains stony faced, as if he wasn’t going to let the words.

Hayi accusing him of whatever it was, I wasn’t sure if she was implying that he was loose or some sort of seducer. Was it because she was ignorant and believed that of all gay people, or maybe that she knew something that we didn’t. Something in my gut told me it was a mix of both, but to trust Youngjae, so I wouldn’t question it too much.

“Come on, we’re late” Youngjae says walking past Hayi and her sidekick without another word. Joy follows along but not without sending eye daggers to Hayi, I could tell she wanted to do more but wouldn’t because Youngjae would disapprove. Meanwhile I take note of Hayi’s glare, the way she watched Youngjae, it was more intense than any bully to victim situation. There was something more to her behaviours, and I curious as to what it was that drove her to be that way to Youngjae.

I don’t get much chance to think about it when he get to our history class, as part of our class we take a look at famous old photographs and have to match them to an event of importance in modern time. Miss Park had given her best efforts to plan a lesson that wouldn’t send us to sleep, so she had these pictures for us to interact with. We sit in groups and describe the few pictures and the events that were paired with it, it was easy as pie and my group of Joy, Youngjae, Taehyung and I is done quickly, leaving us to chat amongst ourselves.

Whilst Taehyung discusses something scary that he saw on the news, catching the attention of others. Some of old photographs catch my attention, Miss Park comes over to check on our group. The tall slender, pretty and calm woman, soon takes notice of my interest in the pictures in front of me. Miss Park had been trying to convince me ever so slightly, to nudge me into the direction of continuing with my education.

According to her, I was a splendid student and a talent that could not go to waste. She felt that not only did I excel in history, but I enjoyed it and had tried to encourage me to major in history. I loved history genuinely as corny as that was I would admit that I did, I really liked it. I liked that it wasn’t too difficult, it was just remembering the events as they happening and why they happened and giving a thoughtful opinion on why it happened. Also I was good at history, it was my best subject, partially because I read a lot, but also because I understood the importance of history and how it could impact things.

History was something my mother and I bonded over, her interest in the events of the past were passed onto me. Through some of the time we had spent together, we often went to museums and took trips to historical landmarks. My mother although she was only ever a manager for a restaurant, worked hard to educate me. She wanted the best for me and to her education was important and I was appreciative of this.

Nonetheless I had plans, I loved photography and that was the route that I wanted go down. I had loved photography since the day my mother handed me the Hasselblad: 500cm camera. It had been treasured by deceased father, and as keepsake she had told me to treasure it to. I don’t know if I was just immediately hooked with some immediate love and liking for taking photographs, or whether by taking photographs I felt myself becoming closer to the father who I had lost so young.

With my own dream to pursue, I was going to pursue it and live my life without regrets. So I still resistant to Miss Park and continue admiring the pictures in front of me, she drops the subject the class continues as usual. The day zooms past pretty quickly, I had Youngjae and Joy sat next to me in most of my classes which was highly fortunate for me.

However in my last class, I’m left without either one of them. Both math geniuses, they were in a higher group than I was. Not that I minded much, one lesson without them wouldn’t end me. I could usually fade into the background, I would participate when I was chosen to join a team, but usually I didn’t care enough to offer. Today I don’t much choice as Coach Park forces me to get off the bench and participate in a game of basketball being plated inside of the school’s gym.

Coach Park had put me on the team of Kim Bobby, this was one of the few classes I shared with him. Honestly I really disliked him, that I had towards him, I was still conflicted but about that, but I still didn’t like him. I didn’t know who he was, he was a stranger, yet I knew I had very intense feelings. Bobby was happy go lucky, with his heads in the clouds, he was warm to all and seemed sweet and unassuming amongst his gang of assholes. However I didn’t see it that way, he had grown up with Youngjae and hadn’t made any efforts to socialise or even defend him after all this time. Football however has suddenly bought them closer, they were somewhat friendly to each other, and I was jealous.

Today in this basketball game, for some unknown reason, I was actually trying. The game gets competitive, I cheat a little and use the power of speed and agility that I had. I move quickly but not too quickly, in a competitive mood, I throw away my pride and work with Bobby. It irks me a little to see just how well we worked together, it went against what I wanted to feel. Our team is up and ahead but the competitive air rises, and as I dribble down the field I suddenly get elbowed pretty hard in my shoulder and I fall to the floor in pain.

I’m thrown to the floor suddenly, thee attack itself doesn’t hurt all too much, but I shout in pain. The pain was sharp and hitting me so much harder, it hits me so hard through my body from my head to my toes. I knew what was happening, and it happened like this when the monster thought I was in trouble. I groan in agony, the pain radiating through me, I can feel the goose bumps rip through, under my breath I hear the monster growling, begging to be let out.

“Hey hyung, are you okay?”, I hear a familiar voice question. It was Bobby, I knew it and I could sense it from him. I really didn’t like it, being this close to him was setting this off, he knew it and should back the hell up. So before I lose control and tear apart my fellow students and teacher limb from limb, I get up and rush out of the gym past the coach. Despite calling out for me, I yell out in agony. The way things were going, it wouldn’t take long before it finally took over.

“Shit!” I mutter once again, finding myself completely l lost in some wooded area. I didn’t know where and how far I was from school, but I was relieved that I had made my way this far. Thankfully the monster had led itself away from watchful eyes, finding this secluded area of greenery.

Here I was again, it hadn’t even been 24hours and the burst had happened again. I was half naked caked in mud, and my boxers ripped to shreds, hardly covering my modesty. I knew I had to get out of here and now I needed to make a start, as I head out following the freshest trail, a smell I had gotten a wiff off earlier gets stronger and stronger. The closer and closer it got the mores I didn’t like it.

A few minutes as I try to make my way out of the wooded area, I see appeared in front of me were three of the undead. “See hyung! I told you I smelt a mutt around here!”, one of the disgusting drainers speaks up”. I could already they weren’t here just out of curiosity to see the naked high schooler, to these grown adult men with scruffy beards and awful taste in clothing, I was an enemy. They had sniffed out their mortal enemy, and I had a feeling that this wouldn’t end very well.

“ What are you doing here little pup?” one of the vamps in a blink of an eye closes the several hundred yards between he and I. Stood in front of me, he smirks before swinging, fortunately the monster is still lingering and it’s reflexes help me out. I turn as quickly as I can, but not playing fair as their kind often did, the two other leeches come flying at me. However before either of them can even get close enough, two massive brown blurs fly across tackling the pair to the floor, surprising the leeches. The first one that had tried to attack me, is distracted enough that I take advantage of that and swing to tackle.

After a few minutes of wrestling and fighting, I manage to win over my strong opponent. Unlike me however, ending the life of one was much easier, with a snap of the neck and the removal of his head I manage to end him. Something so gruesome and somewhat cruel wasn’t something I often did, but for leeches like that, I had no choice. They were a threat not only to my kind, but human kind. If they were allowed to run around they would cause a lot of damage, it seemed like they had already caused enough according to the news, I wouldn’t be surprised if these three leeches were the cause of all the trouble.

“We got here just in time” one of the brown blurs speaks up, now stationary it was clear they were not blurs but what looked like animals. Two of them, they looked like two large oversized wolves, one with a brown fur and the other with a dark black fur, shaggy and untamed. Their eyes both a dark and muddy brown. Just looking at one of them, the smaller of the two with the black fur is immediately recognisable. His warm and earnest eyes search mine, he opens his mouth and growls. However I can understand what he is saying, I understood growling but the voice in my head was more clear and coherent, we had connected.

“He’s not a talker is he?” the brown wolf gets up on its hind legs and suddenly in burst, its glossy fur slowly disappears. His posture changes from that of a big brown monster, instead he was slowly transform into his human form. Completely nude, he wasn’t tall but he was muscular and pretty sculpted, he looked pretty toned and strong. “He’s more of a beta, are you sure he’s our king alpha?” the stranger remarks.

The black wolf slowly makes his transformation out of his monstrous wolf form, into his human state half naked. His scruffy hair disappears to show his short and toned self, his thighs were pretty big but that came with being a wolf like him. He looked so different from his somewhat frightening and intimidating self as a wolf, as a half nude human the first thing that catches my attention is the familiar rabbit tooth grin and crescent shaped eyes full of warmth.

“Aren’t you going to introduce us Bobby?” the stranger covered partially in blood says casually. He was stood there in the buff acting like after what had happened, it was normal for us to be talking to each like this. I should be leaving, running away from this but instead of doing that I watch and wait for Bobby to speak up. “Hoseokie hyung, this is our head alpha Im Changkyun”, as he points towards me I hear the twitching nearby. With my guard up I turn ready to attack, only to be surprised to see a pack of wolves, all different shades, shapes and sizes. “This is your family”, Bobby introduces them all suddenly, it’s a bit startling.


	6. VI.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The continuation of the last chapter, just as long, but also very important!

“Aren’t you going to introduce us Bobby?" the stranger covered partially in blood says casually. He was stood there in the buff acting like after what had happened, it was normal for us to be talking to each like this. I should be leaving, running away from this but instead of doing that I watch and wait for Bobby to speak up.

“Hoseokie hyung, this is our alpha Im Changkyun”, as he points towards me I hear the twitching nearby. With my guard up I turn ready to attack, only to be surprised to see a pack of wolves, all different shades, shapes and sizes. “This is your family”, Bobby introduces them all and one by one each of the wolves greets me.

They were from all walks of lives, and different kinds of ages and even ethnicities. Packs didn’t follow any kind of racial, gender or age codes, you could be whoever and whatever, and if the monster was inside of you then you could be part of the pack. You could be part of the family, because if you felt it chemically inside of yourself then you could be part of it. The closer you were to one of the pack, the bursts became more frequent, until they could become more controlled.

“Is this really him?” one of the wolves with its grey hair and hazel eyes questions slowly approaching me. “He can’t be the head of the family, surely not”, she complains. In her wolf form all that could be heard to human ears would be growling, but to me I could hear clearly the criticism from those who I had been trying to avoid.

Since my return to Mokpo, being near these people was making my bursts spells become more often. In the world of wolves it meant that not only were you cause to your pack but that you were needed. It would be akin to the hulk transforming in anger, however with wolves if there was trouble brewing and you were needed as part of the pack then your bursts would happen involuntarily. Now there was often always trouble, but it was never as intense and so most packs were just friends and family members who met up every now and then.

I had been part of a pack before, as an inexperienced cub. I was the child of the group’s tracker and assassin, she was smart, strong and courageous. She had fought many bad guys, the worst of the worst who if they could to stick around would be a danger to us all. My fighting mother was a hero to me growing up and hadn’t passed that on to me. I was doing my best to avoid it all, I wanted no part in being part of this family. I already had a family and even if they were dead, they wouldn’t be replaced, not by anyone. However it didn’t seem like the pack itself was willing to except me either, which suited me just fine.

“He looks a little weak and young” the grey wolf continues her criticisms, she transforms. Her grey fur disappearing to show her completely nude, her pert breasts, her flat and toned stomach, her toned thighs and other areas catch my attention immediately. In human form her facial features are catlike, with a grimace across her face she looked quite intimidating. Still my reaction to her, it’s a bit strange, maybe I was this way because I wasn’t expecting to see a pretty and naked girl in front of me. It was pretty obvious that she didn’t think much of me, and she wouldn’t be hiding it just like she wasn’t bothering to hide the state she was in.

“Noona watch what you’re saying” Bobby warns the elder, ranked below him she seems to bite her tongue. However she doesn’t hide her disapproval of me, I had a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. Despite her less than favourable greeting, and no matter how much I wanted to dislike her, I couldn’t really feel it. “You two should play nice anyway Hyojinnie, this will be the father of your cubs”, Hoseok the elder with the brown coat of fur speaks up. He wears a knowing grin on his face, one that read that he was amused at the situation.

The woman who I assumed was called Hyojin’s intense gaze briefly wavers, was there truth in what Hoseok had just said? No, there wouldn’t be any truth in it, because I wouldn’t allow it. I wasn’t any alpha, they didn’t need me and that was that. “I’m not interested in this, find another guy” I say, but I wouldn’t stay longer to entertain this at all, so without another word I willingly burst and transform. It would be the easiest way to head out of here, I could outrun these wolves if they tried to stop me. Luckily none try and I manage to make it home, past the gate and into the back garden. I reach home and only when I get there, I burst back into my human form, and head back home.

No one is at home so sneaking to my room is a little easier, it quiet and empty just the way I liked it. Once in the safety of my room, where I was washed and cleaned I try and take it all in, what had happened earlier. The sudden burst, the fight with the vampires and well meeting the pack of wolves who were claiming I was their leader. Their “Alpha”. Was this town lacking in strong wolves? Was I really the strongest? I couldn’t be after all, Hoseok and Hyojin seemed not to think much of me either.

That pack needed someone strong who was willing to lead them, I wasn’t that person. I just needed to avoid them as much as possible, the further I was away from them, the less often I would burst. My life was simple and not too complicated, outside of being a wolf I was just a normal person. I wanted to cling to my normality, so I would do that. I take out from my bedside table a pair of handcuffs, like last night I cuff myself to the bed and continue my night hoping for no disturbances.

“It’s so freaking cold!” Youngjae says groaning, he says as he shivering in the cold. The next day Youngjae and I had met up early in the morning, I had decided to come help him at a training session. It made sense that we were in the middle of a park near the Choi household, and I had accompanied Youngjae on an early morning training session. I should probably shivering as he was too, the seasons were changing and we were in that murky area between fall and winter.

The temperature was dropping, yet he was here in the park practising for his first football match. I had joined the younger for moral support this early Saturday morning and would be giving tips to my new friend on what he needed to change up. Youngjae was nervous about joining the team, especially so late in the season. With so few games left in the season he wanted to at least make an impression.

“Why the fuck did I agree to it?” he cutely complains. According to Youngjae, he had been approached by the shady captain of the football team Kim Hanbin about joining the team and the two had made a deal. “Something about influential men and reference letters” I remind him, even if he didn’t want to do this he had a goal in mind. At least that was what I was hoping, in my short time of knowing Youngjae I had found out how much of a façade his cold exterior was.

To the outside world he had to be cold and closed off, after all he was being constantly tormented, more than he was willing to admit. It was pride, he didn’t want to admit he was being mistreated as it could make him look weak. Even having Joy and I around to fight his corner seemed to irk him, he didn’t want to be defended by someone. He could defend himself, but sometimes it was frustrating seeing him choose his battles. Instead of fighting all them, it was like he reserved his energy for the little battles he thought he needed to go through.

About an hour later after warming up and running some drills, Youngjae tires himself out. Objectively speaking Youngjae wasn’t a great attacking player, he really was skilled and quick thinking. Judging from the practice match I had watched, the school’s team needed someone like Youngjae. They needed someone like him, but they didn’t deserve it.

“Does your brother know about you and his friend?” I suddenly bring up the subject Youngjae liked to avoid. Frankly speaking I didn’t care if Youngjae liked girls or boys or fucking Martians, but he seemed concerned about sharing too much. I had only gotten to know this a few weeks ago, I had taken him to a party with friends in which he had drunk too much and confessed. Youngjae had confessed that there had been an encounter between a friend of his brother and himself.

“No I don’t want his death on his conscious” Youngjae replies half joking, according to what I had gathered from the rumour mill Choi Junhyuk was not someone to be messed with. I ask if he had talked to the older or seen him since it had all happened and he simply nods. “He’s not really my type when I think about it. He reminds me too much of Yien hyung it’s too weird”, he says with an embarrassed chuckle. 

The chat between Youngjae and I though comfortable, doesn’t last long as he seizes up when I question if he likes anyone. He seizes up completely and any progress we had made thus far just dissipates. I don’t know why, I didn’t really get why I was so desperate to know about the boy, maybe it because I just wanted to make sure that he was alright.

I stay with Youngjae through most of the day, we don’t do much we just kind of chill together. His parent seemed to kind of accept me being around, Youngjae’s mother’s relationship with uncle Jinyoung made things quite easy. His parents seemed quite sweet and genuinely wanted the best for their son, but sadly Youngjae didn’t seem able to open to them. I could understand his position, coming out wasn’t going to be easy.

However I had to admit I was quite jealous of the younger, as his sister Sooyoung visited her family home with her young children I got to see the clear family picture that I had been missing. Sooyoung was tall, slim and classically beautiful, despite her modelesque looks she was in fact a nursery nurse. She had a warmth and kindness to her when dealing with the children, the perfect kind of mother, I even envied her children a little bit. As great a mother my own mother was, she was a hot headed and short tempered woman with no patience for naughty children.

To Youngjae she was less favourable, even with their close to ten year age difference the pair bickered often. Youngjae was witty and funny, and I could tell that was because his sister had rubbed off on him. Envy being the emotion of the day, I watch on jealous that I had never been able to have that, to have siblings who I could play well with even like this. My mother focused all her attentions on me, so she never got around to proving me with a sibling. According to friends of hers, my father was the love of her life, she would never be with another after that.

So my afternoon and part of the evening with the Chois is a little bitter sweet for me, it left feeling envious but grateful that I had been a part of it. When I leave Youngjae offers to escort me home, I can tell he wasn’t really offering for my benefit but because there was something he wanted. After a few minutes of walking together, he rushes off excusing himself and heading off in the opposite direction of his house. I’m definitely curious and suspicious of where he could be going, but I could only hope that in his own time he would tell so I wouldn’t push it.

As I head off home, I stop just short of the neighbourhood gates. I can’t get a worrying feeling, there was a foul stench in the air. To normal nostrils wouldn’t be able to smell it, especially in this cool weather. However to me it was strong, it was a familiar smell that I hated. The smell that had hit me yesterday, only today it smell stronger and worse. I grimace at the thought, I briefly ponder if I should turn and walk to the source of the smell, but chance my mind last minute. It was too late for me to act, and if I went there I could end up getting myself in more trouble than I needed. So I swivel and turn and make my way down the neighbourhood.

As I make my way there, stood in front of my house was the effervescent Park Joy and somewhat amused Youngjae. Both were holding lots of bags of what looked like shopping, stood in front of cool sports car. As I approach the pair, I don’t say a word hoping they would just automatically explain what was going on. After all I had just left Youngjae and we hadn’t had any plans together, but here he was with the beautiful Joy. What the hell was happening? I felt suspicious, I will have to admit that much, I didn’t like this feeling.

“We’re going out on the town!” Joy excitedly reveals her plan for all of us to go out clubbing. She gives us on no options to not go, we were underage after all but according to her she had the hook up. We would be together and make memories, or at least that was how Joy had sold it. Youngjae had agreed with it, he had told his parents he would be staying over mine to study and because they trusted Jinyoung and I, so it would be no issue. Joy had used the guilt of her mother to get her out of here without any real repercussions.

I could tell that something bad had happened, Joy wasn’t the kind of girl to go out and frivolously shop. She also wasn’t the kind of girl to act so spontaneous and reckless, something had happened to force this kind of action. I knew Joy well enough to know that this is something she was going to have to come out with on her own time, she wasn’t go at being confronted about things. So I follow along with her plan, as long as I was around, she would be safe to do this little bit of rebellion.

A few hours pass by, we stay in briefly watching a few couple of movies and discussing our plans for graduation. We would be heading out of the house, for now we were just keeping the mood relaxed. Jinyoung was fortunately not strict so he was all for us partying, as long as we did it safely. The elder seemed to trust me, he knew if we got into trouble that I was strong enough to handle myself. I didn’t see the night becoming troublesome, we were just going to illegally party.

The bouncer a tall and wide man, hairy and gruff covered in tattoos recognises Joy. On the outside he looks frightening, like a he could kill everyone in the room with only a punch. Yet in person he is a he watches her fondly almost like an older brother. After a short lecture he directs us inside of the club its is packed, lively, early twenties crowd,

Joy is dancing wildly gaining the intentions of others. I was jealous, but all I could do was watch as men and women approached her, until it got dangerous then I could not intervene. She was her own person, she wasn’t a possession of mine. I would torture myself all night just to keep her safe, but I wouldn’t let myself get involved in this, I was better than this. I wasn’t much of a dancer so I just stayed to the side and watched on with some interest, and making some observation.

As I watch the object of my desire dance comfortably with some beautiful women, shaking her cute little rear. On the outside she looked like she was free, excited and full of the joys of her life. Yet to me it looked like a vulnerable girl, she was bottling it all up and was waiting for her to burst. She would do it, so I would be here and waiting for it to happen and I would be there to help her out, to listen and try and help her.

Youngjae dances a little bit, he’s a bit awkward at first but after a few drinks and a bit of encouragement he seems to give into the fun. He dances mainly with Joy but looking around I can see the excitement in the eyes of other people watching, he had a few admiring looks. He was unaware of how desired he was and it was a little funny when I thought about it, he had no clue just how attractive he was to others.

“Is that Choi Youngjae?” a loud voice calls through the crowd, which is surprising considering how loud the music really was. However our heads turn and as we do, a good looking guy approaches Youngjae, he’s a little shorter and stockier. He seemed to look like a warm and friendly personality, I didn’t get any kind of bad vibes from him. I quietly observe in the back of the club out of the way from everyone, and the way Youngjae lights up when he sees the other puts me a little bit more at ease. Youngjae introduces him as Cha Sunwoo, he was a friend of his older brother Junhyuk.

However as I watch them, it doesn’t seem to be all that innocent on the surface of all that. The slightly drunk elder seems to be more than just a hyung’s friend, the way he looks at Youngjae, the way he touches him. It was as if they were familiar with each other in other ways, either that or I was overthinking things. At some point in the night, I manage to get to Youngjae alone and we get to talking when we’re in the men’s toilets.

Unable to resist, I ask what his relationship is with his brother’s friend, “we are just friends”, and he asks attempting to aloof. Interestingly he giggles a little when I don’t show my belief in his words, he was getting even a little pink in his face. “Trust me we’re just good friends” I assure him in hopes of encouraging the other to be open and speak up. Youngjae looks briefly unsure about it all, as if he was about to speak up and maybe share with me. I really wished we shared the wolf connection, I wouldn’t even have to work hard, I could just to read his thoughts. But alas he was only a human, and he was prone to being close off.

“Do friends flirt like this?” I prod a little bit, still trying to keep it light-hearted. Youngjae smiles amused in response, he doesn’t seem really amused but a little sad. ”I’m glad you seem to think that I am that desirable, but I’m not his type” Youngjae comments playfully. His type? What did he mean? “He’s straight and dating my brother’s roommate”, he responds to my surprise. Was that actually the truth, or did he believe it to be the truth? Did he even believe it or was he trying to not disappoint himself? It seemed like that was his thing, he didn’t like to have false hope, something that came with managing expectations. If he didn’t get his hopes up, then he wouldn’t be disappointed. We had similar logics, his situation resonates with me.

I drop the subject, and as Youngjae head out of the toilets back out to the dance floor. As we make through the throng of club-goers, Youngjae jumps suddenly and is lifted off his feet and twirled around by Sunwoo who had snuck up on us. “Youngjae! Where have you been?!”, the slightly intoxicated elder exclaims, Youngjae laughs in response looking genuinely gleeful to be around his woman. Sunwoo soon puts the younger, dropping him down he immediately slides his hand to Youngjae’s backs and down to his waist pulling him closer. Youngjae flushes a bit red, looking down.

“Hey dude, your girl seems to be quite popular!” Sunwoo teases me as we go back to where we had been before. He signals to Joy who was in the middle of the floor still, she was talking to a group of guys who looked only a little older than us. She seemed quite comfortable with them, laughing and even flirting with one of the guys, he was tall, dark and a pretty boy. “Your girl is pretty popular, are you cool with known drug dealers around her?” Sunwoo straightens out a little more serious, his expression seems to be more warning. “You should go and check up on her”, I look down to see his hand linked with Youngjae. He wanted me to look after Joy and take Youngjae alone, they weren’t just friends and he wasn’t fooling me. However I didn’t know if what he was saying was true or false, and I wouldn’t take the risk. “She’s going to get herself in trouble if she doesn’t behave properly” Youngjae becomes concerned and offers to come with me but I reassure him that I could handle it.

Honestly it felt like Youngjae didn’t really want to leave, I could handle the situation alone so there was no use cutting his night short. As I make my way through the crowd to Joy and her potential danger, I turn back once to check on Youngjae and see an impatient Sunwoo kissing a slightly flustered looking Youngjae. Sunwoo takes control his hand at Youngjae’s waist pulling his body close, whilst the other is at his neck pulling the younger’s face closer. Turns out Youngjae’s straight hyung wasn’t as he had initially thought, I don’t get much chance to keep watching but as and it seems that Youngjae likes it as he grips onto his hyung’s arm. As long as he was good with it, then I had no issues.

Joy was very drunk, she had been tipsy before I had left her to go to the men’s toilets with Youngjae. However it seems that she had a few too many shots upon being challenged, and now she had far too much alcohol in her system. She was slurring her words, she was shouting and angry as I tried to take home. I didn’t know where she lived so I’m left with the option of taking her to my house, if she is somewhere safe, we can figure out the getting her home part when she’s sober and in the right mind.

Despite being very under the influence, Joy is loud and brash and slightly more aggressive. Carrying her on piggy back through my neighbourhood, was getting harder and harder to achieve. I try to hold her still as she complains about me getting her from the hold of the two guys earlier on. “So what if they’re drug dealers, why do you even care?” didn’t she know? It’s because I didn’t want her in harm’s way of course! “Why are you pretending to care but doing nothing about it? Why won’t you take responsibility for your feelings?”

What feelings was she talking about? Did she know about my feelings for her? I knew they were obvious to everyone, but I thought she had been oblivious to me. “You’re very dumb, you act like I’m something to be protected but not loved”, she slurs those words, I feel her relax a little on my back but she still continues. “You’re just like my stupid parents, you’re too stupid to talk. Why can’t you just open up to me?” I feel a pang of guilt in my chest. I knew I kept things from Joy, not because I didn’t trust her, but talking about certain things in my life was hard.

Would I ever be able to tell her that I was a wolf, and in the blink of an eye depending on the situation I could transform into a 140kg beast. I could rip her apart, I could leave her bloodied and messed. Or worse yet, I could attract someone who could do all those things to her, I was dangerous. Not only that, I had a difficult past that I hated talking about, who wanted to go over how they were orphaned? It was fun, and it was honestly draining, so I didn’t think about it. Thinking about how your mother died and was taken from you so suddenly, and how whenever you think about something never feels right about it.

“Can’t you just be patient with me?” I ask Joy, it wouldn’t be something I could just blurt out. I wouldn’t be able to tell her all of it if I could help, but being able to tell her how I felt… It would take time. “Wait for me”, I plead, but receive no reply. I feel the warm of the smaller on my back, her body is really relax and I hear her lightly snoring. A chortle escapes my body, she had drunk a lot and I wondered if she would even remember any of this happening at all?

The next morning, I sleep on coach located in the side of my room as Joy had taken up the room I normally I slept on. I wanted to keep an eye on Joy in case she had some problems throughout the night. She had a few problems throughout the night, but I was there to take care of her. It was strange seeing her so frail and fragile like this, she wasn’t weak like this and I knew that she would regret that.

After a few hours she seems to be okay, leave her be to get make breakfast. The house was quiet, Sojin was in Seoul visiting friends and Jinyoung might be at work or having a lie-in, I wasn’t sure. As I prepare the food, I receive a call from the parents of Youngjae. His mother is very worried having not heard from their son last night or this morning, so I lie. I couldn’t possibly tell them that when I had left the club Sunwoo had been sloppy drunk and Youngjae had taken him back home as safely as he could. It seemed that Youngjae had his hands full, but that he was with a trusted person or at least I thought Sunwoo could be trusted.

However telling the truth to his parents, even if it was innocent would only stir up a lot of trouble. So I lie to Mrs Choi and tell her that we had stayed up late to watch a few movies, and gone to sleep late. So Youngjae was currently sleeping. His mother is slightly disapproving at the late night for her son, and briefly lectures me but fortunately she seems to believe me. I was going to buy Youngjae a few hours to return and come up with an excuse, he was my friend so of course I would have his back, and if I needed to be worried I could track him down.

As I prepare breakfast, a tired Joy wakes up and approaches me. She’s a bit groggy and shyly approaches me, her face look fresh and pale without the thick makeup from last night. She has on one of my large baggy shirts she looks amazing, how could she make my cheap and tatty clothing look that amazing. “About last night… sorry about being that embarrassing”, Joy says with a sheepish laugh. “God normally I’m never like that, but those shots sent me over the edge”, open as ever she reveals that her parents were arguing a lot last night.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do with them, they’re too stubborn to divorce”, she complains over our breakfast. “It’s like they love each other still, but are still clinging onto something. They won’t speak and open up to each other”, and there it is. An explanation to her aggressive rant, had it been directed to me or was it to her parents? I wasn’t quite sure anymore. “I’m really sorry you had to take care of me, and thank you. Even when I’m bed you’re there for me”, Joy expresses embarrassment and gratefulness. She reaches over the marble kitchen counter, to hold onto my hand and gives it a firm squeeze.

That’s not the last of the contact we make, as Joy makes her way out of the foyer to the entrance of the house. Joy had called her family and was on her way back home, and she had excused herself for the day. As we get to the doorway, Joy turns in front of me watching me. The look in her eye, I can’t really tell what she was thinking which wasn’t something what I was used to. Joy had been so easy to read, so why was it different now.

Joy reaches for my arms, pulling herself onto her tiptoes closer to me and all quick before I can think as to otherwise. Joy plants her lips onto mine, her lips were unlike I had ever suspected. Her lips are so plush and soft, it catches me off guard because the kiss feels better than I actually imagined. My body didn’t feel as if was making the moves for me, no the adrenaline had taken over and I was just watching myself. I was getting a kiss from the girl of my dreams, the beautiful, stunning girl of my dreams. All of what I thought would only remain fantasy was real.

The kiss is brief, but I have no complaints. How could I? I had no place to be anything but excited. “I can’t keep waiting for you to make the first move. So I will do it. I will make things happen”, Joy sounded so sure of herself. As if she was going to make it all work, that we would work because of her, and knowing her when she was determined, she probably could. Hands still cupping my face, she keeps her eyes locked onto mine. ”I won’t let you push me away. I want you and I will get you”, the look in her eyes, it was so determined. I didn’t deserve a girl like her.

With one more swift and equally amazing kiss Joy says her goodbye and heads out of the house. At the bottom of the drive waiting for her was a black car, the guy she had named as Kim Donghyuk was in the driver’s seat I recognised as her driver. Donghyuk had been a trusted family employee, but the stench from him clung to me. I knew what he was and chances are, he knew what I was. We were mortal enemies, but we had one common denominator. Park Joy was it, as long as he was around to keep her sage, then I wouldn’t complain but I would keep my eye on him. He surely knew that I was more than human, but didn’t seem to be making any complaints.

A couple of hours later Youngjae finally makes his way back, he heads back to pick up some of his things. He looks little ruffled and tired, but overall as if he had a decent night. “Where the hell were you?” I ask him, still a little concerned as to why he was gone for so long. “I’m really sorry that I worried you, it’s just that last night was wild”, he looked genuinely fine, like nothing bad had happened to him, so I relax a little. “Thanks for covering for me with my mother, I’m sure she wouldn’t be happy to hear where I really was and what I had gotten up to” he smiles gratefully.

Overall he looked like he was safe, but that he had a story to tell. I was curious to know what it was that had happened with the drunken elder. “…Did anything happen between you and Sunwoo?” despite knowing how closed off that Youngjae could be, I could still couldn’t resist asking the question. Youngjae chortles a little, instead of the awkward reaction I was expecting, he seems amused by the question. Maybe nothing happened between the two of them past the kiss, maybe it had been a drunken mistake for the two of them.

“I lost my virginity last night” he confesses, so coolly and calmly he reveals the truth to me. He trusted me, he must have done to have so easily revealed something so sensitive to me. “Last night…hyung had sex”, he reveals a sheepish grin making it on his face, and he looked satisfied with himself. “It wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be, it was less painful and honestly it felt good…” he seemed to really mean it. “Sorry, I know that’s a little bit too much information” he apologises, he seemed to worry that he was oversharing. However we were friends and we should feel comfortable enough to share, or so I hoped.

Youngjae looked like he was starting to regret telling me something so personal, and was starting to shuffle back in his little turtle. I wasn’t going to let it happen, so I prod further and ask her some questions, would he pursue things further with Sunwoo. He shakes his head in response, he looks a little bit saddened. “Hyung has a girlfriend” it appeared that things had not progressed from yesterday. How did he feel about it?

“It’s not that my feelings are hurt, in fact it just made me realise something I’ve been trying to deny” immediately my curiousity is peaked by this statement. He chuckles a little, but it’s devoid of warmth and there’s something, the look in his eyes that seemed a little sad. “The guy I like…gosh. He would never even look at me what way” the look on his face was slightly forlorn. Youngjae liked someone? It didn’t seem to be Sunwoo, so I was wondering who it could be, I was dying of curiosity.

“Shit, it’s insane that I let myself fall for someone like him”, he confesses adding that it was embarrassing being in his situation. Honestly I didn’t like the situation much either, Youngjae shouldn’t be in a one sided love. He deserved someone who liked him back. “I’ve tried really hard not to think about him but I can’t stop it” he takes a deep sigh, the look on his face. I sit quiet and let him confess, I let him open up like he was and I would keep quiet and let him keep talking. “He’s different from who I thought he was, and every time I see him my heart flutters” who was it that made him feel this way? Was it someone from our school maybe? Who could it be?

“Anyway, thanks for covering my back. I’m sure babysitter wasn’t on your list of plans for last night”, he apologises once more before heading out. As Youngjae heads out he enquires on the state of Joy, he is relieved to hear about her being safe and back home. “Joy was acting very strange last night”, he airs out his observation, and he was right. Youngjae had known Joy longer than I did and so he knew her as well as I did. “She was having issues with her parents” I reveal, he knew about her circumstances and he understood her feelings and had often been a confidant for her. I reassure her that this morning she had seemed pretty fine, leaving out the part of the kiss. Not that I wanted to keep it a secret from my friend, but because I was still processing it myself.

“Joy is a great girl, and I know she thinks a lot of you Kyunnie”, recently Youngjae had been dropping these kind of hints more, I assumed to encourage me to make a move. “If I could confront something like my virginity, then you can tell her how you feel”, he continues to encourage me, but little did he know that the stakes had already gone up. After my kiss with Joy, I knew things could no longer remain the same. I had to make a choice, to return her feelings or drop her completely.

Before he leaves Youngjae once again profusely apologises, not only to me but uncle Jinyoung. The responsible adult shows his concern at Youngjae staying out. Although he coolly explains to Youngjae, that in the future if he were to repeat the events of at last night, he would liked to be informed. He was willing to cover for us teens, he knew we wouldn’t be up to anything dangerous.

“I was a teen once, and I know it’s not cool to tell your parents. But if you’re gonna do it, I’d prefer transparency” he warns. The warning is brief, and he is quick to return to his casual and relaxed sitting in the living room. Youngjae suddenly makes his way out.

The next day at school I notice the difference, the change in her behaviour is painfully obvious. As soon as Youngjae and I make our way into the school building, Joy makes a beeline straight to us per usual. However this time she boldly takes my hand, intertwining fingers with me, Joy immediately takes ownership of me. Immediately eyes start to find their way to us, this sudden bold move had been unexpected, even by me.

“You’re mine now Im Changkyun”, she whispers into my ear before pecking me on the cheek. My heart flutters in response, this was all happening, it wasn’t something I dreamt up? “Well this is a new development” comments with a raised eyebrow as he greets us both, I guess I had some explaining to do later on. Joy grins sheepishly in response, but watches me and the look in her eyes, I can’t believe that it belonged to me. “Well I got tired of waiting for him to make the first move, she pokes me in my side teasing me.

“So you guys are an official couple now?” Youngjae questions, still unable to wipe the quizzical look from his face. I didn’t really know the answer to that question after all it was Joy who was putting everything into action. Shouldn’t we have a quiet conversation to clarify everything?

“Of course, from today on Im Changkyun is my man!” Joy proudly announces to Youngjae and few hundred students in the hallway. I can already see the gossips were being fuelled by this, no matter how low down we were on the popularity scale, this was still news it seemed.

“Ahhhh this is a nice development, now we have officialised my status as third wheel” Youngjae jokingly complains with a cute pout on his face. Joy laughs and quickly hooks her free arm into Youngjae’s pulling him closer to us. “Don’t forget Youngjae, we are the three musketeers…” she encourages much to Youngjae’s amusement.” I like this” Joy expresses her pleasure whilst leaning her head on my arm. Honestly I liked this too, denying something that felt right like this was hard work.

As I head to the toilets on my break I pass by the normally quiet hallway and overhear a conversation between Coach Park and his older sister and colleague Miss Park. They are having a hushed conversation, when I quietly listen as the elder begs her sibling not to speak up about something. “it will really hurt him, if he finds out”, she pleads. “Jinwoon is a good man. I can’t believe you would do something like this and throw it all away. You need to stop talking to him, he’s a married man and you’re in a relationship. Shit. I had stumbled into something really intense and surprising. Should I tell Youngjae or would it be best for me to avoid this, I had met Jinwoon a few times and he seemed like a decent guy but this was really none of my business.

The day is pretty good, any concerns I had about being with Joy were being wiped away. I think it’s all pretty calm, however as I make my way out of class to the bathroom my day of bliss doesn’t last long. My day of bliss doesn’t last long. My pretty good day wasn’t being to last too long, as I am pulled to the side by Kim Bobby out to the exit. I feel a sudden pang of dislike, the more I saw him the more I felt it. If I wasn’t for him and his band of wolves, these burst wouldn’t be happening and I could be comfortable in myself.

“Come with me”, he orders, however my attempts to decline he stays still and resolute. ”Come with me or I will be talking to your girlfriend about her wolf friend- oh sorry, to your wolf girlfriend!” Shit, I was really starting to dislike this guy. However the look in his eyes, it didn’t look like it had any real malice, he just wanted to speak.

Against my better judgment, I follow Bobby out of the large school building. The pair of us carefully, quietly and swift rush out of the building. With the help of our supernatural strength, we climb over the school gates swiftly and stealthily and make our way onto an empty field nearby. The closer we get there, the more suspicious I feel, but not enough to have my guard up. I knew Bobby wasn’t leading me into anything dangerous, this was just going to be something I didn’t like.

The field that we had gotten to is located near what looked like a farm house, however there were no crops, or animals being harvested. It looked almost as if it happened abandoned, or that every now and then someone would come back to maintain its exterior.

“Why the heck are we here?” I ask slowly losing patience, Bobby stands in his uniform looking out at an empty space. “Alright, guys you can come out now” Bobby announces to what seems like an empty field. I start to worry that maybe he had gone a little nuts, but I’m proved wrong as one by one wolf after wold make their way onto the field. Dozens rush ahead towards us, slowly finding their ways to a spot on the field.

To any normal eyes this sight could be frightening, their large furry and monstrous appearances. They had large and sharp teeth and intense looking eyes at first glance, they were totally frightening. They had once been creatures I had feared myself, but I was one of them and sometimes I hated being reminded of that. Amongst the crowd of wolves was one that stood out to me, a grey wolf with the fleck of gold in her brown eyes. My heart starts to involuntarily skip faster, I still didn’t know who she was but I remembered from our first encounter, it wasn’t a great impression I had of her, but it wasn’t terrible.

Looking at all the wolves, I get a stronger sense for all of them, we already had a stronger connection, communication was clearer. I could sense what they were sensing and could tell who was fitting in what different positions.

There were the alphas who were the pack leaders, they were the main ones set the laws of his pack. They are not required to hunt with the pack, but most normally do. They demand respect and are in the position to exile, banish, or even kill those who do not show it. Though it is rare, this position can be exceeded, they can answer to one person, their King Alpha. According to what they wanted me to believe them, that was the role that I fitted in. Bobby the ordinary Alphas who were currently leading the pack, would answer to me, their leader no questions asked. Or at least that was how it was supposed to be.

The Beta is the second in command and enforces the law when the current alpha is not present. If both of the alpha die than the beta(s) take the alpha position and lead the pack, unless the alpha has said otherwise. This position cannot be challenged without the alpha approval. Hyojin and a few others. Hyojin seems a little less riled up from last time, when she looks at me, it was different, as if she had accepted my supposed position and something more.

Assassin This position is given only to a Changer. Assassin is the most fitting name for this rank because it is self-explanatory. They are also spies for the pack. There can be a total of only three assassins in each pack. Hyojin as well as being a beta was also an assassin, she was the head of this fraction and was leading two other female group assassins, it wasn’t often like this but they seemed to be on the same level. I could sense that they worked together.

The lower ranked of the pack respect the higher ranked wolves and will ultimately submit themselves to the alphas and betas.

“These are your people, they are the people you are meant to lead” Wonho suddenly announces as he makes his way to the front. I ask why all of a sudden they were so desperate to have me as their leaders. “Don’t get ahead of yourself, were not excited about the development either” Hyojin comments once again. “Dude you know the way it works, we don’t get to choose our pack. It’s nature at work and you’re our leader” Bobby speaks up, he tries to convince me to take up a position of pack. “The second you came into town, you took up your position”, I frown with disapproval. “I didn’t do shit. I’m not into this and I don’t want this” I say once really sternly before heading off out. I ignore the pleas for me to stay and I head off out.

The next day is another lame school day only Youngjae is a little late so we don’t meet so we decide to meet at a different place, he said he would be there in a few minutes so I’m left alone to wait for him. He was never late so this was a first, we would definitely make it to school late today, but we would only get a simple scolding. Noting serious would happen, not until next week when the exam season started. So whilst I wait for Youngjae I rethink the events of last night, I’d had a lot of time to think it over, and no matter I wanted to leave Mokpo when everything was done with School. To travel the world, to do photography as I had always dreamed.

Whilst I wait I hear a suspicious voice, “Oh what’s this?” I turn expecting the voice to belong to Youngjae, but am surprised to see a smug looking drainer. To exact, there were three of them and they looked like they had sniffed out the wolf in me and were ready for a confrontation. I sigh, how could these idiots be so stupid? To confront me in broad day light like this. “You don’t smell like a normal smut, you smell less… or more… who knows” one of them comments with a smirk. The look on his face, his eyes were so red, he looked like an addict. “Are you a mixed mutt?” one of them questions me and already the rage overtakes me and I’m tempted not to hold back and burst, but it was so public. So right now I feel the pressure of it all build up, I wanted to rip their throats out.

“Kyunnie!” I hear a familiar voice call me out. When I turn around, I spot Youngjae and a concerned looking Jinwoon approaching me. The pair seem to scare of the group of leeches and quickly the moment of tension is quelled down. The two brothers both however seem be very concerned about me, especially the responsible elder. He seems to pick up on the sour mood from earlier on, so I do my best to assure him that it was nothing. Of course he’s very perspective and he doesn’t believe it, so I lie and reveal it was just some kids I knew from my old school, a stupid childish beef. “Ah well be careful, you don’t want to be getting into trouble” Jinwoon warns me playfully. “Are you lecturing him right now hyung?” Youngjae teases the elder. “Well yes, he’s also like a little brother too” Jinwoon smiles affectionately. How lucky I felt to hear that.

As Jinwoon drives Youngjae and I to school, the topic of my earlier encounter is still fresh. “It was weird seeing you like that, normally you’re so calm. Your eyes they even looked different. I thought you were wearing contacts“, Jinwoon was a lively speaker so he speaks excitedly. “Hyung why are you making such a big deal, maybe the light hit his eyes weird”, I shrug and pretend that I didn’t know what either meant. Fortunately the conversation changes to school and our Jinwoon checks up on both our progress before exam season. “So how’s my sweet girl?” Jinwoon asks for an update on his girlfriend.

I do my best to ignore what I had overheard yesterday, after all that was between two of my teachers who happened to be siblings. According to Youngjae, Jinwoon had worked really hard to get Yeeun as his woman after her broken heart from her ex Kim Dongjuin, Kim Hanbin’s brother. Their relationship was complicated was none of my business, so I just casually reassure him his girlfriend was doing well. The conversation moves to light hearted topics, before we head off to school.

My first less is photography class, walk around the boundary of the school I take shots of the greenery through the school fences. Jungyeon asks me to pose in the dirt, it’s her attempt at a joke but she might be surprised to know just how comfortable I find it there. Deciding to take some natural lit pictures of my own near the edge of the school field. However the closer I get to the perimeter’s edge, I get a sense of a presence that I had been around before. Taking advantage of the class’ distracted state, I climb over the fence with an ease that I was used to.

“Come with me” Hyojin comes from out of the shadows, she was completely naked and instead of caring that eyes could be watching her, she stands still and bare and waits for me. I had last seen her yesterday and honestly had been hoping that maybe it would be last time that I would see her. However looking at her right now, my feelings were conflicted. Her stern looking face said that what she was going to ask me, I would have no choice in the matter and would have to join.

An hour later Hyojin takes me scrappy looking bowling alley. It was strange, of all the places that she could take me, she comes here? “Unnie whose he?” a wide eyed girl greets the elder with curiosity. “Whoa, he’s handsome. Is that unnie’s future man?” I hear her thoughts and immediately it becomes clear she’s a wolf and was part of my pack. “Hello my name is Park Junghwa!” The bright teen greets me, however Hyojin walks past her dragging me along, completely ignoring the younger. “Hmmmmn she must really like him” the younger muses, I catch her grinning widely whilst watching us.

I don’t get much of a chance to think on what the younger had meant, as I’m pulled down into one of the far bowling alleys. It was the middle of the day so the alley was pretty packed with families, and couples on dates, so there is only one space left at the end of the alley. Following Hyojin, I don’t speak up or question her, I was too focused on trying to calm down the pace of my heart. I hated that I was reacting this way, but it felt like it was out of my hands the best I could do was no let it affect me too much. She was a stranger as far as I was concerned, someone who did and would never matter to me.

Hyojin finally stops dragging me to the secluded part of the bowling alley, she shoves me down onto an old polyester covered cushioned bench. The elder looks a bit stressed and bothered as she paces back and forth. The more I watch her, the more I become curious as to what was on her mind, what was getting her down like this? I decide to use a tricky advantage to my powers and I quietly creep into her head, into her mind and thoughts, something I rarely did on purpose.

“Of all the people I could be paired with-“ just looking at her expression, her cat like features were scrunched up into an expression of annoyance. “when they said Park Minha’s son would be the leader of the pack, I was excited but I didn’t think he would be this spoilt little brat-“, before she continue on with her mental assassination of my character I interject. “I’m not a brat” I lamely retort, as the words come out of my mouth I regret it, why did I do that? I never ever did it, to try and reort would be to give my time and energy and I had given too much of that coming here already? What the hell was wrong with me?

In a foul and quickl move Hyojin moves to grab me by the neck and push me onto the bench behind me. The polyester squeaks in response of my impact, Hyojin climbs onto of me trapping me between her toned tanned thighs. The expression on her face is menacing, the flecks of gold in her eyes take over and her eyes become fully gold. They were usually this colour when she was in wolf form. Holy shit, was she going to burst here in front of everyone? No she couldn’t be that reckless?

Reaching for her waist, I try to push her off me but she holds her own on top of me. Honestly she looked like she would kill me, and as an assassin she probably knew hundreds of ways to do that. “You’re not allow in my head asshole!” she shouts at me, the look in her eyes was looking more and more vicious. “You’re not allowed in my head unless I tell you to” she growls to me a warning. I attempt to nod my head in her vice grip, but it’s pretty hard as she starts to cut off the oxygen to my brain.

She holds on a little longer as if to cement the seriousness of her warning into my head, just close of me passing out she finally climbs off of my lap. I gasp for breath as she does, I was little dizzier than normal but even then I don’t feel any real threat from her. Instead of making my excuses to leave, the main being that I had been deprived of a lot of oxygen. Yet I stay and wait for her to speak. The warmth of her body leaves me, leaving me a bit sadder than I needed to get out of here, but I stay as I feel her arm brush up towards me.

“Being connected to a kid like you hurts my pride a lot” she reveals without a filter, an emptiness clear from behind her eyes. “You know how rare it is to be in our situation” she speaks talking on the fact that naturally it seemed that we were being paired together. Normally wolves like us were paired with humans without powers, it worked better that way. It worked naturally because then the power of the wolves would not be too much, I had been the child of a wolf and human and that meant balance. Children of two wolves often lived harder lives, they had more responsibility not to lose control. They were stronger and more prone to bursts, they were far too dangerous.

They were harder to control, they had the pure power of two wolf parents and their blood was purer. They were stronger, faster and rare. Very rarely did wolves even imprinting on other wolves, and this wasn’t it either. It didn’t feel like it, it couldn’t and wouldn’t be, I had a girlfriend and it would be far too complicated. “Look if being connected to me hurts your pride, then good. Now you don’t have to worry when I leave” and with that I storm away.

I rush out without waiting for any rebuttal from the elder, I don’t know why I was getting so worked up to be honest. She was just a chick that I met the other day, she wasn’t any of my business and so I head off back to school. About an hour later I manage to sneak back into school and return the camera I was using. I slide back into the normal swing of things, I laugh with Youngjae, I am sweet with Joy and I generally enjoy the company of some of the new friends that I had made.

Life didn’t have to be complicated, it could be simplistic. If you had your friends and your family around you and just ignored the obvious complications in life, then really what could go wrong? That was the life motto I was trying to stick by, the less complicated my life the happier I would be. Friends and family I chant until my words become real.

 

 

When I return home I expect the house to be fully of mundanity, a few hours of studying balanced with a few movies on photo editing. It’s not until I hear a loud banging on the door, all the mundanity is thrown out of the window. I see a flurry of black rush past the balcony of my window. It was a little dark but I was pretty certain what had passed by wasn’t something that I’d like. When I slowly approach the balcony the view that greets me is someone I hadn’t been expecting to see. “Open up the door mutt” a naked and stern faced Hyojin orders me. Involuntarily my heart skips a beat. I assign surprise as the reason for such a reaction. “Open up” the tall slender and nude being in front of me orders. Without thinking I follow along and open the door.

“Hurry up you dog!” the woman continues to criticise according to Bobby, the elder was more bark than bite. Hyojin makes her way into my room half naked, my eyes immediately roam to her perky breast and toned body. She looked so good, I really wanted to look away again. Not that it was usually something that got me hot under the collar, after all I had seen many nude shewolves. It wasn’t anything to feel uncomfortable about, but I couldn’t look away. She was stunning, her cat like features, her small nose and her plump lips.

“I hear you have a girlfriend” she suddenly speaks up, it was surprising was that the reason she had come here, she was curious about Joy? “Don’t you think you’re being dumb, you’ll only hurt the girl”, what did she care anyway, was she jealous right now. How long are you going to keep ignoring this thing between you and I?” Hyojin asks as she stands in front of me, her gaze not being ripped from me. “My girlfriend is none of your business”, I try to dismiss her. I shouldn’t have even let her in, she was only a reminder of what I was trying to avoid. “You need to leave” I try to dismiss her, but she doesn’t listen she stays.

Was she jealous? Did she really believe in this, that we were fated for each other, if we were wouldn’t we have found out the moment we met? That’s how imprinting worked, it was a love at first sight kind of thing at least that was how legend told the story. However the more I saw her the more intense my feelings for him were beginning to be. No, I was with Joy and she was the best, she had decided that she would come with me in the future. When our school year was done, we would leave Mokpo together and travel the world, well that was the plan.

“Fine, you stay but it won’t change that I have a girlfriend and I like her” I try to be harshly dismiss her. I was leaving once the school year ended, so I didn’t need things to be complicated, I had chosen the person that I wanted. Hyojin sighs disapprovingly, she cups the side of my face and pulls me closer to kiss me. I pull away slowly and I have to admit reluctantly, because the blood rushes through me and downwards. Shit, back up down to the other side of my room, trying to put as much space as there was between the two of us.

Hyojin suddenly grins, the look on her face is so freaking smug and sexy. “Well at least it wasn’t just something I had made up in my head, you wanted me” she theorises. “I want you gone by the time you come back” I say before heading off out and out, the longer I was actually around her, the more tempted by her that I was. I had a girl named Joy now, and I couldn’t let myself fuck this up. So I head out to a place with a person I knew and trusted, Choi Youngjae could save me.

Thankfully Youngjae buys my excuse of having walked in on my aunt and uncle. He lets me sleep over and we just catch up, things had been moving so quickly over the last couple of weeks. We hadn’t had time to really catch up much, so we spend most of the night talking, and playing video games. I was very comfortable with the Chois and they seemed to trust me, although every now and then we had to pretend

The next day I borrow one of Youngjae’s uniforms and head out with him, as we head into the school building though we almost get run over by Hanbin. In his car was instead of his normal passenger Bobby it was Lee Hayi. Rumours had floated around school that the pair were being set up to get married. Both of their families got along and were planning for their children to join in marriage once they were legally old enough.

However seeing the pair whenever I did, it seemed like Hayi was definitely it more into it than Hanbin. To be completely honest I didn’t understand why, but Kim Hanbin was definitely sought after by many people around. Although he was rich, well educated, handsome with a good family background, however to a person like me he was a miserable fucker. He didn’t look as if he was there mentally whenever I saw him. I t always looked like he was off in the clouds, thinking about something else and warning to be anywhere else.

Maybe my distaste towards him was because I could feel that it was mutual. Unlike his best friend Bobby who you could say would have a reason to dislike me, because I was with the woman that he liked. However Bobby treated me well, even without the influence from being his pack leader. He was always courteous and friend, and he seemed to be one of the only neutral parties within the school population. He got along with everyone, he didn’t taunt or criticise, like his fellow elite Lee Suwoong. Unlike Hanbin he was warm and friendly enough and we had no problems, even as I saw him as a rival for the affections to Joy.

“What a jerk” I comment as Youngjae and head inside of the school. Youngjae doesn’t comment, the look on his face it was different. Usually he had a word or two to say about the captain of his team, but he says nothing. I watch on a little irked, not that I didn’t get the reaction that I wanted, but something was leaving me a little concerned.

Later that day I plan something romantic. Since becoming Park Joy’s man, I had honestly started to feel that most of what I was doing was not in my control. Not that I had anything to complain about, I enjoyed being Joys boyfriend. However it felt like I was not participating but spectating, I hadn’t done all the sweet things a boyfriend should do for his girl. We hadn’t even gone our first official date. We had been casually hung out, and most of the time it had turned out to be a passionate make out session. We rarely did couple dates, and I could tell that I was failing in that department.

Wanting my time with Joy to be spent well, I decide to take her out of a date. So our first outing as a couple wasn’t anything extravagant, it was just all I could afford within my budget. The mall it is, I didn’t tend to go the big shopping complex found in the city nearby. It was a large shopping area that bought all kinds of shoppers along.

Joy is very bright and excitable about it all, she had been that way since the moment I had officially asked her out. Honestly I was flattered that she felt the need to be excited by me, to have dressed up for me even. As I picked her up from the driveway of her large mansion home, my breath was easily taken away. My heart was flittering as she approached me, dressed oh so cutely for the weather.

She had on a fluffy light blue jumper, paired with a dark blue flowing dress and the look was finished off with a pair of dark blue vans. She looked as if she were floating as she approaches me, she was an angel on her way to me. I was definitely the mutt that had got the cream.

While walking through the mall, Joy holds onto my arm willing to following me, trust. We had just watched a movie and had something to eat, so our mood was really good. As we walk she starts speaking up about Youngjae and Sunwoo. Ash she speaks I get the sense that she knew nothing about what happened about the pair. I couldn’t tell her that despite the desire to be honest with her, it wasn’t my secret to tell and I couldn’t do it without Youngjae’s discretion.

“Youngjae isn’t just someone you fool around with, he’s someone you fall for” Joy explains that Yien was proof of that. “The loosest person with the loosest morals fell so hard for him. Poor guy confessed but Youngjae never took it seriously!” this was new, I never thought that anything had happened between the two. For something as awkward as that to happen, they still seemed like a great friend.

“Whoever falls for him will get it all… all this time Youngjae has held back, but for someone he loves” I wonder who that would be? Could it be his brother’s friend, the one who was still closeted and in denial? What about the one he was talking about, the guy he had fallen for? Whoever it was I felt the need to vet. He needed to be protected and recently I had been given reason to feel so protective of him.

Joy grips onto my arm bringing me out of my thoughts. “We should hook him up with someone, so he could be happy like us”. The grin on her face is wide, especially as I lean in to kiss. It’s a small peck on the lips but she lingers a little bit longer, seeming to enjoy every second of it. “We have so much fun together” I nod my head to agree, whilst peppering her lips with kisses. “You’re my favourite person, I have the most fun with you”, I pause watching her, I can sense this all going somewhere.

“That’s why I think I should come with you, on your trip” stunned I watch her without saying a word. “What do you think? Me and you travelling across the world together?” it sounded like a great idea, honestly being with Joy all the time never got tiring. So if we were together away from our family backgrounds and the stupid supernatural shit, I know we would all be really happy wouldn’t we? “Yes” the answer slips from my lips, without much thought. Joy squeals excited to hear my reply and as we leave the mall, she goes ahead and plans out our trip.

As we make our way down the hall out of the doorway, we bump into some familiar faces. “Whoa, isn’t this Yeung Hyung’s new and shining couple?” Bobby greets us with a grinning face, with him was the always joyful Kim Hanbin, wearing his trademark look of disdain. “This is cute, you guys on a date?” Bobby teases. “A very sweet and thought date with my boyfie”, Joy coos cutely. I smile in response and squeeze her hand thankful for her much to the amusement of Bobby.

“Wow such a good looking couple!” Bobby compliments us, the look on his face it seemed genuine. Honestly it was strange that despite the fact I knew he was into Joy, he never showed any jealousy and dislike towards me. Hanbin on the other hand was acting sullen and acting as if I had personally wronged him. His body language told it all, he didn’t like what he had walked into. I wondered perhaps that maybe he had a thing for Joy. Could it be that? He was tense because he liked my girlfriend, the same girl his best friend liked. Whatever it was that I had done, it meant that he disliked me not that I cared too much. In fact once I have exchanged some pleasantries with the pair, I excuse myself and Joy leading her out of the shopping mall.

Joy squeals all the way to the bus station, she has nothing but compliments for our sudden exit. “Wow dragging me out of there, it was like I was one of the girls from the school dramas” she jokes and I smile. I smile because she’s funny and it makes me feel better whenever I feel stressed and it appeared the feeling was mutual. “Thank you for this, I needed some good wholesome fun”, she kisses my cheek before excusing herself. As usual she is picked up by her driver Donghyuk and as usual he doesn’t comment or complain. He just diligently does his job.

I’m certain feeling a little light-hearted mood after my date with Joy, yet doesn’t last too long. As I make my way through the neighbourhood, I get a sense that someone was following me. Although when I turn to look around, I see no one in sight. However as I get closer to the house, I begin to realise my paranoia wasn’t unwarranted.

Waiting at the front of the house was the grey wold that I had not seen in a while, she simply sits on her hind legs watching and waiting for me. Presumably. “I don’t want to do this” whatever it was, I wasn’t interested, so I dismiss her. “I need your help, please”, I’m frozen solid in my footsteps. She sounded so soft, so fragile, why would she need my help? “Wonho got drunk and slept with a leech” how was that any of my business, why was she here.

“I don’t want to do this” whatever it was, I wasn’t interested, so I dismiss her. “I need your help please”, I’m frozen solid in my footsteps. She sounded so soft and fragile, why would she need my help? She explains that one of Wonho’s one night stands was a drainer and had slipped up revealing there was set to be an ambush on a pension located nearby. The planned attack would be on a group of fairs, who lived nearby.

“The fairs help us protect the humans in this area, and they themselves defend us from leeches, we need to help them!” Her plea is so passionate and sincere and even though I didn’t align myself with the fairs, something wouldn’t allow me to turn my back on her. “There’s a big cult heading there to take them out, we need all the help we can get” Hyojin continues to give me more information on what was going on and already I was coming up with as many tactics as possible.

Part of me is hesitant, would I be obligated to do more with the pack if I helped them. If I made enemies today, it could end up bleeding out into my personal life. The ones I loved would end up being in danger, could I risk it? I had just gained so much, was I wiling to lose it all.

The grey wolf approaches me quietly and leans her head onto my palm. She nuzzles her fury self into my side. I involuntarily move and stroke through her hair, softly and gently. “I need you please”, her words hit me right in the chest and without a thought my body begins to transform. Skin and flesh suddenly rip apart and son I am covered by fur. My spine changes its shape as I take on my four legged form. I was becoming the monster I hated for a woman who I hardly knew.

“Let’s go” Hyojin leads the way through a neighbourhood of people who may or may not have seen me to transform. However that’s all secondary to me as I rush ahead out of my neighbourhood and out of Mokpo to the pension of the outskirts of the town.

It was dark and hardly lit up, you could hardly tell if anyone was around let alone the group of fairs who were in danger of being murdered by drainers. As I approach the pension, I easily sniff out the bitter stench of leech life in the pension. The closer we get to the pension, the more I sense the danger. I can sense Bobby and Wonho tapping into our established connection. The pair were busy across the field nearby fighting off a few strong leeches.

I can already sense the presence of many leeches amongst those in my pack, and some of those that I assumed were fairs we were here to protect. It’s not long before Hyojin and I both thrown into the centre of the battlefield of supernatural creatures. I could sense that my pack were holding their own, Bobby and Wonho in particular were taking down a lot of tough enemies. At fight I’m able to fight back and discard of a few drainers, however as our pack number begins to defeat their weakest, they draft in their strongest members.

Hyojin gets locked in a fight with a quick and tall fighter, my urge to step in is quelled as she handles herself fiercely. She fights head to head and toe to toe with the beast but she holds her own dealing with some hefty blows to him. So it’s left to me to focus on one of the stronger leeches, she was small, swift and strong. Whilst Hyojin was fighting off her enemies, I take the opportunity to give out my first group order.

I had noticed in the midst of a fight was a strong female vampire, she was cold calculated and ruthless. She made no distinction between her own people or her enemies, she attacked without discrimination. So I order those in my pack to deal with the weaker of the pack and I would focus all my strengths on her. Without any questions, they follow my orders and give me as much room as I can to fight the leech.

After a couple of minutes chasing her down, I finally tackle her down and we begin to wrestle with her. Her body was already covered in blood, the blood of the fairs and some in my pack, I know I have to end her life. She kicks and pushes me into the air, despite her small strength she was strong and couldn’t be taken lightly. I try to stop the momentum and throw myself down to the ground, as I roll over I stop and leap at her.

The leech doesn’t play fair, she runs through the busy field taking out the distracted fairs taking them out and injuring some in my pack. I chase after her through the throngs of fights, on her way her body becomes bloodier as she wounds and kills. It is until I order some of the younger of my pack to block her path. With their bodies they block the way, leaving her no room to move and I take advantage of it.

I leap through the air and jump to grab her, and bite into her without letting her go. My aim was to kill her, once she was in my grip it would be near impossible for her to free herself. As I tear into the leech she struggles, hitting me but I continue to hack hat her and pull apart. A few of her fellow leeches try to jump me, but with the help of my pack they are held back, leaving me to continue to end the strong villainess. 

Red overtakes me and I am taken to the place that I hated being the most, being the monster and ripping apart a human, a tainted one. After a brief fight to the death on our parts, I overcome it and pull off the leech’s head, it was the only way to rid the world of a leech. To pull off its head and remove it from its body, it was a sure way to kill them. Once she is gone, it’s easier to get rid of the others. Some scatter and run but others stay too stubborn to save themselves. Their pride keeps them there to fight their losing way.

Once all is done I scan the field to do a head count of my pack, I am relieved to find that there were no deaths but many injuries. Thankfully they were being taken care of by the grateful fairs, who were using their glow to heal any wounds suffered amongst their own and their allies. Fairs were strong magical beings, despite their small bodies and physiques they had a lot of magical powers. However their communities were small and often seen as threats to their enemies, those being drainers. This pack would definitely benefit from this union.

Waking up the next night is an absolute chore to be honest. My head was sore, it was buzzing and I was a little uncomfortable. Hours had passed by, and still there was no relief. The venom of the drainer was hard to work over. I couldn’t even walk home, I was sore and in pain and didn’t know how long it would last. I had fallen asleep in the bedroom of one of the fairs Seo Hyerin, she had been grateful for our help and support and provided a bed for me to rest. When I had gone to sleep, I had been alone and tending to my wounds alone.

Though when waking up, I feel the arms around my waist. The arms were tanned, slender but still toned, I felt so warm but not like I usually did. No I had a feeling of warmth dead set in my stomach, and when I turn around to see who it was who was holding me close, I see Ahn Hyojin. I don’t pull away as I should, instead I stay and watch her, she was sleeping so peacefully, I couldn’t wake her up. Admittedly she was cute when she was asleep, she was peaceful that it was making my heart flutter so much right now.

“Take a picture, it will last longer” eyes still closed, she teases playfully. Her hand slides down my chest to my front, “are you feeling better?” I watch her hand slide lower and lower down to erogenous area. Suddenly her eyes open up, she watches me close with suspicion. “You know that getting hotter speeds up the healing process more. As wolves nothing gets us hotter than sex” she says with a seductive grin, her hand continuing slide down. She slips her hand downwards when suddenly I hear a loud beeping, the noise jolts me up suddenly. The ring tone is exactly what brings me out of my trance, it was the tune that belonged to Joy, her favourite song. She was the girlfriend I had and wouldn’t hurt, I had promised her that much and I would try and keep it.

“Come on just ignore it” Hyojin sits up once again displaying the beautiful body of hers. Leaving her is truly one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I have to do it in order to not turn myself into some kind of villain. Rushing out I find my clothes, my phone and any other traces of me before leaving. However before I do Hyojin blocks the door watching me with full disapproval. “How much longer are you going to keep ignoring this, what we have?” I don’t have an answer for her, instead I push her to the side before opening the door and running through as fast as I can away from temptation.

As I rush on my way home I get a sense that I was being followed, however the whole way I sense it’s not threatening. So I let it follow me, until suddenly I lose my patience. “Kim Bobby, you can come out now!” I order my lower alpha. Leaving the shadows was the very man I had expected, he looked sheepish at the fact that I had caught him. “Sorry dude” his bunny teeth show as he rubs the back of his head. I berate him for following me, after all it was kind of a little creepy. “Well you got banged up a little last night, I wanted to make sure that you got home okay”, I reassure him I was fine and I got it. I understood that I was his alpha and that was probably his duty.

“You’re one of us now, you can’t escape it” he teases me. It appeared my helping last night had pretty much solidified the idea into his head. “I’m not sticking around, when the year is done Joy and I leaving this place”, Bobby pauses. He doesn’t immediately answer me, maybe cause of the sudden mention of Joy, it wasn’t really nice to hear for him I guessed. “Well we’ve got a month till the end of the school year, till then you’re one of us right?” I should probably answer with a no, but I had a responsibility to this pack and would end up helping one way or another.

“Good to hear that we can ask you for help”, Bobby outreaches to shake my hand but I ignore it. Walking back home I pass by Youngjae’s neighbourhood, I’d had a few calls from him last night but I had simply replied with a text. It was the middle of the afternoon and I was sure on a weekend like this he would probably at his brother’s house as per their contract. However that’s not what I see, what greets me is the sight of Youngjae sat in the passenger seat of Kim Hanbin’s gas guzzler.

Hanbin was sat in the driver seat and the pair seemed to be what looked like an intense conversation. Youngjae suddenly smiles in reply, although I try to listen in it’s not completely clear, I did take a battering last night. I stay still to listen, as a few minutes pass and Youngjae excuses himself or so it looks like. As he tries to leave, his seatbelt becomes fidgety. Hanbin leans over to help unbuckle the belt, his face was so close to Youngjae’s face, just mere inches.

Both pauses frozen in their position, Hanbin was hovering over Youngjae watching him closely. Then suddenly it becomes clear, seeing the look in his eyes, now I knew the reason Kim Hanbin disliked me. Why he had been so strange to me, did he like Youngjae? Whatever, I watch on expecting Youngjae to pull away, to be his awkward self and confront it, but he doesn’t. He just stays still, watching Hanbin, as if he was waiting for him to make a move.

Youngjae doesn’t rip his eyes from the other, especially as Hanbin slowly leans in to kiss him. Hanbin cups Youngjae’s face pulling him a little closer before leaning in to kiss him. Hanbin’ lips touch Youngjae’s, the kiss is a little coy and unsure but after a couple of seconds Hanbin pushes further and further. He pulls Youngjae’s face closer and the kiss becomes more passionate. Youngjae was reciprocating, he was kissing him back and seemed to be into it. Youngjae’s hand slides to grip at Hanbin’s keeping the hands steadier. Was this the guy he was talking about? Did Youngjae fall for a jerk like Kim Hanbin? No, this was wrong. Youngjae would get hurt and he didn’t need this.

This was wrong, I didn’t want it to ruin him. Before I can make a move forward to intervene, I feel a hand wrap around my wrist. I stop and turn to see that it was Bobby, I had almost forgotten that he was around. “Don’t” he calmly warns, the look on face he didn’t look like he had just discovered this. Why wasn’t he freaking out like I was? No he already knew about this, the question was how?


	7. VII.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kisses and hand jobs, that escalated quickly...sort of

Hanbin's POV

“Earth to Kim Hanbin” the faint voice of future wedded wife, pulls me out of my temporary haze. It was a warm kind of haze that had still lasted the few hours, leaving me with goosebumps that wouldn’t go down and a rise in temperature. “Hanbin what the crap is wrong with you?” the spiteful other harshly pinches my side jolting me out of my self-induced trance. “You’ve been acting strange since you came back home today, did something happen?” the inquisitive younger asks with suspicion plain as day with on her face. I didn’t have it in him to tell her that something did happen, that I had kissed the object of my desire and was currently trying to process it all.

However that wasn’t exactly easy to do with Hayi sat glued by my side, the both of us were sharing my king sized bed, on the silk sheets my mother had bought for me. Not my taste, but that never really meant for much in my life. So when I came home it wasn’t much of a surprise to see that Hayi was home waiting for me. She was in the kitchen helping out the house ahjumma along with Mari put together a meal for us. Jung Woo meanwhile was in his room doing whatever it is that satisfied himself as usual.

Dressed up in a warm pink dress that flows past her knees, a frilly yellow apron around his neck as well as a pair of fluffy slippers. Hayi looked so very cute and domesticated I couldn’t help but wonder if that was the intent of her actions. Hayi doing her best to integrate herself in the family already, she got along with my family. Although Jungwoo was unimpressed by the noona that had always been in his life, Mari and Dongjun had a soft spot for her seeing her as a sister of their own. Hayi had already established her relationships with each of my family members and was welcome around the house at any time.

The efforts to insert herself into the Kim family had been upped as the impending day approached, it was coming soon and I could tell she was wanting to ensure nothing fell through. Hayi was the apple of my parent’s eyes and had been so for many years, she had their approval and support for our future marriage. So when our parents decided to push our marriage dates forward from after we were graduated from university to when we were done with high school education instead I could sense Hayi had played a part in it although I had never had it confirmed.

Even so it didn’t matter, I knew it didn’t matter what I thought or felt and had become resigned to that. Yet I didn’t think I was asking too much to have some privacy every now and then, especially when something monumental just happened. However Hayi doesn’t seem to sense it, she follows me upstairs after dinner and joins me on my bed. She doesn’t get the hint when I lie and say I would be spending my night studying, she sticks to me like glue reading over my shoulder as if to catch me out of my lie. Would she get it if I just told her to get lost?

“Is this how you get your studying done?” she snarks before poking me in the side, before thoughtlessly pushing my history study books to the floor. She quickly moves onto her knees, bouncing on the bed before reaching back behind her and doing what looked like unzipping the back of her dress. The look on her face, I had seen it before she was determined to seduce me it seemed. Slowly she pulls down the straps of her dress, her smirk becoming more and more visible.

In the past that would have been quick to get me moving, I always liked that she was dominant and made moves first. I would be lying if I said once upon a time our relationship was not mutual, because it was. I used to find Hayi irresistible and do whatever was possible to please her, however that has changed over recent. I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t still attracted to her, that I didn’t find her to be one of the most beautiful women I had ever laid my eyes on. She really was stunning, the coldness in her eyes warmed when she was around me, and her eyes really sparkled. Her grin that seemed to hide a lot of secrets behind it, she was definitely a catch and even now there were times when I was struck by her overall aura. It was hard to ignore.

“Come on Hanbin, how about we copulate for old time’s sake?” although briefly tempted, I get up off my feet and climb off the bed. “Why are you being like this?” she pouts oh so cutely, a trick she had often used and had success in. “It’s been a while, and I’m starting to get some pent up tension. Help me out”, Hayi continues her seduction technique. However she wouldn’t be successful today, I make my way out of the bedroom as quickly as I can. Leaving my protesting ex behind me, I rush off out of the house to find a place where I would be left alone.

Taking my car out I head to Happy Coffee, honestly I was hoping to bump into the person who was making my heart flutter. Not a few hours ago, we were kissing each other. To my surprise when I had planted my lips on his he had reciprocated and kissed me back, I was so shocked. So when I find a seat in the back of the shop, I’m disappointed to find that Youngjae is not around. Shit, why was I pining for him already? A few hugs and kisses and I was already wanting to see him and hear his voice.

Recently we had become quite close, or so I had gotten that kind of impression. Since joining the football team, I had more excuse to see the other. Sometimes we were even alone together, and that was when I got to see different sides to him. When it was just the two of us, or he was in a small crowd, his sense of humour would come out. Full of sarcasm and wit, he made me laugh almost to the point of crying.

We had a lot in common too, as far as our love for football, he was as passionate as I was about it all. He loved the sport and had loved it all of his life, we could and had talked about it for hours on end. In fact that was why we had met up this Saturday morning, we were going to talk tactics which led into discussion of the current football matches in the premiere league. Both of us were supporters of different teams, and our heated debate had me happy just to spend time with him. He would even playfully smack me in the shoulder were I to make a joke that he found funny, I was happy to know that he found me funny.

Fortunately he also listened to me well, unlike anyone else he listen as I spoke about a human right’s case that I was following in Britain. He found it interesting and even when I park my car to drop him off a block from his house, he stays and asks me a few questions concerning the case. His interest seems valid and I can’t help but want to pinch myself. Alas the fun doesn’t last long, and Youngjae has to head off home. “Don’t go” the words echo inside of me as Youngjae excuses himself, he tries to unbuckle his seatbelt but fumbles with it. So of course I lean over to try and help him unbuckle, I move without thinking at all.

His face was so close, I could feel his warmth so close. His breath was tickling the back of my neck, whilst his puckering lips were oh so close to me. I couldn’t resist it any longer, I lean in to kiss him. That’s how it had all happened, in slow motion. The kiss started off so awkwardly, I felt like I had acted so rashly. However to my surprise, Youngjae had leaned in and kissed me back. His lips were so soft and pillowy, sending my heart race out of control. I couldn’t believe that it was happening, that instead of pushing me away, Youngjae was reciprocating in my feelings.

Had he been reciprocating in my feelings or was it just that he liked the kiss? I had done that before, kissed someone that who I had zero feelings for just because it felt good to me. Was Youngjae like me? Was he someone who could just separate the action from the feeling? He had kissed Yien but they seemed to just be friends, or so I was hoping. What was their relationship? It was a close kind of relationship that had always sent me around the bend with jealousy. I couldn’t stand the thought of them being together, and not being able to do anything about it.

Especially when a year ago, around this time I had received a warning from the elder. He had seen through me unlike every other student and had called me out on my feelings for Youngjae. I had been warned not to do anything about my feelings, and for close to a year I really did fucking try. Whenever I saw Youngjae around the school I wouldn’t even look at him, I would try not to acknowledge him, to talk to him, about or even think about him. I tried to erase him from my mind, I really did but suddenly the trying became exhausting. How could I keep trying when he was around, when he was so close? It was near impossible to not acknowledge his existence, especially when he became the victim of the school’s bullying campaign. Even though I had not participated in any of it, sitting back and spectating made me hate myself.

I had honestly just wanted to protect him, to stand up and stand by his side. To be someone he trusted and cared about, since then I have put forth an effort to be honest with myself and my feelings. Being truthful to myself meant I had unburdened myself, I could live comfortably without being as conflicted as before. Although since admitting to my own feelings, I had become more prone to acting without any thought for the consequence. Hence how I had so easily given into my own desire and kissed Youngjae in a car parked on a public street.

It was a good fucking kiss though, good fucking god. I felt goosebumps all the way through me, especially as he deepens the kiss slipping his tongue in my mouth. It all escalates quickly and soon the both of us are fighting for dominance, and I wasn’t ashamed to say that I had lost some of the control that I had. Youngjae was a brilliant kisser and I honestly didn’t want him to leave, but we had been interrupted by the ringing of the phone. Despite my mental pleas for him to ignore it, he answers the phone call from his mother. Whatever it is she says seems to worry him and he quickly jolts out. I was so sad see him leaving.

Hours later I was at the place of his work and still thinking so much of him. What did he think of the kiss and what did he think of me? Was I get a good kisser? Would he want to do it again? God please let him want it again, I was already hooked on him. When would I see him next? Shit, was he thinking about me? What would I do next time I saw him? I had so many questions running through my head.

In an effort to avoid the Kim house, I decide to stay in at a place that wasn’t my own but I knew I was welcome. “It’s been a while since you’ve been here” Son Gain teases with a big sexy grin on her face. Despite the late hour, the elder had been welcoming to me after all she had always seen me favorably. Our relationship stemming from the fact that she was a well-regarded and cherished hoobae of my father. They still talked and got on, but she had taken to spending time with me and treating me as a younger sibling.

We sit up a little while as she prepares to go out for the night, the unmarried older had some questions about Dong Jun. whilst dressed in nothing but a black bustier and black silk gown, she adds some finishing touches to her make up. Completely comfortable in her state of nudity, I knew I wasn’t any kind of threat to her. “He looks miserable every time I see him. Its sad to see his handsome face looking that way” she theorizes that maybe his marriage to his wife Jinni had sucked the life out of him. “He used to be so cute and playful when he was your age, he’d play around with friends and flirt with all the girls” I cock my head a little surprised. Dongjun after all had never been that kind of person, growing up I always got the impression that he stuck to the straight and narrow following all the rules. “Junnie was especially happy with that Yenny girl, they made a cute couple”, Gain casually comments whilst applying her make up.

Yenny was the nickname my brother often called his sweetheart Miss Park, their relationship was very close and it surprised me when he agreed to break up with her in favour of his wife. “What was the point of getting married like this if he’s going to be miserable like this?” Gain comments casually. “Next time I see your dad I’ll give him a hard time about it!” I knew that she wasn’t joking, Gain was the only person alive who could get under my father’s skin. “Maybe I’ll have a word on your behalf” she teases getting up slowly from her bedside table, her curvy body showing through her underwear. She walks over to me and cups my face playfully, the look on her face she seemed quite fond of me.

“How is the cute boy?” she suddenly asks. She was the only person in my life who knew about my feelings for Youngjae. Overwhelmed with my feelings, she was the only person that I had confessed my feelings for another boy to, she did not judge me for those feelings. “I kissed him” I easily confess to her, gaining an excited reaction from her. “Was it good?” she asks looking somewhat intrigued, and doesn’t hide the grin on her face when I reveal that it was. “Kiss him some more, make him fall in love and make him yours okay?” she suggested it all like it was all so easy and it was far from it. Before heading out she slips into her dress and heads out for her night of debauchery.

That night I slip off into sleep easier than I had in a while, with thoughts of Youngjae and his lips so clear in my mind I just drifted off peacefully into my sleep. However slipping off is a little regretful, and as I did every now then I slip into a nightmare that I really disliked having and it always went the same. It would start with me as young as 8 years old, I was on the parking running around with friends when suddenly I find myself alone. I was alone and it had gotten dark outside, the sky went from being blue to being overcast all of a sudden. It was so cold and I was looking for my best friend, no matter how loud I called for Bobby, no one was responding.

As I run through the park trying to find a familiar face, my child self runs into a stranger. It was a tall stranger who blocks my way, when I bump into him I fall back onto my ass. Within a blink of an eye the tall looming figure picks me up off my feet, the look on its face was not clear or familiar but looked so menacing. Scared out of my mind, she dangles me upside down swinging me easier than it should have been, at that age I was not a light load. “You shouldn’t be rushing around like this” the monster warns.

My heartbeat races sending my pulse racing out of control, if it kept going I would pass out. “Let him go leech” a blur rushes at us, when suddenly I am through the air. Before I land on the floor I don’t get to see or hear anything else. Like that the dream ends and I can never tell if it was real or fake and it’s month before I get the same dream again.

When I wake up, I find myself in Gain’s bed in her spare room as she had allowed for me. The light from outside is flooding the room, it’s a little bright and easily wakes me up, but that’s welcome considering the nature of the dream I had just had. Sitting up I look around at the spacious bedroom and empty apart from the chest of drawers. Hanging on the front of the door is my school uniform or what it looked like, attached to it I see what looks like a note. Getting up I walk over to take a look at what at the note says, maybe it had explanation as to how it got there.

“Young master Kim, Miss Son informed your father that you would be here and he instructed me to bring over you clothes. He told me to pass on this message, do not intrude on his hoobae’s space and leave as soon as you can”. How charming, even when dealing with issue of his son staying out of the house all night, my father would prefer to use his favourite woman to deal with it. Had my mother even noticed that I had not returned home? She might have been told I was staying elsewhere though, there is no way my father would openly confess to me staying at Gain’s. Despite her close relationship with my father, she wasn’t trusted by my mother even though she wasn’t the woman who my mother should be keeping her eye on, but that’s no longer any of my business.

There was a certainty that I returned home I would receive the obligatory lecture, but it would probably deal with me rudely leaving their future daughter in law behind. The priorities in the Kim house always felt out of wack, but I was too lazy to put up a fight or even question them anymore. So I would focus on myself and getting through today. It would be the first day back in school after my kiss with Youngjae and I was desperate to see his face. It had been less than 24 hours and I already wanted to repeat it all, but some time had passed and maybe Youngjae might regret it.

My first phone call of the day is from Bobby, the other seemed happier and lighter hearted than usual. “Pick me up quick! Today’s the day we become school legends” then suddenly it hits me today was the football semifinal championship. Shit, I had completely forgot after all yesterday was such a big and surprising day for me. We had met in the first place to discuss tactics and got distracted along the way, but if we managed to win today that would leave us with good memories. Maybe if we won, the mood would be good and maybe I could get my kiss with Youngjae.

“Hey loser, hurry up pick me up” he teases me as usual. However before I do, I head off to take a quick shower, and get dressed before heading out. I was fresh and happy and ready for the day, I wanted to win two things today but I would settle for some clarity between Youngjae and I.

Half an hour later I pick up Bobby who is happy and energized due to the match later. He bops and he laughs as we head to school, but it seemed like there was something that he was hiding from me. I knew Bobby, he was always like this when he had a happy secret but I wasn’t really curious enough to ask. Plus Bobby couldn’t keep a secret if he tried, he was far too open to keep anything bottled up for long, so I would let him come to me. I don’t get to see Youngjae when we reach school, he, Joy and Changkyun weren’t in the hallway and I didn’t have homeroom with them so I would have to wait.

In fact it seems like Youngjae was trying to elude me, I don’t see him at all for the first part of the day. However Hayi tracks me down pretty quickly, suspicious she asks where I was last night and where I was staying out till this morning. She does nothing to hide her jealously and suspicion, in fact she disapproves when I don’t reveal where I had gotten to. “Were you with some girl?” she accuses, she looked more jealous than usual. Hayi was usually was passive when it came to her jealousy, especially since we had broken up but maybe after me rejecting her last night did she feel insecure?

“Hey you’re not married to him yet, so for now it’s not any of your business!” Bobby declares, I’m sure it was in effort to defend me. However we were in the middle of the school cafeteria with people listening and watching, so it gain s a few brave giggles. Hayi simply frowns and stalks off, Bobby shrugs unapologetic as he reaches for my shoulder and directs me to cafeteria.

We quickly grab ourselves something to eat and seat ourselves in the normal seating. I look around for Youngjae and spot him in the corner of the cafeteria with his friends Changkyun and Joy. I watch him close wondering what he was thinking, had I even passed his thoughts? My heart leaps when I catch him watch me briefly, I have to bite back my grin of excitement. “She looks cute don’t you think?” Bobby says with a dreamy and cheesy smile. When I follow the source of his comment, I see it was Joy. She was sat on the lap of her new boyfriend Im Changkyun.

“Don’t you think that seems to be glowing now” he was casually commenting on her look of happiness since getting together with Bobby. “She was like that with Yien too?” he muses about the short crush she once had on the outspoken elder. It was so strange, how could he be so cool like this? Why wasn’t he doing something? When I express my disbelief, he shrugs his shoulders casually. “If I were to be her, then it would be great of course. However if she’s with someone else and it makes her happy then I’m happy too” Bobby says it all so casually as if it were easy math, and again he proves that he was ahead of me mentally and emotionally and I had a lot of catching up to do.

After lunch we head off to our afternoon class, the first of which is my English class, aka my afternoon nap. On my way there stood in front of the classroom was Hayi, she looked like she had calmed down from earlier on. In fact she was smiling all so cutely and prettily, and immediately I feel the goosebumps poke up. She walks over to me and holds on my arm, pulling me to her side. “I thought of how you can make up with for being wretched earlier” she announces worrying me. “Take me out on a date tonight, after that stupid match of yours. Take me somewhere romantic” she announces. “Make sure it’s something romantic. In fact you could take me out of the country”, out of the country? She was acting stranger than usual.

I could tell that Hayi was losing her patience, I wasn’t ready to accept and do what she wanted. Not now when things were progressing so differently. “Not today” I push her to the side and head into my class. Before I enter the class I spot Youngjae and Joy, but Youngjae doesn’t even look up and meet my gaze as I desired. Was he avoiding me? Did he regret we had done? My stomach drops, I’m full of disappointments, I wouldn’t see him till later.

My English class is strange today, I am awake along enough to notice the strange atmosphere. She was usually warm and kind and treated me like any other student, but there was still a bit of history between us. She was a noona who I had once thought of as family, but now since the break up between her brother and I, it hasn’t be quite as warm. Watching her now, she looks quiet, hollow and upset. She was distracted and I could tell something had happened, and I was worried about her. Miss Park smiles through what looks like a lot upset. Should I talk to her later? Would she tell me anything?

Later on that afternoon during my history class, I sit in my usual seat right next to Youngjae. For once I don’t actually fall asleep, I stay up desperate for his attention. He sits in his chair, and looks so cute. His hair looked different up close, he looked slicked back. His lips were so pink and pillowy, shit I just wanted to kiss him so bad. He doesn’t look at me, he looks straight ahead. Does he remember the kiss? How did he feel? Did he want to do it again? I wanted to do it again, but that would mean spending time alone? When would be the next time till we spend time together? I wondered when?

My impatience leads me to acting out, I slip Youngjae a note onto his table requesting that I meet with him later on. I ask him to meet me on the roof, we had one more lesson after history class but I wanted to get to speak to him as soon as I could. After some long waiting during my boring history class, in which I wonder whether he had read the note?

An hour later I get up on my feet and rush out of the class without waiting for the teacher’s approval. I head through the hallway and up towards the roof, and find myself waiting for Youngjae. 10 minutes pass and I am still waiting, I would be willing to wait as long as it took. I sit myself down and try to figure out what I would say to him. What should I say and what shouldn’t I? Was I even willing to take responsibility of my feelings for him? What could I say to him?

“Hanbin” I hear the voice I had wanted to hear all this time, when I look up I see him meekly close the rooftop door behind me. Youngjae looks nervous and uncomfortable, but he was here and that was all that mattered. I jump up to my feet and walk over to him, but it was less of a walk and more of a rush. “You came” I uselessly comment, of course he was here but what was I supposed to do now? What would I say?

“Why have you been avoiding me?” I suddenly accuse. It surprises not only me, but Youngjae, he looks a bit taken aback. “I haven’t…I just, last night… I don’t know how to act around you anymore” Youngjae confesses and honestly it’s kind of how I felt. He looked so worried and uncertain, I couldn’t blame him. Before letting him leave, I hadn’t cleared things up between us the two of us so there were some things hanging up in the air.

I reach over to cup his face, he suddenly jolts and freezes in place. The look on his face, he was panicked and worried and I didn’t want him to feel either of those things. I close the space between the two of us until our chests are touching, my arms slide down to his waist pulling him in closer to me. He blinks a lot, looking flustered, but he sure as hell doesn’t move away. I bite my lip and lean over to stroke his face with my thumb, and I receive a smile from him. Shit, I didn’t know how much I wanted to see him till now.

“I liked kissing you in my car”, Youngjae’s reaction is surprised. He was so cute. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since” I confess, despite how vulnerable it left me. “I want to do it again” I confess one more time to a silent Youngjae. There is a brief silence between the two of us, I partially start to regret it all. “Me too” he finally with a sheepish smile on his face, his hands in mine. “To all of it I mean…” he awkwardly clarifies only making me laugh that much more. He was so cute, especially when he got flustered.

Reaching for the back of his neck, I pull him closer. I quickly capture his lips with my own, I cover his beautiful soft lips with mine and press harder. My body feels like it’s slowly being lit on fire. My heart racing out of control, my hands shaking but I rest them at his waist pulling him closer. I feel his hands slide up my arms pulling me closer, as he kisses me much harder. Youngjae suddenly grips at my arms, it’s firm and as he slips his tongue inside of his mouth like he did before. It was like last time, it sends chills up my spine but I want so much more.

Youngjae’s hands slide up my arms, delicately past my neck and to cup my face. He pulls me closer and so the kiss becomes more heated, it was hot and sweaty and perfect. We keep going, much longer and stronger than before. It’s like us not seeing each other in the last 24 hours had intensified the feeling, and if we were to do this again where would it to? Should my thoughts be wondering to that place already? Two kisses and I was already lost in control of my male hormones. Did Youngjae feel like this too? I had never been with another man before, so this was all so new to me.

My lungs start to give out and burn through the kiss. I had never lasted this long in a kiss, I usually lost interest but I couldn’t get enough. When I pull away from the kiss, still in Youngjae’s arms I pant trying to catch my breath. Leaning my head on his shoulder, I feel his arms snake around waist. “This is so fucking weird” Youngjae whispers, and honestly I could understand his point of view. For so long I had tried to act like I couldn’t stand him, that I hated him, and taunted him for being who he was. However here I was kissing him, it must be an emotional whiplash for him.

“HEY YO HANBIN!” Bobby suddenly bellows and cuts through the stillness between Youngjae and I. Panicked I suddenly push Youngjae out of my arms, it’s a knee jerk reaction after all how would I explain this to my best friend. Youngjae stumbles back a little, looking slightly taken aback and disappointed as well as hurt. Coming up behind his is Bobby, my best friend and current enemy of the moment. “Oh Youngjae you’re here too? Come on losers, Coach Park is looking for us!” Bobby brings me back to reality. Time had passed so quickly with Youngjae and I kissing, I didn’t even notice that the school day had ended.

Reluctantly I have to follow Bobby. As much as I would want to stay and continue locking lips with him, I had to go and get some business done. This match was so important, we hadn’t gotten this close to a school championship in years. If we got past this stage and reached the actual final, which would be enough and that was our goal. Well it was Coach Park’s goal for us to win, but still my goal was get our team to the finals.

The atmosphere that night is great, for the most part. There is a brief moment of tension in the changing room, it all starts with Suwoong the lead asshole. He decides before the game to make issue with Youngjae, as we get changed he makes another attempt to embarrass Youngjae. “Should we be expected to get changed like this, with the faggot around?” Suwoong spews his brand of ignorance, he wins a few laughs but some defense from friends. “Hey Suwoong shut the fuck up” Taehyung comes to his friend’s defense. “Awww look at that, did you get a new boyfriend. What did you do? Did you fuck each other?” Suwoong spits out his vitiriol, it burns at me and I am tempted to smack him to a pulp.

“DO you want me to fuck you Lee? Is that why you’re so fascinated with who I fuck?” Youngjae spits out surprising everyone. Suwoong burns up, “you fucking wish you pansy!” he protests gaining a few snickers. “Alright get dressed you guys, we have a fucking game to play” I warn everyone. Reluctantly Youngjae turns away and returns to dressed and is soon followed by the rest of the team and lastly by Suwoong. Even after the argument it looked like some people were pulling away from Youngjae towards Suwoong, they were making him an outcast for the sake of impressing Suwoong. Fortunately Taehyung stays by his side and the two discuss the game ahead.

The game is good, it goes better than good. Coach Park had rooted out all the selfish players and what was left were the members of the team who were willing to work as one well-oiled machine. Youngjae is at the center of that machine once again, he passes and intercepts and makes chances throughout the game. With him around Bobby, Seunghyun and Taehyung manage to score some goals and win us the game in front of the watchful eyes of our student bodies. There were more people turning up as we approached the finals, and the crowd goes wild at the announcement that we would be going on to the finals. We were suddenly becoming legends, the losers who had picked themselves up and had a good chance of winning and saving the team.

Coach Park is happy, he’s more than pleased at the resulted. The excited elder gathers the team in the changing room to give us a small talk, he finds the time to congratulate us too. He doesn’t bother to hide his disbelief, but fortunately that is paired off with a look of pride and admiration. “That’s all your hard work paying off and also because of no more selfish playing” he boasts with a grin spread across of his face. It wins him some cheers and jeers, and the roll of the eyes from Suwoong sour as usual. “You’ve done well and should celebrate. After all the finals are in a month and you have exams up until that point. You have your few days of freedom. Enjoy them well” he says before heading out.

As Coach Park had said, the next month would be a busy one. It’s the one our futures all depended on. In fact the reality was that a lot of us should be at home studying right now instead of playing football. “My parents have left town for a few days. So how about all of you my chingus come over for some high jinx and tom foolery?” Bobby playfully proposes a party in his own eccentric manner. Once Taehyung translates it, it gains excitement from the team who had been over worked and had a lot of pent up energy to us. Despite it being a Monday and we had school together, most of the team were up for it.

“Youngjae, you have to come!” Bobby reaches for Youngjae’s neck pulling him closer. “Invite your friends too. I hear you’re good friends Hoseokie hyung, you should invite him too!” he adds. Immediately I’m suspicious, who was this guy? How did Youngjae know him? How did Bobby even know him? Questions flood through my head, but I don’t get the answers, instead I head off home to drop off my football kit. I wash, dress and spritz myself with a cologne. It wasn’t something I often did, but if I saw Youngjae I wanted to speak to him. I hadn’t done that at all since the incident on the roof.

I wondered if Youngjae even wanted to be around me. Did he misunderstand? Did he take it for rejection? He hadn’t looked at me once since then, not even as he passed me the ball during the game, or in the game celebrations. I did see him however looking out into the crowd to Joy, Changkyun and his brother Junhyuk had their own little cheering section for him. Youngjae seemed to be in his good spirits because of them, but I couldn’t help but be jealous of it.

Even though I had Mari, Jungwoo and Hayi in my own little cheering section. My parents had both left the country on business in Japan, they were visiting friends and so it was just my siblings and I alone for a while. I was satisfied with the small support system. No the reason for my jealousy was directed at Youngjae’s friend and family, how did they get him to light up this way? Would I make him light up like that if I cleared up our misunderstanding?

Honestly I just wanted to make him smile, to hold his delicate hands and kiss his soft pouty lips. I wanted to hold him close and do so much more with him, shit. I needed to control my thoughts again, Youngjae might not be like me. He was probably innocent and I wouldn’t push him. I need to take things at a steady pace, to talk to him and explain my feelings. So I would say what I need at this party, but before I leave I get a call from Hayi telling to pick her up. She would be going to the party too.

That would make my night a little bit more challenging for me, with Hayi stuck to my side like glue how would I get Youngjae alone? “Why did I hear through the grapevine about this party and not from you?” she starts complaining once we were alone in the car. I shrug it off, she honestly didn’t want the answer to that question, not the truth anyway. “Why weren’t you answering my call, I set up dinner for the four of us” she explains that she had reserved a table at Le Bella a French restaurant for Jung Woo, Mari, Hayi and I.

“We wanted to have dinner with you. Mari and Jung Woo were going to pay” she tries to guilt me. “After all, they were proud watching you on the field like that. Especially Jung Woo” this wasn’t about my siblings and I knew it. Although I was grateful for my twiblings turn out, I knew it wasn’t out of choice. Hayi had probably used her influence on Mari who worshipped her and bribed Jung Woo with geek gadgets and widgets.

When I returned home and informed the pair about my night out, apart from a complaint from Mari about spending time with Hayi, neither was desperate to be around me. So I wouldn’t let Hayi guilty me for her benefit, normally I would just turn the car around and give her way but now I wanted mine. “Have you thought more about where you’re taking me?” Hayi speaks up after a brief silence. “Once we’re done with finals, how about you take me to Mauritius?” she suggests. Like a dog with a bone, it seemed that Hayi wasn’t going to drop it, so I would just try to keep ignoring her.

Turning on the radio, I blast out some music from my favourite noisy hip-hop station. An immature move perhaps, but it works as she finally gives us. Sitting legs crossed with a pout set on her cute face, she doesn’t speak up briefly. Not until we reach the party does she start up on her usual complaints. She had never really liked the Kim residence, but never failed to show her disdain for it each time she happened to visit it.

Bobby’s family home had been quickly transformed into a wild house party, the scene looked similar to something from a teenage Hollywood film. The music was loud and thumping throughout the twenty room home, chocked full of the senior members of our school and a few other outsiders that I couldn’t quite recognise. They all seemed to be mixing well, with lots of dancing, shouting, some intimate pockets for talking and others for couples. There looked to be a few disagreements spread across, none that were in danger of bubbling over.

After greeting the slightly tipsy Bobby, he drags me through his lively party, with Hayi in tow making disparaging comments at every turn. Bobby seemed in a better mood than most, he was usually outgoing but today he was everyone’s best friend. He introduces me to any and every one at the party and I follow along out of courtesy, but in all honesty I was desperate to find Youngjae and talk to him. So I put myself on the usual on the usual Hanbin auto pilot to get through it. While I meet and greet the party goers, I keep my eyes peeled for Youngjae.

Looking through the throngs of people, I search for him and at first I catch sight of loved up couple Changkyun and Joy. They both appear to be getting on quite swimmingly. Meanwhile behind them was Youngjae and a brand new face, he was new to me but to Youngjae he seemed like he was familiar. The stranger was handsome, well built and had a mischievous look on his face, he reminded me of Yien. They both shared the same kind of nonchalant vibe, that attracted the people are them, they were magnetized towards them.

Whatever the stranger was saying seemed to be working on Youngjae who was laughing and chatting excitedly. I had never seen him like that with anyone other than Joy, Changkyun and Yien, how had the stranger elicited that kind of reaction? He was playing with Youngjae’s hoodie twirling the drawstring of the hoodie, the grin on his face as he listen to what Youngjae was saying, it was driving me crazy. He needed to stop, or I might have to stop it.

The pair had gathered a small audience of spectators, most being girls who were either jealous or intrigued by the pairing. “Gross, did the queer bring his boyfriend?” Hayi ignorantly comments. I hold back the urge to defend Youngjae, I know I should have but I was bitter and jealous. “I will admit whoever he is handsome, way out of Choi Youngjae’s league”, I want to disagree because there was no one that existed that was out of Youngjae’s league. Youngjae was in a league of his own. “He looks troublesome” Hayi comments, adding to the uncomfortable feeling I had in the pit of my stomach.

“Hey lesser Kim, whose Choi Young-gay with?” Hayi asks gaining some childish snickers. “Oh that’s Hoseokie hyung!” Bobby was surprisingly sharing to his mortal enemy. “His mother grew up with mine, so we’ve always been close” he adds to my surprise. Since when has he ever been close to anyone that wasn’t me? I didn’t like this feeling at all. I’m tempted to protest, but I don’t and grit my teeth as Bobby further explains. That through Youngjae’s elder brother, he knew Hoseok and they had gotten along well. “What a small world it is” Bobby says before heading out into the crowd to host and socialize.

While he was busy socializing, I was watch on as Youngjae whisperings in the ear of the elder that he had bought along. Youngjae grins at something the elder says as he whispers in his ear, they looked so fucking comfortable around each other. It wasn’t just friendly, there was more too it, was Youngjae flirting. I could tell that Hoseok was attracted to Youngjae, the way his eyes ate him up. Had anything happened between the two of them?

Youngjae doesn’t flinch as the elder touches him affectionately, does Youngjae like this? Could he be like this with any guy? I had built up the image of this innocent boy whose kiss had been stolen by Yien. Had I been completely wrong? It seemed like I had been.

Last year when I had walked in on the pair kissing, I had tried to convince myself that the elder had seduced Youngjae. But what if Youngjae was experience? He had been so good at kissing, maybe he had lots of experience in kissing his brother’s friends. Had they done more? People our age were doing it. The majority of those age were doing it, they were sneaking around and I had been one of those too.

However I had lived with the fantasy of Youngjae being untouched, the shy awkward virgin who was innocent. The reality of him being with someone else, it was setting me off into a spiral of jealousy that I had never experienced before. Were they doing it? Had they had sex? The questions whizz around my head frustrating me. I decide to numb it down, cause if I wasn’t going to get close to him tonight. I wasn’t going to get close to him tonight but I wouldn’t soberly watch him flirting with another person. So I take shots and a lot of them in quick succession, it’s not exactly a smart plan with school due having school the next day. However I felt like I had nothing to lose.

Some time passes and I feel myself become warmer, hazier and loose. I was leant on the kitchen counter looking across the through the throngs of crowds. My view was a little bit distorted, but through that I could see Youngjae and Hoseok were dancing and they were still close to each other, a little too close for my liking. “Hanbin, you’re drunk!” Hayi complains once again, she had done one beer ago, but I ignored her in favour of trying to torture myself.

“Are you really just going to stay here and watch people get drunk?” Hayi criticizes. She had been out on the floor temporarily on the dance floor, to dance and socialize. I could tell she was ready to leave, but I was not yet. No matter how sour it made me seeing Youngjae with someone else, I still wanted to see him. “Fine whatever you stay. Get drunk it’s not like we have school tomorrow” she says with a pout. “Call me if you need me” she says showing her genuine concern kissing me on my cheek before leaving the party being surprisingly non combative.

Once Hayi leaves, half an hour passes and with one more drink in my system I’m looser. Bobby manages to get me on the dancefloor and we party away. I was happy and in a light mood, even socializing with other students. I take the opportunity to scan the room again, and I spot in the corner of the room I notice Youngjae was now talking to one of Hoseok’s female friends. She was beautiful, striking and looked so out of the place in the group of students. When talking to the object of my desires, I can see her watching Hoseok and Changkyun who were in some in-depth conversation.

Joy on the other hand was with Bobby looking over his father’s extensive music collection, both were so caught up on the rock classics. Joy wasn’t aware just how hard the beautiful stranger was, watching her man and her man was looking back. There were short but intense looks shared between the two but no words work spoken. It was weird and confirmed my feeling that he couldn’t be trusted. A few minutes pass and I watch on as Youngjae makes his way through the crowd of partiers out into the hall. Without any thinking of hesitation, I follow him. I didn’t care who saw, I was just so desperate to see alone, to talk to him alone, and to have him alone.

As he walks through the halls, Youngjae whips his head from side to side looking around the grand house. I had been around it so many times and knew it like the back of my hand. However to new eyes it was a large maze like place, which had been intricately built hence why Bobby had left strict instructions for party goers to not go past a certain state. Youngjae may not have heard it, it maybe have forgotten or just simply ignored the warning and was heading off to the Kim’s indoor swimming pool.

The pool was 100km long, and 50km wide with a small shower located at the side and a spectator’s area made of 10 seats at the side. Youngjae was sat at the edge of the view from everyone, in darkness, he was lit up by the glow of the swimming pool. His normally pale skin was a blunt tint and hue, it made him look quite magical. Was he ever real, was he some creature from a fairytale. My heart thumps just from the excitement of being near him, and he had no idea what he did to me. The look on his face, it wasn’t the warm and excited expression had earlier looked sad. Why did he look so sad suddenly?

On unsteady footing, I wobble in to the swimming pool room and close to the door behind me. Youngjae looks up and close the door behind me. Youngjae looks up and watches me, he doesn’t speak up or greet me. I can’t really tell what he was feeling from his expression and honestly I could never tell what he was thinking or feeling. He had a poker face that I would never be able to read. “Get up” I order him, my words do come out slightly slurred. “What are you going here?” he asks seeming a bit annoyed. I echo back the question sardonically.

“Did you follow me here?” he suspiciously counters. “You didn’t answer my question” I immaturely counter. Youngjae frowns disapproving, I try to hold myself steady and watch him. Did he understand what I had said? “It was loud, I just wanted to get some privacy” he directs a sour look my way, I guess I had intruded on his on his privacy, but I was selfish and I wanted to see him. Be near him. The questions soon start, I start asking questions after questions that wracked my mind most of which had to do with Youngjae and his relationship with Hoseok.

How long had they known each other? Were they close? Did he like Hoseok? And more questions follow, without seeming to end. “What does this even matter?” I don’t what question he was addressing. “Why do you care?” Youngjae suddenly challenges, and waits watching me with determined eyes. “Why YOU care?!” he pushes again harder. God does he know how crazy he was driving me? “Why do you care?” I couldn’t answer without letting it all flood out. He watches me waiting for an answer.

So I lunge at him, I reach for his collar and pull him close before leaning in to kiss him. I capture his lips and press harder, but Youngjae doesn’t reciprocate. He tries to push me away but with passion lust and some alcohol, I use my strength and push him to the wall behind. After a couple of tense few minutes, Youngjae slackens a little, before finally returning the kiss. I take advantage and part his lips using mine to pen his mouth and slip my tongue inside. He tasted so damn sweet, I reach to the back of his neck and pull him closer to me. Youngjae responds, moaning slightly, just the result I was wanting.

Youngjae’s hands make their way up my arms as he pulls me close, once again we’re kissing and I get up in the storm of intense feelings. Jealousy, anger, and pent lust, I was lost in the whirlwind of those emotions. There was so much I wanted to do with him, but I didn’t know how to start it up, instead I decide to stay kissing him, my lungs starting to burn but I couldn’t bring myself to pull away and actually breathe. I stubbornly keeping kissing even as my lips feel sore, but no I wasn’t the first to quit. Youngjae is the first to pull away, he tries to catch up his breath but fortunately doesn’t pull away. He still has his arms wrapped around me, I could still feel his warmth up.

I stay still and watching close, and if I were scared that he would disappear. I reach down slowly heading his chest, towards his waist band. Youngjae quiet freezes up but doesn’t a say word, as I unbutton his jeans and slip my hand under his waist band. Youngjae stays silent as I go lower, all I can hear is him breathing, the look in his eyes, he looked like he was nervous but anticipating my next move. The expression stays the same until finally I reach into his boxers touching what I never thought I would. It was such an intimate area, so tantalizing and tempting, I reach to grip his length.

Was this too direct? I didn’t know, but I don’t stop. “We shouldn’t be doing this” I hear him whisper uncertainly, but he doesn’t move. I keep going, I explore reaching behind to palm the small cute butt that I had grown so fond of, and did he know often I checked it out? Youngjae lets out a little squeak as I fondle and squeeze, I couldn’t tell but maybe he had become a little flushed. He still didn’t look away or pull away telling me that maybe he was really enjoying this. To my relief, so I continue exploring the lower half of Youngjae, returning back to his cock which was now growing in my hand.

Youngjae lets out a low moan, his grip on me becomes a little bit tighter especially as I trace lightly the underside of his cock, tediously stroking down his length. Back and forth I try and get used to it, stroking someone else’s cock was different to my own, there was a lot to watch out for. I watch him closely fascinated with each and every reaction he showed, so far it was all going pretty well so I continue on my mission. He jolts suddenly when I thumb the head of his cock, even though it was delicate it seems to really affect him.

My fingertips barely touch his heated skin, but Youngjae reacts bucking his hips up for more. I grant his wish continue thumb, then stroke his length and repeating this cycle. Precum forms and rolls down his length, I use the little beads to stroke his length. Youngjae leans his head on my shoulder, continuing to buck into my hands, he lets out another melodic moan that was so satisfying to my ears. I jolt suddenly as I feel a wetness on my neck, and realise it was Youngjae. He was kissing and licking my neck and upwards, shit that felt so good, it briefly distracts me from jerking him off.

His breaths come short as he gasps for ear, as I wrap my fingers around his length, pumping it steadily. Youngjae leans a bit more weight on me, I reach around his waist to steady him and support him. Youngjae meanwhile continues to lick and starts to bite, little by little I feel the piercing of my skin. I let out a moan, I didn’t know Youngjae knew this much, this was a welcomed revelation. He was so good at it, it was distracting me from what I was doing and it would be sure to leave a mark but that didn’t matter. I briefly pause as he breaks the skin, just how quickly the pain is washed over by pleasure is quite inspiring.

Youngjae bucks into me reminding me to return to what I was doing, I squeeze his cock firmly, stroking it from the base to the tip. Turning my wrist as I make my way down, then upwards and back down. I keep going breaking momentum every now and then to roll my palm on the head of his cock. It always worked with me, so I keep it up speeding it up and then completely slowing down.

A whimper escapes his throat as I continue stroke squeeze and stroke his length, I knew I was working him up as I could hear him panting into my ears. Youngjae had bitten onto, in between his teeth he was sucking on it was getting me worked up, and I didn’t need to feel his stroke to get worked up. I feel small shivers down my back, I knew I was going to have to work this out when I got home but for my ear, I was focused on him and making him come. I sensed that he was close, Youngjae was thrusting into my hand harder and harder. He suddenly squirms in his spot, and his legs start to tremble as he gasps and cums into my hand. He slumps into my arms, so I hold him close holding him up.

Youngjae is panting, slowly catching his breath. I could see that he was a little weak and tired, but I was happy. I had caused this reaction, I had made him come and I knew if he let me, I could keep going. I watch him close unable to rip my eyes away from him, I couldn’t rip my eyes away from him. Youngjae suddenly looks down at his shorts. “Shit!” he mutters his complaint. I couldn’t see it completely, I see the wet patch now located on his crotch.

“How am I going to leave through a crowded party like this?” he complains. “I know an exit, I’ll take you home” I offer. “You can’t drive, you’re drunk” Youngjae replies with disapproval. “I’ll get us a car, just let me take you home” and he does. Once Youngjae is all dressed and zipped up, we head out working through the maze and we head out of the back exit of the house. Waiting on a road nearby happens to be the car I had called out not too long ago. I would put it on my father’s tab. Knowing he would prefer me not to drive drunk, I wasn’t sure how he would feel about me taking home a potential lover.

The drivers had always been discreet, so I didn’t think long on consequences. Instead I sit with Youngjae through the 23 minute drive home, just watching him not saying a word. I don’t have the right words for him, but I have the eyes for him. Leaning in I plant my lips on Youngjae’s again. He tenses up only too aware of the driver but I cup his face and pull him close in hopes he would reciprocate.

He does however kiss back. It’s brief and sweet. “I’m scared of this” Youngjae admits, was this way of admitting he had feelings for me? I had never gotten confirmation and I wasn’t sure about it and I wasn’t sure about it. Youngjae doesn’t add anything elder, and instead he leans his head on the crook of my shoulder instead and he leans his head on the crook of my shoulder. I reach round and wrap my arms around his waist, pulling him closer. I search my head with what I wanted to say.

The last part of our journey is peaceful and warm, I can’t think a moment in time that could compete with it. I couldn’t think of anything outside of this moment and when the car parks a block away from Youngjae’s house, neither of gets up to leave. I reach to stroke through his hair, I hear him in reply. I wanted this so much more, I wanted to keep doing this but I had such a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. The driver sits and waits patiently as Youngjae and I have our moment. I pull him closer into my arms and think of happy I was to have gotten to this point.

Suddenly my phone rings breaking through the silence. “You should answer that” Youngjae mumbles into my chest. I nod my head slowly pulling away; I would do it with a reluctant heart. I answer the phone and quickly put my arm around Youngjae. “Hanbin. It’s your mother. Your father and I back and you need to get home right now”, the message is short and she hangs up the phone before I can react. Shit. They had returned sooner than I would have thought. I knew I had to her home as soon as possible, but for now I would make the most of my time with Youngjae. However he seems to have other ideas.

Youngjae slowly pulls away, his warmth leaving me. He excuses himself. “I need to get back anyway, it was getting late” he says as he opens the car door. He pauses looking a bit hesitant as he opens the door, but I reach over to stop him. Reaching for his hand, I hand over my phone to him and tell him to put his number in. He pauses hesitantly before typing in some digits and saving it under his name. I keep a hold of his hand, and use my phone to call the number that he had given me and to my relief, the phone rings.

 

“What? You don’t trust me?” Youngjae asks with a playful grin. “I don’t answer him, I just lean in to kiss him one more time. Just get up and lean in to kiss him one more time. With no hesitation, he returns the kiss before heading out. Yearning, it hits me straight away. I already missed him, how could my heart be aching like this? It felt ridiculous the more I thought about it.

When I get home I expect to put up with a late family meeting or lecture about irresponsible partying and drinking. Something about my future and keeping up good grades. I could just put myself on autopilot until they were done and then I would work out the kink that I knotted up and then call Youngjae. However there’s a spanner in the works, because waiting for me in the living room was my parents, Hayi and her parents were all gathered. The Lees and the Kim’s were gathered it all seemed comfortable and familiar. But I knew better, something major would be happening and I knew I wouldn’t like it.


	8. VIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SEXXXXX /nose bleeds everywhere/ but like, with lots of plot...

Youngjae’s POV.

“Youngjae Choi wake up” I hear a familiar voice coo out in English to me. Half asleep I groan at the intrusion of my sleep, but that doesn’t work as it continues. I feel a poking at my face, it starts as a prod but then becomes relentless. “Wake up brother man!” it was so warm and cosy under this duvet but it seems Jinwoon would be fine with me being disrupted like this. “Wakey wakey” he continues on in with his English. However stubbornly I turn over onto my front using the soft silk pillows to cover my head, blinding and deafening myself.

Seconds later after a brief grapple, the pillow is thrown off of my head and lands with what sounds like a loud thud to my sensitive ears. “Do you think I should move out?” I hear Jinwoon ask meekly, his voice was wobbly and sounded so vulnerable and hurt. I take a deep sigh and sit upwards rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I face off with my eldest brother who currently looked a little bit gaunt and pale in the face, like a wounded and hurt puppy who had been abandoned, and well he kind of had been.

It had been just over a month since his split with Yeeun noona and Jinwoon wasn’t taking very well at all. I totally understood his feelings, after all this all seemed to have come out of the blue. The pair had been doing well, dating almost a few years and it seemed they were heading to marriage, but suddenly Yeeun threw a spanner in the works. Jinwoon and most of us who knew them as a loving couple were blindsided by the decision to suddenly break up.

Yeeun had broken off their relationship by confessing that her heart was still with her ex Kim Dongjun. She was still having a hard time getting over her first love and since she had started talking to him again, his feelings had suddenly resurfaced. Despite Jinwoon’s pleas for he and Yeeun to briefly separate, to go on a break and reassess their feelings, Yeeun ignored that and decided to make it permanent. She had ended their promising relationship and Jinwoon understandably was crushed and was still trying to get over it.

Jinwoon had so many memories with Yeeun, from being her close friend in school to the one person who had comforted her through her big break up with Kim Dongjun. Jinwoon had waited for Yeeun patiently to move on from her feelings from her childhood sweetheart. In fact he had stayed with her as she healed over old emotional wounds, but instead of running away from the broken girl he put her back together. He was the shoulder she used to lean and honestly I had hoped that her love for him would be genuine. They were a warm and playful couple who matched well together.

On my brother’s behalf, I was upset because her actions were causing my brother a lot of pain. However I understood her, when something doesn’t feel right, it’s not good to stay continuing with a lie. She was only going to keep fooling Jinwoon about her feelings. So on that side of things, I was relieved that she had ended things before Jinwoon went out and married her. It wouldn’t have been right if she was in love with someone else, and my understanding of her feelings had grown.

Recently I had started to understand how unpredictable feelings could be and just how hard it was to control them. I had always thought that I was pretty composed when it came to how I felt. I could keep a steady wave of emotions and work with logic. However recent times had proven that I was a mere mortal, with mortal feelings. Depending on those feelings I could end up not only kissing my brother’s friend but also losing my virginity to him. That had all happened from attraction, I felt that the elder was attractive and swept up in the feeling of elation, that I was desired by someone I had given in.

Through all the loud music and throngs of dancing partiers, the elder thought of me as attractive. The sentiments was of course returned, and that’s how it happened as I dropped him off home. He watched me with me with lustful eyes that set my heart beating. Logical thinking me should have rejected the elder’s advances. However I didn’t, I instead let him kiss me and deepen it. I continued and let him slowly strip me down until we were both completely naked.

It had all happened in a haze, in between kisses he had carefully opened me up. Despite being drunk he had slowly and carefully prepared me, penetration hadn’t been as painful as I hadn’t imagined. Sunwoo had been considerate as he thrust into me, he had softly stroked me. Although my first time hadn’t been with the one I loved, but I did leave satisfied and relieved feeling no pressure.

“You can’t tell your brother, he’d kill me” the elder pleaded the next morning once I had woken up. I knew he regretted it, just from the look on his face. I didn’t hold any ill feelings towards him, he had my brother, his ex and some more people who wouldn’t approve. Not to mention that he had seemed to be going through a sexual identity crisis that I didn’t need to complicate. He had seemed a little mixed up since his split with Amber, his vulnerable and I didn’t want to make things harder for him.

Tiptoeing around people and their emotions were starting to become a past time of mine. Like my brother, I took being considerate to the next level. Jinwoon had been so considerate of the feelings of his love, he had tiptoed around the feelings of Yeeun and that had managed to bite him in his butt. He didn’t deserve to be feeling as bad as he did and I knew it would take him a while to get over this. My mother knew that too and despite her obvious temptation to tell my brother “I told you so!” She had instead allowed me to move in with him temporarily.

I was working as his support system filling in a gap that his girlfriend had left. Jinwoon was only too happy to have me around, he had become a little bit clingier, but was open to me.

“If I move maybe it’ll be easier right?” just looking at him now. Jinwoon looked weak and tired, the circles under his eyes were darker than ever. The warmth and cheer that I had grown accustomed from seeing from him, was still so present. 

Reaching over through his hair, I stroke and pat to comfort him. “Do whatever you want hyung”, I would support him no matter what, he needed to do whatever would feel right for himself. Jinwoon smiles and simply nods his head and leans his head into the crook of my shoulder.

“Lee Jinhyun… she was calling me, she wants to me to meet up. Should I do it?” he asks still conflicted about his birth mother. She had not quit in her mission to contact him despite his rejections and I could see that Jinwoon was thinking it over.

“You’re my brother, I trust your judgement”, I take the coward’s way out. I didn’t want to face any repercussions from my mother, but I also didn’t want Jinwoon to have more regrets.

“You smell good” he murmurs into my chest, patting my back before getting up off my bed and heading off. “Breakfast is on its way” he announces, before leaving me in the room he once shared with Yeeun.

We had switched rooms, he had taken the smaller spare room in favour of the spacious master bedroom with the ensuite. I take full advantage of said ensuite before getting up to get dressed and ready for school.

Exams were over and this was the last week of school. It was going to be a very busy week of school. It was going to be a very busy week, emotional for some but exciting for others. Tuan Yien was excited even more than I was, he was still on his travels around the world, currently in Istandbul.

However as his travels wound down, he was already planning for the next year, he had managed to set up a shared apartment for us to stay in Seoul as we studied which I was eternally grateful for. I had been accepted to the University of my Choice and I would be soon heading off in a few months’ time.

Whilst I get ready to do all that, I had a few more awful days to get through. Life had become a little bit more manageable months ago, when I had joined the team. However it seemed that influence had faded and the sudden hate campaign of sorts had befallen me. People who I had seen as a quasi-friends were backing away and join the punishment campaign that Suwoong had suddenly upped.

Inspired by his disgust that I bought a man to Bobby’s impromptu party. The abuse continued and it seemed that apart from Joy, Changkyun, Taehyung and Bobby. I had the rest of the school against me, I was all the crude names under the sun.

A foul rumour had spread about a sexually transmitted disease that I had caught apparently caught from Hoseok. It was cruel and beyond anything I could have comprehended. It was offensive and of course it hurt that just by simply showing up with another boy that I was subject to reputation damaging rumours like that.

Of course my worried parents rushed to the school, to get to the bottom of it. They were left unsatisfied by promises to cut down bullying by the head teacher, he was powerless to those who were bullying me that it was useless. At this point we were just waiting for the end of the week and I could put everyone who wasn’t a friend behind me.

Speaking of friends, Changkyun, Joy, and Taehyung of course showed their outrage. Even Bobby and Jungyeon had showed disapproval, but Suwoong seemed determined to completely put down my reputation. It was definitely ridiculous but I was biting my tongue and had gotten so used to doing and would power through the worst month of my time in school. 

Not only was there pressure on me to do well in my exams from myself, but my parents were determined to help get me to get the right grades for being a future accountant. So when I did return home my parents were stern with me to study and repeat. The cycle was the same with Jinwoon so I hardly had time to let loose.

When did I go to school, the tense feeling from exams and the school wide hate campaign was starting to fall down on me hard. Jinwoon senses it pretty well and becomes concerned for me. “Has it all died down?” he asks one day before I head off to school, he was referencing the rumour.

He had heard the rumour from Yeeun who had become concerned for me, she had become more hands on when trying to stop my bullying. However it seemed to work against me, although they weren’t so open with their abuse, their gossip and vitriol. Although her help was appreciated, she lacked power and influence

“Well rumours linger, but that’s fine” not wanting to lie to the elder, I try to minimise the heat of it all. “Whoa!! How cool!” Jinwoon reacts as he serves the breakfast he so thoughtfully prepared. That was one advantage of staying with my clingy brother, his delicious meals which were admittedly better than our dear old mother.

“Is it good?” attentive as always the older checks up on his work. I reassure him the food was good, which was very easy to say and leaves him satisfied enough to turn around and finish preparing my packed lunch. I was grateful.

“You have one more week until those assholes are a thing of your crappy past” Jinwoon suddenly and surprisingly speaks up. He wasn’t one for harshness and crude language that was Junhyuk’s speciality. However with the look in his eyes Jinwoon looked ultra-serious, he meant it. He firmly encourages me to ignore it all.

“Those little pricks are going to be stuck in Mokpo with dead end jobs or working for mummy or daddy” I smile unable to resist excited to hear him like this. “They don’t deserve to have any power over you and you’re too good for it” Jinwoon reaches over to stroke my head comfortingly much like his normal fashion. He was right though, I couldn’t and wouldn’t let them win and break me down, not when I was nearly done with that place.

So I head off to school with that attitude, I would have my defences down and protect myself. Jinwoon drops Changkyun and I off, he had been nice to pick up Changkyun concerned after that intense meeting months ago. We head off to the main school building, walking through the car park when I spot across the lot were the Kims.

The pair of best friends like any other morning were engrossed in some debate or other. Bobby makes the effort to greet Changkyun and I, but Hanbin is cold and distant and walks ahead. “Hey Hanbinnie, don’t be rude like this” he calls after his friend. However Hanbin ignores him and heads inside, I bite on the inside of my mouth hoping to show no reaction at all.

“Ugh, I thought he would be less douchey once the exams finished” Bobby complains. “Oh? So it’s been exams all this time?” Changkyun jokes, receiving a chuckle from Bobby. “He’s harmless though so I keep him around”, he jokes.

“Anyway guys I should be throwing another party soon, you’re both invited except for Suwoong…cause fuck Suwoong” he casually announces before heading out. “That should be fun” Changkyun comments, it was strange any feelings of disdain he seemed to have for Bobby seemed to have disappeared without a trace.

The pair often talked, despite their romantic rivalry it seemed to have dissipated. They were friends, no it seemed different and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. “One last hurrah before we leave, that would be cool right?” Changkyun had seemed so mixing in with the rest of the student body, but it seemed that Joy had opened him up. The pair was sickeningly perfect for each other, Joy was so bright and exciting for her man. Whilst Changkyun was calm and attentive for her man, they balanced well.

“Did you guys want to come with later on, after school? I was going to go to Jiwon’s grave?” Joy asks suddenly. Changkyun suddenly becomes tense, he had been that way every time he heard Jiwon’s name. I didn’t blame him though, most of the students reacted that way. Even as Joy suggested the trip, I could tell she was a little tense when bringing up her former friend. Her passing had caught us all by surprise.

Geum Jiwon, a friend who Joy was once close to and also attended our school was dead. It was really shocking when we all thought about it, the mystery behind it as well had caused some of the tension in Mokpo. Parents kept tabs on their children, we went to school and we socialised at home and indoors, well at least until Jiwon’s killer was caught.

Yes, Jiwon had been killed, taken before her time. She had been killed but the details of her death had been kept from the public, but according to rumours that had floated around, her death was gruesome. So much so that her parents decided the only course of action was to cremate their child, it was sad and added to the collective bitterness of the school.

Jiwon had disappeared the night of Bobby’s impromptu party and was found the next morning, dead. So many students had been around her, she was in front of so many yet she had been murdered. Who it could have been, the cops had no clue and so for a week there was a brief school suspension.

We were given a short week off to grief, before heading back into school and the exams. Changkyun wasn’t particularly close to Jiwon, but he seemed to holding the collective guilt that those at the party felt, so we were taking to visiting Jiwon’s shrine often.

“I’ll come with you” I offer. Joy grateful squeezes and hooks my arm. Changkyun doesn’t speak up, instead he answers a sudden phone call and heads off. “He’s been acting strange don’t you think?” she openly airs out her suspicions. I stay quiet, unsure on how to reply after all I did honestly have some genuine concerns about Changkyun but none that were worth worrying Joy over.

“He’s keeping things from me, and it makes me sad”, I sympathetically watch her, patting her head softly. Yien had told me many a times that doing that often would work to calm her down, and to my surprise it was actually worked. Joy hums with a smile on her face.

“We have few months until we leave. I hope he’s not having second thoughts” I was sure that wasn’t it. From the beginning I could tell Changkyun loved Joy, he cared for her. Whatever it was he was going through was something that probably would just tame, she would need to be patient. I would be too, maybe I would help him too.

Later that day I make my way to my history class, instead of a normal lesson plan we would be playing themed games planned by the staff. We had done our exams so the teachers didn’t want to put on anything too intense for us, we were just here to pass by some time and head off home.

Mr Lee had separated the room into four teams and we would work and fight for free coffee tickets for the night. It was quite fun and amusing, most of the teams were genuinely playing to win despite the lesson themed questions. I sit back and watch on in amusement, this would be my entertainment for the day it seemed.

As I lean back to watch on, but soon my attention is diverted. It had been like this for a while in fact, no matter how hard I tried, my attention always found its way to him. To Kim Hanbin and the back of his head, he had move from besides me to a few rows in front of me. In fact he had ceased all contact, and it happened after that night. The night that sometimes felt like a dream to me, like something I had made up completely. It had to be fake, in fact what had happened before it, fake.

Except it wasn’t. I had kissed Kim Hanbin several times on several occasions in the span of 24 hours. He was an amazing kisser and it irked me, because in a month I hadn’t experienced it again. Kim Hanbin had jerked me off, and kissed me some more. Took my number. However after a week’s separation, he hadn’t talked to me or called me.

Not one word at all, he rarely even glanced in my direction and it made sick. I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, afterall I had briefly let my guard down like that and then suddenly all the rumours that were spread about me. Could he possibly have done it? Made me feel something I hadn’t wanted to, making me have hope of something and then cutting me off completely. What had I done wrong?

I should honestly be mad at him, mad enough to do something reckless like air him out to the whole school. To tell the school the hickey Hanbin had been sporting for a few days after the party, had been my handy work. In fact he had taken my number and was going to call me, but how would I prove it to the others? Hanbin had snuck around and managed to seduce me without any one in sight and no one would believe me. He held the advantage and it would be wrong to do anyway. I didn’t know the circumstances he was going through and I just couldn’t.

So for now I was just sneaking moments of watching him. Until he was ready to speak, then I wouldn’t push him. Was I being naïve? To think he wasn’t just some ass hat who was curious and got his way? It could be just as I thought initially, just something he did to make fun of me. He had done it to shake me up, to work me up and get my hopes up before dashing any small kind of hopes that I had built up.

Had I built hope? Why had I done that when he was so out if my league anyway, his intelligence, his looks and background all out of my league. Not to mention the fact that he was promised to be married to Lee Hayi, what chance did I really envision myself of having? I had duped myself maybe and was too stubborn to let go, I kept clinging on to something, anything.

The lesson seems to fly by, and soon the class is excused and we make our way out to lunch. As the class files out I find myself shoved to the side away from the exit by none other than Kim Hanbin. He pauses briefly watching me, the look on his face was stony and cold unlike the warm eyes that I had briefly gotten a glimpse of before.

Any little bit of affection he had for me had completely left his eyes, this was a stranger and I didn’t like it all. The stranger barely acknowledges me before heading out of the door leaving a few people to gossip over the tense moment shared. What had I done to piss of Kim Hanbin? That was the question floating around and I wasn’t quite sure of the answer at all.

Joy and Changkyun weren’t here for lunch, they had snuck out for a lunch date. The school was pretty relaxed on seniors at this point. Although both had invited me to join, I honestly didn’t fancy being a third wheel. So I went to the school cafeteria to enjoy their latest food disaster and Taehyung had pretty much dragged me to join he and Jungyeon for lunch.

Despite her earlier reservations, Jungyeon was now very sweet towards me. She had always showed me a semblance of kindness, she was warming up to me and as school was closing out, she cared less and less about what the whole school thought.

The three of us discuss our plans for the next year. Jungyeon and Taehyung would be both going abroad, being accepted to different universities from the UK, they would be going together. The pair would be doing this all on their own dime, taking out student loans and planning on getting jobs, it was quite inspiring to hear how brave they were being and heading off out.

As we talk the conversation gets a bit rowdy whilst discussing football, Taehyung was excited about personally going to see his favourite team play. “What are you discussing f-word?!” Suwoong calls out suddenly gaining the attention of myself and the whole room.

Suwoong with the same look of disdain he had always reserved especially for me, approaches me. “So pansy I hear you got accepted to the University of Seoul. Does such a prestigious school know what kind of puff they’re letting into their building?” he wins the few snickers he often did from the brainless and the ignorant.

”Hey man what’s your fucking problem?” Taehyung steps in to defend, although I can see Jungyeon watch on a little bit concerned she doesn’t step in, not that I blamed her.

“My problem is we have to watch this gay ass f-word walking around but people Jiwon are the ones who have to die” Suwoong cruelly spits out at me. His words hush up the room, this was the first time he had been so harsh in front of so many people. “Good girls like Jiwon die and disgusting disease ridden f-words like him stay alive”, Taehyung suddenly gets up as if he were going to swing at Suwoong.

”Watch what you’re what you saying!!” Taehyung shouts his disapproval, but I reach for his arm and stop him, before turning to Suwoong. “I know you may have issues with me, but you shouldn’t bring up Jiwon like that” I warn him but his words don’t seem to land. “Don’t talk about her” Suwoong suddenly swings punching me, he lands a punch sending me stumbling back.

It was sore and painful, not that I could expect it to be anything else. I honestly didn’t know what it was that was getting Suwoong this worked up, after all he wasn’t remotely close to Jiwon. He was definitely in the wrong, but the way no one but Taehyung and Jungyeon move in the room, it seemed they all believed he was right, what right did they even fucking have?

When I look across the room at the faces, there was a lot of hatred directed to me. I was still trying to figure how I was directly responsible for Jiwon’s death. Had I been the one to end her life? Had I been the one to savagely end her life? They treated me as if I had. It was frustrating, and although I was grateful for the few friends I had, it was hard not to feel bitter right now.

“Once you go to Seoul, do us a favour stay there f-word!” Suwoong spits and gets back up from a few of the other students some who applaud and others who verbalise agreement. “Youngjae?” Taehyung watches on concerned, I pull away from him becoming upset and excuse myself. I just needed to be alone right now and not here.

As I storm out of the room, catching view of Hanbin just sat there at his table with Hayi by his side. He was playing with his food, looking down as if he hadn’t heard or seen what had just transpired. Hayi on the other hand grins unapologetically, she really did enjoy seeing me suffer more than made sense.

I head out of the school, I had no one’s authorisation but I didn’t care. I didn’t need to be here, and I was just going through the motions. So I head off out, I take my feet the first place I can think to go. It probably wasn’t a good idea and I shouldn’t but recently there seemed to be only one person who could really cheer me up and make me laugh.

However that person was super horny and determined to take my virginity, little did he know someone else had taken it. However I could lie for his ego if that helped, it was just about having fun and leaving all the bullshit at school. Hoseok was the best or that, and thankfully my brother was out of town on a trip with his girlfriend so there wouldn’t be any chance of interruptions, arguments or fights.

As expected Hoseok’s greeting is very warm, he doesn’t mind my sudden arrival without an announcement. “Well isn’t it great that you’re here, we were just gonna try something out and you being here is ideal!” Hoseok mysteriously announces as he leads me upstairs to his room across the hall from my brother’s bed. The brother who would disapprove of me and Hoseok even being in a room alone, but he wasn’t around so fuck it, I was going to do it. However when I step into his room, it becomes quite clear that we wouldn’t be completely alone. There waiting was Sunwoo.

It had been a while since either of us had been a room together, not since he popped my cherry had we walked. Sunwoo shows that awkwardness, he can’t even play cool and greet me in a manner that is normal. “Youngjae, I- I didn’t know that you- you-d be here” he stutters before awkwardly greeting me.

Sunwoo’s fooling no one, especially the keened eyed Hoseok, he immediately senses the awkwardness between the two of us and easily puts two and two together. “Mother fucker” Hoseok disapprovingly spits the anger towards Sunwoo. “Dude you boned him? You frigging boned Hyuk’s little brother?” he loudly accuses.

Sunwoo averts his gaze and doesn’t bother to deny it. The look on his face, its guilt but worse than he had the day morning after our night together. “It kind of just happened” he tries to explain, he looks up to me the look of guilt still etched on his beautiful face.

“Hmmn you took away the pleasure that I had worked so hard to cultivated, I was gonna fuck his virgin ass” Hoseok nonchalant spews his crudeness. Sunwoo looks at Hoseok disapprovingly. “I’m kind of mad right now” Hoseok pouts. “Shit I was even gonna relent and let his virgin self; climb my back- no this won’t do” Hoseok thinks out loud and unable to resist I laugh. Sunwoo watches me slightly surprised, probably because he still had it in my head that I was some little soft wall flower that needed to be protected.

“Did you fuck him or were you fucked?” Hoseok bluntly questions much to the horror and embarrassment of Sunwoo. “Why do you want to know?” I question the elder. Hoseok was all worked up now, the look in his eyes, it was curiosity and lust mixed up.

“Fuck are you really a verse?” Hoseok’s eyes light up, his lips curl up. “Oh shit this is fucking perfect”, Sunwoo suddenly becomes worried just by the look on his face. Hoseok leans over to Sunwoo who was sat on the edge large queen sized bed, Hoseok cups his face and leans in to kiss him briefly and gently.

Sunwoo is a little awkward but kisses Hoseok regardless of me being there. It was like he was under some kind of spell, he was powerless against the charm of Hoseok and I understood it. Hoseok was definitely magnetic to be around, there was a pull to him that even I had failed to resist. Especially over the last couple of weeks, we had gotten quite close.

We had met up a few times, and kissed too. I liked it, I liked kissing him, being desired and not being completely ignored after. As Hoseok pulls away from the kiss he holds Sunwoo’s face, before turning to watch me in the corner of my eye. “I have an idea, just stay with me guys and we’ll have lots of fun” he wears a mischievous grin on his face, paired off a look of excitement. He looked more determined than I had ever seen him.

Hoseok gets up and makes his way over to me, it’s a slow walk with lots of anticipation behind him. He smiles and reaches over to me, his slightly callous hands, cradle the back of my neck. Hoseok pulls me closer, and he tilts his head to the side using his lips to catch my own. I could tell where Hoseok wanted this to lead, and I wasn’t quite sure if I wanted to go there, I was back and forth about it but this kiss was convincing me otherwise.

The kiss progresses and Hoseok’s tongue invades my mouth, the two of us are in a brief battle for dominance. In the corner of my eye I watch Sunwoo for his reaction, he doesn’t move he just watches quietly but he looked interested like he was turned on. I keep it up and feel the slightest bit of teeth grazing the edge of my lips, it was a little different from anything we had done thus far.

I lean in to kiss him harder and find myself winning the wrangle for control, Hoseok melts into me a little before pulling away completely to catch his breath. As he does he turns his attention to Sunwoo, he grins and waves Sunwoo over to join the both of us. Although he is briefly hesitant, he slowly gets up and joins us. Stood behind Hoseok, he watches on with curious eyes.

“Kiss for me” Hoseok orders Sunwoo and I with a grin on his face, he really wanted this. “I won’t tell anyone, just do it for me and I’ll return you many favours” Hoseok sweetly coos and promises. So I reach for Sunwoo’s neck to pull him in, if we did it maybe it would make things a little less awkward, or more awkward who knew. I don’t know anything until my lips meet with his, and like the first time it doesn’t take long for us to get in the swing of things. His tongue slips inside of my mouth, he lacks the patience he had the first time we kissed. Sunwoo quickly takes charge, kissing me it’s rougher and chaste but hot. His hand slides down to grab a handful of my ass sending a jolt of excitement through me.

I feel another pair of hands on me, this time they were lifting up my school shirt feeling at my flesh, whilst the set of lips make their way down my neck. With so many limbs flying about and kisses now being traded between the three of us, it’s no surprise that between the three of us. Hoseok pulls Sunwoo and I apart and as I catch my breath, Hoseok who was now shirtless starts working on stripping Sunwoo. I lean over to kiss the slant on Hoseok’s neck, licking and biting until I could get a reaction. The scene in the room was hectic but it was the kind of busy I desperately needed and wanted today.

The next morning I wake up sore, sore all over and feeling a mixture of satisfied and anxious. Honestly it was a wild night. After our first round as a trio, Hoseok had ordered in some pizza and the three of us casually watched television like we had not just fucked each other.

There was a certain calm between us that wasn’t normal, but then again there was nothing normal about the situation we had found ourselves in and so it seemed that we were making the best out of a weird situation. We end a cool night of move marathons with another rowdy round, this time with more participation and control from me, the elders allow me to input instead of following along like I had done so earlier.

My back, my thighs and ass were aching as a result of the work out. Having sex with one person was challenging enough, but having a threesome was particularly hard work, enjoyable yes but hard work. I felt satisfied in the fact that I had managed to have a rare night that Yien would be proud of, something that I could remember in the future with two people I genuinely trusted. However the fact that they were friends of my brother, it would make things a little awkward. If they were total strangers, I could be able to return home without any worries of this coming back to bite me on the ass.

“Keep your loud mouth shut” Sunwoo warns Hoseok the next morning. He knew how loose at the mouth Hoseok could be and honestly that was something I was worrying about. “you weren’t saying that last night when I was on my knees” Hoseok jokes gaining a grin from me.

Sunwoo seemed worried, after all Junhyuk and Amber lived so close and if Hoseok were to let it slip there would be a lot of trouble for all of us. “Calm down, I don’t want to be in an early grave” he jokes as he heads over to the shower. Taking advantage of my brother’s absence, I head off to his room and use his shower, as I do hear a familiar voice call out.

It was Amber, she calls out for my brother. “Hyukkie? I thought you were in Seoul?” I answer in order not to startle her. On the spot I think up a lie using the truth that I had come to see my brother, but as he was not around I stayed and watched a few movies with Hoseok and Sunwoo. “Ahhh well you guys should have invited me to join.

Maybe I wouldn’t have had to sit through that rotten blind date!” Amber complains of the fact that her well-meaning friend had set up with a friend of her boyfriend. The pair didn’t match well as he was “a fucking pig” according to Amber’s words.

Little did she know that last night that her ex had me bent over the edge of Hoseok’s bed, but she didn’t need to know that. Instead she is friendly and chit chats with me about Junhyuk the progression of their relationship, and sure part of me felt bad for having to lie to her, but it was kind of too late to feel too guilty.

Once I’m showered and changed I head off home. I knew I should be heading off home and getting ready for another day of school. Then heading off to school with Jinwoon who would be dropping me off, but I decide to stay in for the day.

Convincing Jinwoon wouldn’t exactly be easy, despite the few days remaining in the term he wanted me to have good attendance. However I felt l deserved some time alone for myself, I would recover for the day before heading off to Happy Coffee and training up my replacement further.

School wasn’t priority right now for myself and if me going back this week meant I would receive nothing but hate I would fine with staying away. Jinwoon reluctantly allows me to stay from school, although he’s worried that I had skipped school and stayed out all night. When he finds out that I had been staying at Junhyuk he relaxes a bit more, but he warns me that we would have to at least go in on the last official day and to play the football game finale.

“I’ll be checking up on you on that day, Kwangji will tell me” it was surprising, not that Jinwoon would be turning up to watch me. However the fact that he was close with Kwangji still, part of me worried that he was still clinging to that connection to stay near Yeeun. Yet I also knew that Kwangji was fond of Jinwoon, they had grown up together and had been close always.

“You’re not going to miss out on the glory because of those ass hats” he allows me to stay home for the next few days, but only if I return on the last day and he threatens notifying my parents if I don’t agree. So left with no choice I head off to sleep in bed for a few hours, but as I rest sudden thoughts of him. It wasn’t the first time, because try as I might Kim Hanbin had snuck his way into my thoughts for the umpteenth time.

As I lay down for my nap, I can’t help but envision him lying next to me, his arms wrapped around me. I could smell his scent, the strawberry scent that was so strong in his hair. His gentle touch, as he softly stroked through my hair. The way his body felt next to mine, the warmth of it all. I was yearning for it.

I was being stupid, and Yien would completely disapprove. “Falling for a closet case is really tiring kid, you should never ever do it” he had warned me so many times to not feel for anyone who wasn’t out in the open about his identity.

Messing with Sunwoo was one thing, in all honesty I had no real feelings attached to being with him. At least he knew that he was mixed up and he admittedly openly that he was a person who was attracted to both men and women.

Yet when it came to Hanbin, I didn’t know because we hadn’t spoken, but why was I clinging onto him, onto the hope that he would just open up?

“Be logical Youngjae” I hear Yien’s warning, but I don’t heed it. I cling onto the comfortable pillow, pretending it was him. Stupid as it was, it was bringing me a little comfort imaging him this close to me. Within a few minutes of imaging the scene a warm feeling settles over me, and I nod off into what feels like a deep sleep.

It had been a while since everything had felt just calm and still in my life, I knew when I woke up I would have to face things I wasn’t comfortable with. Something out of my control would happen would happen, I could feel it.

Later that night on the way to work I take the short walk from the bus stop to Happy Coffee. It usually took me 10 minutes to get there, however today I was running late so I had decided on taking a short cut through some back roads nearby.

A few minutes into my walk, I can’t help but get the feeling that I was being followed. I had tried not to feel too feel too jumpy, but since Jiwon’s murder had made a lot of us paranoid. I wouldn’t normally pull such a risky move, but I always already so late so I keep walking.

The sense that being followed grows and even though I don’t hear any footsteps or see anyone, I start to make a run for it. I turn and seeing no one but I start running and as I do, I end up bumping into something hard. It knows me off my feet, I don’t get much time to react as I feel a kick in my gut that throws me across the street.

The landing is harsh and leaves me a little sore, it was all happening in a blur. Holy shit, was I getting attacked right now? What would they be doing to me? I hear a growling before another swift blow is delivered so suddenly, I can’t see anything but a blur of my attacker.

I brace myself for another impact, expecting to be hit in the gut as my previous attacks had signaled. However I hear a lot of growling follow, and what seems like a quick fight between two different people. I try to sit up and watch what had occurred, and surprisingly a familiar face looms over me. Her face is contorted into an expression of worry, whilst Hyojin is there watching me.

”Youngjae? Are you okay?” I slowly get up to my feet, nodding my head. I was a little bit banged up, I would probably getting a few bruises but nothing major enough to get in the way of my pay check. Yes I was a bit shaken but I could put on a poker face and work, a simple smile would do.

Hyojin however insists on escorting me home, she hooks her arms with me and she leads me to work. She checks on me and seems half satisfied by my excuse, but still she walks with me the whole way to work. As we do, she checks up one and how my Last week of school was going.

“The students must be so excited, I know I was happy to leave my high school” she explains that she wasn’t the most popular at her school.

“People didn’t get a good impression of me and I didn’t get a good impression of them either” I laugh because our circumstances did sort of mirror each other. She didn’t look at me with pitying eyes which I was thankful for, so the short walk is comfortable. As we make our way there Hyojin asks about Bobby and Changkyun, she hadn’t seen them in a few week and it seemed that she was worried about the.

However when she talks about them, it seems more curious about Changkyun. I don’t mention anything, because even if she did like Changkyun, he was in a committed relationship and he would never step out of it. He would stay faithful to his girlfriend, so I had nothing worry about.

Once I get to work Hyojin reveals that I had been attacked to Jinyoung as soon as, it doesn’t give me much choice to lie about it as I had planned. Jinyoung is concerned immediately and he tells me to go home. He offers to drive me to the hospital and go the police, but I decline. I hadn’t seen the assailant, and neither Hyojin, this was just mysterious.

“This is just so strange, could it be the same person?” he thinks out loud. I knew what he was referencing, it was the same thought I had. If it was Jiwon’s killer then this would be the first attack since her murder, and it would cause a lot of panic if it got out.

It would be ironic if it was, that a day after Suwoong had wished the murderer on me that I had been attacked. If this got out then there would be a lot of satisfied people that the school’s queer had been knocked around. The pariah who deserved it, I would receive no sympathy nor did I need it.

So for now I would just need normality, I wanted in the form of training up the young Lee Soohyun. The bright young junior from my school, was happy to learning and I was happy to be teaching her the ropes. She was a smart charming young girl who was winning over customers, one by one.

Half way through my shift I leave Soohyun to work on the floor taking orders, whilst I carefully put them together. As I clean up the main kitchen counter waiting for the coffee beans to brew, Joy and Changkyun come in to check up on me. I had told them through texts that I was fine and just staying for a bit, but they had tracked me down here.

They were coming to check on me having heard about the incident in the cafeteria. I do my best to reassure them both that I was fine. However Changkyun raises his eyebrow as if he didn’t believe it. He explains that Hyojin had texted him about my run in earlier on, he checks with me If I was okay. Their contact leaves me a little suspicious.

When I talk about Hyojin and how nice she seems, Changkyun’s reaction is a little weird. “She’s super pretty, god her make up game is goals” Joy confidently compliments, someone who might become a love rival. Changkyun suddenly smiles and strokes Joy’s hair, “YOU are the goal” he compliments his girl.

I mentally breathe a sigh of relief, Joy had nothing to worry about, and not when Changkyun was so besotted with her like this? The pair were actually a little sickening, but sweet. They decide to stay in and get something to drink, reserving a table in the corner of the room.

As I walk over to the pair to serve them their food, we briefly chat about hanging out at the weekend. The door to the shop opens alerting me to a new customer, and I’m surprised to see it was Hanbin, Hayi and her mother enter. As they enter Hayi’s mother a tall, slender, beautiful, elegant woman greets Jinyoung and they briefly talk.

Hayi sneers at Joy and Changkyun before heading to the back of the shop where she normally sat, whilst Hanbin doesn’t even turn to acknowledge any of us. It doesn’t stop getting disappointing, but at least admitting to it made me feel less conflicted.

“I feel bad for him, he has to marry that sour faced cow” Joy insults Hayi with the roll of her eye. I bite the inside of my mouth, a habit I had gotten into recently when trying to suppress my feelings. I turn to watch as Hayi’s mother walks over to the pair, and decide to put Soohyun on serving the three. As much as I try to focus on working and heading out for the day, I can’t help but watch on as Hanbin sits and quietly talks to his future mother in law.

Shit, why did he have to kiss me? Why did he have to shake me up if he was going to just get married like this? What the hell is his game? I just wanted to go over to him, to grab his arm and lead him out and ask him all the questions that I wanted answered. I put myself through torture, watching the three, but eventually they head out after eating, drinking and having caught up, or so it looked. I tried to push down my curiousity.

At the end of our shift, Jinyoung makes Soohyun and I take a ride off of him. He was concerned about us, so once he drops Soohyun off home, he kindly drops me off at Jinwoon’s place. Much like Changkyun the elder was a good person, he cared a lot for the people around him and was very protective.

Although it was a little inconvenient, I thank the elder before heading into the house. Jinwoon wasn’t around, so I head off to sleep. Junhyuk texts me revealing that he returned from his trip, he had noticed that I had stayed at his place and leaves a threat about me using his bed and something that was crude.

The next day is spent with Sooyoung noona. Even though she doesn’t quite approve to me skipping school, she does approve of her children having their fun uncle and not running around “breaking all my fucking shit, the little bastards”. So I spend a good part of the afternoon in the park playing a game of football with the youngers, my nephews who I rarely go to see. They were growing up well, full of innocence and joy.

They never judged me and my behaviours, they just saw me as the cool uncle who gave them presents and could last longer than half an hour playing football with them. Every now and then I was also drafted in as their tutor, not that they needed it often, they were both friggin geniuses.

Sooyoung calls us in after a few hours after making us lunch, the boys soon drop off for their afternoon naps leaving Sooyoung and I to speak peacefully. “I remember when you were their age, you used to be so freaking annoying” she teases with a nudge. I smile, both out of amusement and fear.

Growing up the eldest of the Chois had ruled with an iron fist, “you were so spoilt and bratty, whatever Youngjae wanted Youngjae got”. She tells the story of how ruined a date of hers that she had set up when babysitting me, I had not cooperating and the guy she had set the date with left.

“He said he didn’t want to be around a little stupid kid like you” she says with a pout, “well thank god for that, he was a jerk and still is. He’s like a known cheater with a little dick” she adds jokingly.

There is a brief silence before she reaches out to pull me into a hug, a rarity between the two of us. Not that we didn’t get along, we just weren’t too affectionate in that way. “I keep seeing you sad and I don’t know to make you happy” she whispers in my ear. I pause unsure of what she meant, she rubs soft circles in my back.

“It’s hard for you and it will be hard for a while. But you’ll get through it my smart little brother” Sooyoung comforts me in a way I didn’t know that I needed. I wondered what she was referring, could it because she knew that I was having a hard time at school?

After a few hours I head from my eldest sibling’s home, to my parent’s home. It was still my home but honestly I was ready to leave the nest pretty soon, living with Jinwoon sure gave me a little bit more freedom. My mother wasn’t too fond of that freedom and she expresses that when I return home having missed me she pulls me into her warm embrace. She had always coddled the youngest so much, I always thought it was for my benefit but I start to see it was for herself.

We have a short catch up while she prepares dinner, at some point my father returns to the home and instead of heading to the living room like he did after a long shift at the plant, he instead joins us in the kitchen area to talk.

“I know you’re at that age where girls are becoming so important, but don’t start putting dating in front of your work and studies” my mother warns. She had no idea how little she had to worry about women distracting me.

Despite the rumours I am sure they heard about me, my parents still believed that I was a very much the heterosexual boy they needed me to be. “Women are too distracting, work hard become accountant” my father encourages me fluffing through my hair before getting something to drink from the fridge.

“Then once you’re doing well there, then you should, get married have a baby and give me more beautiful grandchildren” my mother adds. “At a good age” my father jabs at Sooyoung slightly. “You’re making us proud, even after being accepted to a good school” my mother tries to praise me but my father wasn’t satisfied.

He wanted more, “enjoy the next few months because when you start university you need straight A’s for a good job…” he starts on a lecture but my mother cuts him off.

“Hush up you, our son is here and we should make the most of it while we can” she orders my father to prepare the dinner table and begrudgingly he does so.

I would miss moments like those, watching my parents bicker. The way they loved each other, and loved their children. The lessons they had taught me and the attitude of hard work they had instilled me, I would miss it but of course I was chomping at the bit to be elsewhere.

My move with Seoul would be a new start, it would be what had I needed. I could be the real me there and have no fear of any repercussions without walking on egg shells.

The last day of my school career is pretty much me playing on the egg shells, trying not to do or say anything that antagonized anyone. I wouldn’t say anything back to any ignorance thrown my way, I was nearly gone and what would be the point? I was trying to leave it on a good note, so if I had to I was would smile through it all.

I would do the obligatory last day pictures fake messages and good byes, even if there were only a few people I knew genuinely meant me well. Changkyun, Joy, Taehyung and Joy are the few people who make the effort to talk to me, to take pictures and even discuss plans to meet up in the future. Without them round, I would have thought that I wasn’t mistaken in thinking that I was invisible.

I’m not as invisible in the middle of the day as the seniors make their way from the impromptu Pizza migration. Most of the students had walked to a pizza shop nearby to have our last lunch together, I had come along after being guilted by Joy for not going to Jiwon’s grave with her a few days before.

There had been a lighthearted mood as we all made our way back in for the end of the day, we were running a little late but no one was really worried at this point. After all it was our last day, we were grown-ups and we didn’t need to worry about what the silly teachers thought

As we walk through the school entrance I Stop in my tracks surprised to see a familiar face. It looked like they had been waiting a while and I couldn’t help but wonder what they were doing there. My legs take me towards Amber, stood in front of the doorway dressed in a casually in a baggy grey tracksuit, with a snapback on backwards, her blonde hair poking underneath.

While I approach her, I take note of how puffy and red her eyes looked, she seemed to be shaking a little too. She didn’t look like the bright happy Amber I had grown fond of, she looked completely different, and she looked upset and possessed almost.

That’s all confirmed when the usually friendly elder greets me with a foul slap to the face, it happens so quickly that it sends me stumbling back in shock. “You little fucking ASSHOLE!” she yells out at me, taking me back a little. My face is immediately sore and stinging a little, this wasn’t exactly something I was expecting to be part of my day.

Before I can ask the elder to explain herself, to make herself a little clearer to me. “Next time you fuck my boyfriend and his friend, how about you don’t smile at me in the face the next morning!” she yells out for all the senior students to hear. There is a hush before suddenly she breaks down into tears, she smacks me in my chest angry and I understood her feelings.

“Maybe you guys should do this somewhere else” Joy whispers hoping that she could take the scene elsewhere. I don’t fight back, not that I ever really would. Instead I wrap my arms around her letting her punch me until she gives up. She was upset and yes, it had made its way out in an embarrassing way for myself but I had to be here for her.

I was going to get some crap for it later, but for now I had someone I had to care for. In the corner of my eye I can’t help but catch sight of Kim Hanbin, he was stood in the gateway watching me, he looked disgusted and I couldn’t blame him, the way it looked. I probably seemed fast and easy.

“I’m sorry” Amber murmurs into my chest, she pulls away and the look on her face she seemed to be regretting it. She turns before leaving me with the judgment eyes around me.

As I had predicated Suwoong and his group of goons are quick to jump on the news I had slept with not one but two men. They had no proof apart from what Amber had said, but that’s all they needed at this point.

“You little whore, you can’t help yourself can you?” Suwoong pokes me in the chest pushing me backwards. “Is that what you’re up to? How many guys are fucking?” the different crude questions fly at me. Despite attempts by friends to step in, Suwoong is relentless.

“Are you going to try and infect all the guys around here, you scutty dirty fuck” he pokes me in the chest repeatedly. “Hey watch mouth” a familiar voice calls out, when I turns I see Coach Park approaching us.

“Watch how you speak when you’re on these grounds, okay?” Coach Park warns before dismissing the crowd that had gathered to their last class for the day.

“Choi, you stay, I want to speak to you” Coach Park stops me and we speak up. For a couple of minutes Coach Park openly bitches about Suwoong. He doesn’t hide his dislike for his student, he calls Suwoong a brat who was reliant on his dad.

All the things I had thought of myself, Coach Park agreed with. “Your last day doesn’t need to be fucked up by that asshole, so if you must. Knock him the fuck out and move on with your day” surprisingly the elder encourages me.

“It’s your last day, do what you must” despite getting the approval of the elder I decide that fighting wouldn’t help me. I had dealt up with up until this point, four years of this and I had decided that I could handle the next few hours of it.

“Life is sometimes about completing the job you started” he references the last football game later on in the day. “I need you more than I need him” he assures me that he could pull Suwoong off of the team.

However wanting our team to win, I decide to work with the person I detested the most. It was in our best interest if we played with the best team.

Later that day once all the lessons are done, I head off to the changing rooms to get ready for the football finale. I try to quickly dress for the match, ignoring the glaring eyes and the gossiping people.

Suwoong is like a dog with a bone, he can’t let it go. He prods and prods and keeps trying to push me over the edge. He wasn’t focused on the game, no he was determined to push me over the edge. He starts calling me a nark for speaking with Coach Kwangji, he wonders if I had been talking shit about him. How ironic that he was worried that other people were actually talking about him.

“Hey ladies, how about we focus on our game?” Hanbin finally speaks up. The captain had been silent up until, like he had been he had let me be verbally abuse up until this point without intervene. He was only speaking up until this point just to get our attention, he wanted to have a team talk.

With the help of Bobby he tries to get the team hyped up and excited, we were close to saving the team and we had a goal that we needed to reach. We needed to make our school and our town proud. So I would work hard at it, for him if I had to I would shove away my pride for the god of the team and my future.

The team that we play against is a well-known team from Busan, very rarely did two teams like ours face off. They were a tough team as expected for the finale, but our team had a lot on the line, especially the younger players. With a lot of spirit and determination I run around on the field and do my job. We’re all running toe to toe, game is on an even playing field.

My muscles are pushed to the edge, I use my brain double time to think of ways to pass the ball around, to create chances for the other members of the team. We work hard and push each other in ways I had never seen, and we deliver.

We don’t back down and we don’t let our team down, as many goals are scored on both teams however we manage to get in a couple of extra goals in the last few minutes and win the game.

It should be great. When I thought about it, the memory of achieving something like this would be really great. However as the locker room gets rowdy and excited, there is a lot of high fiving, fisting bumping, and chest bumping just general excitement.

However no one seems to acknowledge my existence, Suwoong had seemed to work his magic and most of the players weren’t even looking at me. I did get some congratulations from Bobby and Taehyung.

Yet for me it feels hollow, it’s hard to cling on to the moment, even though I had just succeed and won something in front of friends and family. But instead of being happy, right now I kind of just hated myself, I hated the people around me who treated me as if I were invisible.

Coach Park congratulates us on our hard work, he seems genuinely proud and excited and he expresses his delight to the news that we had saved the team. It was good news, we were currently the school’s heroes, but the stress of the day had finally made its way onto my shoulders.

I was tired and I didn’t want to see anyone, I didn’t want to look at anyone or talk to them, I was tired of feeling this way, of feeling unwanted in a crowd full of so many. It was frustrating me, so when Coach Park suggests that we meet together for a meal on him, the team agrees and they all hurriedly take their showers before leaving.

My parents who had made a little time out of schedules had returned home to rest, meanwhile I had told Jinwoo and Junhyuk to head off too because I was having dinner with the team. It was lie, but I just didn’t want to be around anyone, Joy and Changkyun had also bought the same excuse and hadn’t taken much convincing both were heading out to a date and would meet up with me at another time.

Once everyone is gone I go to the showering room, I strip and climb in to let the water wash over me. After all it was awkward whenever I joined the showers with the others, all the kind of the drop the soap jokes were thrown my way. It was best avoiding, so I simply lean on the cool tile wall, I let the water wash over me once again.

When suddenly I feel the strange, strong and nude embrace. Muscular arms wrap around my waist, and I feel the warm skin of another. I stay frozen shocked and somehow expecting it to be Yien who was the culprit, only to be surprised as a voice I thought hated me whisper in my ear.

“You did well Youngjae, we couldn't have done it without you" even though I try and pull away and push him away I fail. His strong arms are left either side of my head locking me in, he was so close up and so naked. Hanbin holds me close and whispers in my ear. “I think about you ALL the time” I miss a beating of my heart, what did he say?

“Even when I don't want to. I try and stop myself” did he really feel this way? For me? For how long had he even felt like this? “I try to get you to hate me and I try and hate you but I can't" he confesses shocking me completely.

Before I can speak up to him, Hanbin kisses me gently down my neck, leaving soft and sweet kisses whilst his hand slides down my waist pulling me closer. Our skin was touching, I can’t help but take notice of how close our erogenous zones were together, how could I not notice?

It surprises me a little, even thought we had been this intimate before by the pool none of us was exactly naked. Just looking at him, he was so perfect, muscular and toned and made me feel lacking. However the way he watched me, as if I was someone to be desired. Instead of pushing him and running away, I, I let him do it.

Being acknowledged and desired like that, I liked it. When I turn to his softer, vulnerable and slightly tormented face, he leans in to kiss me. It’s a soft and perfect kiss, I can’t pull away from him. My body just melts into him, like I were ice cream from the freezer, I thaw out at his soft and gentle touch. The kisses he peppers on me, I was getting drunk on them.

Hanbin’s nimble hands make their way down my hip bone, my thighs and lightly trail over the base of my cock. I let out a moan, sensitive to his touch. I lean in to kiss him, capturing his lip I part his lips using mine and slip my tongue inside of his.

My mind was in a complete haze, the kiss had disabled my thought process, all I could do was kiss and feel. Hanbin squeezes the base of my cock, before sliding his hand up and down the length of my cock. He turns and rotates his motion until I get hard under his touch.

I moan into his mouth as a response, and steady myself on the tiled wall behind me. What we were doing was reckless, anyone could walk in on us and catch the pair of us, how would we explain ourselves? I didn’t care.

Right now, right here in this moment with Hanbin I didn’t want to be anywhere else. I didn’t want to be with anyone else, my heart was thumping from his groping and his caressing. He cups and feels my ass turning me on, I roll my hips his way and groan before pulling away and watching him.

Where was this all leading? I had hopes for it would go, but was it something he would want to do? “Let me make love to you” Hanbin suddenly whispers into my ear surprising me.

It’s as if he was reading my mind. I nod my head into his shoulder to confirm, before slowly kissing down his neck and further down to his chest. I really wanted for him to like it, I knew how well he had reacted to me when I left marks, when I bit into him.

Honestly I wasn’t one for getting hickeys myself, the idea didn’t sit well with me. But I knew last time I did it to Hanbin I got a good reaction and this time it’s the same. I let my hands travel and feel him against my thigh, he was hard.

I slowly travel down leaving my mark until I get down on my knees in front of him, I look up to see Hanbin’s face. It’s a little bleary through the water, but I keep going, I reach for his cock and stroke his length squeezing the tip which elicits a moan that is music to my ears.

Encouraged by his reaction I keep going, I stroke back and forth turning my wrist. I bite my lip only briefly hesitant before leaning in to lick the tip, I swirl my tongue around his cock causing him to moan loud. His moans encourage me to keep going, I lick and start to suck on the tip.

Opening up wider I take him deeper down my throat, as I do it seems to weaken his legs. Hanbin leans on the wall behind him to steady himself, he lets out a loud moan whilst his hands travel down to the back of my head.

Hanbin calls out for me and my name a first from him, knowing that I could make him like this that he could be like this drives me to keep going. I keep bopping my head letting more of him past my lips, water still watching over me I brush it aside every now but it makes the breathing a little harder. I keep going, pushing myself harder licking and sucking,

My spur-of-the-moment lover calls out my name over and over whilst stroking through my hair, I take it as a god sign and keep going. Until I finally hear him groaning, he leans forward and before I know it I can taste him, he had come so quickly. I hadn’t been expecting it, maybe I had spent too long on this part.

Getting up to my feet, I stand in front of him watching him close, the look on his face he looked a little bit annoyed. So I lean in to kiss him, to reassure him that it wasn’t anything to feel embarrassed. “You drive me so fucking crazy” Hanbin says to me before leaning to kiss me right on my lips. It’s a heated kiss that doesn’t extinguish even under all this water.

When I do pull away to catch my breath, I reach for his hand and direct him down to my ass, I lean and whisper in his ear exactly what I wanted him to do for me. He freezes surprised watching me, but I reach for his cock already trying to get him ready once again.

“It won’t hurt, just start off slow” I encourage him. Although he is hesitant I feel his hands travel to my ass, he separates my cheeks and uses his finger to find the pucker. I moan in response the fact that he was so close, I hump onto his thigh repeatedly as my own way to respond. He briefly pauses before returning to my opening, he slowly begins to poke and open me up.

I grip on tightly to his arms as he pokes and prods before eventually pushing the first finger inside of me. He pumps the finger inside of me, whilst I pump at his cock again I can feel it getting hard again.

Hanbin is hushed as I whisper in his ear my next instructions for him, right now I had the control because he was doing everything that I said. He moans as I keep pumping his length, he was almost ready and as was I. He slips in another finger to pump inside of me, I rock my hips back and forth to meet the rhythm of it all, and feel him brush close to the right place. I nearly lose my footing and Hanbin is there to catch me, of course the close call worries him.

“Youngjae are you-“ before he can finish his sentence I lunge into kiss him, the second I catch his lips I push myself back on his finger. I squeak out a moan but keep going, Hanbin doesn’t seem to be hesitate much longer, he keeps going opening me up. I moan through his kiss now ready for more, I wanted to move on but I wasn’t sure just how far he was willing to go.

Did he really mean what he said earlier on? He had meant to go this far? He had to have meant it. I pull away from the kiss and lean in to whisper in his ear, it would be the last instruction of mine. This would be the last time I lead him, he would make up his mind after this. I deliver a soft kiss to his lips and wait for him.

Hanbin silently watches me without any reaction, my heart thumps for the genuine nervous. He keeps his eyes on me before leaning into kiss me softly and gently on the lips before reaching for my shoulder and turning me to face the tiled wall.

My pulse starts to pick up, I can already hear my heart racing out control, but I lean on the wall and stay there waiting for him. I feel Hanbin’s weight and warm on me, it was oddly comforting to feel him on top of me. He kisses me softly down my neck before reaching for my ass once again, I moan in response and out of curiosity turn to him.

Neck crooked around, I watch as his grabs himself and guides himself slowly but surely inside of me. There are a couple of moments of what seem like hesitation but I’m patient and wait for him until he’s fully inside of me and filled me up.

Its magical, it’s like he was the missing puzzle piece and finished the picture in the way that it needed to be. It burns a little but the pain is quickly replaced by pleasure, I adjust to his size and wait as his thrusts start off slow and unsure. I whine louder and louder to encourage him, it seems to work as he rolls his hips into me.

I can feel him inside of me, filling me up more. It was so hot and only continues to get hotter, oh shit I had wanted this for so long and for it to have happened like this, it was unexpected but it didn’t mean I was disappointed. Far from it, as I push back into Hanbin he meets with me and we create our own rhythm.

Minutes pass between the two of us and all that is exchanged are moans, as he thrusts into me harder and harder becoming more comfortable with the space that he occupies.

There are no kisses or touches of affection, just an intense and shared gaze which drives me crazy. I reach down under and start to stroke my cock, I squeeze and roll my thumb at the base before I move on to stroking my cock. I could feel myself getting closer and was searching for relief, I had to let it all out and quick.

It felt urgent, so as I roll my hips back onto Hanbin’s cock I pump my own. Hanbin’s hands rest at my back, he pushes my body onto the tile before preceding to thrust hard and fast into me. Caught off by the turn in hilt I come, there and then without warning.

The warm feeling washes over, it turns my knees to jelly as I come out into my hand. This is quickly washed away and down the drain but that’s not my focus.

Hanbin was still inside of me, he was thrusting mercilessly inside of me. I spasm fresh from my orgasm but I lean my head onto the cool tile and let him thrust into me.

The sound of skin slapping can be heard along with moaning the falling of water. I am dizzy and seeing fluorescent colours and shapes, but I try to take as many breaths as I can. Hanbin keeps going for a couple of minutes before coming with a loud groan. Hanbin spasms forcing his hips forward.

Panting and out of breath he leans himself on my back, he was a little bit heavy but he was warm stroking me down my shoulders. “Thank you” I hear him whisper in my ear, and the pair of us just stand there in the water. We were sure to get sick after this, we had been here for a while and this surely wasn’t good for us.

As we get dry up I observe that Kim Hanbin was much more attentive than I had imagined, the flutter of kisses I receive as I dry myself down with a towel warm up my stomach.

Hanbin pauses in between the flurry of kisses to dry up his hair, as he does I admire the way his arms flex up, he looked amazing. His abs were so defined and toned, he continues to make me feel like I was lacking. But the look on his face said to me that he thought otherwise, unless I was reading too much into it but maybe I wasn’t.

Maybe in Hanbin’s eyes I was someone who was special, I didn’t know just to what degree he considered me to be special. Was I even special? Was he just horny?

After all it had been a month since we had last talked to each other, touched each other and this was the first time we had real and proper sex.

Was I his first? How did he feel about it? Hanbin wasn’t exactly the easiest person to read with his stony faced expression worn on his handsome face.

The drive home is a silent one, we were all dressed up and Hanbin was taking me home to Jinwoon’s place. He was completely silent, the only thing I could hear was the purring of the motor as well as the cars passing outside.

Hanbin wasn’t saying much and to be honest I didn’t know what to say. If I said the wrong thing, I could end up pushing him away and that was the last thing that I wanted to do today.

So I was silent, until suddenly Hanbin reaches for my hand which he grips and squeezes tightly. “I don’t want to let you go tonight” he suddenly speaks up. “I know where we could go” I speak up watching him feel slightly embarrassed.

The night didn’t have to end, I didn’t want to go home and start thinking about him. Last time I had hurried off home after a night with Hanbin, we hadn’t spoken for a whole month, I was clinging onto him so desperately.

“Is that how you felt? That you were clinging on?” Hanbin asks as he strokes through my hair, his other hand around my waist holding me close. I hum a yes, he had interrupted me mid story but it was done with that part anyway.

“I didn't know when I would see you again, I wanted to make the most of our time together” I confess which wins a little pleased chuckle from Hanbin. “That night in the car, what were you thinking about?” I ask Hanbin a question that had been niggling at me.

“My engagement… I was trying to think of all the ways to get out of it” my heart skips a beat surprising me. He had been thinking about doing that for me? Had he thought about it some more? Could he do it?

“What about you? What were you thinking about?” He asks before kissing me on the back of my head, it was left me with a warm and pleasant feeling.

“How long I could keep you to myself? Which then was just a night” I remember we had only managed to stay alone I a car parking complex near my house. It was dark and quiet, the perfect place for us to talk and keep making out.

Through the kisses we talked and my desire for him grew, he was smart. He was smarter than me, smarter than anyone in any room. Yet he was so humble about it and barely showed it. He totally proves my theory of him coasting through life on his family name wrong.

I liked him even more and that was a good and a bad thing. I liked the feeling of being around him, “but not being around you was a feeling I don't like” I confess. Hanbin hums pleased and continues to stroke through my hair not saying another word for now.


	9. IX

Bobby’s POV 

“its so cold” my father complains, even though he was wrapped up quite nicely and warmly the harsh winter weather was starting to affect the ageing elder. Located outside of his ice fishing cabin, we were far away from our home in Mokpo. 

We sit at the lake located nearby the secluded cabin area. I had grown up close with him, the kind, and warm, attentive and encouraging man. He was the hero in my life, his strength and sense of loyalty, his ability to be open and fair. I definitely tried to model myself to be a man like him, although sometimes it felt like a struggle. 

How did a mere mortal like himself manage a whole entire corporation that he had built up, with being family man and good friend who was still able to hold her humility and stay a fun and engaging person.

After a busy few months the mighty Kim Henry had found time in his busy schedule to put in time for a weekend trip with his only child. It had been so long and we were close and had been all of my life. I was the apple that didn't fall too far from the tree, we were both amiable and laid back which was perfect for the weekend fishing trips like this.

The weather had dipped down recently, it was no longer autumn so the weather had become a little bit harsh. For those who were bored, it was the subject of a lot of complaints, it was freezing cold but Henry was the only one affected. With the wolf blood pumping through my veins, I was always sure to be warm. Kim Henry had married a quiet, moody and somewhat brusque wolf girl, despite revealing her true identity to him he loved the girl and married her and so they had one child. I was it, I was the fruit of their love, they had loved me and protected me, so it would be nothing to return that favour, so I wrap an arm around my cold father.

“Thank you my little cub” my father warmly compliments me still keeping his focus on the hook and catching his fish. As we wait for a fish to catch the bait, my father and I do some catching up. My father was very open about the goings on of the company, he always tried to keep me in the loop no matter if it's good or bad. I would soon have a role within the company, so this would be important information. Unlike the other “chaebols” I didn't mind hearing about it all, I loved the company. Sonic had been an upstart from the kooky Korean American.

Kim Henry had revolutionised how media like music, movies, television and games were consumed. Sonic was still an important company worldwide with a great reputation. It was a company I would be glad to work for. However the company talk doesn't last too long and veers off into me. My life specifically. My father wanted to know how I had been doing with my studies, even though school was done I had more studying to do. He would not give me role in his company without me being ready for it, I had to keep my studies up. He worked me hard, so did his wife. My parents would never accept anything less than greatness from me.

“Son, girls don't like dummies” he teases fondly ruffling through my unkempt hair before coolly reclining in his seat. The big grin on his face is similar to my own, only his was straighter and whiter.”Speaking of girls…” He drops off the small droplet of a hint. I simply just shrug, honestly revealing that I had someone that I did like. “Is it someone daddy knows.” The elder teases. I nod my head simply but reveal that she has a man. 

“Awww my poor sonny!” My father half teases and half sympathises. A grin spreads on my face, as it always did with the elder. “Is it Hayi?” He suggests with a wide grin, suddenly I begin to chortle. The laughs continue as my father knew of my dislike of the spoilt young princess.

Nonetheless my father didn't have a warm opinion of the Lee family at all, only choosing to deal with them through his relationship with Hanbin’s father. He thought that the Lees were snakes, slippery and uptight so he doesn't hide his relief in my displeasure at his suggestion.

“I did not want things to become complicated between Hanbin and yourself” he speaks up. Little did my father know, it was already complicated for Hanbin. I had watched him waiting this long to realise his feelings and to act on them had only further complicated things.

”Marrying that girl, is it something Hanbin wants?” He seems to read my mood. “At some point he did” and it truly did, most of our lives Hanbin had been willing participant to the set union that his parents. For a long time Hanbin had been committed and faithful to Hayi and never shown his feelings for anyone else. Well until recent time that had been the case.

“She's a bright and pretty girl. A good match for him” my father speaks on Hayi trying to be as diplomatic as possible. After all there wasn't anything he could do about the situation and he held no ill to Hayi herself.  
“He's in love with someone else” I knew I could trust him with this secret.

“Whose the lucky lady?” My father thought well of Hanbin, seeing almost as a second son. He tried to keep up with what was going on in Hanbin's life and be there in anyway that he could. He genuinely cared about his welfare and when Hanbin needed a place to stay he allowed him to stay.

“Lucky lad” I correct, briefly silencing my father. He was the kind of man who could keep a secret, even from his best friend so I had no worries of this reaching the Kims. “I don't know if he's that kind of person...” not that I would ever judge Hanbin. Gay straight or in between, Hanbin was my best friend. “Is this something that is mutual?” My father is serious now, probably assessing the situation and the risks it held. This situation could hurt a lot of people, Hanbin especially. 

Over some time I had watch as a Hanbin jealous and immaturely picked on Youngjae due to the denial his feelings . I watched he teetered on the edge of teasing to insults and slurs, he poked and prodded at the class’ outcast. I never believed he had any malice in his heart, but I watched on trying to understand his feelings, hoping to help him. 

As more time passed, I was still there not pushing him to his realise his feelings. I knew it wouldn’t work, I knew it would only make Hanbin panic if he realised someone else knew, so I watched on as he slowly matured and realised his feelings for Youngjae. Now I had seen him finally make a move to the person he desired so much, and I was worried if he would back away at such a crucial time, he so close and I knew it.

“Yes, they have gotten close” I finally answer my father, he still holds a look of concern, as well as he humming. Youngjae the awkward fellow student of ours who had often faded into the background had finally gotten close to Hanbin. In our early junior high days Youngjae had been plain and meek, fading off into the background. He had never made it onto my radar, not until he made the move to high school and became associated to the rich handsome and popular foreigner Tuan Yien.

That move was enough to get him in the firing line of others, and since then he became a target for the school’s biggest. Lee Suwoong spearheaded a campaign of hate towards Youngjae. Back then he wasn't quite as intense, not with Yien around who worked as a moral support, close friend and was a rumoured boyfriend of his. Those rumours specifically spurred on a lot of spite from Hanbin, something that took me a little while to realise. Realistically as a best friend you don't jump to the conclusion that your best friend is into another guy. 

So for a while I didn't think too much of his behaviour, I thought he was following the tide and he would get over it. More keen eyed than my best friend would give me credit for, I start to put the pieces together. How his mood would get sour seeing Youngjae and Yien together or he could just get a little happier watching Youngjae in the classes we shared. How he could fall into a peaceful slumber just watching Youngjae there quiet.

It was only until last year during a swimming lesson did it become undeniable for me. During a swimming lesson in the summer, I saw the true extent of his feelings. Strangely the one lesson that our school allowed us to take coed was the swimming lessons. The mood in class was excitable and mischievous. The boys were leering a girls and some of the girls were leering back. There was a lot of hormones and excitement in the air, and lots of banter to be shared. 

Hayi more so than now was glued to her man, they had been dating officially for close to two years. The ice queen had been nonchalantly planning a romantic event with her beaux to celebrate their two year milestone as a couple. Hanbin had very little input, in fact he just nodded his head to agree with whatever she liked. Hayi loved his compliance, it meant she got her way.

When I think about it, at that time he had clocked out of their union mentally and was just going through the motions to keep his parents happy. He was on autopilot, he could be seen and heard but he was really engaging properly. I hated when he was like that, but I knew that it was a coping mechanism that he used at times when he was overwhelmed by everything. To some it was enough that he was just around, even if it meant he was like a robot, with no soul behind the eyes. 

To the ordinary eye, they were the sweetest and most enviable couple. They were a young future power couple, with lots of money, great looks and even better family background. They were the perfect couple and to others Hanbin was a sweet and doting boyfriend to the lucky Hayi. Little did they know that her sweet doting boyfriend was unable to rip his eyes from the school outcast Choi Youngjae. He was sat alone at the edge of the pool, he ignored the abuse that was hurled at him. 

Youngjae was sat at the edge of the pool dangling his feet, I honestly didn't know just how he did it. He ignored that shit, but he did it. He ignored it so well that he had no idea that Hanbin had been watching him for so long. Hanbin had his eyes glued on Youngjae when suddenly he reached for his chest gripping slightly, his face scrunches up in a pained expression. Even like that, people were so absorbed in themselves and their lives, that nobody seemed to notice Hanbin’s pain. 

Concerned I watched on as Hanbin quietly excused himself trying his best to compose himself, he made his way out without causing a scene. Immediately on my feet, I followed as a concerned friend should, but also made sure to not catch the keen eyed Hayi’s attention. I followed Hanbin out into the hallway, only to discover that he was facing off with Tuan Yien and it all looked pretty intense.

“I see you. The way you look at him” Yien accuses Hanbin, the look in eyes was fierce. “You're not as slick as you think” he challenges Hanbin by poking his bare chest. Hanbin winces but instead of fighting back he tries walk past Yien, but the elder doesn't allow it. He steps in Hanbin’s way and gets right in his face his nose flaring and eyes bulging. The elder was unlike the mischievous and playful elder that I had known him to be, he looked possessed. What had Hanbin done in such a short time to piss him off?

“You like Youngjae, fucking admit it” Yien accuses Hanbin who still wasn't saying anything. Instead of denying anything and fighting back he was just stood there not saying a word. “The reason you heckle him and fuck with him at any opportunity is because you like him!” Yien continues and he despite it all he doesn't draw anyone else's attention. It was just the three of us in this hallway and Yien and Hanbin were caught in a grapple it seemed, but Hanbin wasn't fighting back. He was just silent, and I knew he only ever got like that when he couldn't dispute the truth. He wasn’t a good liar so he never tried to be if being confronted by the truth.

“Whatever thoughts you have of him, get that out of your head right now” Yien steps up right in his face. He looks intimidating, probably cause of how angry and tense he seemed. “He's not someone you need to concern yourself with and for now just think of him as someone who has a man” Yien had seen what I had seen. He had seen through Hanbin and was claiming his territory to the person that he saw as competition for his man’s heart. Yien seems to be touring over Hanbin who was hanging his head down and saying absolutely nothing.

I had never seen Hanbin this helpless and pushed around my anyone, it was strange to watch. “How can I stop?” he seems to genuinely ask, the look on his face looked upset. After a brief silence, Hanbin looked so shaken and vulnerable unlike I had ever seen him. He looked on the verge of tears, Hanbin was never really for getting upset, he just coasted on one emotional wave but right now he looked close to breaking down, but he was winning no sympathy from Yien.

“Focus on marrying the poisonous blonde, marry her and leave what's mine alone Okay?” Yien pokes Hanbin once more to push the point across before storming off leaving Hanbin alone to break down, he falls to his knees and sobs unlike I had ever seen him do. Hanbin seemed was broken and that’s when I knew that he needed my help, from then I knew he was in pain and I had to protect him. 

Hanbin had feelings for Youngjae and had tried to at after a whole year of trying, he had finally made a move and I would be here to support him. “Is this something that he could get over?” My father asks hoping that maybe it was just a phase in Hanbin’s life. I shake my head simply, the more I thought about it his feelings were serious and not fleeting. “He is a good kid, this will be a very hard thing for him…” my father asks for me to be there for Hanbin and to support him. “I’ve raised him well up until this point, I won't stop just now” I joke and gain a belly laugh from my father. 

“Take care of yourself too sonny” he lectures. “Don't forget that you're also a person, you shouldn't neglect yourself, find something that makes you happy” my father continues while squeezing my shoulder and leans to kiss my cheek affectionately.

“Park Kyung Il’s daughter she has grown up to be really pretty”my father suddenly changes the subject. He brings up the young girl that I had grown up with, she had certainly grown up well. She went from being the short, awkward and cute girl to looking tall, pretty with a great body. She had a line of suitors who were just begging for her attention, but from a young age she had only shown interest in me. Despite my attempts to let the younger down nicely, she hasn't given up on me, a quality my father seems to like about her.

She may not be the one to imprint on you, but she would make a charming daughter in law” he speaks so fondly of her. I knew that however that wouldn't happen for us, Junghwa was also a wolf and it was very rare that two wolves imprinted on each other. In fact someone had already imprinted on me and it wasn't the raven haired beta, it was someone else. I knew we had a connection but I never acted upon it, it was something I had learned to control. Plus for now I didn't want to step on toes and complicate things, she was already someone else's.

The fishing trip is not as successful as past trips, we only manage to get a few catches but in the process we get a few laughs. It's so much fun, I rest a little bit and feel refreshed as me and my father head out to our home. As we do we sit in a coach we were catching, my humble father preferred to travel like most normal families did. We sit wedged in the back of a packed bus and start discussing the current state of the pack.

“The attacks seemed to have died down recently, you kids must be hard at work” my father says with a proud grin. I nod my head in agreement, we had been pushed recently as a pack especially after our fight at the pension. Following that the drainer still kept up their attacks on the pension and the town but we had it handled. We did get cocky and complacent and that had come back to bite us in the ass, we had the death of Geum Jiwon on our collective conscious. 

The drainers had caught us off on a night we had spent off, the night of the semi final football match. The school, the town and our nation was in mourning over the sudden gruesome and unexplained murder of a pretty teenage girl. Wholesome, kind and with her whole life in front of her, she was savagely taken away. She had been in the hearts and minds of of all of us, we all wanted answers and surprisingly we got them.

They came gifted wrapped in the confession of the now infamous Lee Woo Jin or Monster Of Mokpo as he was dubbed by the media. The small, meek outcast with an interest in teenage girls had confessed to the crime before being found hanging in his jail cell a few weeks later. He had confessed several times on camera and it appeared he was the crook, after all he knew facts only the killer would have been able to know. He was obviously the killer and although he escaped justice, to the public there was relief that came with his death.

However our pack knew that wasn't the case, that bastard Woojin was still alive. He had faked his death, as drainer being hung wouldn't have been able to kill him. Neither would have being buried alive, he was pretty much indestructible. He could play dead for a long time and had gotten past doctors and coroners and convinced them he was all dead. However there was whisper within in the supernatural community, that Woojin had gone into hiding and was preparing his return and to kill more. He was just waiting for everything to die done, for the cops to dwindle down and for the town to let its guard down.

Our pack wouldn't allow it, we wouldn't let our guard down. We would track him down and end him, or at least I hoped. I knew with Changkyun leading us that it would be possible. “I was surprised when I first heard that there would be a lead alpha in town” it was very rare that lead alphas showed up in my our little town, but then again we rarely were in a state of emergency like this, Changkyun was someone we needed.

“To have been in town for such a short time and already he's taking care of things, it's not a surprise after all he's Minha’s child” my father praises the reluctant leader. The feel no ill will or feel any jealousy towards my pack leader, because he was what we needed. Im Changkyun was not only brawn but he was also a brilliant thinker. The way he thought, his tactical mind was ahead of any enemy that he faced. 

Since being under his leadership the pack had become a tough pack to go against wiping away any enemies. We had mokpo pit of control, taking out the covens and around mokpo and we were even gaining a reputation as a pack who was not to be messed with. I was grateful to have him around, but feared what his imminent exit would do to us.

“Just serve him well and things should work out” I agreed, that might be it after all. If I learnt from Changkyun, then it could help once he left for his travels around the world. I had decided to study close to home, that way I could be there for the pack if something's were to go down. I had my responsibilities with the company but my pack duties would always eclipse that, I had decided that from an early age. 

The weekend fishing trip with my father had been a cool and relaxing one. Anything that I felt anxious and concerned about I talked over with my father. So as we got closer into Mokpo, I could feel that I was a little refreshed overall. As we approach town I can hear all the wolves who, I was connected, I can feel their presence and am quickly reassured that there was nothing thing big or dramatic had happened whilst I was gone.

In fact from the feeling I got, things seemed to be running smoothly on that end of the spectrum. On the human side of things I could sense the feelings of discontent and worry in my best friend, especially as I take notice of the elite in my inbox. The source of the said E-vite being Lee Hayi, she had sent it to many of the students in our grade. It was for the engagement party of Lee Hayi and Hanbin.

The pair were set to be married before Christmas before heading to Paris to study their respective subjects. Their future was set and it was due to start today, it was all happening so suddenly. “Oh my… My unison and Mina are doing this all so quickly” my father diplomatically comments. We both knew the reasons why Hanbin's parent’s were pushing this so quickly. They were hoping to speed things along and avoid incidents of feelings wavering, Dongjun had experienced those feelings as he studied. He was meant to marry once he had finished he had finished studying in Seoul, however he often dipped back to his first love Park Yeeun.

It caused lot of trouble as his the fiancee almost didn't marry him, scorned and jealous she tried to ruin Dongjun by using her family influence to attack her family. It was totally cliché, something of the dramas, but it was enough for the Kims to be cautious. They want to cement it all quickly and without fuss, it seemed that Hanbin was really going to let his parents have their way with his life.

“There are consequences to any actions to any actions you may make”my father warns, seeming to have read my mood. I knew what he was saying, but I couldn’t just sit still and watch Hanbin suffer like this any longer. Hanbin was under so much pressure and it seemed like he was crumbling underneath it. So I decide that I needed to step in, I wouldn't let him take this lying down, he wouldn't be left unhappy.

When I get home I call my father’s favourite tailor to come and fit me for the engagement party. I invite Hanbin to come along, he readily accepts the invite wanting to be anywhere else. His mother was happy that her son was getting ready, she allows him to leave and get fitted. Mrs Kim trusted me and part of me felt bad that I would be going against her, but it was all in the name of her son’s happiness. 

Hanbin and I had some things to discuss, and if I was going to help him then I would need some answers. While I wait for my best friend to make his way over, I receive a visit from my wolf hyung Hoseok. The flamboyant and outlandish elder was dressed in what looked like a combination of idol and dominatrix, faux leather and PVC jackets. He was in all black and his clothes were obnoxiously tight, his eyeliner was on thick and smoky. Despite the eccentric look my father allows him to come inside with a warmth, he greets Hoseok warmly, happy to see him. My father was always happy to see anyone from the pack, he knew just how important all the members of my pack were to me. 

My father with so little time excuses himself, he heads off whisking my mother away for a romantic getaway. Hoseok and I soon catch up, he reveals details of a small fight that had broken out last night between the pack and a coven. “We got caught off but with the tactics we practiced, it didn't end badly” he further adds that Changkyun didn't turn up to lead the pack. “He mysteriously was MIA” it was strange, very rarely did Changkyun not show up. Even though he lead the pack reluctantly, he still did it well and was always there to lead us.

We were protecting people and he was very serious about it all. Had something happened? I was concerned. “I went by his house later on just to check on him and I could sense his presence… And Hyojinnie’s too” I pause to think over this new information. “Those two have gotten awful close recently” I knew what he was suggesting and it's not like that it hadn't crossed my mind. “He was the rich girlfriend…he needs to be careful” it was true, but so was the theory of imprinting. Like it or not, the two had imprinted on each other,despite their attempts to deny it.

Changkyun in particular was doing everything he could to resist it and I couldn't help but wonder if it was actually working? I had imprinted on my a human, but the wolf on wolf imprint, I heard it was hard to resist. “A way I wasn't here to gossip. I actually came to report something suspicious since leader him has gone wall, then I trust you to pass on the message” he informs me that the message on the border was that there's a small coven of strong vampires popping up.

“They haven't made any moves, but they might. My connect will keep you posted if they do”. Hoseok was using his promiscuity to his advantage and had been sleeping with one particular drainer. Despite being natural and mortal enemies, the pair had continued their sordid affair and it worked to pack’s advantage. The rogue vampire didn't adhere to the code of drainers, he had no loyalty for them and he was happily helping Hoseok. Changkyun worried about this coming back to bite us on the ass and he stayed extra cautious.

“Anyway you pass on the news. I heard the beauty and the beast were going to your friend’s ball and chain commencement ceremony” Hoseok jokes. I was still surprised that I was invited to the party, let alone Hayi’s enemy Joy and her boyfriend who she thought not much of. Why would she invite people she hated. This was strange, but I would have to get to the party to figure that out. No matter what I wouldn't let this hurt Hanbin anymore than it was already doing.

There is a brief and awkward moment just as Hoseok makes his way out he bumps into my best friend Kim Hanbin. It's immediately uncomfortable and tense, mostly on Hanbin's end of things. He was around his potential love rival, the way Hanbin watched the elder and Youngjae interact at the party. If looks could kill then Hoseok would be dead and buried, but he was here warmly greeting Hanbin patting his shoulder. The other squirms away looking irritated at the contact, but Hoseok doesn't seem to mind.

“Ah… You're Kim Hanbin right?” He continues his greeting, grinning from ear to ear not wavering with his confidence. This was perfect, I knew Hanbin would be thinking about Youngjae right now and it would make a perfect Segway for confronting him. “You and my Youngjae are supposed to be well acquainted aren't you?” His Youngjae? The wording no matter how innocent it seemed, it was still enough to visibly irk Hanbin. I grin happy to see it, he was jealous which meant with a few pokes and prods he would be easy for me. I watch the two interact, like a fly on the wall I enjoy watching the silent little battle between the two. 

Hanbin’s non reply doesn't faze the elder, I rarely did it but I sneak into his head to read his thoughts. There seemed to be something that I was missing, Hoseok knew something that I didn't know. “He's cute, I wonder if he gives or takes” the thoughts aren't far off from what I would expect from him. “He's a bit pouty, but very handsome. Straight boys are trouble” wait, was he interested in Hanbin? “He could hurt Youngjae. Should I distract Youngjae instead?” It sounded like Hoseok was protective of Youngjae. It seemed he knew about Youngjae and Hanbin, and there being something there. 

Had Youngjae told him, or as usual had he been keen eyed and figured it out? To the unknowing eye, there was nothing to be said about Youngjae and Hanbin. Was he into him or was it just a genuine hyung’s concern. “Youngjae please run away” he sends out a warning, part of me wonders if he knew I was in his head and was doing this to warn me some how. Hoseok makes his way out of the apartment, simply patting Youngjae on the back who shrugs it off. I was becoming more aware, that there was more proof that Hanbin's feelings for Youngjae were mutual, Youngjae had proved that by kissing him all those times.

I had been around and seen it all. I had coincidentally seen their kiss in the car the morning after our fight with the fairs. Then on the roof, I had purposefully interrupted the two and pretended to have seen nothing. Later that day I had caught the pair in a heated clinch by the pool, and by then I was more than convinced that Youngjae liked Hanbin too. However Hanbin had put so much space between the two of them since, There had been no progression since.

“He looks like a jerk” Hanbin mutters as we get fitted for suits, Mr Yuk had finally arrived and was fitting my suit. Hanbin was sat down, his suit was already done and he looked really quite irritated. Mr Yuk was a well known and popular suit tailor in town, the eccentric elder was a prop with a keen eye for fashion and durability. Some of my favourite suits were made for him, but apart from that he spoke pretty well.

"Why is he even dressed like that?” Hanbin continues to bitch and complain. Ever since Hoseok had left, he had kept throwing barbs at the elder. “Does he like that jerk seriously?” Hanbin mutters bitterly under his breath. “forget it” Hanbin mutters, but is unable to hide his irritation. “Hoseok hyung is pretty cool, you should ask Youngjae” I poke Hanbin. “If Youngjae thinks well of him, and I do too. The. He can't be that bad” I see Hanbin's jaw clench and I knew that I was getting close to a reaction. “He reminds me of Yien hyung and all I know how well they got along”, Hanbin grimaces in reply with a small huff.

“Your expression young man isn't good” Mr Yuk teases Hanbin whose expression turns to his stony default. I am not fazed by him,in never had been and he hated and loved it. “ it would be nice if Youngjae was to meet with someone. We all can't be lucky to have found the one at birth like you did” playing dumb I tease. “She's not my one” he doesn't even hesitate to clear that up. “You know that none of its real, it's just something that'll be forced upon me” it was frustrating because I knew this was true, Hanbin was in an unfortunate situation. 

If I were in the same situation as Hanbin, I'd be hard pressed to say that I would act differently . Although his parents did love him, the Kims had an impossibly high standard set out for their son. Despite being already accomplished, they clung on tightly to high society and staying at the top of it. They had backed their son into an unfair corner and made it so that he would either follow their plan or be rejected by the family that he loved so much. He was under pressure and had crumbled underneath it.

So I had decided to take it into my own hands, if he was going to this then he wouldn't do it lying down. He wouldn't live a dead life, is would help him live a little and be happy, even if it was a brief time.” You should end it tonight, tell them you won't do it” I plead with him for the umpteenth time. “Yup cause it's easy, in front of friends, family and my parents and their work colleagues?” He would receive repercussions from moves like that. “They would disown me” the Kim’s brief disowning of their eldest had put the fear of God into the second youngest.

“Are you really going to go down like this? Without a fight?” Hanbin shrugs looking slightly conflicted and seeming a little irritated by me. “Your face is too handsome to hold that expression” Mr Yuk teases poking at Hanbin who pulls away causing the eccentric to bust out laughing. Hanbin pulls away causing the elder to continue laughing harder.

“if you were going to be this way then you shouldn't have stirred up Youngjae’s feelings like that” it was a risk, suddenly coming out with a statement like that. It meant silently confessing that I had known all along, about him, I'm sure he had a lot of questions for me right now.”What the hell are you talking about? Hanbin immediately goes on the offensive. I can see he's visibly shaken, to hi,m this would be something he had worked so hard to hide. I had just called him out, especially in front of a relative stranger. 

“If you were just going to get married, then you shouldn't have started anything up with Youngjae” the words stun Hanbin. “ Look dude you know that I love you, I don't care if you like men, women, in between, black white, and in between” it wins a positive reaction from Mr Yuk. “Awwww real friendship that's very good to hear” Hanbin however doesn't react well as he backs away slowly out of the room. “ Don’t do this Binnie, don't lie right to my face” Hanbin just ignores me and runs away.

I wanted to know that I could help him. “I don't need your help and whatever you think you know is wrong” and without another word he storms off without his suit. “A emotional young man, his feelings are stirred up in a whirlpool” Mr Yuk deeply philosophises. He was right, it wasn’t hard to see that Hanbin was conflicted between what he felt he had to do and what he wanted to do it. The necessity to be loyal to his family and their wishes, and the overwhelming feelings he had for Youngjae. Right now he wanted to know if there was something else at risk, if he could just stand by and let it leave. 

Hours had passed since I had confronted Hanbin about hid feelings for Youngjae and I was sat in the kitchen of the apartment that belonged to Choi Jinwoon, the elder brother of Youngjae. The place was compact and sleek, it worked with a purpose and not for luxury, but was decorated in a way that gave it a homely feeling. It was comfortable and inviting, and it was something that fit my vibe, it was totally cool. Jinwoon stands in the kitchen dressed casually in a baggy pair of trousers, which he wore with a tank top and an a apron. He looked domesticated as he tends over a pot of boiling stew, while he adjusts the heat of the stove he talks to me the elder was friendly and kind. 

Growing up I had always seen the elder around town, he was tall and handsome, cool and had a reputation for being warm hearted. He lives up to it as we talk, I was at the kitchen counter sat with a sweet iced tea and was waiting for Youngjae to finish getting dressed. 

"Its so good to get him out, he's been pretty much locked up inside" Jinwoon readily reveals. I had encouraged and convinced into coming to the engagement party. It was all under the rouse of an apology, an apology for making him feel left out, he probably would be wary that the real reason was. Youngjae had no idea that I was trying to get Hanbin to confront his feelings, we didn’t have to explain so much. They needed to talk now and clear things up or they would have regrets, so I was waiting patiently for Youngjae to get ready and drinking this bomb ass iced tea. 

“This isn’t a set up is it?” Jinwoon suddenly asks, raising his eyebrow with suspicion. “Like they do in those quirky movies where the popular kids take in the outcast in the hopes of purposely humiliating him?” the look on his face as he delicately asks the question. He seemed concerned, I admit that during our time at school that I could have done more. Although I had never once said an ill thing about him or too him, but I could have stood up for him and tried to stop the bullying he received. I wasn’t innocent, even now I was about to drag him into something that was potentially messy for the sake of my friend.

Would Youngjae even be willing to involve himself in something like this? Would he be willing to be with Hanbin and stay by his side even with all the bullshit. They needed to talk, so at the very least he would leave with some clarity and they could move on from that. So I assure Jinwoon that that I had no ill will towards Youngjae, I just needed his help. “Well if that’s the case then surely my cute little brother cannot decline” he continues to cook and chats with me, but even still I can sense the protectiveness coming from him. I understood his desire to protect but to also push the one you care about into acting.

That night when Youngjae and I arrive at the lavish party hall that the Kims had booked. The party was in full swing already with a number of guests that wracked up 200 or more guests. They were, friends, family,colleagues, young, old, domestic foreign and in between. They were all here to celebrate the engagement of Hayi and Hanbin were in the middle of socialising with guests. 

Hanbin as expected looks beyond miserable, whilst a happy looking Hayi glows as she leads him through the crowd. The Kim and Lee parents seemed busy hosting the party, doing their networking leaving Jung Woo and Nari bored and to their own devices. As we walk in I catch view of Joy and Changkyun were socialising with the rest of the party.

“You came” I acknowledge the pack leader and his girlfriend. “My girlfriend needed a date” he nods his head watching Joy with a smitten look on his face. Joy was glowing as usual, she was dressed in her signature blue, wearing a flowing dress that clings to her curvy yet toned body. How could he even look at another girl? I hold back the urge to pull Changkyun to the side and call him out for his secret meetings with Hyojin. He was my pack leader and my loyalty lay with him and not with Joy, no matter how much it irks me. So I make my way over with Youngjae who seemed to be taking everything all in.

Youngjae looked a little overwhelmed and uncertain about what he was doing there. I stay at his side and hope he’ll relax with his friends around him, he needed to stay a little bit longer. I can see his eyes darting around looking through the crowd, for Hanbin and Hayi. Youngjae watches Hanbin, although Hanbin is busy and doesn’t notice him leaving him to look briefly disappointed.

"What’s this? We don’t get to see you unless you are at work, but you stroll in with Bobby?” Joy feigns being hurt. Youngjae bites his lip looking a bit guilty and embarrassed, he chuckles and leans over to pat Joy’s head fondly. Youngjae excuses himself with the excuse that he had been studying, it gains collective disbelief from his peers. “It’s been good to see you anyway bud” Changkyun moves things on and the pair start to catch up. They excitedly chat about the possibility of going to Seoul to see a foreign artist play a concert. Youngjae seems to melt and relax around his friends for no, so I leave him to greet someone I hadn’t seen in a while.

Across the hall catching up with old friends was Kim Dongjun, the eldest of the Kim siblings. He was a chatting busily to friends when suddenly he spots me and pulls away from friends to catch up with me. “Dongsaeng! You made it!” he pulls me into his warm and welcoming arms. Despite his short and small stature, he some how manages to look bigger than me, he pulls in and we chat away.” You have grown up nicely” it had been close to a year since I had last seen him. 

 

The man that I considered as a brother only seemed to visit around christmas, but it appears he came for the special occasion. Our catch up is brief before we start discussing the engagement tonight, Hanbin and Hayi were on his mind. “ I have made things hard for my little brother” he acknowledges his brief rebellion and how it had impacted his brother. 

“Hayi’s a beautiful girl though, he’s a very lucky” the elder seems to be looking for a way to quash his guilt. It wasn’t his fault, it was just a fucked up situation caused by stubborn parents. “From the outside my parents may seem like a cold and heartless bastard with major issues, but for my siblings and I… they are people that we cannot live without”. Knowing Hanbin I knew he felt the same, I knew that it wasn’t the fear of losing his comfortable lifestyle. It was the parents he adored so much. 

“It’ll be hard for him, I need you to be there for him” Dongjun pleads to which I quickly assure him that I would. “Dongjun oppa!” Joy excitedly jigs and rushes over to me. She had left Changkyun and Youngjae to talk, she flies into the arms of he elder she had grown up with and soon they head down memory lane. As I look around, I notice that Hanbin finally has taken notice of my party guest. The look on his face seems to tell the story, his gaze was on Youngjae who was unaware that he was being watched. I watch on waiting for Youngjae to become aware and acknowledge Hanbin. A tense minute passes before it happens, before their eyes finally meet and I can feel the electricity in the air. 

All this time I had watched Hanbin watch and pine over Youngjae, it was interesting to see it be mutual. There was something there, so I had one more chance to convince Hanbin to go after what he wants so I would take it. Even in a packed crowd, it didn’t seem like he could hide it, fortunately everyone around him was too busy and didn’t take notice.. Hanbin manages to slip out through the crowd to a quiet area of the room. I take it as my chance to follow after him, we needed to talk.

As I approach Hanbin, I can see from the look in he’s eyes; he’s seething. He’s doing his best to compose himself in front of so many guests, he was still holding on by a thread. “What the fuck are you doing?” Hanbin doesn’t waste time to confront me, he looks so irritated and intense. I knew I shouldn’t enjoy it, but I do because I knew it would lead to something better. “ I bought you the person that you wanted to see the most” he’s not fond of the grin that I wear on my face as I reply. 

“Why are you doing this to me?” he sounded slightly desperate but I don’t back down. “Look, I know you don’t want to piss your parents off or hurt them” I try my best to explain this to him, but he disapproves. “If you know that then why the fuck are you doing this?”he sounded slightly desperate but I don’t back down. “I’m doing this cause I know you, I know just how much I regret it all. For not speaking to him and clearing everything up” he doesn’t react but I knew he was thinking about what I had said. This was good, he just needed a bit more nudging.

“Talk to him, end it and tell him that you’re getting married” the look on his face told that wasn’t an option that he wanted to go through. “Or you could tell him how you feel and end things with Hayi” I suggest only to receive an eye-roll from Hanbin.. “That’s an impossibility and you know that well” he adds. “Then you two can just talk and figure out something, anything. Even if it’s just one night where you can talk, hug, or kiss him and whatever it is you want. Be happy for ONCE” I plead with him and I can tell he’s thinking it over. “How can I do that?”he questions, his gaze falling back onto Youngjae, he wanted this and I would help him. 

“You head out dude, and I’ll get him out somewhere to meet you” I start to direct Hanbin out of the room. I tell him to head over to a coffee shop nearby that I knew would open, and focus my attentions of getting Youngjae out. I knew I was nearly done with my job, so I head over whilst Hanbin slips out. When I get to Youngjae I see he was coincidentally in the middle of speaking to Mr Kim.The elder was thanking Youngjae for his contribution to the team and helping Hanbin out. 

Youngjae is evidently uncomfortable around the elder, but he stays ultra polite in the presence of the elder. I decided to pull Youngjae away using a family emergency as an excuse. Unaware that this was a lie, Youngjae is understandably narked to discover that he had been duped, but when I explain that he was to meet Hanbin he becomes less argumentative. “Hear him out, whatever he has to say just listen to him and try to understand his situation” my sudden and serious tone seems to startle him. “You… know? Everything” even now he was clammed up. “Of course I do, I’m Hanbin’s keeper” I jostle him towards the coffee shop. 

“You like him right?” I double check, just to make sure that I wasn’t making a mistake. “…He’s getting married” I take that as a silent answer in itself, he wore a similarly conflicted look up on his face. “Then you need to talk to him, instead of avoiding him talk it out. Because hiding on your brother’s apartment and Hanbin walking around like an robot isn’t working”. I encourage him to make his way to the coffee shop but he pauses at the sight of Hanbin, he looked scared. “Hayi’s beautiful, she’s smart, she’s got a good background. She’s perfect, like him” he looked like he was losing confidence in his feelings, but I had to push him. He was so close, so I nudge him encouragingly. “It’s not enough”.

Youngjae watches Hanbin, before reaching for the handle of the door. He takes a deep breath, before turning to me thanking me for my help. I smile and tap him on the shoulder, “fighting!” I cheer him on before heading off inside of the shop. They both looked tense right now, but I was hopeful something could be resolved, after all I was Bobby guardian angel of Kim Hanbin.

Hanbin lights up, the look on his face shows a lot of warmth towards Youngjae. The two hadn’t been together in the same room for almost a month and it was almost like Youngjae was a tranquilliser for him, he was suddenly so calm. Youngjae on the other hand, who had been so unaware of how my best friend felt for him so long, looked tense, worried and concerned. I don’t get to spend much time to see my handy work as I receive a call through our connection, Changkyun was calling me over to the hall. His voice held a certain urgency, so I rush over to where he could be. I feel the goosebumps onto my arms.


	10. X

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically don't mess with Choi Junhyuk's little brother, cause he might try and end you

Youngjae’s POV.

I was a total cliché right now, it would be embarrassing if someone was watching me right now. If they were watching me, then they would probably be able to see me here sat on my bed, freshly woken up in nothing but a shirt and boxers watching my lover sleep. That lover was lying down on the bed, he was deep in sleep, so deep that I had checked under his nose for signs of life.

Fortunately he was breathing, but just deep in his sleep. With him asleep like this, I could take full advantage and just watching him deep in his slumber. He was so beautiful, the thought passes through my head for the sixteenth time in ten minutes. I pinch myself finding this all kind of unreal right now, he was here in my bed.

Before last night I had no way to think that this would happen, but last night had been full of surprises, strange moments and overwhelming and intense moments. After our encounter in the school showers, Hanbin and I had spent the night together. We were in a parking lot near the school, it was dark and secluded and gave us enough cover to stay together. We spent the night, talking, making out and holding hands, it was a good night. My heart fluttered as he caressed my cheek as, he spoke I listened carefully and laughed when he joked. It definitely ranked on the top 5 nights of my life and by the time he dropped me off I knew that I had fallen hard for him, and I wouldn’t be able to get over this.

The brief separation that we had been through had left me feeling a little empty, Hanbin had as predicted gone MIA without any contact. He hadn’t reached out to me despite having my number, we had sex so spontaneously and for him to disappear like that. I would be lying if I said that I hadn’t been hurt by him, my feelings have been getting more intense and spiralled out of my control. I hadn’t gotten the chance to stop them, in fact they had just snuck up on me, he had gotten into my system and I couldn’t shake him off. So honestly when Bobby invited me to Hanbin’s engagement party, I could have denied the invitation and decided against it and maybe that would have been a smarter option.

However against my better judgement I gave into Bobby’s pressure, and went with him to the engagement ball. The lavish, shimmering and over the top ceremony which was being thrown in honour of the union of the boy that I had been pining over and his future bride. Hayi looked gorgeous as usual, dressed in a slinky and classy sequinned golden dress, which was accented with red heels, and red jewellery and lipstick. She had all the eyes of the room, all but the eyes of the man that she was going to marry, strangely they were with me. The way he watched me, it was like we were just the two of us in the room.

I was pretty much ready to leave soon after I arrived though, staying was starting to hurt my feelings. I didn’t know that I had so many, and it was becoming overwhelming, but on my way out I had been cornered by non other than Kim Myungsoo the father of the boy I liked so much. The handsome elder greeted me with a warmth and cheer that I had not expected from a man who was essentially selling his son off for a connection. I bit down on my tongue and chatted to the elder as he thanked me for assisting his dear son in the winning of a coveted football cup. “As promised Henry and I will be writing you up a glowing letter, thank you very much for you hard work” the elder promised as he beamed towards me. The conversation continued as he questioned what my plans were for the next year, and is very encouraging when he hears that I would be heading towards a future plans in accounting.

It’s all surreal and nerve wracking, but fortunately Bobby is there to save me. Granted he did scare me half to death in the process by using Jinwoon and a car accident as an excuse. I'm so hold back the ass whooping that I would not have been able to deliver on, and follow Bobby all the way to the fairy café. A quaint and cute little café located near the hall, it was styled like an American fast food café, and was just short of getting closed down for the night. Hanbin was there waiting for me and Bobby had somehow managed to convince me go ahead and see him.

Honestly I had gone in to meet him and convinced that I would tell him off. I would yell at him for fucking me and then avoiding me for so long. I would yell at him for having shaken me up like this, because of him I wasn’t focused on making my move away, I was staying because I was foolishly hopeful. I needed to end things so I could cut the cord, to do it cleanly and make sure I headed off to Seoul without any lingering feelings.

Yet it didn’t turn out like that, the second I sat down opposite Hanbin and he had reached for my hand I was a goner. Weak for him I had melted under his touch, and as he spoke to me his words I listened with a keen and hopeful ear, he seemed so sincere, and even though I knew this was going to lead to a lot of heartache I agreed. I had agreed to be with him, for the short time that we had before he got married.

So here we were the morning after in my bed. The bed we had made it to last night, my brother was fast asleep when we had gotten here. I had managed to sneak Hanbin in and we had laid up in bed, to cuddle up and talk to each other late into the night. We talked and discussed a lot of things, we had talked over the misunderstandings that I had gone through over time. How he had pushed me away to try and deal with his feelings, how he had lashed out in confusion and how he had been conflicted for so long. It wasn’t hard for him to win me and my sympathies, it was fair to say that he twisted me around his little finger.

Usually it takes me so long to wake up, yet this morning on only 5 hours of sleep I jolted up. When I woke up I found myself nestled in his warm and comfortable embrace. He was holding me close, the weight and warm of his body was comforting and his fingers were intertwined with mine. I had never had a better start to my day, I couldn’t recollect any of the birthdays and Christmases that could even compete. The way his eyelashes fluttered or his lips twitched, the way his nose flared as he snored softly, it was ridiculously cute. The fact that he could be cute seemed to keep catching me off guard, he had been so cold all this time, I didn’t know that he could be cute.

“How long are you gonna keep staring at me?” Hanbin says with a groan. I chuckle at how cute sounded murmuring, his voice wasn’t quieter than usual which I didn’t think was quite possible. “Am I handsome?” he quietly asks before leaning his head on my lap, I chuckle amused in response and stroke through his hair. He hums in response nuzzling his head into my lap, it was so comfortable just being with him like it was right and something he should have been doing all along. I nudge him playfully, after all he had to know just how devastatingly handsome he was, it wasn’t even fair. “What time is it?” Hanbin asks drawing a pattern on my thigh, I let him know the time and that my brother was gone to work for the day and for a few hours, it would be just the two of us.

“Your seduction technique isn’t that bad, you said that so casually” slightly embarrassed I laugh wildly and push Hanbin’s head off of my lap. He bounces on the mattress and unlike ever he shows a big reaction.

“Wow Choi Youngjae, that’s not cool!” his expression is loud and not what I had ever expected. Hanbin leaps at me, throwing me on the mattress, as he straddles me and reaches to grab my arms and pin me down.

“That wasn’t very nice Youngjae” he teases holding me down despite my struggle. I can’t really focus on putting up a good fight with him, his face is immediately hovering over mine, so close that I could feel his breath on my cheek, he doesn’t waste any time to lean down and kiss me.

It’s soft and gentle, I freeze a little bit under him whilst my hands slide down to his pulling him down onto me. The kiss deepens, his lips separate mine and soon we’re in the swing of things, in a deep clinch. It was passionate and perfect, each kiss with him felt perfect.

Mid-kiss I hear him hum before he pulls away slowly, he watches me with one of his intense Hanbin looks. Looks I had once mistaken for hate and disdain, was actually something else, like he was taking it all in, like he was taking a mental picture of me. He leans in to whisper into my ear, what he says it sends a shiver down my spine.

“If I died now, this wouldn’t be a bad last memory to have” my heart flutters at the somewhat morbid comment, only those words would sound good coming his mouth. His sweet mouth which I lean in to capture, he kisses me back in response something that still surprised me still.

The fact that when I kissed him, he didn’t go running for the hills, I was still worried that we would have this night and I wouldn’t be able to see him for a month. Yet here he was, on top of me kissing me, his body was on top of me and felt so warm, my hands slide to his waist pulling me further onto me. I liked just being close to him, I was greedy for it.

As his hand travels below the waist band of my boxers, he throws me off my track of thought. He begin to stroke and grip my length, it sends a jolt of pleasure through me and I buck my hips into his warm and slightly clammy hand. Hanbin deepens the kiss, his lips were so soft him tongue was pushing mine and winning control and his hands continues to squeeze and pump. He continues to stroke, I thrust into him harder and harder turned on and already lost in my haze. A haze which lasts some time and takes us from my bed, to the bathroom ensuite and back to the bed and once again in the ensuite to recover.

After our bathroom session Hanbin and I dry up, and I lend him a pair of my boxers and a tank top which fit on him quite tightly but highlight his muscles. He looked so good it was hard not to keep repeating that thought, especially as he lies peacefully in my arms. As he sleeps I carefully roll him back in bed and cover him which wins a brief groan of protest. However he’s soon back in my arms, I’m back with a book in hand, I was reading the book catching up on some last minute studying.

His phone rings a few times during this time, it was his family and fiancée, when I hand over the phone to him. He nonchalantly texts them back to reassure them of his safety, before returning into my arms to softly snore and sleep. He was so cute, I stroke through his hair and keep ahold of him and this moment, he could stay as long as he wanted. Well as long as Jinwoon wasn’t around being totally curious.

That was the thing we were doing, we were keeping low-key and under the radar. For us to work we needed to sneak around, and so I could cling around for a few more hours. However like most things, all good things come to an end, and Hanbin have to part, I have to leave and head to work and cover for a missing employee at Happy Coffee.

Hanbin isn’t very pleased at the concept of our time together being cut short, he even displays more cute behaviour by pouting about. Nonetheless I get the strength to resist his cuteness and head off to work, I get there quicker with a lift from Hanbin. He receives a few more calls, but this time round he outright ignores them in favour of a quiet but comfortable ride into town. It was already dark outside when we arrive a block from the coffee shop and the protective other offers to escort me to the door.

I decline however, I wasn’t some damsel in distress that he needed to fuss over. He lets that go, but he doesn’t let me decline a ride from him once my shift is done, so before I go to work we part with a kiss. I smile and watch him still dazzled by him, before heading out for my night’s work. I notice that the coffee shop is busier than usual as I approach the shop itself, the reason becomes apparent when I notice that Changkyun as serving some of the customers.

They had gathered in audience of him, although he doesn’t seem to pay too much attention to his fan group. Changkyun explains that he was filling in for his uncle for the night, so that his uncle and aunt could go out for the night. “Awww that’s so sweet of you oppa” Soohyun had already been won over by the handsome and temporary boss. I soon join the pair to serve the customers who come and go.

Changkyun shows his worth, with his somewhat rough around the edges handsome looks win him some fan girls who shyly or excitedly come in to watch him, some try to even approach him. He had caused a circus and objectively speaking I guess I could agree with the ladies, he was a very good looking guy, subjectively he was my best friend and I didn’t see him as a man no matter how much I tried. I felt nothing but the warmth of a friend to him, and that was good.

The shift passes by quicker than normal, with the place being busy and of course hanging out with Changkyun, it’s a pretty pleasurable experience. As the customers come and go, Changkyun warns them to all be careful and travel in groups of two or more, his concern wins him fondness from the customers but confusion from my end of things.

When I bring it up he simply states that he had a bad feeling about something happening, and that it was better to be safe than sorry, it’s all very mysterious until he turns his attention to me. He reveals that Hyojin had told him about my attack a while back and he was obviously concerned.

Although I am thankful to have such a concerned friend, I do confront him about his sudden closeness to Hyojin. It seems to briefly startle him, especially with how straight forward I was being. “We’re just friends” he excuses, but something in his eyes tells me that he was lying. “Joy is happy with you, because she likes the good guy that you are. Don’t fuck with her feelings” for once I am serious and I don’t back down. Fortunately Changkyun doesn’t react negatively, he is appreciative and thanks me for my words and promises he won’t hurt Joy. I take him to his word, I had no reason to not believe him.

“This guy you’re seeing. Do you like him?” Changkyun suddenly brings it up out of nowhere as we clean-up for closing time. Soohyun had gone home, she had been escorted by her best friend and it left Changkyun and I to talk. He had suddenly bought up me seeing someone, and I wonder why?

Was he just guessing? I hadn’t been around him and Joy but is that an assumption to make? Maybe he was thinking that it was Sunwoo, he had witness us kissing, and with Amber visiting the school and airing me out like that, he could be right to assume something was up in that area of things.

“Be careful” he simply warns without digging deeper, not even waiting to get an answer for the first question he asked. Did he know something? I don’t ask the question afraid of the answer. Instead I clean up shop with Changkyun and decline his offer to escort me home, pretending to cling on to my male pride, he reluctantly lets me head off as he closes up shop.

I’m only a block away the coffee shop when I get picked up Hanbin, he had changed he was on time and completely changed out into more casual attire. He looked bright and fresh, and like earlier happy. I flutter at the sight of him, happy that I hadn’t had to wait a whole month again.

“You have a sensational ass” Hanbin states as I straddle him in the driver’s seat of his precious Beatrix. We were parked off somewhere quiet and secluded and in the middle of some heavy petting. His hands paw at my ass before eventually firmly gripping, the look of lust in his eyes was nothing short of sexy.

“Do you do squats or something? This is a pretty exceptional butt, it’s overachieving actually” I laugh in response. I had no idea that he could be like this, that he could flirt or joke at all. My heart was already beating so fast at the contact, would I ever stop this feeling that I had, the mixture of nerves and excitement which tingled through me when I was around him. He made had such an effect on me.

“Can you stop talking about my ass, I have a face and a brain” I joke pouting a little, he reaches over to cup my face and looks me straight in the eye. “Such a beautiful face, the face that sends me fluttering” I made him feel that way?

Impossible, who was I that I even made him feel like that? He holds my gaze for what feels like an age, he was doing that thing that made my heart feel like it was dropping down to my knees. He was watching me as if I was truly something special, and honestly I didn’t feel worthy at all, but I hold the gaze.

Our moment is interrupted when Hanbin’s phone loudly rings, he tries to ignore it, but for some reason I nudge him to pick it and soon regret it. When he answers the phone his relaxed expression completely changes, to a tense and dark one.

“I’m out” he answers his question, I can tell he’s being a bit vague but I can’t blame him. “I’m in a dark parking lot with the school’s outcast sat on my lap” wouldn’t really roll off of one’s tongue to be honest. “That’s none of your concern” he brusquely replies, its sign that he wasn’t talking to either of his parents, from what I knew they were people he respected and feared a lot.

Sensing that this was a tense conversation, I climb off his lap and onto the passenger’s seat. “We talked about this, and I won’t explain it further, I don’t need to report to you where I am and who I am with and what I am doing” he sternly replies to the person the other end of the phone. He sounded quite harsh and I wasn’t sure what the person on the other side had done to deserve it, but I wasn’t a fan of hearing it.

The phone call is short and Hanbin soon hangs up with a deep and long sigh. He leans back into the car seat looking out ahead into the darkness, “I’m sorry” he quietly apologises. “I just… she won’t listen unless I spell it out for her” my heart drops a little, even now I was jealous just hearing the mention of Hayi. I knew I was wrong to be feeling this way, after all I was the one who was sneaking around with her fiancé behind her back. I was doing her wrong, yet here I was feeling a little bitterness and jealousy as if I had the right, but I couldn’t control my feelings.

“Youngjae… you can runaway” he was giving me a way out, I could run away with hurt feelings, but I would be able to recover if I left now. But I don’t, I don’t do the smart thing and run away, I lean over to kiss him, to reassure him that I was fine. I wasn’t, but if he thought that I was fine, then there wouldn’t go away for so long. He reaches over to cup my face to pull me close and thankfully he kisses me back, that’s all I wanted. For now I was clinging onto Hanbin, literally and figuratively and it seemed that he wasn’t running away, for now things would be good like this.

“That was freaking amazing” Joy yells out onto the streets of Seoul, the hustle and bustle of cars and the city’s people eat up her noise. Although she does catch a few sideways looks from some strangers Joy doesn’t care much, she comfortably hooks arms with me and hums happily.

“Thank you so much for coming with me” Joy she repeats for the umpteenth time today. She wasn’t stopping on showing her gratitude, not that she needed to thank me, quite honestly I was glad to have come with her all the way to Seoul.

We had travelled down to Seoul after hours on a train, ad had finally made it sharing a hotel room near the concert theatre. After saving up for a couple of weeks we had managed to get the concert tickets for Lianne La Havas and only 15 minutes ago she had been in front of us a theatre of adoring fans.

Joy and I had swooned over the British foreigner as she cooed softly and played her guitar so melodically. Her music felt like it was speaking to me and how I was feeling in my life, she seemed to reach all the other members of the audience too who fell for her.

"I'm so freaking sad that it had to end" Joy pouts cutely, leading me through the crowded streets. We probably looked like a couple to the outside world, but Joy’s boyfriend had been too busy helping out at the coffee shop to come along with us.

Despite Joy’s begging and pleading for him to get cover, he seemed determined to stay and help with the coffee shop. According to him, he was doing his best to repay Jinyoung for all that he had done for him and neither Joy nor I could really argue against it.

“This is what I get for dating someone so wholesome and caring” she takes a deep sigh. “Seriously even when we make out, there’s no upper body fondling or booty grabs…” she groans.

“Is my boyfriend gay? Do you get that vibe?” Joy half jokes and half asks, I chuckle in response and shake my head. Changkyun had never given off any other vibe than being straight, but then again I did get it wrong with Hanbin so I couldn’t one hundred per cent put a co-sign to that statement.

Even now I didn’t know what Hanbin was, he couldn’t be straight, and not when he was in a relationship with me but he wasn’t gay something told me that he could be bisexual? That he liked both men and women? Sexuality was so fluid that it was hard to determine.

“So Kyunnie tells me that you’re seeing someone” Joy suddenly speaks out, reaching out to grab my hand. It surprises me a little, I hadn’t exactly told him that I was seeing anyone and at the moment the only person who knew about Hanbin and me other than ourselves was Bobby. The normally friendly and daft looking member of popular elite was keen eyed, he had been able to see Hanbin’s feelings for me way before Hanbin himself could recognise it. Bobby had been a good, loyal and patient friend, and hadn’t even batted an eyelid at the reality that his friend liked another man. He was our biggest fan and was always there to help us, when Hanbin and I needed to spend some time alone.

Still with his support, we had managed to sneak around when we could. Hayi, his family and studying ate up a lot of Hanbin’s spare time, I rarely got to see him. Even this weekend, I wouldn’t have been able to see him anyway this week as he was in Busan with his family for their annual family trip.

I missed him and was receiving texts from him which read “I miss you”, “I want to kiss you”, and “don’t look at other men” he was cute. “You’ve been grinning like an idiot a lot recently, you sneak looks at your phone or head off to take short calls and Jinwoon oppa says you’re hardly around” so she had nothing succinct in her suspicions for me, so I could try and lie.

“Changkyun thinks you’re seeing someone too, but maybe you’re sneaking around cause he’s straight” shit, I internally curse Changkyun and his sharp eyes and observational skills. “It’s not your brother’s friend is it, the one whose girlfriend confronted you on our last day? “Joy keeps a close eye on me to see if I was lying. I stay still and deny it, it was half a lie and half a truth, but I couldn’t afford to really let her know the truth. The more people knew, the riskier it was for our secret and I didn’t want to scare and push Hanbin away, not when we had so little time together.

“Hmmmn, so suspicious” she pulls away obviously still holding her suspicion, so I reach over to stroke and pat her head to distract her. Joy hums pleased and so wraps her arms around my waist, the pair of us walk down the street still keeping with the couple aesthetic. I wrap my arms around her shoulder and we head off for a dinner date, it had been a long time since it had just been the two of us. Changkyun had joined our small circle of friendship and was now such an important person who both of us couldn’t do without, Joy especially she really loved him. 

“My dad can’t stand him, he thinks that Kyunnie is a bad influence on me” she says over dinner, but she goes on to complain her parents and their stiff attitudes to her boyfriend. “It’s a joke, they argue like cats and dogs on a daily yet I’m supposed to follow what they have to say” the conflict in the Park household seemed to be still affecting Joy and it seemed she was using this trip across with Changkyun as a way to escape that. “I can’t wait to be in Italy with my handsome boyfriend on a Vespa taking all rich culture in”. To the outside world Joy was a loyal and righteous friend.

Joy had stuck by my side and always defended me, despite how it looked to the rest of the student body. She is passionate, after shortly meeting Changkyun she had fallen for him and was now showing him a loving and loyalty that he had never shown anyone else. She is hard working having gotten the best results in the exams we had taken, she had her pick of universities to attend, but with her creative mind she was going to work in a different avenue and we all knew with her fighting spirit she could make it happen. She was someone to admire, and she was someone who many could learn from. Yet underneath all of that, was a girl who was sensitive, she didn’t want those around to be hurt, she felt the pain that others felt and the separation of her parents was hard on her.

So I try and usher the conversation away from the topic, instead I try and keep it fun and light-hearted for the rest of the night. We take advantage of being away from our family, we head out to get some drinks. In our hotel room the pair of us pretend to be an older couple, and order drinks through room service before ordering food and a movie to watch. Through our night we talk and make confessions, the drunker I get the harder my secret becomes to keep. My lips become looser and I find myself confessing the issues that I had with my situation.

“I hate being jealous, but I can’t help it” through loose lips. “She’s beautiful, so gorgeous that it makes me wonder how he could even look at me” it was true. I had seen Hayi around town, she had visited the coffee shop. She had come around with a few friends and a couple of times she had been with Hanbin’s little sister, the two got along well the younger adoring Hayi. Strangely the times we had interacted she had shown a warmth and kindness that I had not experienced in all my time knowing her, she had even apologised for her bad behaviour during that time. “It was wrong of me, and seeing Bobby and Hanbin reach out to you and be kind. I know it’s time for me to grow up” she apologised and it seemed sincere. Making feel even worse, for what I was doing.

“If he makes you happy, then cling onto him” Joy advises me, it totally surprises me and taking me aback. “Youngjae, sometimes we have to sacrifice our prides for the one we want” Joy leans her head onto my shoulder and hums. She was right, for Hanbin I had to toss away my pride, he was in charge of everything and how it happened but I wasn’t ready to let him go just yet so I clung onto him without pride. “Sometimes I want to yell at Changkyun, because he leaves me and his excuses are...strange” I seize up, I needed not to let my suspicions slip. Telling her about Hyojin would only complicate things, so I stay silent and let her air out her worries. “When we’re not together I get so… worried, but when we’re together it feels like he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else” I knew just how she felt and she probably had no idea. I stay silent and let her lean her head on my shoulder continuing to air out her feelings until she is asleep purring on my shoulder.

Did you dream about me perhaps? x

I grin like a maniac at the cheesy text when I gain sight of it the next morning, fresh from the shower the text is evidence of just how much he missed me. Amongst other texts from friends and family, Hanbin’s had been the most pleasurable to read, sending flutters of pleasure through me. “Jae-Ah hurry up!” Joy calls from outside the hotel bathroom, she knocks impatiently leaving me no time to cling on to the warm feeling. Instead I am forced to hurry up and dry myself, and dress myself up, Joy and I had one more day in Seoul and we were set to be busy.

Our first stop is actually for me, we head off into the Seoul City University building. I had been accepted there and I was curious, being in the city I wanted to look around and tour of university. I needed to familiarise myself with the place, because honestly I was nervous with what my next year would be like and the tour worked as a way to quells my fears. “You’ll do well Youngjae, you survived Yeung Hyun. You can survive anywhere” Joy encourages me. As we walk around we not only take in the school atmosphere, the more atmosphere, but admittedly there was a lot of eye candy in this school and unlike in Mokpo guys who liked guys were very open about it, receiving little to no judgement from other.

Leaving the campus makes me feel a little bit lighter, that for the first time in my life I would be in a place that I was comfortable in and that was accepting of who I was. “I am gay” the words suddenly leave my mouth, they were loud and to be heard, and no one stop walking or looked at me in a horrified manner when I expressed it. Joy laughs and jokes me in the rib, “no shit Sherlock” she continues to poke me. I squirm away and laugh trying to explain myself. “I’ve never said it out loud before” which seems to surprise Joy. “You haven’t?” I shake my head in response, Yien had guessed and I never told him and rumours had floated around the school, I had never denied the rumours. Instead I simply pretended to be above it, and left room for doubt that my parents clung on to. They needed it to be a childish rumour, so I let it be one for now. I figured one day when I was strong enough, I would tell them but for now I would be their youngest child that they loved so much.

Joy and I have a few hours to kill before catching our train, and we use that opportunity to just hang out. We head over to a coffee shop near the university and train station, one of the students we had literally ran into had suggested it as a place which made great coffee. The vibe of the coffee shop is cool, warm and modern, it seems to be served by flower girls and boys with great personality. The owner is a handsome and eccentric Jang Wooyoung, he’s a tall handsome and dapper man who looks in his mid-twenties. The man seems to know how attractive he is and uses it to bring in the customers, however he doesn’t seem to have the staff numbers ready to serve customers, so I step in.

Well I am pushed in by an overly chatty Joy, she tells Wooyoung about me being a server back in Mokpo and the fact I would be returning in the New Year to study. Wooyoung pulls me and oh so sweetly requests that I help for a couple of hours, that if I performed well then he would have a job waiting for me when I returned. Not one to reject a job opportunity which I would need when in the big city, I accept his request and serve the busy shop. It was busier than the Happy Café, so I’m rushed off of my feet, I’m so busy but I still notice when Joy’s table for one is joined by two other males. I am only able to see the back of the heads of the two strangers, but when Joy laughs and jokes with them it seems that maybe they were people she was indeed familiar with. I wasn’t worried enough to come and intervene, so I keep serving tables until my trial is over.

Wooyoung is kind enough to pay me for my couple of hours, and he praises me for my work promising me a job for when I return. I thank him and head over to Joy to enjoy one last drink before we head off to catch the train, as I approach the table I find that only one of the boys that joined her earlier was a stranger, one was none other than Kim Bobby. The handsome man was wearing his signature snapback and basketball jersey, he had a cool and laid back style. “Choi Youngjae! You’re here too!” he warmly greets me, and then introduces me to his friend.

The strikingly handsome man next to him was called Park Jaehyung, an American foreigner who wears a cool style too. A comfortable and designer jumper, as well as a pair of black skinny jeans, he finishes off the look with a pair of coke bottle glasses. The look on his face he doesn't seem to hide his gaze or his interest in me, or at least I thought it was interest in me, I can't help but wonder what the elder was thinking. 

“Ah I see you were right Bobby, Korea has some cute boys too “he directs a charming and tantalising smile my way. I blush at the sound of it, and for the short hour that we spend together, the stranger flirts with me, heavily, openly and freely. It’s flattering to say the least and I find that I was flirting back too, I enjoyed having the attention of the stranger. He was on break for his studies and was visiting Korea, he would be doing a short documentary about his time here, it was definitely fascinating and as he speaks I can’t help but be impressed by him.

Even though I knew Bobby was watching I do it hoping it will reach Hanbin, if he was jealous then it felt like I meant something to him, sadly needed the constant reassurance. “Maybe I should visit Mokpo, would you show me around Youngjae?” I blush a little at the thought that right here right now someone was flirting me without shame. Bobby watches on with a grin across his face, like he was amused by all of this, did he know that I was so sprung on his friend that I would do absolutely nothing about the come on that I was receiving from his friend.

Later on Joy and leave the pair to themselves, the pair were staying in Seoul for a week to get up to some trouble although Joy wants to join the pair. Joy and I go the train station and catch the bullet train home, and when we return home, Joy is picked up by her chauffeur Donghyuk who claims that there was a family emergency. So it’s a little bit easier for me to sneak a block away and catch a ride from none other than Kim Hanbin. He greets me with a sweet kiss on the cheek, it’s the most he can risk as we were out in the open right now so I take it.

It’s a few minutes into the ride home, our catch up is short, and Hanbin doesn’t seem to want to talk about his trip to Busan, simply labelling it as unnecessary. “So Bobby told me he saw you in Seoul…” Hanbin tries to casually bring up, it’s funny. I nod my head and hum in response, but add nothing else wanting to see more of his jealousy. “You met Jaehyung… apparently you both got along” his lower lip quivers a little. “hyung is very cool… and handsome” I taunt a little, “he's a good looking person, very cool” Hanbin who had been holding it together up until this point suddenly breaks the car, and then turns to me. “What?” he watches me close with jealous and annoyed tone in his voice.

Hanbin sulks in car silent he doesn’t move the car, he was blocking the lane but fortunately there were no cars waiting behind yet. I didn’t know that he would be this way just cause of a bit of jesting, he was jealous of Brian he wonders out loud if maybe I would prefer Seoul. “The people are more open there” I admit, it was more my pace and more comfortable. “Aren’t I your pace and fit?” he seriously asks, and the mood turns a little bit strange, it was tense in the air. “You’re going to Paris” I want to tell him the truth of my feelings. Instead I lean over to fluff through his hair and tell him to keep driving, Hanbin is stubborn for a few minutes before starting to start up the car and drive, his hand slides to my thigh. He grips at it and mutters a little before continuing the drive.

Jinwoon isn’t at home when I get home, instead I find Junhyuk waiting for me and he iinvites me over to his place. I would be sleeping over for the night too, it had all been decided for me. Despite my protests the elder forces me in his car and takes me to his place, as he does he complains about the lack of time we have spent. “Hyung gets to see you all the time, even noona is seeing more of you. I don’t like it” he expresses with a cute jealousy. “You’re going to Seoul soon anyway, so I need to take advantage of the time we have” I smile thankful to know I was loved to this degree, most older siblings didn’t cling to their younger sibling however I had three older siblings who seemed to love having me around.

Junhyuk puts me to work as soon as we arrive, I set up some fairy lights for decorating the back garden. Junhyuk had decided to host a late barbecue party, only inviting a few people it was meant to be low key but he was putting in a lot of effort. His girlfriend the normally sweet Ahn Young is a little off with me, I can recognise that her politeness was veiled in what seemed to be disapproval. I can’t help but wonder what it could be that would have put me on her shit list, but her barbs get to the point that they piss off the defensive. “If you have something to say too my brother then say it plainly, don’t talk to him like that” he defends. I am mortified but an a brief spat between the two ensues as Junhyuk calls out his girlfriend, and Ah Young apologises to me to mollify her righteous boyfriend, although it is most definitely a reluctant one.

Later on the awkward vibes continue with the arrival of Hoseok and Sunwoo, both who arrive as the food is being cooked over the outside grill. Hoseok is warm and friendly as usual, but Sunwoo is unable to hide his surprise at me being around. “Why are you acting so strange?” when I see Ahn Young’s eyes dart between Sunwoo and I, it becomes apparent that she may know what have happened between the two of us. Which wouldn’t be a surprise, after all she was close to Amber, the same Amber who walks into the awkward tension. The awkwardness fluctuates until not many of us are speaking, which aggravates the blunt host.

Never one to mince his words, Junhyuk confronts the pair for being awkward not knowing how much worse was making this. “It’s okay, we’re fine” Amber tries to reassure everyone, even by hooking arms with Sunwoo who readily takes her arm. Although it’s a little awkward at first as the theme seems to be, the two relax and melt into each and the drinks being served seem to speed up that process. “My little brother will be an adult in a couple of weeks anyway, what will some drinks hurt him” little did he know that the last time I had drank around one of his friends, we had ended up sleeping together.

Hoseok seems to be doing well, even under the influence he’s not messy but instead he is fun and only wants to dance and play. It’s contagious as he gets all the party guests, even the uptight Ahn Young partying and dancing along to his party mix that he blasts out. He plays DJ very well, his mood is light and bright until Hoseok gets text. He looks over the text and is briefly tense before switching back to the happy go lucky fool we knew him to be. He excuses himself informing us that he had another bed to visit for the night, winning him some jeers from his group of close friends. Shamelessly Hoseok rushes off and out, and immediately the mood dips down a little, not a lot but a little.

Junhyuk seems to have been overdoing it with the drinks, enough for Ah Young to be worried about him. Soon the pair start to bicker, Junhyuk accuses Ahn Young of being a control freak, something that sets off the elder who had been good and calm up to this point. Sunwoo and Amber both seem to be off in their corner chatting and with my brother and Ahn Young going their little spat, I start to feel like the fifth wheel. Wanting to excuse myself, I head to the side of the house where it was quiet and I call Hanbin.

Thankfully he’s there to make me feel better, despite being at family commitment he complains about missing me, however wanting to cling to some pride don’t reciprocate those feelings. “I just wanted to catch up…” I excuse the reason for the call, I wanted to be the controller of this and make him miss me. I chuckle as he half complains, half jokes about his father’s colleagues and their boring work stories, but I listen to them because coming from his mouth they were all gems.

Near the end of the conversation I catch sight of Amber waiting for me, she meekly approaches me and greets me. I greet her back, we hadn’t spoken in so long that I didn’t know how to approach her anymore, I knew that I was in the wrong, but to my surprise she apologises. “Going to you school like that, outing you like that. It was beyond cruel” she apologises. She doesn’t accept my attempt to wave away the apology, she says she knows what she did was wrong and explains herself.

“I overheard Hoseok talk about it and I got so mad”she knew he was experimenting and even with Hoseok. “I never thought that Sunwoo’d have sex with you…. Once let alone twice it surprised me”. I understood her feelings and before I can accept her apology we are both interrupted. “What the fuck did you just say?” Amber and I turn to see that Junhyuk had heard what we had been talking about. Before we can explain or even gauge what he knew, Junhyuk turns and rushes off and in Sunwoo’s direction and in Choi Junhyuk fashion loud and uncontrolled he viciously attacks him. No one is able to stop him.

We end up at the Police station that night, there had been a squad car approaching our house within minutes of the attack. The neighbours fed up of the noise we were making had called them in, and unfortunately they had walked in on Junhyuk’s uncontrolled attack on his friend. Sunwoo wasn’t fighting back, but shielding himself. The police walked in and pulled the pair apart before quickly cuffing the pair and taking them to the police station. Things had spiralled out of control so quickly.

Amber had driven Ah Young and I to the police station and we had arrived in the middle of Junhyuk receiving a lecture for his drunken behaviour. “Violence isn’t the answer” the elder officer lectures to my brick wall of a brother. Sunwoo explains that he’s at fault an attempt to extinguish the fire, but an angry Junhyuk lunges at him, “shut up you shit head!” he yells out for the whole police station to hear. He was animalistic and out control but I block the way.

The police are left to restrain him, whilst Sunwoo watches on apologetic. I plead with the cops to talk alone, Junhyuk and I needed a one to one and they fortunately agree.

Sending us to one of the back rooms, I try to calm my brother. Junhyuk complains and threatens and is basically a handful, but I sternly speak to the elder. “I’m not a baby” Junhyuk continues to struggle, like he was physically trying to reject my words. “I wanted it. I wanted to sleep with him” I explain much to the elders disdain. “I’m not hurt. Trust me Sunwoo didn’t hurt me” I try to reassure him but he assumes that I was only trying to protect Sunwoo and was lying in the process.

“He’s not the one I want. I was just… confused and hurt about someone else” immediately his suspicions shift to Hoseok. “No. It’s someone from my school and… well things are fine now” I explain vaguely that I was in a relationship and happy and unhurt. I don’t say who when he asks but assure him it was going well and for now I was happy. “Happy?” he asks slowly coming down from his anger. I nod my head and tell him that I was just needing things to be less complicated. “I’m not someone delicate hyung” I whisper as I pull him into a firm hug which he melts into.

Fortunately Junhyuk’s anger is extinguished and the pair of us make our way out to leave. Sunwoo wasn’t pressing any charges and the police warn Junhyuk, Ah Young and Amber about their volume control when it came to music. We take the slap on the wrist and head out, although Sunwoo reaches out an olive branch to apologise, my stubborn brother walks past Sunwoo and Amber without another word. I apologize to both who are understanding and rush after my brother.

Waiting at the side walk waiting for a cap Junhyuk is blank faced and stubborn as Ah young apologises for keeping her knowledge of what happened a secret. “I was trying to prevent something like this from happening” she pleads for my brother’s understanding, but he was closed off and once he was like this it was hard to open him up. He ignores her and flags a taxi before heading inside, I try apologise to Ahn Young but bitter towards me she dismisses me so I reluctantly join Junhyuk as he bellows out for me to join him, he wasn’t staying at his home.

So that night Junhyuk and I head to Jinwoon’s for a sleep over only to find that Jinwoon had boxes spread across the apartment. “Bro what the fuck is going on?” Junhyuk questions his elder brusquely. “I’m moving, this is a fresh start”, Jinwoon who was putting the boxes ready looked pale, like he was in the middle of a break down. Junhyuk tames down his behaviours immediately, especially when Jinwoon breaks into tears. “Hyung, what happened?” Junhyuk softly asks while rubbing circles. No matter how much the two argued, they were still brothers and best friends and Junhyuk was going to be rock for his elder brother.

Jinwoon breaks down emotionally and explains that he had run into Yenny and Dongjun whilst out. They had tried to sit down for a dinner and be adults about it, but it was hard for Jinwoon especially as he could tell that Yenny and Dongjun were back on. “They were like that last time…” he explains that seeing the two of them really made it clear that he and Yenny were over.

“We’re over” Jinwoon says before continuing to cry, Junhyuk and I comfort him. “We’ll help you out hyung” Junhyuk pulls away and the two of them get up to get something to eat. We cook and pack up for Jinwoon, and try our best to make the atmosphere light-hearted, Junhyuk telling an embarrassing work story. By the end of the night we collect up to three boxes worth of Yenny’s stuff. Jinwoon still plans to move, he had found a place closer to his work and Junhyuk and I support him in the meantime.

Jinwoon and Junhyuk go to sleep early that night, Junhyuk was already hungover and Jinwoon was emotionally drained. I was up and awake when Hanbin calls me, he says that he was downstairs a block away waiting for me and like a loyal puppy I rush down to my owner. We sit in the front of his car to catch up. Hanbin looked a bit tired, and the look on his face, he seemed a little annoyed and ready to vent. So I listen to him rant about the awful family dinner, the awful family trip which was just an excuse to introduce Jungwoo and Mari to rich heirs and build connections. I could tell that he was frustrated.

Hanbin sighs and reaches for my hand, “my birthday is coming up and so is yours” he suggests that with parental permissions we would be going to Japan. It’s surprising that he was suggesting a trip, we hadn’t been together this long. “I need to get the hell out of here, and I couldn’t think of anything better than it being with you” his words make my heart flutter so easily. It wasn’t great idea especially seeing as how close it is to Christmas but I agree. “ Joy shouldn’t be the only one who gets to spend a weekend with you” he reaches over to stroke through my face. “Give me a weekend where we would be free to be ourselves” I nod my head agreeing to it. Excited Hanbin leans over to the passenger seat, and so the kissing commences. I was definitely excited but I was anxious too, mid clinch with Hanbin I couldn’t think much.


	11. XI

Hanbin’s POV

 

“Maybe I made a mistake setting you two up” Bobby says with a pout, flopped on my bed, he complains about hardly seeing me despite him just coming back from travels. “You get a boyfriend and now you hardly ever wanna see me”, he continues to complain. However panicked I throw a pillow directly for his face with force causing him to yelp. “Maybe you should keep it hushed” I quietly warn him, my brother and sister were still at home doing their studies.

 

“My bad!” he nonchalantly replies with a shrug before continuing his protest. It’s true that we hadn’t seen each other in a while, but that certainly wasn’t any of my fault. “But seriously Binnie, ever since you became happier, you have left me behind” Bobby pouts a little, I knew he was partly joking, yet I knew there was some truth to his statement.

 

Times had gotten busier for me since my public engagement to Hayi, and with the wedding in month’s time I had been dragged into the wedding preparations. Hayi was with me morning noon and night and I hardly got to spend time with the one person I wanted. Hayi’s commitment to me had become more intense, she was using any opportunity she could get to keep me by her side and show me off to everyone and anyone.

 

My parents would make me go out to meet their clients, with their colleagues to learn and get connections for the future, every day was like a new field trip for me. So the couple of hours I got for myself was spent with the cute boy from across town that I had come to know and like were few and far between. It’s not like I was neglecting my best friend either, I knew he was pretty busy too, I had the feeling he was dating someone, whether it was serious or casual I didn’t know.

 

However I knew that he was working with his family’s company and even travelling to Seoul to learn from the upper echelons. Bobby was also being more mysterious and disappearing without excuses, yet he was here badgering me to feel bad. He had come at the worst or best possible time, the worst cause using the little bit of time I had for myself I was packing and my best friend being around was a little bit inconvenient especially when he wasn’t helping me. The best is because he was my alibi for why I was disappearing over the weekend, why starting tomorrow for the next three days, so close to Christmas and in the middle of wedding plans I was going to Japan.

 

“If you want me to be your alibi, then don’t complain about me complaining” Bobby had agreed for me to use him as an excuse, for the week he would be in Tokyo too and so our stories would match. We would be heading out at the same time, we would take the same flights and stay in the same hotel, but have different room for obvious reasons.

 

“You got something special planned for Choi or are you going to do the standard tourist bullshit?” he jokes playfully. It was strange sometimes, just how casual he was about it all, about me and Youngjae, the fact that we are two males who just so happen to like each other. Yet we knew well how little that was accepted to the people around us, but to Bobby it didn’t make me any different to him, I was same old Hanbin. I was lucky.

 

“It’s alright, I have something cool planned” I leave it at that, I didn’t want to talk too much and jinx it all. So I keep packing and hang out with my best friend, I had a few hours before I would do the obligatory date with Hayi before seeing Youngjae one last time before our trip.

 

Bobby seemed a little stressed to me, it wasn’t just because of the busy work schedule either, there seemed to be something else that was worrying him. Every now and then he got like this, as we grew up there had been times we had gone from being the usual friendly and warm Bobby, to this intense and serious person. It never really lasted long, it was probably a few minutes he was like that and I never tried to think much of it.

 

"Do something memorable, not just for him but for yourself” Bobby give a few suggestions and I agree with him. This could be the only time that Youngjae and I could be together alone for this long, it was our first trip together. I planned to make it special for him, especially as he had managed to get the permission of his parents to leave the country on his birthday. He had celebrated with his family already, but he had decided to celebrate the special day with me, something I felt fortunate about.

 

Youngjae deserved the best and I was going to make sure he had it, even if it was for a short time. Honestly I understood this situation for Youngjae, all the sneaking around wouldn’t be ideal, but he never seemed to complain. He embraced me and the time that we had together and did all that he could to make it as fun, happy and cool as possible. That’s not to say that he was a pushover, but more like he understood that we didn’t have much time left together and wasn’t wasting it with pointless arguments. Although strangely I wished he would get exasperated, that he would get fed up and we could argue, we could do what normal couples did, we argue and then we make up.

 

“He is too good for a guy like you, you realise that?” Bobby often liked to remind me of that. He had a good opinion of Youngjae and the pair had gotten on well, and whilst I hadn’t been brave enough to speak up to those who bullied Youngjae. Bobby had at least always kept a hand extended to Youngjae, recently they had become friendlier and close and I know that part of him regrets sending Youngjae my way, I knew why. Youngjae’s feelings were all bound to get hurt too, and he would feel responsible, but for now he was cheering us on. Though I knew Bobby would prefer I were to end my engagement, he wanted things to be clean but he wasn’t pushing me or pressuring me to do it.

 

“How does he make you feel?” his suddenly asks me, the question that always ran through my head. “You’ve been together long enough to have an idea now” he asks, I wonder why he was so curious? I don’t question it but I think of the answer to that sudden question. I knew that my feelings for him were good, they were more than good, they were intense and sometimes I could never word them, no words seem to fairly capture just how I felt for him. I was stumped for the right words, and I was worried of running out of time before really letting him know. “Happy” I simply and honestly answer gaining a chuckle from Bobby, “good” he replies with the nodding of the head. Part of me wonders what the sometimes mysterious elder was talking about.

 

My phone rings interrupting our time together, it was Hayi who was calling me to announce that she was outside of the house waiting for me. She was early, but then again Hayi never took my feelings or time into consideration, it was what she wanted when she wanted. Tonight seemed different to no other, she informs me that we were to meet both sets of parents at none other than Happy Coffee. So on our car ride to the shop is a bit tense, while I worry about Youngjae watching the scene and feeling bad. Hayi was concerned about the way we looked to both her parents, she encourages me to be more affectionate.

 

"Hold my hand, hug me, and kiss me. Show the parents that everything is going swimmingly” she instructs, and not too long ago I would have nodded my head and gone along with it. However recently I had become a little resistant, I was more defiant in the face of this farce. The relationship that my family had emotionally manipulated me in, I know I would go through it eventually but right now I wouldn’t go in this lying down. I couldn’t just give Hayi what she wanted, she wanted me to be the perfect and genuine fiancé but that wasn’t possible. No matter how many times I tried, I struggled with showing her affection, not when the affection I showed was meant for the one that I desired.

 

“Why are you making things hard for yourself like this?” Hayi asks reaching over to stroke my face, she looked genuine and desperate for any answer. “You shouldn’t still be fighting me like this, not when I am the one protecting you” I pull way disapproving, she claimed that she was protecting me, but if that was the case she would have done some things a little differently. I resented her a little and as the days passed, I found that the resentment was growing. “Do you have to go away with that idiot, why don’t you stay? Let’s spend the weekend together and go on some dates” she changes her manner to be sweet and cute, but with my current feelings towards her, it just comes off whiny and annoying.

 

“Let’s get this over and done with” I ignore her and head off ahead over her, I enter into the driver’s seat and wait for Hayi to enter. Reluctantly I would sit with her by her side in front of her parents, I would smile and hold her hand. I would play along but not to the degree that Hayi wanted, something in me felt like I couldn’t commit to this lie anymore. I couldn’t mean it, not when I was someone else’s. I really did feel like I belonged to Youngjae, and I didn’t want complicate things any more.

 

Hayi reluctantly follows me into the car with me, she reaches for my hand with a tight grip. I try to pull away, but she doesn’t allow me to remove my hand. “You’re mine, you belong to me” she says seriously, the look in her eyes is intense and her tone tells me that she truly believes that. The uncomfortable ride to the restaurant is exceeded that night when meeting with sets of parents, my father had surprisingly made it despite having work and a woman on the side to keep entertained. My workaholic mother had also showed up, she and my father were really hamming up the affection. I fight my nausea and sit down to entertain and update both my parents and Hayi’s, the Lees were very interested in my plans to attend Paris University and to study there.

 

“It will be a great experience for you kids, to be abroad and try out there cultures and survive by yourself” Mr Kim encourages us. Whilst Mrs Kim and my mother blabber on about the place they had set up for us, and how homely it was. The area we were to live in would be in a five minute distance away from the school that I would be attending, and for Hayi the shopping area that she would like. As the four elders plan our futures, Hayi is the only one to positively react. Usually I would nod my head to whatever they said, or feign interest in it and smile falsely, but the feeling of dread in my stomach which I had once dulled becomes sharper. I hated this feeling, I hated it.

 

The dinner ends on a positive for the elders, it seemed they were satisfied with the progress of the wedding plans and to them it seemed that Hayi and were both certain about this marriage. When I thought about it, I had never once openly expressed my uncertainty about it, I had just accepted their plan for my future and planned to follow it. Except as I got up ready to leave, I wanted nothing to do more but blurt the truth. I wanted to let them know that I would never love their daughter in the way they wanted, that I had fallen for someone else, a man. I wanted to let it all out and to be unburdened, but I knew that it would only bring me more troubles. There would be no way they would let me off, there would be repercussions, not just to myself but to the person I cared for the most.

 

So I bite my tongue and give into them all. They felt like some sort of organised crime group, whose job it was to steal the future of their children. Only in this case Hayi was part of it, she was more than willing to manipulate this situation to suit her desire. So instead of allowing me to leave along for the night, she hooks herself to me. “We’re going to for a walk alone, Hanbin will drop me off” without waiting for me to agree or decline she takes my hand, and it’s left to me to assure her family that I would drop her off. We leave our two proud parents to continue to talk and drink, they laugh and kid about us and our youth.

 

“You are pulling away from me” Hayi expresses as we make our way to the car. “I understand doubts would linger seeing as our special day is approaching, but you can’t pull away. I need you” she sounds quieter and looks vulnerable. Part of me feels bad, I want to comfort the girl that I had grown up and to and genuinely care, but again my resentment crept up. If she knew that I was having doubts, why was she still pushing this? She said I belonged to her, could that be it? That she felt that I belonged to her, or was that typical tough Hayi exterior? Did she really need me? I let out a puff of breath annoyed, before reaching for Hayi’s hand, I lead her down the road to the busy side walk. She is silent and says nothing, instead she clasps her hand in mine, and holds on tight. It was cold so her hand was pretty hot against my skin, she shivers so I take off of my jacket and put on the smaller. As I do, the look on her face, she blushes.

 

Hayi looks me directly in the eye, and I keep her gaze fixed and honestly speak to her. “I will marry you, but don’t expect me to do it obediently” a scowl spreads across her beautiful face. “Since I was born things I have been done everything for everything. For my parents, for you, for your parents and even the future I am giving away my life for you” Hayi reaches to cup my face, she was ready to say something but I cut her off and pull away. “For the next month, I will come with you and pretend to be your devoted fiancé for now” I calmly explain and I would, Youngjae and I would continue to sneak around in the shadows. “When we’re not together, I will be with who I want” those words seem to surprise her, and before she can speak up I turn to raise my hand and flag a cab down for her. She doesn’t try to confront me, she just watches me as if she had something to say. Hayi looks defeated as she enters the taxi cab and leaves. I had to be harsh, to get my freedom, I had to be.

 

An hour later, I find myself in the arms of the person I had done it for. I had been so harsh and cruel, and I was tired but Youngjae was there to comfort me. Gain was out of town and she had allowed me to make use of her place, and I had invited Youngjae over for the night. In the morning we would head to our homes and get dress and packed up and head over to the airport, but I was too impatient to let him go. I wanted to spend the night with Choi Youngjae, sometimes I felt like I wanted more than a night. Dressed in nothing but our boxers, we had stripped down and were cuddled up together and I can feel his warmth.

 

“Sojin noona and Changkyun have this weird relationship” Youngjae explains his observations. That although on the outside his aunt didn’t seem all too fond of him, Changkyun’s new aunt was very loyal to him. When a customer had come in the shop to make a commotion about Changkyun and his service, the feisty elder had chewed out the customer and defended her new nephew. “She’s so cool, when I think about it that’s the thing about that family, they’re all so cool”, I roll my eyes making sure Youngjae didn’t see my reaction. I wasn’t rolling my eyes to him or to the two elders he spoke on, but I was definitely jealous as he spoke so well about Changkyun, which was something I couldn’t control.

 

Youngjae continues to stroke through my hair, as he does I don’t seem to relax the way I normally would. Instead I had pent up feelings of frustrations from the dinner earlier on, mixed with my irritation and resentment for Hayi. Her words were still ringing in my ear, that I belonged to her. In actuality it felt like that was how my parents, an even her own felt about me, that I was their property. I was trying to think of ways to get out of this all unscathed but it didn’t seem that I could, I was trapped and feeling suffocated by it all. Right now I couldn’t even focus on the one person I had come to care about so much, not until I feel him pull away from underneath me. I land on the soft mattress and turn my attention to Youngjae who had climbed up and out of bed.

 

The light of the lamp suddenly illuminates the room and shows Youngjae up on his feet, and he was starting to get dressed, he looked a bit annoyed. “What’s wrong?” I ask suddenly confused by the suddenness of this all, we had just been so comfortable then why was he rushing off.” I don’t see the point of me being here with you, I’m not your blanket or fuck buddy” he spits out at with an irritation I had never heard from him thus far into our relationship. “Do you even hear half the shit I say, or are you just content with pretending?” I try to protest and tell him I was listening, and I was in earnest. I heard him, I even regurgitate what I had heard, but that doesn’t seem to please Youngjae at all. He looks angry.

 

“Look Hanbin, I get it. You think it’s better to please the masses by showing up. If you’re there, then no one can complain” I had no idea what had set him off like this, but it scared me so I listen. The thought that I could be doing something wrong that could drive him away, it meant I was ready to do what was necessary to win him back. “I didn’t sign up to be with autopilot Kim Hanbin. If we’re gonna be together for this short time, I want the real one” I seize up surprised, he had seen through me so easily. “If you’re bored then tell me, if there’s something on your mind then speak up. If not then go find some other awkward gay boy who will be willing to fuck you and act as your blanket”.

 

Shit. I had tried so hard to internalise a lot of what I was going through, to shield Youngjae away from it. I wanted to protect him, but in the process of that I have been keeping him away at an arm’s length emotionally. I was treating him like all the other people in my life, I wasn’t showing him all of me and I didn’t know that he would sense it. Those around me took me for face value, but Youngjae had seen past that and unlike Bobby Youngjae hadn’t had many years of experience being in my life to be able to read me. Hayi did and even then, whenever I had a problem, it was something she would ask me to resolve quietly before returning to her. It wasn’t until I left her that she became even curious or interested in me.

 

Before Youngjae can put his shoes on and make his way out, I leap up and wrap my arms around his waist to stop him. It was a desperate move on my behalf, but one I needed to make, Youngjae struggles to get up but I weigh him down until he stops. “I don’t want to do it. To go to Paris and live with her, to be with her; to be hers” I confess reluctantly. Youngjae is so silent and still that it leaves me with nothing but regrets, what could he do or say? Suddenly I feel his hands slide to the ones I had so tight around his waist, he strokes them and nods his head. “Okay… what else? What else have you been keeping bottled up? Let it out, so when we go to Japan, I can get the Hanbin that I fell hard for?” I melt into his back. He felt big, strong and sturdy and supportive of me, so I lean on him. I tell him what was bothering me, and most of it had to do with my family, the family I rarely talked about to him. I was always scared of overwhelming him, but Youngjae isn’t overwhelmed. He understands and listens and although he doesn’t come up with some magical solution to all my issues, he is there as I unload the burden I had been feeling from before.

 

One minute it’s just the two of us talking quietly, Youngjae mostly replying to what I have to say. Then there’s muted moment of comfort between us, in which Youngjae is sit sat up and I’m still leant into him. At some point I must drop off to sleep, because when I wake up I see that not only was I tucked in but next to me was empty. My heart drops, the thought that Youngjae heard all that he could from me last night and ran away in fear pricks at me. It’s only until I see the text that he had sent me, which my heart calms down. “Had to check on hyung and pick my things up. Didn’t want to wake you up. Will see you at the airport” I sigh and relax, pout a little as he left like that without a word but think on how I would have him for the next few days.

 

Before heading home, I call Youngjae. It’s a brief call, I check on him and find out that he was excitedly doing some last minute packing. His brother was seemingly doing well though, they had moved to a new apartment within the same area, it was the well needed change for the elder. According to Youngjae, Yeeun were getting closer again and it made me wonder if Dongjun came back for me or whether it was to see his first love again. He was supposed to cut off communication with his ex, that way it would be less complicated for his marriage, however now all of a sudden I could understand that fact that he had lingering feelings. He had been married nearly five years and as my parents showed their desire for grandchildren, he seemed not to be delivering on it.

 

Were his feelings for Yeeun coming back? Did he see some kind of future for the two of them, divorce would surely get him disowned, and I wasn’t sure if he was that brave to do. Neither of us was, not when there was no guarantee, how could I risk it all for Youngjae? We were 18 years old, what was to say that the feelings wouldn’t die when we got into our twenties. Would it be smart to risk being disowned for him, my mind went back and forth and it was something that rested heavily on my mind.

 

"Dude save me please” Jungwoo begs whilst sitting on my bed, the younger pouts pleading for me to take him to Tokyo. The anime nerd was desperate to come along and see all his favourite studios and artists around, believe it was just a boy’s trip between Bobby and I he felt comfortable enough to come along. “Save me from the bobble head” bobble head was the not so affectionate nickname he had for his twin. The pair constantly bickered, the extrovert and introvert had clashing points of view for nearly everything there could be. I smush the suddenly younger back onto my bed, and pick up my bag. I had everything packed and I had washed up and gotten ready to leave. “Hands off the merch dude!” Jungwoo complains before sitting back up, he suddenly begins to sniff the air around me, matched with a look of suspicion.

 

“Are you wearing cologne?” the younger suddenly asks, he leans in more to get a better smell. I push him down to the bed once again and head off, warning the younger to mind my business. The little genius was very observant and I didn’t need him to get any ideas in his head. If he became curious now, it wouldn’t take long before he figured out what was going on and then further become a complication. I rush off and out of the house and decide to get him some of his favourite manga to keep him off of my trail. Once I’m in the car, I give Bobby a call to get my alibi set and in check. He was heading to the airport with me and would in fact be coming to Japan with Youngjae and I, but once we landed in Tokyo our group would split up. “I’m ready” he assures me and soon enough, I picked up the blinged up other and we head to the airport.

 

Already waiting at the departure gate, checked in and ready to leave was Choi Youngjae. He looked surprisingly very different, we’d been separated not for long, his cute look of a dark green hoodie and black skinny jeans was a pair of black Jordan’s. He looked comfortable and cool, and now his hair was striking platinum blonde. “Holy crap dude, your man looks hot” Bobby oh so casually comments, meanwhile I was having to hold back everything in me that wanted to take Youngjae to a quiet room and rut him into a coma. I compose myself and punch Bobby in the arm, a little bit jealous and possessive of my boyfriend, even to my non-threatening friend. Bobby chuckles amused rubbing his side, before rushing over into Youngjae’s side, he wraps his arms around his waist.

 

“Protect me Youngjae!” Bobby tries to antagonise me. Youngjae laughs half confused, but he puts an arm around Bobby seeming comfortable with him. “Are you two fighting?” Youngjae questions, he looked quite bemused at the moment. “Your boyfriend won’t even let me compliment you, dude I like your hair” Youngjae blushes at the comment and seems to look at me for approval.

 

”Do you like it?” he asks looking quite hopeful and smiles as I nod my head in approval. “Wait, weren’t you guys together before? Is this new?” Bobby questions. “Brand new… my brother did it, so I did in support… kinda” he quickly explains, partly looking flustered and embarrassing, it was quite cute. I smile watching Youngjae, taking in just how good he looked like this, it was enough for me to excuse any bad feelings I had towards him for leaving earlier.

 

“HEY GUYS!” my ears perk up to the sound of a familiar voice, the voice of a person I thought I had just left behind. Youngjae looks surprised as he spots the owner of his voice, whilst Bobby wears a mischievous grin. I turn to see dressed up in his signature all black, skinny jeans, a smart shirt and cardigan which he often wore.

 

The look is completed off with pair of black vans, and his carryon luggage bag. Before I can ask what he was doing here, Bobby walks past me and greets the younger. “You made it!” I stare at Bobby waiting for an explanation, did he invite the younger? Youngjae was silent and he didn’t even want to know how to react, neither did I. How could we even explain this all?

 

“Hyung thanks for the invite, I thought he would maybe confess about his trip if I pushed him but no luck” Jungwoo talks to Bobby nonchalantly. “Oh yeah, he takes a bit of prodding right to the point pushing. I had to really spell it out for him” they have their own little conversation leaving Youngjae and I out of the loop.

 

“Okay then, hyung. I’ve known for a few months that you like this hyung” Jungwoo points to Youngjae completely surprising me. “I wanted to let you know that I don’t judge you and don’t care about who you like” and like that he walks over to Youngjae and formerly introduces himself. Youngjae is a little flabbergasted, unsure on how to reply he just blinks and greets my younger brother.

 

Once again we had been caught out, yet another person knew about Youngjae and I which left me worried. “Do you think the plane serves any sushi? We had it last time we went, remember?” Jungwoo continues on like all of this was normal. He had just confessed to knowing that I his older brother, was in a relationship with a man. But was chatting so casually with that said man. I hadn’t expected this, I had thought he would have hated this, he the logical thinker would tell me to not pursue something troublesome and cause trouble with my parents. Even though he didn’t care much for Hayi, I had still thought his loyalties would lie with her, similar to Mari he had grown up with her.

 

I had so many questions that I had to add later on, but for now we had a plane to catch and a hotel to check into. No matter what I was going to make this trip successful, and so once Bobby as reassured me that he would take care of my younger sibling, I’m assured by him that I have nothing to worry about. I didn’t want to be worrying about my little brother on a romantic trip with my boyfriend, so I felt reassured Bobby would keep him busy. I make one last call home to my father to explain that Jungwoo was with me and would be spending the weekend with me. Although the elder is somewhat disapproving, on the promise that I would be taking care of his youngest son, he agrees.

 

So the trip starts off without a hitch, whilst Bobby keeps Jungwoo entertained with stories of his travels of recent. I take the time to sit and enjoy the journey with Youngjae in my arms, the youngest doesn’t bat an eyelash at it. Eventually Youngjae takes it as a signal to relax, his body language seems to relax and he finally let’s go of the pent up worry he had the second he had seen Jungwoo. I would do my best to get him to relax today, so when we get to the Tokyo I make sure we head off straight away to the hotel room and check in. Bobby decides seeing as he was chaperoning Jungwoo, they would share their own suite, and leave me and Youngjae to our own suite. We would be on different floors and hopefully we wouldn’t see much from each other.

 

“Whoa dude, what the fuck is this?” Youngjae looks around the large suite room, it was one of the best rooms in a very classy, and elegant hotel. “Are you sure I paid for half of this? Because I don’t think I could pay for even an eighth of this” I don’t answer him, after all I did pay for most of this but I didn’t want any protests. I wrap my arms around his waist from behind and I pull him close, leaning my head onto his shoulder.

 

“You want me to drop it don’t you?” he says already reading my mind, I murmur an answer into a shoulder and hug him close to me. My hands slide slowly up his shirt, lightly trailing over his stomach, he hums in response. I sniff Youngjae’s newly dyed hair, he smells so sweet and hard to resist. Youngjae honestly smelled so good to me, he felt so good to me, and just being here with him right now I was so lucky.

 

It finally hits me that we had finally made it. We were away from it all, away from our parents and family and friends. Well nearly even though my younger sibling and best friend were within walking distance from us, it wasn’t enough to distract me from this, from us. Youngjae and I were going to have uninterrupted time for ourselves, I had even warned Jungwoo with bodily harm if he were to interrupt us and Bobby knew better so I had no worries on that end of things.

 

“Thank you” Youngjae reaches his hand back to stroke through my hair, “all of this is more than I deserve”. I nudge him in protest, this was nowhere near what he deserved, and it felt lacking I felt lacking. He chuckles in disbelief when I tell him that, so I reach for the back of his neck and grip at the newly blonde hair, he lets out a gasp.

 

“Your hair looks amazing” I whisper into his ears, I grind my pelvis into Youngjae’s ass just to push forward my point. “You think? It- it feels almost like a mistake. I should dye it back” flustered, Youngjae can barely get his words out and he turns to watch me for my reaction. “You look fucking amazing” I smile and stroke through his hair, sweeping it up away from his face before delivering a soft kiss to his forehead. I can see the smile on Youngjae’s face, his hands slide to my waist and pull me closer.

 

“Not like an idiot?” Youngjae asks some uncertainty still lingers. I nod my head to reply and I whisper to explain just what I wanted to do to him now that we were all alone. “Really?” Youngjae asks, he leans into me and I can tell that he is turned on, being with him this long I had discovered how the simple tug of his hair could get him going. I tug once more, and his hand slides down my front, he feels at my already hardening cock.

 

It had honestly been a while, recently we met up late and were too tired to do anything or we were somewhere that wasn’t good to fuck in i.e. a parking lot. A whole week had me slightly tense, and wound up, seeing Youngjae like this, with this new hair, he looked so hot. I whisper in his ears all my desires, what I wanted to do to him. My words get filthier as his hands reach down past my waistband, I cup his face and capture his lips. Pressing his soft pouty lips onto mine, Youngjae hums into my lips.

 

For a few minutes for the hotel suite of ours is silent, apart from the sounds of us kissing. We move around the new space, trying not to bump into the furnishings and trip up. We head over to the double bed that was directly in the middle of the bedroom, the soft and plush bed cushions Youngjae and I as we fall onto it. I immediately straddle onto a bouncing Youngjae, my hands go to his hoodie and shirt taking them both off and pulling them over his head. His newly blonde locks have been messed up, but neither of seems to care at all, not in the middle of our passionate haze, I lean down to lock his my lips back on his.

 

The kiss was passionate, messy and harder. That was the difference I found with kissing a man, I knew that I didn’t have to worry about hurting Youngjae, he wasn’t delicate. His hands grip at my waist, he pulls me closer to him on top of him. I feel his body on mine, the heat of his body, the feel of his flesh all drive me crazy, I quickly start to strip him off and he works on taking some of my clothes until we’re both in some state of undress. “Shouldn’t we be out, doing tourist stuff?” Youngjae half-heartedly requests, mid kiss much to my amusement.

 

Slowly and teasingly kiss Youngjae down his stomach, towards his hip bone. That would be my form of reply, and I was taking my time with him. I was starting to realise just how much he patience he lacked, Youngjae enjoyed getting straight to the point. However I on the other hand loved foreplay, I enjoyed teasing him, eliciting a reaction for him and driving him to the point of being needy for me. I wanted Youngjae to be as needy for me, as I was for him.

 

So I cloud my breath over his bare cock, teasing him. His hips buck to me, repeatedly he continues to thrust into me. “Don’t do that, don’t tease me” Youngjae reaches to direct my head towards his cock. So I oblige him, I open up and grab his cock and swirl my tongue around the head of his cock. It wins the reaction that I had wanted from Youngjae, and so I keep going, taking him deeper and deeper before suddenly pulling away.

 

Youngjae is groans in protest, I stand up and watch Youngjae truly enjoying the sight. He was naked and needy for him, he leans over to reach for me but I back away and head over to my bag. I had packed something that we would need, but I wanted play with my boyfriend’s head a little. “Binnie, what are you doing?” Youngjae calls out my name, he pouts looking a bit confused but he was watching me close.

 

Poking around the bag, I search for the last thing I had packed and had done so with as much discretion as possible. It was something we hadn’t used but I knew it would make things easier. When I get up to walk over to him, Youngjae’s confusion dissipates from his face, and he suddenly grins. “Wow you came prepared” he teases me, before turning over on the bed, his ass in the air as if he were preparing from my next move.

 

I make my way over to Youngjae, and climb on top of him before popping the cap of the bottle open. I smooth the liquid out on my finger, the liquid was cool and slick, and without hesitation I start to prod Youngjae’s entrance. Youngjae lets out a brief sigh, I can see that he was gripping at the sheet from underneath him, I knew he was waiting for more. I pump the first finger making my way inside of his warm and tight hole, making room for the next finger, which Youngjae takes while letting out a squeak.

 

Ahead of me I look to see Youngjae, his ass in the air, he was arched and his arms outstretched as he grips the sheets. I rest my free hand on his plump and pale ass, I push Youngjae down continuing to pump my fingers out of Youngjae’s body. I start to scissor my fingers inside opening him up a bit more, the reaction is good though. Youngjae pushes back against my fingers, silently begging for more. A third finger joined the other two, and it was at that point Youngjae becomes louder.

 

"Stop fucking teasing me” Youngjae complains, he groans into the mattress below him but still he pushes into my fingers. Having worked him up this degree, I grin excited. It’s not like he was all alone it too, I was so hot for him, and I was so hard for him and ready to fuck his brains out. Youngjae didn’t seem to know just to what degree he did affect me.

 

“Binnie please” Youngjae both cutely and pathetically whines for me, I knew what he wanted and the fact that he was willing to do it, made me happy. He desired me and I desired him, so I lean over him and grab my now hard length before spreading some lube over my cock. Reaching once again for Youngjae’s ass, separating his cheeks and pulling him up, I guide myself into his tightness. Youngjae moans underneath me, he slowly allows me inside, a huge grin spreads across his face.

 

As I roll my hips into him he gasps in what seems like, partially in pain and partially in pleasure. I lean over Youngjae to stroke through his hair, I whisper some comforting words to him. “Don’t stop” Youngjae whispers his encouragements, he lies putting his chest onto the mattress. So by pulling my hips back and start thrusting back in. Youngjae lets out a grunt, pushing my hips back into mine.

 

Taken aback I groan in response, Youngjae was clamped down around me, propping himself up on his elbows he turns to look over his shoulder at me. I try to take it slow to give Youngjae a chance to get used to me, I didn’t want to do too much, and after all we had places to be and people to see. I didn’t want him to be walking around with a limp, or being sore.

 

However my care approach isn’t met well by Youngjae, he thrusts back into me. "Harder," Youngjae complains, the look on his face seems to say that he was displeased. So immediately I reach for a few locks of his hair and pull him back to me, I begin to thrust into me. Youngjae’s jaw drops open and a loud moan that is followed by a gasp. His ass cheeks shake as I thrust into him harder as he had ordered, it seems to satisfy him and I feel one of his hands reach back to my thigh pulling me closer.

 

Seeing Youngjae’s state I could tell he was enjoying this, I was doing well. I just needed to find the spot inside of him that sent him crazy, I thrust into him harder and harder and moan at how he tight he felt around me. The more I thrust into him, the closer he was to falling down onto his front, I continue to thrust into him winning a vocal reaction from him. “That’s it Hanbin”, I rotate and grind inside of him.

 

After a few minutes of rutting inside of Youngjae, I stand up and manoeuvre the blonde onto his back. He watches on panting, with excitement and sweating. I reach over and grab his shoulders, before I suddenly push back into my boyfriend and at the same time I grab his erection. “Fuck yes” gasps gripping at the sheets behind him.

 

I start up pumping his cock now leaking with precum, whilst moving my hips to slam into Youngjae’s warmth. Mouth wide open, his sparkling white teeth sparkle out at me, he lets out a long whine that encouraged me to keep thrusting into him. The look in his eyes, I knew there wasn’t long to go, Youngjae was close to coming.

 

Harder and faster I thrust into him and all that can be heard for a few minutes is the slapping of skin and Youngjae was already moaning in my ears. Just that in itself was enough to drive me close to my edge too, but as Youngjae purposely squeezes around my length, suddenly I spill out inside of him. I continue to slowly rock into Youngjae riding out my high, and even my weak state I hope to help Youngjae into coming.

 

Youngjae bucks back into me, I lean down and kiss Youngjae softly continuing to pump his length. Youngjae’s moans get higher pitched over the time, before suddenly he grunts and comes out of my hand. He flops down onto the mattress, and I flop right next to him slowly pulling myself out of him, I grin lazily my eyes drooping and slowly I fade away.

 

Hours had passed when I finally come to, awake with Youngjae in my arms. Even now with Youngjae’s head on my lap, my heart leaps out of its chest. I was so happy but scared, happy that we were together like this, but scared knowing how soon this would end. I stroke through his hair and take it all, I take a mental note of this moment, it would be a precious moment for me and I already knew it. I reach down to stroke his face, tracing the lines of his face and to his nostrils, when Youngjae swats me away and groans in response.

 

“How long are you going to keep watching me?” Youngjae nudges me, a grin slowly creeping up on his face. “Hey, that’s my line” I tease him, my hand slides through to his hair which wins a hum from him. “What time is it?” looking out at the darkness, there was no lighting flooding. It was the end of the afternoon and we were just beginning the evening, when I peak over to the bedside table, it’s confirmed to be six in the evening.

 

“We need to get out of bed” Youngjae murmurs into my arm, we had been lying in the large double bed. Both sweaty and musty, we had worked ourselves into sleep and had missed most of our day’s activities. As tempting as it is for me to just stay in with my lover, Youngjae isn’t having any of it. “We didn’t come all the way to Tokyo just to stay in bed. Let’s do something” Youngjae climbs off of my lap, before heading over to the shower. I was given no chance to protest as I watch my boyfriend and his spectacular ass walking away from me. “Shit” I mutter under my breath, I climb up as he had me so worked up like this.

 

After what a sensual shower which includes a lot of fooling around, Youngjae and I finally get showered and dressed up. We head out of the hotel for the night, I had planned out our trip fully and so we still had plans for the night. Using my family’s connections, I had managed to get us into a well-known and upmarket restaurant. The food was warm, spicy and delicious, I had always enjoyed and wanted to share with Youngjae. We manage to get the seated in the back of the restaurant, next to one of the windows which gives us a view of the streets.

 

Youngjae’s wide eyed, awe at everything around him sends my heart fluttering with happiness. He was so cute, especially as he excitedly talks about what he had seen outside. As we wait for the food, I see in the corner of my eye watching a few of us with disapproving glares. Hyper sensitive I could see what it was about, Youngjae and I weren’t shy about showing affections. We were so far away from Mokpo, that I was taking advantage of our freedom, I was showing a lot of affection, but we don’t get to really enjoy that liberty when the owner approaches us.

 

The older gentleman who was familiar with me, greets us both warmly. He had always been kind to me, and even now as he approaches me he shows the normal kindness. My Japanese wasn’t very good, but fortunately or unfortunately his Korean is very good. The elder is very polite when he requests if we could leave, some of the customers were very uncomfortable without displays of affection. I have to hold back my irritation, not only does it hurt to be spurned like this, but it’s really fucking annoying.

 

Meanwhile there was Youngjae who politely and obediently gets up, he doesn’t try to fight and it irritates me. The owner offers me a refund, but I reject it, stubborn and irritated I rush out of the restaurant. I had never had to feel like this before, to feel this hurt and dejected. My head hurt with so much annoyance and anger, how could people be so ignorant? So I can’t have a fun time with the person I want, with the money that I had spent without the people interfering with their ignorance.

 

Walking a few steps behind me was Youngjae, he was quiet and not saying anything. When I turn to watch him, he was watching me and he seemed concerned, he was letting me just work off my anger but I hadn’t even thought about how he could having been feeling. Apologetic, I turn and wrap my arms around his shoulders, pulling him into a hug. Kissing his forehead, I apologise to him for it all, even though it probably just felt like nothing but words to him, this had to have hurt him right?

 

Youngjae’s arms wrap around my waist pulling me closer, he kisses my cheek. “Don’t feel hurt about this” his hands rub down my back and feels through my hair comforting me. I didn’t know how he could be doing this, how he was the one who wasn’t getting upset about this. Suddenly it becomes clear to me, why he could so calmly walk out of there and be so composed. He had dealt with worse, honestly speaking he had dealt with ignorance at Yeung Heung on a daily basis over the span of 4 years.

 

“It gets better” he whispers reassuring me, he seemed so sure of those words but I didn’t. He barely escaped that school without the cruelty and vitriol directed his way, but Youngjae was strong and I wasn’t. The fact that I hadn’t ever been able to stand up for Youngjae at school, and even now just highlighted how weak that I was in reality. I wouldn’t be able to do anything for him, I wasn’t enough for myself so how could I be enough for him, and suddenly those thoughts start to drag me down.

 

“I am so hungry” Youngjae suddenly tugs at my arm bringing me out of my haze of angst. He pouts so cutely and rubs his stomach, we hadn’t eaten all day and I had been hopeful to get Youngjae to eat the food that I loved so much that I had encouraged abstaining for a couple of hours. So knowing this little part of Tokyo, I decide to make it up for Youngjae and lead him to some of the best street venders nearby. I pile up a lot of the plates and fill it up to the brim, leading Youngjae down the street nearby to seated and benched area. We sit and chat, filling ourselves on octopus balls, the kebab sticks and the fried noodles that we had bought.

 

The day long hunger seems to sweep me up, as I inhale the food in front of me. I barely hear Youngjae’ attempts to tell me to slow down, he does laugh and he hands me over something to drink. “Slow down, you might choke” I freeze as he hands me over something to drink, catching sight of the way that he looks at me. The way that Youngjae watches me, the look in his eyes, it’s a look that I desired. He really liked me, and I could feel it radiating from him, this intense feeling. Unable to resist, I lean over to bench to Youngjae, cupping his face and lean in to kiss him.

 

Youngjae kisses me back in reply, he presses his lips on mine and grips at my arm keeping me in place. It continues on this way for a couple of minutes, it was a soft and sensual kiss that heats me up. I didn’t care who saw us and who disapproved about this, right here right now they wouldn’t steal this happy moment from me. When I pull away Youngjae’s face looks to turn a little reddish from blushing, a pleased smile makes its way across my face. “You’re so fucking cute” I none too poetically tell Youngjae, gaining an amused chuckle from him.

 

The evening only gets better, once we have finished our impromptu night time picnic, we head off to my next planned activity. I knew Youngjae had shown some interest in going to a night time traditional play, so I had worked my contacts and managed to get us some seats close to the stage. Fortunately Youngjae and I receive no judgements while we sit to watch the show, honestly I put myself on Hanbin autopilot mode throughout. Youngjae was enjoying this and that’s all that mattered, for now I would just enjoy watching him, he was all that I needed.

 

After the show, Youngjae and I head back to the hotel. We were done for the day, however neither of us was tired, so we would do a little bit of wandering around the hotel. We find our way to the indoor swimming pool, due to the late hour there were no people around leaving the place free for Youngjae and myself to have some free time. We sit upon the edge of the pool and dangle our now tangled and bare feet inside, we dangle. Just talking, about nothing particularly interesting at all.

 

“Did you ever learn to swim?” Youngjae suddenly brings up this question, a question that leaves my heart thudding. The question as innocent as it seems, was something that bought back memories that I had left bottled up for so long. “No” I simply answer before turning my attention back to the feet that dangle, when Youngjae chuckles beginning to tease me. “The mighty Kim Hanbin, he can’t even doggy paddle” I chuckle amused, hiding the discomfort I feel as the memories flood in, I poke him in the ribs protesting. Youngjae reacts amused and laughing, he tilts his head backwards into the air. He was so cute that I couldn’t help it, so I lean in to kiss to him on the lips, capturing his lips I pull him closer to me, I was so happy with him for now. So this would do.


	12. XII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Return of the Mark

Youngjae’s POV

 

Trying to convince my friends and family to let me spend my birthday away from them had certainty been a difficult talk. Having to explain the bombarding questions from my upset mother, why I didn’t want to spend that special day that she birthed me with her. Trying to tearfully comfort her and dodge the parental guilt as both my parents share their disapproval with me that I would be travelling out of the country on such an important birthday. It was my first birthday as an adult, and it seemed that they had some plans for me, so with the help of Jinwoon we manage to come to a compromise.

 

Days ago, surrounded by friends and family there was a huge birthday feast held for all of us. Joy and Changkyun turn up the happy couple boy me the joint present of a brand new laptop, a present that neither allows me to decline. Joy even going as far as feigning offence and upset when I try and it’s not until my father nudges me and tells me to accept the gift do I give in. “Giving candy to a baby” Joy grins with confidence, Changkyun smiles with her, watching her with adoration. The pair seemed to have been doing well recently, both seemed besotted with each other.

 

My older siblings also show up, Sooyoung noona, her husband Minho hyung, the two were rarely together as well as being without the children. The couple was taking advantage of being childless, and the pair drink and get lively much to my amusement.

 

Junhyuk and surprisingly Amber turn up, Amber and I had made up and were back to being friends. She and Sunwoo were back together and were slowly exploring their relationship. Stubborn as ever Junhyuk refuses to make up with Sunwoo still finding it hard to accept just what we had done.

 

Even with his former girlfriend Ah Young, the pair had not even made up with each other at this point. Part of me felt responsible and I hoped his friendship with Sunwoo would repair, however at this point I had no desire for him to make up with Ahn Young, we weren’t people who didn’t get along. She still put the blame on me for ruining her relationship with Junhyuk and treated me in a non-favourable way.

 

My precious eldest brother Jinwoon also turns up, with him was friend Kim Yoobin and her boyfriend Kim Minsu were also around. They had all been pretty close knit growing up, and I had been fond of the pair, even having had a crush on the cool and laid back Kim Minsu at some point. The elder years later had not aged one bit, he was still so slender, toned, and handsome, his bunny teeth still working as his charm.

Despite being with Minsu, Yoobin seemed to be vibing off really well with Jinwoon. I knew when they were younger she had a crush on him, there was a complicated love web between them. However it didn’t seem like Jinwoon was taking notice of it, and thus his ignorance and Minsu’s ignorance means the situation wasn’t awkward. My mother on the other hand, was watching on at the side-lines and it seemed that she didn’t like what was going on before her.

 

My mother was still being stubborn and pouty about the fact the party had to be thrown a few days before my birthday. She had dropped little jabs to Changkyun who had very graciously taken the role of the person who would be dragging me from my family on my birthday and taking me abroad. He was my alibi and even though he didn’t know it was Hanbin that I was going with, he seemed to know I was going with a person that I was seeing romantically.

 

Changkyun was willing to keep a low profile for the week and out of my parent’s pathway, so that I could leave Mokpo. Because of him it meant that I was able to come here, to Tokyo and to be in this bed with the boy who had shaken me up. I was in bed with Kim Hanbin who was fast asleep, and as had become my habit, I was watching him taking it in. He had told me that he was normally someone who didn’t sleep well, that he was an insomniac and that had always been a struggle for him for years.

 

However Hanbin had explained that since being with me, the nights that he spends with me, he can drift off with ease. The thought bought a warm feeling to my stomach, after all it made me feel special and important to Hanbin. He was someone I wanted to be important to, and if just by being by his side I made his life easier, I felt some satisfaction. Yet I still felt a greed for more, I wanted much more despite how much in turn it scared me. I was putting myself in line for a lot of hurting in the future.

 

“Stare as long as you like birthday boy” Hanbin murmurs before playfully poking me in the chest. He leans his head onto my lap and grins, he looked like he had been up for a while had and he just let me watch him, so weird. I lean down and plant a soft little kiss onto his forehead and stroke through his hair, this moment as so precious to me. “Pet me for a little while and then we need to up and head out for breakfast, okay?” Hanbin had planned out the day for us and I would just follow along.

 

So I hum in approval, taking him in for a few minutes before getting up towards the bathroom. On my way there, my phone starts to ring. The special ringtone that had been chosen by its owner, alerts me that the person calling would not accept me rejecting the call. Tuan Yien always expected me to answer it for just a few rings, and I rush over to answer.

 

Hanbin raises an eyebrow, looking suspicious as he watches me answer the phone. Smiling sheepish under the watchful eye of my boyfriend, I answer the phone to prevent any future complaints from my best friend. The call is not just an ordinary call, it was a video call which makes things a little awkward, and I have to face away from Hanbin in order not to capture him. Yien knew that I was out of the country and was in Tokyo, so me being in a hotel room wouldn’t throw him off.

 

On the screen, Yien’s grinning face greets me. He had dyed his hair once again and was now sporting a bright red hair colour that seems to work on him, he was just as handsome as usual. His canines show in his bright smile, his eyes sparkle with a sparkle of his mischievous self. I was sure he had had gotten up to a lot in Brazil, just seeing the background scenery of the beach made me a little jealous. It was totally the opposite of what it we dealing with here in Japan, it looked warm and bright.

 

“Choigratulations and jubilations hubby, happy birthday!!” Yien greets me, and just seeing him through the screen, I could tell that he was a little bit buzzed. “YOUNGJAEEE your wife misses you!!” he loudly and shamelessly greets me, looking in the corner of my eye at Hanbin, I can see him roll his eyes before flopping down onto the mattress out of jealousy or boredom, I don’t get the chance to figure out as Yien steals my attention once again.

 

“Youngjae, hyung feels so bad that he can’t be there to give you, your first legal blow job” unaffected by his crudeness normally I would have been able to move past it. “Youngjae you know hyung has no gag reflex right? I could have woken you up so well” Yien shamelessly boasts, and looking over at Hanbin I decide to high tail it out of the room.

 

As used as I was to Yien and his outrageous behaviours, Hanbin wasn’t and to be honest I wanted to see Yien without irking him. Backing away and out of the suite into the bathroom and I move the conversation onto Yien and his travels. The elder turns to look back at the scene behind him, he turns to camera to show the bright and lively beach scene, with so many attractive half nude people. I was quite envious.

 

“My little queer babe, I will be heading to your side within the week. So please hold on okay?” Yien promises that his travelling had finally ended and he was back to prepare for the move to Seoul. I was honestly glad to know that he would be back, I had earnestly missed him. However with him around and how high maintenance he was as a friend, I had a feeling my little bit of time that I had with Hanbin would wittle down.

 

As for that, there was no love lost between Hanbin and Yien. Hanbin had explained that a lot of his ill feelings towards Yien due to jealousy because of our close relationship. I had tried over the time to quash those feelings, but with Hanbin I had discovered that he felt that way about most of my relationships with males. It was cute at this point because he would only briefly pout about it, before moving on to shower me with affections. It’s never something that lingers, and becomes a problem, for now.

 

“I’ll bring your present then, but for now. I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. I thank god every day for your life” there it was, that golden nugget that came with talking to Tuan Yien. Through the crudeness and exaggerated behaviours, Yien was the best person. He could be eloquent, kind, warm and endearing. Hearing those words makes me feel better than anything during that whole day, he was so special and important to me and I could only hope over we remained friends always.

 

Our video call is brief, and leaves me thankful to know that he was coming back soon. However the worrying and niggling feeling has to be pushed aside for now, in favour for my special day. I reply to the many loving messages from friends and family, wishing me a happy and special day. My mother’s message filled love, the elder begging me to come back soon and that I was to see her as soon as my holiday was over.

 

After I have replied to all my texts, I make use of the shower that I was in and get cleaned up, noticeably with Hanbin. Normally he would jump at the chance to join me in the shower, reminiscent of our first time together, Hanbin loved replaying that memory and I never minded either. However for a little while, he’s really quite quiet.

 

Once I’m dry, I head out in nothing but my towel to the suite, and find Hanbin wasn’t there anymore. He had left without telling me anything, but he had left a message on the bedside table and it read as such.

 

“Happy birthday precious Youngjae, don’t worry I just had to check on my bone head brother”

 

I smile a little, still apprehensive at the thought that yet another person had discovered Hanbin and I’s relationship. Although it was fortunate that Jungwoo was as understanding as he was, as Hanbin had described him to be, the younger was a very nonchalant person. To have accepted his brother’s affair with a man, it seemed to be a new level of nonchalant and something about that kind of reaction worried me a little bit.

 

Hanbin was down there already and I had noticed that the two enjoyed bickering a lot, so what if right no they did bicker. What if Hanbin lost his temper and drove his young brother into opening his mouth and revealing the truth about Hanbin and I. Part of me feared something like that happening, another part wondered what would happen.

 

Would Hanbin be taken away from me sooner? If his family discovered that we were in a relationship, surely they would be forced to separate us. I kept basing all that would happen on the dramas that I had seen, would their parents try to put pressure on mine? My mother was a nurse and my father a HR manager for one of the Sonic base HQ. Although they were paid well and lived pretty well, they weren’t as powerful as the Kims.

 

“Stop stressing” I tell myself, shaking my head of all the complicated scenarios within my head. I would just get dressed and ready to meet Hanbin, he had said he would shower in Bobby’s suite and get dressed there and I was to take my time and come out when he texts me later one. He had plans and very submissively, I would follow on like a good birthday boy for now and hope everything went well.

 

Once I get dressed, and spritz on something that smelled good and I head out to meet my boyfriend. I had received another text from Hanbin telling me to meet him downstairs in the hotel’s restaurant, we were to have a breakfast before heading out together. When I arrive downstairs, I spot there waiting for me was not only my handsome, gorgeous and breath-taking boyfriend, but with him was his younger brother and his best friend. I’m still a little apprehensive around them, around Jungwoo.

 

“Happy birthday hyung!!” Jungwoo greets me, the cuter younger greets me with so much warmth, it was still suspicious to me that the younger had just accepted my relationship with his brother. However I had no time to be suspicious and I definitely couldn’t air out my feelings to Hanbin. He would want to think that his brother was happy with the thought that his brother accepted him, and maybe he did.

 

Maybe Jungwoo at the age of 16 was wiser and understanding than a lot of adults around us, he could just be person who wasn’t ignorant and scared. I after-all had two brothers who knew about my sexuality and loved and supported me to the highest level. Maybe it was the same with the youngest Kim son, maybe he was genuine and maybe Hanbin could have the support he needed too.

 

If Hanbin had that support, if he wasn’t completely alone would he could end up getting the courage to end the bullshit storm that he was involved in. Could he do it? For me? Could Hanbin ever go against his family to be with me? I shouldn’t be doing this, I shouldn’t be getting these kind of feelings, and those were the most dangerous kind of feelings.

 

Just looking at him, I can see the similarities to Hanbin, in fact he looked as Hanbin did at his age. It surprises me a little and just how much they resembled each other, Jungwoo looked how he Hanbin used to look except he looked softer. He didn’t have the sadness and heaviness that lingered across Hanbin’s face, the conflict was completely absent with his younger brother.

 

“Happy adulthood Choi Youngjae!” Bobby warmly greets with toothy grin and eyes forming into his signature crescents. Hanbin smiles he had been silently watching all this time, it seemed his earlier irritation in the suite had disappeared and now he was focused on me. He casually and quietly waves me over to the table that he was sat, he was dressed up in a dress shirt and some smart trouser. Hanbin was sat in what looked like a large breakfast feast, too much for just the four of us.

 

The breakfast was delicious, it was all the foods that I enjoyed and loved the most and Hanbin had thoughtfully bought it to me. “Eat up” Hanbin encourages me, amused I watch after all he had pretty much filled up the table and it was way too much for us to eat. “Eat up quick before hyung starts and it all disappears” Jungwoo teases the elder, which wins him the middle finger from Hanbin. Bobby chuckles amused suddenly begins to chat, the funny and charming other keeps the conversation flowing around the table. The Bobby smiles and I could tell that he was definitely in on something with Hanbin, it must be for me.

 

Joining the three, I lean in to kiss Hanbin on the lips before tucking into the food that he had thoughtfully gotten for me. Hanbin smiles and strokes through my hair, he continues to brush my hair aside and watching me as I eat. As we eat he prepares some of my foods, making sure that I don’t have to lift a finger for the whole day. Something that I was grateful for, he was so attentive that it warmed my heart up.

 

Once we finish breakfast we head out into the town centre, we take a train down to the town centre. They were busy as expected and Hanbin and I are left to stand up due to all the seats being taken the whole way there, we keep ourselves busy and distracted just talking, Hanbin was far more talkative than usual. He was also affectionate too, he hadn’t allowed our getting spurned at the up class restaurant get to him. To me it was something I could easily shrug off, I had dealt with worse and I had already been uncomfortable in the expensive place. I had instead enjoyed the rest of our night, it was less burdensome and I had hoped Hanbin would continue on that way.

 

So when we head to a large department store, we decide to get some shopping done. I had saved up some money to get certain things that I had wanted from the country, I was to get gifts for family and friends. I had especially set some money aside to get some toys for my favourite nephews Yoonho and Wonho, I quickly manage to get that done and instead of heading to the hotel and leaving our gifts there, Hanbin manages to get someone in a car to do for us. His family connections and power show and it becomes a little burdensome, but it becomes more so as time passes by. Hanbin takes my hand and leads me over to a shop on the top floor, a luxury clothes shop that I had evaded earlier.

 

Everything was way out of my price bracket, the prices for the upmarket fashion had too many zeros attached to the price. The clothing boutique we go to immediately makes me feel uncomfortable, I didn’t suit the kind of people that were around. The music was soft and the lighting was bright and harsh, it seemed to bring out every one of my flaws.

 

I could feel the judging eyes on me, but I try for Hanbin’s sake not to show the obvious discomfort that I feel. Hanbin fit a place like this, he was the rich lawyer’s son, and he often wore designer brands without much thought at all. Even the prices didn’t seem to bother him at all, it was all just numbers because his family would pay for it.

 

Moments like this make me realise that just how different we were, that we were on different ends of a wealth and status spectrum. He had such a good life, he wouldn’t be able to live any other kind of life, the trips to the high class restaurants, the expensive hotels and clothes. I couldn’t give him this, and I couldn’t imagine that he would leave all that comfort and luxury for the awkward gay that he had grown fond of.

 

At Hanbin’s request I try on some of the clothes that he picks up for me, he was determined to get me try on some clothes and I didn’t want to argue on my birthday. As I change, I get the feeling of nerves. It seemed strange, he had seen me completely naked. Yet me changing into a different outfit chosen by him, had me feeling so nervous.

 

“Whoa”, Hanbin says as I leave the changing room. Hanbin doesn’t hide his attraction to me, there I was dressed in a smart pink Aztec print shirt. It was paired with a smart fitted pair of trousers and smart brown crocheted shoes. My style was different from Hanbin’s, it was nowhere near as cool and sharp. Catching a glimpse of myself in the mirrors nearby, I definitely look different and I had to admit I looked better.

 

All it took was some expensive clothing, and good styling and I looked almost like someone who deserved to stand by Kim Hanbin. “Okay, let’s go Choi Youngjae” he takes my hand and leads me out of the shop. Hanbin explains that he had already paid for the clothes so nonchalantly, it would have taken so long for me to save up for something like that.

 

Later on in that day we take go on a surprisingly sweet and low-key date. Hanbin takes us to our next destination and we have our lunch as the side of the canal, it seems cosy and comfortable and cute and intimate, it brings me a little bit of warmth. Hanbin had surprisingly been happy the whole way through, when we were fortunate enough to spend a long time together, I could tell that Hanbin always had a lot on his mind, but being around with him today, it seemed like he was only focused on me. I was really fortunate and glad to be around him, I lean in to kiss him soft and sensually stroking his face.

 

After the chill and romantic lunch on the canal, Hanbin calls us a car and we are taken way across town. We are dropped off to shrine, it was so peaceful, pray for strength, I knew how hard that would be for me in the next month. I needed to be strong, many times I wanted to crack and just push Hanbin away. I was weak and I knew that he would break me and instead of pushing him away, I allowed him in my life because what I felt for him. I had such a greed for the feeling of warmth that I got from him, the intense feelings, the way I felt and words fell short of describing what I felt. Over time I had come to know that Hanbin cared for me too, and no matter how much I wanted to shout at him and tell him to let him go, I clung to him tighter and shut my mouth.

 

Whilst at the shrine Hanbin seems to take it all seriously, he is very mute and focused when writing his message and quietly praying. I knew Hanbin’s family was casually religious, although they were Methodist Christians, according to him they weren’t very committed to that religion.

 

Hanbin had always seemed on the fence on how he felt about religion, telling me that he felt that there was something out there, but he didn’t have the specifics but from what I knew, he was spiritual more than my cynical self.

 

If he was praying with real intent, my none believing self only prayed superficially and in hopes I could get some luck for myself. Although my parents and siblings were somewhat religious, I had grown up more than cynical towards the religion that shunned my truth.

 

Although I don’t make much use of the praying at the shrine, I take in the vibe and the mood of the place. It was quiet, peaceful and warm and somehow settles me, the people that attend the shrine itself seem to be there with good intentions. Unlike some of the other places we had visited before, notably we get no side eyes or strange glances from those around us, especially as I hold Hanbin’s hand. He doesn’t let go or pull away, despite us being in a holy place and I was thankful for it.

 

Once our time at the shrine is done, the car that had earlier picked us up and I can tell Hanbin has put in a lot of thought and money into this. The uncomfortable feeling returns, knowing this was all for me, little old me who didn’t deserve this or to be with a person like him. The car takes us to a cherry blossoms tour, under the trees we take pictures and giving into me Hanbin poses for the pictures. Despite being together as long as we had, Hanbin and I hardly had any pictures of each other together, although I paled next to him I was glad to have our memories captured. Especially when we were in such a special place and at a special time.

 

The cherry blossoms tour is only brief, before I can settle and enjoy just simply walking with my boyfriend the car from earlier picks us up and drops us off at Inokashira Park.

 

Inokashira Park is one of the greatest under-appreciated parks in Tokyo. With a gorgeous red temple, a small zoo, and the “cursed swan boats,” it is an excellent cheap date spot. We head over to the pond situated at the back, inside there was a swan boat section which I convince Hanbin into joining me in. Hanbin was water shy, he couldn’t swim and also he often got travel sick, but still I convince him.

 

We had sat on the canal boat, so this would be no different. I tease him a little and poke a little at my male pride, I poke and prod and lead him onto the swan boat. Hanbin reluctantly joins me and we both paddle out into the middle of the large pond, we work in harmony together.

 

Looking around I could see so many loved up couples, they were either cuddled up close together. They were chatting excitedly or some even seemed to be getting in fights, totally different to what was going on within our boat. Hanbin seemed a little queasy and was trying to hold it in for me, but I was grateful so I hold his hand and talk him through it.

 

“What time were you born?” Hanbin suddenly asks the question, I grin and answer that I was a late night baby. In the last hour of the day my mother finally gave birth to me, she had struggled throughout the day to give birth to me. I had been her most difficult birth and part of me wondered if that’s why she clung onto me so closely.

 

“Your mother’s precious youngest son” Hanbin teases, he reaches his hand to stroke through my hair watching me with a fondness. He explains that his mother treated his younger brother the same way, despite being a twin Mrs Kim showed a favouritism for her technical youngest. The elder had to go through the c-section due to a difficult birth, and Jungwoo had many complications during his birth.

 

“She is his guardian angel, that’s probably why he never has to worry” he explains that during their family visit in Tokyo the family went to meet two prospective future mates for the twins. Mr Kim drove the move forward, but Mrs Kim wasn’t pleased, although she showed no issue with her daughter being sold off but she showed disapproval for the one who was to wed her youngest son. “Chances are good she won’t be able to drop it and she’ll get her way” my heart droops, if only his mother disapproved of Hayi, the thought passes through my mind. It was naïve to even think about it, let alone hope for it. I was stupid for it. 

 

Sensing the discomfort in me Hanbin casually changes the topic of discuss, he clings on to boat and looks out at the water. “You better let me fuck your brains out later” the crude words don’t sound so bad as he tries to hold back his desire to wretch right now. I chuckle amused, weak for him, I would let him do whatever he wanted for me later on.

 

The afternoon continues at its fun and relaxed pace, we spend the rest of the evening in the park. After some post lunch snacks, we take to snuggling on a blanket under the trees. It is very open and sort of plain, in a good way. There are plenty of people who watch us pass by, but no one disturb us, we are left to our own devices. I am more comfortable than I have ever felt in a while, in Hanbin’s arms it felt like I could wipe away all the sadness and hurt that I felt.

 

After our chill excursion at the park, we head off back to the hotel. The sun goes down and we get a chance to wash up and get dressed briefly chilling before we head out, as we do Hanbin is on and off the phone and as I suspect he was probably making plans and catching tid bits of his conversation he was talking to his father. He seems to have been forced to report to the elder what he had been doing with his brother.

 

Bobby had been keeping Jungwoo busy through the day, they had been doing some fun studio tours, some that linked in with Bobby’s work. Hanbin was a good liar, with a straight face he lies that he was separated from Jungwoo and Bobby due to being tired and sleeping. Meanwhile Mr Kim didn’t seem to mind, he trusted Bobby and it seems that he trusts his son too and eventually Hanbin is ready for me and ready for the end of the night. Hanbin was still so mysterious about what was happening.

 

Before we leave at the most inopportune time, my mother and father with the help of Junhyuk video call me. So as I did with Yien, I take the call in the bathroom feigning embarrassment. From what Changkyun had told through text earlier, he had not even been in town to bump into the pair. Joy knew his excuse and when she did bump into my parents, she played along and so both my parents were satisfied.

 

My tearful mother wishes me a happy birthday and complains once again that I had not even been around for her to hug. I promise her that when I return we would catch up which is something that seems to satisfy her, yet she doesn’t resist one more complaint and this time about my hair.

 

However my father thankfully interrupts, he wishes me a happy birthday and delivers a mini lecture about being strong and being responsible for my actions. It soon sends my parents into bickering on screen, both disapproving of what message the other had left.

 

Junhyuk is there to wish me a quick happy birthday, he blackmails me into meeting with him when I return, “happy birthday day my Choi Youngjae” he cutely wishes me a happy birthday before hanging up the call. There thought of how lucky I was passes through my mind, I was fortunate to have my family who loved me and I wonder if maybe they would stay with me if I were to tell them truth. Would my parents continue to love me, or would they push me away?

 

“Are you ready?” Hanbin asks before we leave, he kisses me on the forehead before heading out. I had been dressed in another outfit that Hanbin had earlier chosen for me, and I was still following each and every request he asked of me. Fortunately we weren’t doing anything that I was too uncomfortable with, I was simply burdened by it all. How could ever repay him? Would money ever even equal to this, or would simply just staying loyal and doing whatever he wanted be enough for him.

 

The outfit is a light blue dress shirt, and paired with a pair of well fitted khaki pants paired with a cute all black fedora and smart pair of shoes. “You look fucking amazing” Hanbin whispers into my ear, he softly kisses my neck and pulls me closer by my waist. “Jae you turn me on so much” Hanbin whispers me in my ear, as we make our way out. My ears heat up, and I imagine that I resemble a ripened tomato at this point.

 

Later that night we head over to Odaiba. Odaiba is a large artificial island in Tokyo Bay that looks as if it was constructed specifically for dating. Odaiba is packed with restaurants, shopping, game centres movie theatres and attractions such as a 115 meter tall Ferris wheel. It was exactly the type of things young Tokyo couples like to do on a date, or so I had read up before coming to Tokyo and I had hoped we would come.

 

It has a great view of Tokyo, the sun had gone down and the lights were shining across the town. It just sparkled so prettily, and it’s something that completely takes me aback. That I was here, in this place with someone like Hanbin, someone so handsome, so funny, and so well spoken and out of my league. I take a few photos of the sight as well as Hanbin, I wanted to capture this moment, in case I forgot it, although I never would. I can’t imagine that I would, he wasn’t the first man I had been with, but everything we did felt new and memorable- unforgettable.

 

Later that night we head down to a long stretch of walkway, it was free for pedestrians to walk by. Right in front of restaurants, shops and some night clubs. As we walk hand in hand just enjoying the cool weather, Hanbin’s arm was around me keeping me watch, I held him by his waist. As we pass by a water fountain with water which comes out from the ground. The pressure of the water, something about it looked fun and something in my brain clicks and I pull Hanbin through the fountain.

 

Although he tries to pull away I manage to keep Hanbin there and start to splash him in the face with water. With that move Hanbin suddenly begins to move and go get his revenge, he splashes me with water in the face. The pair of us splash around, as we do walk around to dry up, we chat excitedly. Shivering slightly we head over to the car that Hanbin had called up, thankfully our phones hadn’t been effected by the splashing around, on fore thought it was a slightly dumb idea.

 

We make our way to the car, and as we do we literally run into an intense looking fight, however it looks more than what should be normal. The people fighting seemed to be Korean, from what I could hear both were shouting in my native tongue, and it looked deathly intense. I wondered if we would be witness to the killing of someone, and even when some people try to intervene, they are harshly tossed aside.

 

To us as spectators it was shocking to see the brutality, even as some of these guys hit each other hard and bled, there seemed to be no stopping. One of the men, a tall dark and strong looking man pins the smaller, handsome grin man to a wall nearby, the exchange between the two is one I can barely make out.

 

“JB doesn’t appreciate disrespect, you mess with him and you lose your life” before the bigger man can swing at the smaller, police sirens ring and seem to suddenly scare both parties. The bigger of the two lets go of his victim and the smaller, pulls away and rushes away from the scene, and the spectators surprise them.

 

Hanbin and I head off to the car, and we head off to the hotel. It’s a late hour when we finally head off home, I was tired from the busy and active day and request that instead of heading out to club as Hanbin had suggested. We would shower, warm ourselves up and order in room service on my behalf and stay in to watch TV. Hanbin doesn’t argue, he obliges me and as he had all day, he sorts it out, he orders us a small night feast and as we wait for the food to be delivered we talk.

 

We had one last day and night in Tokyo that we would spent doing the cheesy tourist stuff, Hanbin had spent so much that I felt only comfortable doing something small and unburdening. Hanbin agrees but only on one condition for myself, he leans into my shoulder and wraps his arms around me. Smoothly and magically he pulls something from my pocket, he takes out a jewellery box and immediately I try to pull away and decline but Hanbin clamps on. “Don’t do this Youngjae, don’t hurt my feelings like this” he guilts me into it.

 

Pulling me down on the bed, he opens up the jewellery box and inside was a bracelet. It wasn’t flashy or expensive as I had expected, it had a leather strap and what looked like a silver piece of jewellery as the centre piece of it. It still felt a little much but still a part of me really wanted it.

 

“Read the back” Hanbin nudges me and he smiles and eyes looked all so hopeful. I oblige him, I decide to pick up the piece and on the back it simply says “Youngjae my dear”. My cheeks flush at the simple message, but just knowing that I was special and dear to him made me happy.

 

“It’s got your name on it, so you can’t take it back” Hanbin nudges me, I smile amused and sheepish but let him put the bracelet on my wrist. “ Now I own you” he jokes, but part of me believed it anyway, that I was someone who belonged to him. “Don’t look at any other men, understand?” I chuckle amused and poke him in the ribs, I tease him for sounding like a cheesy actor from a lead actor.

 

Hanbin smiles through my teasing and cups my face, he delivers one spine tingling, turn your legs to jelly kiss. It was the kind of kiss that made me forget everything in the world, every except for Hanbin and how I felt for him just in that moment. I was so lucky to have him, to be with him. I grip onto his arm, and Hanbin sneakily puts the bracelet on, lacking the patience for me to wait to do it for me.

 

As promised the next day is spent doing the typical Tokyo tourist things, in the morning we head off to Akihabara by taking a speedy metro train there. It was all I had seen in the tourist websites, it was just as I had imagined and draws out the geek in not only me and Hanbin, but Bobby and Jungwoo who had come along with us. We go from store to store looking at the different electronics, Jungwoo, Bobby and Hanbin splash out the cash each to get themselves something. I quietly observe as each boy doesn’t even flinch at the price of what everything cost .

 

In the afternoon we hang out with Bobby and Jungwoo and go to a large building in the hustle of the town which belonged to Sonic. We end up doing a tour and we even get the chance to watch the process of how anime is made. It opens my eyes to the art of it all, and some of the drawings catches my eye and soon I catch myself being captivated.

 

Bobby uses his contacts to get us a screening of a brand new anime, and for the afternoon we watch a movie which would be soon to be released. Hanbin laughs as he watches me oooh and ahhh and get caught up in a world I had never experienced before, meanwhile Jungwoo is excited to have converted me and we bond over anime and manga. Our bonding seems to please Hanbin, but still the feeling of uneasiness that I had around Jungwoo never fully disappeared.

 

We return to the hotel in the dead of night, Bobby and Jungwoo excuse themselves to their suite whilst Hanbin and I go to our suite. Everything was so quiet and peaceful and like before we wash up and get something eat. We cuddle and stay up in the night to talk, to ramble to be exact and we just discuss all the things that we wanted to do around the world. I had ticked off Tokyo on my travel list, like Yien I had aspirations to travel the world and it seemed that Hanbin did too. We let ourselves dream for a little bit, I begin with where I would want to go, but Hanbin joins me in my day dreaming, inserting himself in as if it were possible and part of me dreams that it was.

 

That night we go to sleep, except I can’t really sleep. Not at all, something was worrying me so much. The thoughts that I tried to ignore, the reality that my time with Hanbin would be would be soon over. I didn't just mean the trip, but the fact that we would soon be going our separate ways. We would hardly see each over the holiday season, with work and family requirements, then after that he had wedding plans and all the fanfare that would follow. This trip was the last time we would have together uninterrupted and it was already over. I barely rest that night with the weight of those thoughts bearing down on me.

 

The next morning we leave the hotel, the four of us head off out to the airport. The mood of the group is bought up as we’re sharing the taxi with Bobby and Jungwoo. When it had just been the two of us, there was an unspoken tension and silence between Hanbin and I. It was like we were avoiding talking about the same thing, or at least I thought it was. I just sit back and let Bobby and Jungwoo do the talking, as we make our way to the airport and then quickly onto the plane. It all happens quickly and things go without a hitch.

 

 

Jungwoo decides to sit next to me on the plane, and despite Hanbin’s decline I overrule it and accept. Under the pretence of wanting to get to know Jungwoo instead of the truth that I wanted to avoid Hanbin for now. So with the two of us just sat on the short plane journey we talk, well Jungwoo does most of the talking. He seemed comfortable enough with me to talk about his family life, he opens up in a way Hanbin never had.

 

“We went to Busan, my father is already introducing me to a girl its messed up, they give us no choice”, the younger quietly complains. He sits sinking into the chair, he pouts sulking a little and he continues to chat. “It’s unfair. Hanbin has always been hurt and despite him not telling me his pain I have always seen it” surprised my ears prick up. The younger was perceptive, it had taken one football match for him to sense his brother’s feelings for me and even since then he’d loved his brother all the same. He didn’t judge Hanbin, he didn’t judge me either.

 

“This weekend I saw that my brother can be truly happy. Stay with my brother and if you have to be, fight with him”, his words stun me, did he mean it? The words he was saying, did he really feel that way? “Please I need to trust that you won’t run away” looking at him, his words seem so sincere. So I promise, I promise that I won’t run away from him and even if it would become something I regretted in the future.

 

As we make our way out of the arrivals gate, we talk and discuss the latest Sonic release that would be adapted into a film. Bobby talks about his plans for the company with an eager Jungwoo, the two even deciding to work together. Hanbin who has been silent through most of the morning, but I had been watching to keep tags on. He stops in his tracks, the blood drains from his face, seconds later Bobby stops in his tracks too he and he looks tense and Jungwoo suddenly catches on.

 

Finally I follow where their gaze was and see at the arrivals gate was a stern looking Mr Kim, Hanbin and Jungwoo’s father, with him was a woman who I knew to be his secretary. A man who Hanbin had hinted was his father’s concubine. The beautiful and dutiful looking young woman stays silent and watches on, only to be seen but not heart.

 

“Jungwoo, Hanbin not a word. You’re coming with me” Hanbin doesn’t speak but he pauses not moving an inch. “Dad, what are you doing here?” Jungwoo asks “I’m here to collect my lying sons” just the curtness in his tone, he warns Jungwoo and Hanbin to be quiet and follow him. Hanbin turns to me but as his does his father interrupts, he rages out loudly, he was really bothered by this. “Don’t look at that boy, you’ll never look at that boy” my heart drops, he knew it all.

 

The elder reaches for Hanbin and grabs his arm and pulls him away which such a force that it looked to have really hurt him. “You stay away from my son, you disgusting thing” he hurls out the insult pulling Hanbin away. “Dad-“ Hanbin struggles trying to protest but his father pulls him away, whilst the female secretary reaches for Jungwoo’s hand pulling him away too. The petit woman is obviously stronger than she looks, she pulls a struggling and protesting Jungwoo away.

 

“I don’t know what happened… how he found out, but this is going to make things a little difficult” Bobby explains as he drops me off home. The shock was only starting to wear off, it had happened, what I had feared had happened in front of me and I didn’t know how to feel or react. I had tried calling Hanbin, but had received no answer.

 

Bobby had explained that his father would probably put Hanbin on lockdown for a little while, he had done that in the past when he felt that his son had misbehaved. “I’ll update you, when I find out more information ASAP” Bobby promises, before driving away. Despite his attempt to, Bobby couldn’t hide his concerns.

 

For the rest of the day I wait up in hopes I’ll get a call from Hanbin, so I stay up and awake. In the dark I keep replaying the moment my boyfriend was pulled away from me, by his angry father. In the dark with my thoughts, I jump a little when I feel some arms around my shoulder. When I turn, I see that it was my brother, Jinwoon had bed hopped

 

The elder had just come back from work after a late shift, he apologises for not having been there to pick me up. We catch up and chat, Jinwoon was interested in finding out how my trip was but I can’t help but confess that I wasn’t good. “Did you and Kyunnie fall out?” the elder asks, but I shake my head and lean into him, wrapping my arms around the elder. “I can’t talk about it…” I feel bad saying those words, but even now in this time when I needed him, I had to keep my secret for Hanbin.

 

 

“Just tell me, should I be worried?” he asks, stroking through my hair. I shake my head and try to assure him or myself that it could sorted out in the next few days. So I power through any current concerns that I have and tell my brother about the places I had been and seen in Tokyo, until finally he seems to lose and gives into sleep. I watch him sleep and think on how tired he must be, I would try to be more thoughtful to him in the future. So for now I rest in his embrace and try to sleep.

 

Three arduous days pass as I hear nothing from Hanbin, no texts, calls, emails, letter or messages in a bottle. Bobby had heard next to nothing, the Kims were keeping him from Hanbin, probably because he had played along with being Hanbin’s alibi. He had however heard from his father, he had explained that Hanbin’s father had been suspicious with his behaviours and hired a private detective to tail in Tokyo. He had probably seen Hanbin and I together, being open as a couple and been enraged.

 

Seeing Hanbin’s father the two times we had met, I had already seen the two sides of him. The charming warm elder, and colder furious elder, he could those things and I wondered which was the real him. Could he have just been initially angry and misunderstanding, and was there any hope, or was he resolutely the man I had seen in the airport, who would be keeping his son away for god knows how long.

 

Before my shift at work, I chill out at home, with no specific plans in mind for my morning. I was in the quiet house which felt deafly silent, with Jinwoon at work, and the fact that I had still received no contact from Hanbin. I was starting to feel desperate, I was going out of my mind and if things continued this way then I would probably end up doing something rash and stupid. I just wanted to see Hanbin and know that he was okay. I was really going out of my mind with worry.

 

The doorbell rings breaking me out of my thoughts, when I get up to answer the door I find waiting for me was Hoseok. The elder is friendly and charming as usual, he visits out of the blue with no plans for the night. After just a few minutes of talking he seems to be able to read my mood, he senses that I’m bothered.

 

“Whatever it is, that you’re not telling me is only going to keep you bothered, if you keep cooped up”. The elder does invite me out briefly, knowing that I had work soon, he invites me out for a walk. “Either that, or we can stay here or you can let me fuck your ass” he bluntly gives me my ultimatum placing my hand on his lap, he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively leaving me with no other choice.

 

As we take a walk and talk, he explains that he and my stubborn older brother Junhyuk were still at odds. “That asshole wants me to apologise for fucking you. But I won’t” Hoseok shows his stubborn behaviours. “Look I get it, I shouldn’t have snuck around. I will admit that much” the elder seemed sincere in his words. “I get it you’re his brother but you’re not some little fragile vase, I know that you’re strong” Hoseok reaches for my shoulder and gives me a squeeze. “Whatever it is that’s getting you down shouldn’t beat you, you’re too strong” I gain some comfort in his words. I reach over to my shoulder and squeeze his hand gently.

 

The moment that lasts is brief, before Hoseok casually walks down the street. He speaks on how he had been busy of late. Taking out a tablet from his pocket and he shows his work, or at least it was what he called work. Being in his room I had seen so many types of professional pieces, writing, poems, scripts, art and even videos.

 

Hoseok was an all-round artist, and genius and in comparison to his playful manner he was amazingly talented. He had recently started his own blog channel, and with his good looks and charm he had become very popular and it was starting to make him a lot of money. He was definitely something special, a person who I cherished as a friend.

 

When I reach work I try to keep myself busy, but I can’t help but be bothered. The more I tried to push it to the side, the more I thought and obsessed about it. As I work, I even trip fall and drop a customer’s drink and in the process, I burn myself. I try not to cause a commotion and profusely apologise to the customer who seems understanding about the situation, she even helps me mop up the mess despite my protests.

 

Soohyun rushes over to my side, she was concerned about me and offers to work a little bit later so she could cover for me. There was a lul in customers and she felt confident that she could answer it, however I stubbornly work through the pain. I rush on and clean up the mess I made earlier and serve the considerate customer. So as I do serve her, this time without dropping my drink, I overhear the gossip about Hanbin.

 

“I heard he went to Macau with a girl, he was cheating on the ice princess” one of the girls gossips winning some shocked gasps from her audience. “His parents had caught them in bed” he gets shocked replies from this, the truth had turned into a rumour and had mutated. “The girl was a local and apparently he might be getting married to her” the suggestion is met with disbelief, “we all know Kim Hanbin would never go against his family, not unless he wanted to be disowned” they dismiss.

 

My mind is clouded with worry throughout my shift, I was trying to think on what was I going to do. Jungwoo had told me to stick by Hanbin’s side, but how could if I haven’t even seen the person that I was meant to stick by. I was becoming overwhelmed, and thoughts of quitting were starting to attack me from each side, but no matter how much I thought about I couldn’t, I wouldn’t.

 

“Hey friend” a voice I recognise calls out to me as I shut down the coffee shop for the night, when I turn around see it was Changkyun. I greet him and he offers to escort me home, and even though part of me wants to reject him and be alone, the look on his face doesn’t allow me. He looked a little shaken, no matter how he tried to hide it, I could see through him. Was he bothered? Was he having some issues, what was the problem?

 

Over the last few days we hadn’t seen much of each other, so we had just talked and caught up. He seems a little tense, when I ask why he reveals that he and Joy had hit a bump suddenly. He seemed worried about her feelings, she seemed to cling to him more than he had expected and he worried if she could be independent. “Dude, it seems like she has no plans for herself, it’s like she is just going to follow me”

 

When I thought about it, I understood his issues. After all Joy was a smart, outspoken and charming girl, but since being with Changkyun she had pushed away some sense of pride. It was weird the mood felt weird, like it was just an excuse but I don’t speak up, not yet.

 

“How have you been? You’ve been quiet recently” Changkyun suddenly turns his eye to me. The look in his eyes I could tell that he was worried about me. Staying observant as per usual, he seemed to always notice the littlest shifts in my mood. Knowing this, I still try to keep it quiet.

 

“I heard Hanbin was on lockdown… does it have to do with you?” I freeze in my steps, I watch him surprised by it all. “Did his parents find out about you guys?” Surprised I watch Changkyun, for the third time this week another person had been revealed to know the truth.

 

“Look I wanted you to come out with the truth on your own, but well… it turns out you’re better at keeping secrets than I thought” he explains that knew he saw us. He had seen Hanbin and I kiss, and all this time he had kept it quiet and hadn’t told another soul. The secret was unravelling, the more people knew the less of a secret that it would be.

 

“Youngjae, I don’t need to tell you just how bad this could hurt you right? Be careful, that’s all I ask”. Reaching for my shoulder, he lightly pats me before heading off out. “Take care of yourself please” his pleas though appreciated, fall short, all I cared about Hanbin and hearing from him. I was a mess, and only one person could make the situation better.

 

Later on I return home to an empty house, Jinwoon seemed wrapped up in this brand new case of his it. It was apparently going to be a life changing case for him, it would be something that could elevate his position in the law, so he was giving it all he could. So I’m left alone, I order myself a pizza and stay up as long as I can and watch some TV.

 

Zoned out I hardly hear a word that is being said, despite being illuminated by the light of the TV, I don’t take much notice of it. I am simply lost in a haze of thoughts. I was attempting to keep myself distracted at all costs, but it’s pretty hard to do. I almost jump out of my skin when I receive a call, muffled and fuzzy, I hear his voice. It was the voice that I was desperate to hear, “meet me at the carpark. It’s me”. The message is brief and takes me aback but I rush up to my feet and out of the building.

 

Half an hour later I find myself in the parking lot, hidden in the shadows I wait for him. The message was left not too long ago, but my mind goes racing, thinking of possibilities of what could have happened to him. My heart races out of my chest out of silence, and I am unable to hear anything or anyone, I start to give up but I hear some footsteps approach me. As he gets closer to me in the dark, I can tell that it’s him.

 

Without a thought, I leap at him and pull him into my arms. Hanbin’s tense behaviour suddenly relaxes, I hear him sigh and so his arms slide around my waist pulling me closer. “Holy shit Youngjae I missed you so much” he apologises for what had happened at the airport. He explains that his father had him locked up and was keeping tabs on him recently. Today was the first day his father left the house due to an emergency, and was able to sneak out.

 

“Holy shit Youngjae, I missed you” he repeats murmuring into my shoulder, he starts to kiss me down my neck then slowly upwards. “I missed you” his voice wobbles, he continues to stroke through my hair. He pulls away and leans in to kiss me right on the lips, it’s a soft and gentle kiss that takes me aback not because I hadn’t experienced it, but because I never thought I would again.

 

When he pulls away, he tells me that I wouldn’t be able to see him for a week. That’s the next time he could get some freedom, so for now he asks for me just to hold on a little bit longer.

 

“This is a shitty situation I know, but trust me Youngjae” and even though it was hard for me I do, I would trust him. I nod my head to show that I did and I lean in to kiss him. We would have only a little bit of time so I was going to make the most of it and we’re there together for a little while until he has to rush off.

 

As enter the home, I am zapped of my energies completely. I was really tired and I just wanted to sleep myself into a coma. So as I walk back into the apartment, I notice in the living room on the seating room was a face I hadn’t seen in a whole long while. His red hair framed his brilliantly handsome face, he really was a treasure to behold.

 

“Surprise!” I falter, surprised to see him but right now I knew that I needed him. Yet I was far too stunned to say anything, Yien pouts a little due to my little reaction. The handsome, bright eyed, and charming young man Yien smiles leaping up from his chair and lunges at me. My favourite hyung pulls me into his warm, and sweet smelling embrace.

 

“We have lots to talk about it seems” Yien whispers into my ears, and rubs comforting circles into my back, he must have known that I needed him. How had he known? Was I reading too much into it? It just felt like Yien knew that I did and he came for me.

 

Later that night it finally sinks in that the elder was in front of me, especially as we lie in bed. The elder somehow manages to lead me from the living room to my bedroom, he leads me over onto the bed. Yien chats about his trip, tells a story of debauchery, cuddled up, comfortable, nuzzles his face into my neck, he delivers soft kisses to my neck, I don’t pull away, I would stop him but right now I didn’t have it in me.

 

“Tell me everything Youngjae. I mean everything, because I know there is more than what you were telling me. His hands stroke me down my back, I feel him watching me, I look and see him watching me. I struggle to tell him, I couldn’t really tell him could I? “You can tell me Youngjae, you know that you can trust me” he pleads. “I need you hyung” I confess leaning my head into is shoulder. “I know, that’s why I’m here” Yien explains holding me in his arms and just like that I confess it all.


	13. XIII

Changkyun's POV

“Oppa stop!” Park Junghwa protests rushing away, but the elder Hoseok wraps his arms around the younger's waist. Both are both naked, they had just transformed from their wolf form and were walking around casually. Junghwa was trying to pull away from the elder but Hoseok holds her close tickling her playfully, the pair were comfortable with each other enough to be doing this out in the open. We were on the outskirts of town patrolling the city and the mischievous pair had decided to shift fact into their human forms for a while, it was easier to heal any injuries in human form and the pair had taken a few hits a while back during a clash with a group of drainers.

The three of us had been on patrol throughout Mokpo, on my orders we had decided to walk through a dangerous and dark spot. I had assigned a few dozen few groups across town to protect the people of Mokpo. I had assigned each group according to the difficulty of the drainers and where they congregated the most. They drainers were still popping out, it seemed that I had underestimated just how much trouble would they cause.

With Lee Woojin in hiding, it seemed the control he had over the community was no longer apparent. The drainer community seemed to be taking advantage of their leader’s mysterious and suspicious disappearance. Since he had left, the drainer community were wild and out of control. Letting their thirst control them, the attacks were becoming more frequent and violent.

Mokpo’s people didn’t have a clue what was going on right underneath their noses, it seemed that the authorities including the police officers and their higher ups were keeping this quiet. They had supposedly found the serial killer who had killed so many, but now all of a sudden the deaths had started up again. It would be enough to worry the cops, and to panic the town.

Recently the attacks had come down, with the pack the death toll wasn’t as out of control as it could be. Although it technically it could be said that there were deaths on the drainers side, they were killers and I couldn’t count the death of subpar humans to be legitimate.

The gruesome deaths were being hidden by the city’s officials as not to panic the city again. I was going my bet in the shadows to protect people, but I wouldn’t have much time left as I would soon be leaving. My travels would take me across the world and I couldn’t exactly lead the pack thousands of miles away. So I was looking to take out the majority of the drainers before I left for what would be a long time.

Over time, I had gathered up my strongest and most trusted wolves. Well honestly, it was the wolves that I trusted myself with the most. Over time I had gotten to know Hoseok, it had taken a while to get used to his somewhat eccentric and exaggerated behaviours. I had to admit that I had gotten close to Shin Hoseok, one of the few alphas who was in the group. He had been the leader previous to my arrival in Mokpo, he was the strongest and most reliable. Not only that but he was smart, quick moving, and could be cool under situations of pressure. He was also very kind, caring and the perfect person to take over once again when I left, so I kept him close.

With us on our patrol this night was Park Junghwa, she was an Alpha assassin. More so than Hyojin, she was a stronger, quicker, and more passionate fighter. However due to her young age, she hadn’t come into her position, but in the future we knew that would surpass the elder. But for now, the bright and affectionate younger was working well under the elder.

Junghwa was a special kind of fighter, she was fierce and fought better than anyone could expect her to. The ballsy young fighter was determined to prove her worth, so when avoiding the leader of the assassins, Junghwa worked as a good stand in.

“Oppa, if anyone caught us. They would think of us as perverts” Junghwa half protests, half giggles. Hoseok wraps his arms around her naked torso leaning his head on her shoulder. The two fool around, it was completely innocent between the two of them. Hoseok wasn’t into women that was just his preference, meanwhile Junghwa was head over heels in love with Bobby and the younger had promised herself to him.

“Don’t you think that it’s suspicious?” Junghwa casually muses, as she walks ahead Hoseok continue to follow her arms wrapped around her. As she walks ahead in the forest area Hoseok follows her, he strokes through her and the elder listens to her with both amusement and curiosity. “The attacks, even if that bastard Woojin was the person who controlled those blood suckers, aren’t they being a little reckless??” she youngest ponders aloud.

“Maybe Jjongie, it’s because they have never had this kind of freedom like that” Hoseok reasonably suggests. However part of me agrees with Junghwa’s suspicions, I was unsettled by what was going on. Something didn’t sit well with me and it meant that I had to work double time and think ahead of my enemy to protect my pack. They were precious to me and I couldn’t and wouldn’t watch them get hurt.

“Whoa look at this oppa! Even in his wolf form he broods so well don’t you think?” Junghwa teases me pulling from Hoseok’s arms. She fluffs my fur, and Hoseok laughs amused joining the affectionate stroking. I growl at the two, cause them to laugh in reaction especially as I swipe at them. I wasn’t going to kill them, it was just to be enough to knock them down. However in their human form, they dodge and duck the attacks with ease and it goes this way as we head back into town.

A couple of more hours pass with the pair, in between goading me and teasing me. The three of us take down a few drainers who had been in the middle of attacking some innocents, or even stopping attacks. It was a typical night on patrol and doesn’t show case anything particularly important, nothing is out of the ordinary and because of that it passes by pretty quickly. It works as a normal shift at work, and when it does end a new group of wolves from the pack relieve us of our duties.

The three of us head off to the Happy Strikes Bowling Alley, it had become a headquarters for the wolves to comfortably change. The place was operated by the former pack leader Kim Jiwon and her husband Park Kyungil who were both Park Junghwa’s parents. The pair often helped us with a place to not only hide out in, to change clothes and have leisure times to unwind.

Both understanding the stress of being wolves and what came with our duties and responsibilities, they kindly welcomed us. It was less complicated than the chance of being caught in our neighbourhoods, completely naked or panicking them in our wolf like forms.

However what came with walking through the bowling alley was that temptation was there waiting for me. I make my way to the locker room and get washed and cleaned for the night ahead that I had planned, as I get changed, I hear the voice that belonged to someone that I hadn’t seen in a while. Just hearing her voice sends shivers down my spine and brings up the tension that I had been feeling.

“It’s been a while hasn’t it?” the familiar voice belongs to her, to the woman who I had been trying to avoid. I was in the middle of getting changed, I was also half clothed and despite both of us having seen each other in the nude, I feel some nerves around her. I quickly put on my shirt before turning to address Hyojin who was waiting in the doorway.

As soon as I get a glimpse of her, my breath hitches and my heart thumps involuntarily. She leans her small and lean body on the frame of the door way blocking my way slight. “I was starting to think that you didn’t exist anymore” she teases me with her bottom lip protruding. My heart flutters just at the sight of her, why does she always do this to me? She was stood there in a pair of short denims shorts that highlight her toned and tanned legs. She wears a baggy plaid shirt that is paired up with a black crop top.

I had been a few weeks since we had be last seen each other, a move that was definitely on purpose. Being around her a few minutes, I realise that the move was right on my part, my hormones were driving me crazy. The way my body reacts to just being around her, I knew that I shouldn’t be feeling this way. Before I can even reply to her, my phone rings and the ringtone is warning enough, it was the ringtone that belonged to my precious girlfriend.

Thus far my girlfriend had been the reason that I had used up all my willpower. I wanted with all my might to resist Hyojin, I couldn’t and wouldn’t screw her over. Joy was too special and precious, so for now watching Hyojin is all I get to do. I stay still and I briefly take it all in. My eyes eat her up and I take few facial snaps of her, I was clinging onto the little bit of willpower that I had.

“I’m waiting for you my sweetheart xxx” Joy leaves a cute message on my phone, I was meant to be having dinner together.

“I’ve been busy” I simply excuse her and head for the door but she doesn’t move, Hyojin blocks my way. “That’s not the truth and you know it”, Hyojin stays resolute in facing off with me, her eyes are so intense right now. I watch her and can’t rip my eyes from her, even if she was the only one in the room it doesn’t make any difference to me right now. She was so close and I had to work double time, the smell of her was clinging to my nose. I push her to the side and try to rush past her, I couldn’t do this right now.

“Are you just going to keep denying me?” Hyojin doesn’t call out, but rather she invades the space in my head. I try to ignore her as I walk from the back to the front of the bowling alley. I try and focus on Joy and even answer her phone call. “Baby where you? Aren’t you we supposed to me up?” she coos cutely to me over the phone.

“Sorry sweetheart, I’ll be right there beautiful” I hope it’s enough that she hears. Hyojin had too much pride, there is no way she would try to cling to me. She didn’t feel that much about me. She didn’t feel that much about me, this was just a hormonal thing due to who we were. It couldn’t be anything more for her or for me either.

Ducking my head down, I rush out of the bowling alley and head out to the restaurant which was nearby. I dash off towards Cherry Blossoms walkway, it was the nickname of the expensive, shopping, leisure and food area of town. The best of the best could be found here away from the normal shopping centres that most of the town’s people used, this little area was for the wealthy and elite to relax and enjoy the better things of life. The restaurant I have to head to is a four star upscale joint lead by a famous and well known television chef, it was definitely the in place to be.

The restaurant was warm and rouged, the walls were red, with gold embellishments. The lighting fixtures highlighted the whole place, with a dull but romantic light, it wasn’t the place for families but for couples. In the back of the restaurant with the candles lit, sat near the back of the restaurant looking not particularly jazzed at the fact that I had kept her waiting was girlfriend Park Joy. I knew that I had some grovelling to do.

“I’m really sorry, something came up” I apologise taking a seat opposite Joy. Just looking at her, despite her straight and disapproving face she looked stunning. She had her long brown hair flowing down, a winged mascara and bright red lipstick and she finished off the look with a powder blue bandage dress that clung to her in the all the right places. Even though she was gorgeous with a more demure and natural look, seeing her like this really did send my heart racing. How easily I flip flopped, one minute struggling to rip myself from her, to right now with Joy.

“Why should I be surprised my boyfriend, you’re always surprising. How suspicious” she mutters and sulks even a little. “What happened? Tell your girlfriend what came up?” Joy doesn’t hide her irritation. I hadn’t told Joy about my true identity, yet. I wasn’t sure if I would be doing any time soon. She didn’t need to be involved in something so complicated, if she knew then she would be more prone to be targeted by my enemies. Honestly part of me was also scared, despite the amount of times Joy had nudged me to tell her my deepest and darkest secret, I had held back. I couldn’t tell her, how would a big bad ugly wolf fit into Joy’s bright future?

“Nothing much, Hoseokie hyung and his relationship problems” I casually mashup the truth and lies, in hopes that my sweet and trusting girlfriend will believe me. With a nodding of the head it seems perhaps that she does. “That oppa is so messy, I wonder what kind of crap he has gotten into?” Joy muses whilst looking over the expensive menu. Joy really liked this place, she had fond memories of this place and enjoyed the deserts the place served so when she wanted to come, I came with her no questions asked.

“Everything looks delicious” Joy calls over our waiter and soon the pair of us make our orders for the night. As we settle down for the night, it becomes soon apparent that Joy and I were both in different leagues. She belonged in a place like that, with her designer dress, and expensive shoes and pendants. She was from a different class from me, and sometimes I wondered if for the next year of us travelling if she could really be with me slum it down with him?

Joy seemed bright happy and excited although that was her default setting, she seemed to be teetering on the edge of adolescent hyper activeness. Something had happened and it seemed that she was dying to let it out, however she lets the dinner proceed. The dinner that was worth just one shift of work at Happy Coffee, dating a girl with Joy’s tastes came with being financially well off something I wasn’t. However like I had grown accustomed to since I began dating Joy, I grin and bear it.

My sweet girlfriend is particularly affectionate tonight, she scoots from across the table to sit right next to me. Clinging onto me tightly, a sense of worry washes over me as it always did when she was like this. Did something happen with her parents? Recently Joy hadn't really talk, I had assumed things had calmed down in her household and with our move coming up she had more urgent things to worry about.

I reach over to stroke through her hair, her soft, long locks which often smelt very sweet and lavender like were always well taken care of. I stroke her face and wait for her to speak, over time Joy had realised that I didn't like to prod and always preferred the direct approach when something needed to be addressed.

Minutes pass and she doesn't say anything, it doesn't frustrate me or anything but it doesn't leave me with a sense of calm. Recently it felt like she was hesitant with me, I couldn't put my finger on it but it felt like something was my fault.

“Oh what a good looking couple!!” A familiar voice calls out, immediately I can sense who it is without even looking at him. When. I turn to the source of the voice and see Bobby and a friend of his approaching our table. The friend is a tall, lanky, skinny and warmly dressed man with a pair of ripped skinny jeans paired with a green comfortable cardigan. He looked warm, friendly and none threatening, however there seemed to be more to him.

“This beautiful human being is Jae hyung!” Bobby cutely introduces the elder. Joy and I greet the elder, but Joy is already familiar with the elder revealing they had met during her trip to Seoul with Youngjae.

“Speaking of. How is that cute fellow Choi Youngjae?” Jaehyung casually asks causing Bobby to grin in amusement. “He’s been busy, he’s either working or prepping for his move to Seoul” Joy casually reveals, despite the fact this person was pretty much a stranger. “Oh so stressful, so he might need someone to come over and help him relax right?” Jaehyung playfully suggests. Bobby chuckles knowingly, the smirk on his face that he wore. He was the friend of the man that Youngjae was currently in an unhealthy relationship, as one of the people who helped facilitate the relationship, I wasn’t quite a fan of Bobby at the moment. He was working to make his friend happy, and didn’t give a rat’s ass if Youngjae’s feelings were hurt. Honestly I had been avoiding him, in order to avoid any tension between the two of us. 

I wasn’t completely angry with him, actually when it came down to it I felt that I was to blame. I felt like after the time spent with Youngjae, he was really was like myself. He didn’t have many relationships or connections with people, but the ones he did were very real and important to him. He was sensitive to those relationships, and I could tell it was the same with Kim Hanbin especially. He was sensitive when it came to him, and so we rarely talked about it, about his love for his former antagoniser. Youngjae was too deep in this, so deep that even now with Hanbin’s father trying to separate the two and he was still clinging on.

“Well lately he’s been with Yien oppa. Those two have always gotten along well… who knows what will happen?” Joy half muses and half teases the Korean American foreigner. Jaehyung smirks and leans in closer to Joy with intrigue in his eyes, “oh so I have a challenger?” he confidently asks causing Joy to burst out laughing.

Meanwhile Bobby pulls the elder away from her. “Whoa! Whoa! You won’t be issuing any challenges here buddy. I want no mess from you” Jaehyung chuckles amused in reply and Joy seems to be amused. “Good! Good! I really like this, Youngjae should have many people after him like this” even still Joy doesn’t know that it was already the case for Youngjae now. He had many people after him at this point, but he seemed only have eyes for Hanbin.

“Anyway, we were just ordering something and saw you guys. We thought we’d say hi, but now it’s time to leave” Bobby says before excusing Jaehyung and himself. He drags the elder away and towards the restaurant’s front counter, Joy chat amused by Jaehyung musing if she thought he would be Youngjae’s choice. “That oppa seems like a player anyway, too smooth with his words. Plus he travels too much” Joy casually dismiss the elder as a candidate for the winner of Youngjae’s heart. Honestly I’d much prefer that for Youngjae, than Hanbin who was slowly breaking his heart.

With the two leaving Joy and I to talk, the topic of discussion moves to our joint plans for the future. We would be heading off to Portugal at the end of the week for our first stop. As we discuss our plans Joy announces that she had recently accepted to fashion school in Paris. “I applied so long ago, but they got back to me today. I had completely forgotten about it” she admits it. Joy explains that she could defer for a year and we’ll travel during that time and eventually set up base in Paris. “Doesn’t that sound good babe?” Joy reaches for my hand, although that plan did cut my travel plans short, setting up base in Paris wasn’t a bad idea.

However part of me didn’t like this, I didn’t feel comfortable. But like I had gotten to doing most recently, I plaster a smile on my face. I hold her hand and do my duty as her boyfriend, which was to make her happy. As long as Joy was happy then I would be too. I laugh and joke through the rest of the night with Joy, and when the night ends, I escort her home. Her parents didn’t approve of that, they would much rather that I wasn’t dating her or taking her abroad for that matter. But if I was going to be with their precious only child, they wanted to be assured she was safe with their trusted employee Donghyuk. I think I could say that his trust was warranted, over time I had gotten some of my pack members to track the elder.

Kim Donghyuk was a full time employee of Park Jisung’s, he worked to transport the family around to and from wherever they desired. Donghyuk usually worked around Joy who was the apple of her father’s eye. Donghyuk was strong, he had trained in martial arts, and was physically strong, and that being due to his super human strength he had as a drainer. However he didn’t get his nutrients the way normal drainers did, he instead of visiting leech bars or forcing himself on innocents, was sent blood through legal means. It turned out there was a profit to be made for human blood banks.

Recently in order to stay with me longer, Joy insisted that I escort her all the way home. It was meant to be her act of defiance, if her parents were to accept us, then they would have to get used to seeing us. That was her theory and I went along with it, because I was her man. I drop Joy off in front of her gate, leaving with a short kiss. Honestly over time the kisses had been shorter, I tended to use the excuse that because we were close to her parents and I didn’t want to be disrespectful. Joy bought the excuse and it seemed to add to her fantasy of me being the ideal boyfriend.

Once I watch her enter her home, I head off back to my house. As I do I check through the pack telepathy to see if anything out of the ordinary had happened. Thankfully nothing of urgency does happen and I am free to head off home, today had been one of those days, full of non-incidents, and incidents that I would have to think about later.

When I get home I find Sojin was in the kitchen with fair Heo Solji. I recognised the elder from the pension, she had been one of the few fairs who had fiercely fought alongside our wolves. The elder is warm with her greeting, and she doesn’t really seem to hide the fact that we knew each other. In fact, she it seems that Sojin was well aware of our connection. Sojin unlike Solji wore a serious expression, as they approach me Sojin looked both so serious, it puts me on edge.

“You’re here” Sojin greets me as introduces Solji, “but according to her you already know each other” she confirms. “Hey there Mr. Alpha!” Solji cutely greets me, I feel discomfort. “Calm down, its fine” Sojin reveals that she is too fair. “Jinyoung oppa knows, but he didn’t want to let you know what was because I forced him to” I watch on suspicious. If that was the case, then why was she telling me this now? “I have no time to go in and explain why I kept it quiet, right now there’s something important my friend here has to tell you” Sojin signals to Solji.

Solji brightens up with a smile before approaching me, she reaches over to stroke through my hair the look in her eyes was fond. “Cute” she comments as I pull away from her slightly, why was this stranger getting so familiar. “I never got the chance to thank you last time. You really saved our butts kid” I bow my head not wanting to say anything else. “Anyway, since it happened our fairs have kept a low profile. However we’ve been working behind the scenes to try and track down who has been responsible for this influx of attacks” she explains that over the last year the attacks have multiplied to a suspicious level. “It has to stop and well, I think you’re the only person who can sort this out”

“After some undercover work on my part, I found out who our culprit is!” Solji explains that she had pretended to be a lost and confused amnesiac. She was taken in by someone of the vampire community, and for some time she had let herself be used as a blood bank. She has been used and in turn she had used the vampires around her and accumulated the knowledge that she had gained. She had gotten down to the bottom of why there was a sudden influx especially in the last few months.

“Lee Hyeri. She’s a very strong drainer and as far as this town she is now in charge” I nod my head taking all this new information in. Anything that could help was more than welcomed. “She’s a sly little one, she’s letting vampires go wild to lure out that Kim Woojin bastard” my ears prick up. Anything to do with Kim Woojin was suspicious to me. “The bitch spent so much time with him, they say they lived together for 9 decades. She has stayed by his side” Solji explains, Sojin rolls her eyes disapproving. “They are both powerful, and anyone else could have taken the wrap for all those killings…so why would someone as powerful as Woojin do it?” I had always wondered that myself, but it seemed to me that someone that smart had a reason.

“It’s pretty suspicious to most of us, especially Lee Hyeri. However her big problem is her emotions” Solji continues to explain that Hyeri had taken over control of the drainers within the town and was letting them run wild to lure out Woojin. She wanted him to come out and explain himself, and selfishly she wanted an explanation as to why he had runaway, without her. “Some of the drainers here don’t want to be involved in this but have to because they fear her. If we take her out. Then it could serve as a warning to the others!” she explains that if we all band together, the wolves and fairs then we could take down Lee Hyeri and her gang of vampires.

“Think it over” Sojin asks squeezing my shoulder before excusing Solji and herself. She leads the elder out who winks and waves at me before heading out. Despite her silliness, I get to thinking that she was probably right. Constantly killing drainers and doing these patrols was getting tiring, these little battles were becoming draining. So one big fight would probably help me, so I decide before I head to sleep I would make plans for the night.

As I lay in bed for another night my mind works on overdrive, how would I even do this? Would it be dangerous? I would die for my pack, risking my life for them wasn’t something I had to think about. However I didn’t want to put them at risk, this would be something that I would have to do some thinking over, I would talk to Hoseok hyung about it and figure out my next move.

As I try to sleep I hear the slide opening of the windows, followed by footsteps but it doesn’t scare me. I knew who it was and that should scare me but it doesn’t. Hyojin climbs into my bed, I close my eyes and pretend to be asleep and feel her cuddle up to me. This wasn’t the first time, she had been doing this a lot recently, it felt like she was having a hard time and I wondered why. I don’t move I make sure I didn’t do or say anything I regretted, I just stay still and let it happen.

The next morning I wake up and find that my bedroom is empty, the person I laid with isn’t there anymore leaving me with a pang or longing that I shouldn’t be feeling. Not when I had a girlfriend, I try to shrug it off and move on with the rest of the day although I wondered. Why did it always feel like there was missing, was she the person who was missing? Was there a way that I could have both? I wondered if I could be selfish and allow myself to have it all for myself.

“Are you awake my precious alpha nephew?!” Sojin calls out knocking the door to my room, before preceding to burst in anyway. The elder was washed and dressed, she had a smug look on her face. Followed by uncle Jinyoung who looked very casual, but like he was aware what she was up to he just follows her. Sat on my bed without an invitation, Sojin crosses her legs and hands me over a piece of folded piece of paper.

“Those are some numbers of some of my allies, they know who you are and they’re pretty much just waiting on your word!” Sojin excitedly reveals. “Plus there are a few people from your old back in Busan, they’re willing to come and help. Just say the word” Jinyoung oh so casually reveals.

“You’re a smart lad, and we trust you. You’ve been keeping the people safe so far. So take your time and don’t rush into anything” Sojin surprisingly is warm and encouraging. It takes me back a little bit, but soon she and Jinyoung become inappropriate on my bed in front of me. So I decide to rush out of the room and get myself showered and changed.

When I head back to my room Sojin informs me that I had two friends waiting downstairs for me. I had nothing planned with friends today, but when I sniff the air although there is one presence I do not recognise. The other is one that I am all too familiar and fond of, it was Choi Youngjae, who was the stranger that he was with though?

I head downstairs to greet my friend who honestly I hadn’t seen much of recently, but am surprised to see the person with was none other than Tuan Yien. Not that I should really be surprised, but this was the first time we would be meeting each other in the flesh and there had been no forewarning, it kind of felt like this should have been a bigger event. I greet Youngjae, and he soon introduces me to Yien officially although the other seems very pleasant to me on first meeting.

Youngjae suggests that we hang up, the look on his face was a little bit tense. He seemed slightly uncomfortable and part of me could sense it had to do with Yien. He didn’t want to be with the elder alone, so I accept the offer of going out for lunch. Despite it being the lunch time, the place isn’t too busy. There are a few tables free at the back which Yien, Youngjae and I take up.

Lunch with Yien and Youngjae takes place at a café shop near my house, Yien drives the group in his expensive car rental, perks of being the son of a very rich man. We travel in style to a very casual and modest looking café, the food is delicious. Youngjae had bought me here a few times in the past, he had said the recommendation for the place had come from Yien, so it felt right that we came to eat here today

The best friends sit next to each other, whilst I take my position opposite and observant. Seeing Yien in the flesh was definitely different from the small screen that I had grown accustomed to seeing him through, the elder was definitely more vibrant in the flesh.

Tuan Yien was very handsome, well dressed, outgoing and very aware of him, he seemed away of all the eyes on him and it looked to me like he enjoyed it. Despite his awareness of his audience, he still spoke up and he was still quite vulgar, and Youngjae didn’t even bat an eyelid to it all. He had become accustomed to the somewhat childish behaviour, it was attention seeking behaviour; but Youngjae didn’t seem to bat an eyelash to any of it.

Yien doesn’t even hide his lustful gaze directed towards me, the elder smirks and bites on his lips, his eyes heading from top to bottom. “He’s much hotter in person, don’t you think Youngjae?” the elder casually compliments me. I grin partially aware that the elder was doing it as some way to unnerve me, like it was a test to see if I was comfortable around him because he wasn’t heterosexual. Or was he trying to test the close friendship between Youngjae? I had to wonder.

Honestly I knew that Youngjae wasn’t attracted to me, we had a relationship and close of two brothers. The way Youngjae smirks at me in response to Yien’s comment, it shows he was comfortable with the question as it did not ring to how felt. This wasn’t awkward, not at all. The awkwardness comes later on in the meal.

To begin with it’s cool, relaxed and comfortable. Yien treats me well, he involves me in his stories of world travel. The elder knew I would also be embarking on my travels and he was telling me of all his adventures, how he avoided the typical tourist destinations and actually went to the places with culture. He encourages me to do the same thing, although he jokes that with Joy around getting into the nitty and gritty of some places would be hard. However Youngjae is there to defend his friend, to Yien.

“Holy crap dude, when did you appetite grow like this? You used to eat like a bird” Yien teases, the elder watches Youngjae with fondness. The same kind of fondness that had always made me wonder if his relationship with Youngjae was simply platonic. The best way to summarise their relationship was that of two incestuous brothers. It wasn’t just on the foreign elder’s side, but also it was Youngjae’s side.

It was easy to see that Youngjae had conflicted feelings for his best friend. The way he sometimes looked at Yien, one minute it was that of a friend who was fond of his friend, and the other it would be a deeper more intense look. There was always going to be something there and it felt like they didn’t address it because of the murky waters. I understood why they didn’t address it, because if they did they might not like the answer that came from it. They might have to make up their minds, and if that was the case then it could change things in a way that didn’t benefit anyone.

Youngjae shrugs, wholly comfortable with the elder. “I know, but somehow eating with Hanbin has made my appetite grow” Youngjae a little too comfortable with the elder reveals this fact so nonchalantly. Immediately there’s a tension that fills the air, Yien drops his chopsticks and leans back in his chair not hiding his irritation. Youngjae had relied too much on his best friend’s understanding, he had completely ignored how much Yien loved him and how little he would want to hear that.

I had to admit that I wasn’t a fan of Youngjae embarking on this road to heartbreak with Hanbin, but it was too late. There was nothing I could do, Youngjae was already resolute in his decision. It was too late, there he was already so deep into Youngjae and it was hard to watch.

“Changkyun can I ask you a question?” the elder turns his attention to me, I knew this wasn’t going to be fun for me. “If my Youngjae is such a cherished friend, then why did you allow him to fall for that daddy’s boy?” he accuses more than he asks, asking more intensity to the moment between us. “Hyung don’t be like that” Youngjae warns the elder, but Yien doesn’t back down and neither do I.

“Because Youngjae is a cherished friend. I will support him even if I think he’s doing something. I think is stupid” I meant it. That I would be there for Youngjae in anyway, he was someone that I really liked. “He’s gonna be heartbroken and you just stood by watched him head there!!” Yien spits at me furiously. The room turns to watch our small group, but Yien doesn’t back down and neither do I.

I wasn’t going to back down. Youngjae was his own person, he had to go through this and experience all of it. The goodness of the love, and the way that it could make him a better person, the way that he could become braver and stronger from it. The worst of love, the way it could make him willing do something morally wrong, and cling on to a man who was taken. It would break him down and I would be there, I would be by his side when it hurt.

“Hyung. Stop this, you know it’s not his fault” Youngjae pleads with Yien, he speaks softly trying to mollify the elder. “I know this is going to hurt me hyung, I know this is going to rip me to pieces, but hyung I did this!” Youngjae pleads his hand reach to hold Yien’s and slowly Yien calms down. Yien watches Youngjae closely, he doesn’t rip his gaze away from the younger he loves and he desires. He looked like he was cooling down, just from Youngjae’s words and his presence.

“Sorry dude” Yien apologises, he briefly turns to address me before returning all his attention to Youngjae. The two share an intense and charged moment, Youngjae watching his hyung concerned by him. Whilst Yien reaches over to stroke through Youngjae’s hair, before leaning over to steal a kiss from Youngjae. It all happens very quickly, Youngjae doesn’t have the time to react, nor do I think he would. Yien takes advantage and delivers a short and brief kiss, before sitting back down in his chair and returning to the food as if nothing had happened.

Youngjae briefly pauses, that kiss affects him more than he’s willing to say but he returns to eating and drinking. The tension wipes away and watching the two is comfortable, they somehow could go from such a tense moment to being happy and giddy and playful and for the rest of the afternoon I spend with the two.

At some point I have to rip myself from analysing the Yienjae dynamic, and return to my duties as a pack leader. I leave the pair alone at the mall, and I make my way to the outskirts of Mokpo, I am expecting to meet up with Hoseok and Junghwa to make plans for the future. However when I reach my destination, I find Ahn Hyojin, Kim Bobby and Park Jaehyung there waiting for me, this seemed like a set up and I didn’t like this at all.

Hyojin is the first person to catch my eyes, she’s not someone who I can easily ignore. Just her presence, being around her stirs up a lot of feelings, some that I wasn’t completely comfortable with. Being around her makes me feel a little unstable, a little bit on edge, and anything that would follow this encounter didn’t seem to me like it would be good. The current state of my relationship with Bobby and I leaves me on edge, and the addition of his new friend leaves me a little more than suspicious.

“The alpha has landed!” Jaehyung announces with cheer in his voice, his relaxed demeanour definitely doesn’t reflect that of Hyojin and Bobby’s tense composures. The more I looked at him, the less I liked about him, and the way he was greeting me right now was really kind of stupid. However he seemed to know about my identity as a wolf, he was close with Bobby so something tells me he would have known anyway. Watching him more and more part of me thinks that he wasn’t just a simple human. There was more to him that met the eye, so before I can tackle my issues with Bobby or Hyojin, I turn my attention to the mysterious elder who had just showed up. Aware that I wasn’t taking things with him lightly, the other seems to straighten up and nod his head before slowly approaching me.

“We need to talk” he announces, so I turn to Bobby and Hyojin. “We’ll talk later” I order the two of my wolf pack sure that they would stay still and follow my word. I lead Jaehyung away and we wonder somewhere nearby and quiet and I ask the elder to speak up.

“Well I’m guessing you’ve probably guessed that I’m not a normal human being right?” Jaehyung asks, and I nod my head to confirm, simply listening to what he has to say. “I am an ally of yours, we have a common enemy” he reveals his story. After spending most of his life in Canada, the elder had returned to Korea after a call from Heo Solji.

“Noona called me, she said things have gotten serious” he explains that he had grown up as a fair. “She said she needed help and so I’m here to help” he informs me that Solji has been contacting many people across the world to help. “Dude, I’m grateful for you helping out all the fairs in the pension. So if you’re gonna fight these guys, then we’ll help”.

The rumours had spread across the supernatural community apparently, things were going out of control in Mokpo because of the drainers. “I have other reasons to be here too, but for now I’ll stay and help you get rid of the root of the problem” he pledges his help and two of us talk for a few minutes we discuss plans.

I decide in our talk to stay here for a bit longer, so for a couple of weeks and I would postpone my trip abroad. This would take time and with the help of the fairs, we would put an end and resolution to the infestation of drainers in our time. Once we are done, Jaehyung makes his leave and I turn my attention to Bobby and Hyojin.

Before Bobby and I could talk to each other, a milk curdling scream breaks through the air. It sounded like a woman, from the sounds of her continuous screaming she was really in trouble. To the normal human ears it would be something they could miss, but being a wolf, as well as having extraordinary smell and vision, our hearing was also heightened. As was our ability to sense when there was trouble in the vicinity. The way that my hairs stood up on my arms immediately warn me that this wasn’t going to be good, and even more so my gut tells me that this would be some fuckery that even I wouldn’t be comfortable with. “Let’s go” I instruct my alpha and beta, before leaping up into action. After a few strides I burst into my wolf form, my clothes rip as my body enlarges, but at the moment that was the least of my worries, the screams that I had heard earlier were becoming a little bit fainter. We had to get to the screams and stop whatever was happening and we had to do it quick.

Pushing my body harder than I had done in a long time, I leap through the wooded area, down steep areas of land. Right behind me keeping up with my pace are Bobby and Hyojin, we were the closest people to where the attack seemed to be taking place, so we had the responsibility to save this person’s life.

Even though the way we make our journey there is technically hard, being hit by brands, landing on stones and grass, our ability to heal serves its purpose along the way and doesn’t stop any of us. We make it to the source of the screaming which by this point was pretty faint, whoever was being attacked still had the fighting spirit in them.

So when we do reach our destination, we find it’s an abandoned train track that people tended to avoid. It was secluded, and at this time of the day it was a dangerous place to be for anyone, so whoever was being attacked here surely didn’t come here out of choice but because they had been forced there.

When looking around it seems that there is a mini party going on, with around a dozen or so people, some were humans and most were drainers. They were all surrounding a barrel which was lit on fire illuminating scene in front of us. Music was blasting from a car parked by, it was an impromptu party, but looking at a few of the fearful faces in front of us, not everyone is having a good time.

We don’t get much time to survey the scene in front of us as we’re forced into defense mode. It seems some of the drainers had sensed our presence and had come ready to fight, the claws are out and Bobby, Hyojin and I are left to fight multiple opponents. Just to be on the safe side, as we approached I called for reinforcements who were on their way but for now we were on our own and outnumbered.

Leading by example I fiercely fight with a small group of drainers, outnumbered at one versus five drainers. My plan is to defend myself and watch how each drainer fights before picking off the weaker of the fighters, in the mean time I take a few hits, some blunt force but with my speed I manage to avoid all the hits that were meant for me before picking out one of the younger looking drainers. From his face he looked to be the same age as Seunghyun, he was far too young to be living like this, but I don’t get the chance to feel sympathy.

I take him out, I’ve had to get used to this feeling, fighting with drainers who on the outside looked like normal, innocent people. As the drainer leaps at me, I jump to meet him in the air pushing him back to the ground, before quickly clawing down and snapping his neck. His death is quick, the first of many. With just four opponents left I continue to fight the same, I guard myself and wait for the right opportunity to take down any enemy.

As I fight and take down the enemies, I begin to notice that I had underestimated the number of our enemies. Hyojin and Bobby had similarly managed to fight and defeat their enemies, but there were suddenly a flock more of drainers coming onto the scene. I could sense not only that, but the reinforcements that I had called to come over to help had stopped not so far away. However they had been stopped in their tracks and I know from the other nearby they had been ambushed by a group of drainers, this was strange.

I continue to fight and try and take down the new drainers that come at me, I watch over Bobby and Hyojin helping them out when I can. Thankfully Junghwa and Hoseok rush in to attack and help us, with their help the drainers become more manageable. As we do fight, I take notice that a quick, strong and presence was also taking out some of the drainers.

However surprisingly it wasn’t one of the wolves, it was a drainer, and it was helping me out as the group of drainers tried to gang on me. He was taking hits, smacks and returning it tenfold to our common enemy. It was Kim Donghyuk, Joy’s trusted driver, and he was aiding the wolves with his surprisingly effective fighting skills. I didn’t know how to take it, the fact that he was aiding but I wouldn’t turn my nose to it not now.

Some time passes and a bloody battle winds down, I wrap up any trouble on my end and fight anyone who had tried to attack me. I try to help out wherever I can, but my pack was very capable and seemed to have taken out any of the danger and risk and were just now taking care of the corpses. It had become problematic getting rid of bodies recently, but today would be especially difficult as there had been an enormous number, a number too large for many of us to ignore.

This night would haunt a lot of the younger fighters today, and the more sensitive of the group, so for now it was up to me to send who I saw fit and mentally strong to do the clear up. While I oversee the disposing of the corpses, I take note what I had observed during my fight. Meanwhile Bobby and Hoseok were in charge of taking the humans who had survived away from the scene, they would either be taken to a hospital or somewhere safe. I didn’t doubt it would be hard for them to forget what they saw, but with the help of one of the fairs that we had gotten to know, that could be achieved. It was within their powers to manipulate the memories of a human, I wondered if any of the wolves would want any of that treatment? I would remember to ask them.

“This isn’t like in the movies. In real life, the younger a drainer the weaker they are” Donghyuk explains without any prompting from me. “However they sent a lot of people to you. It seems like maybe they wanted to trim down your forces before attacking you with the real forces later on” Donghyuk confirms my suspicions, when I had thought about it. Although this was an impromptu fight, or at least it had seemed that way, the fighters had been more organised, coming out in waves to take us out. “They had underestimated you and your pack, but don’t underestimate them” Donghyuk reveals and suddenly my suspicions towards bubble over.

“Why did you help us?” I ask the elder, although it was rude it felt like a necessary question. His sudden appearance, and him helping me who was meant to be his mortal enemy it seemed so strange. “It’s not the first time that I’ve helped you” he reveals that unlike most of the drainers who lived in Mokpo, he wasn’t living under the bloody thirsty regime. “At first I didn’t take it too seriously, sure the attacks were becoming more frequent, but you guys were around so it wouldn’t be bad right?” Donghyuk explains however, that after thwarting an attack on Youngjae, he realised that he couldn’t afford to just stand by.

“People that get hurt… they have someone that loves them” he expresses, his remorse for being so nonchalant in the past. Anyway, for Park Joy and her friends this needs to be a safe place, so I will do that for her. His loyalty shines through and I can’t question it, the sincerity in his eyes means that I had never doubted his commitment to her. Donghyuk also reveals that he had a relationship with Hoseok, he was the drainer that had been helping us out and giving the usually on the mark information. “I heard you’re gathering your forces to take down that bitch, so I thought I’d tell you to your face that I’ll pledge my help” and without hesitation, I accept the help. I knew it would win a lot of protest from my pack members, but I decide that I don’t care, I needed all the help I could get. So for now I would make my enemy’s enemy my ally.

With a lot of battle plans to think over, I leave the second in command Hoseok and Bobby to look over the body disposing and with Donghyuk’s help they find out tips which would meant we could do it quick, fast and without evidence. As I head home I can feel a presence following me the whole way there, I knew who it was but I didn’t stop. I knew they knew where I was going, and how to get there, and I would see them when I go there.

An hour later I knew that I would struggle to sleep. When getting home I do my usual routine which included checking on Joy and Youngjae, both my important people were fine. I check on Jinyoung and Sojin, the elders had apparently taken an impromptu trip to Seoul and would be gone for a few days. Without so much as a goodbye, the elders had left me with money to take care of myself with. Not that I minded, having a bit of peace and quiet to think of my next steps would be really beneficial, the timing just felt a little odd.

With everyone checked up on, I decide to focus on myself. I decide to take a long and warm shower, after all I had spent so much time in the dirt and it seemed when I was relaxed the healing process itself went quicker and was easier for me. However it’s not long into my shower that I feel some arms wrap around my waist. Looking down I recognise the arms, it was from the woman I had spent so much trying to avoid. Instead of sneaking in my bed when she thought I was sleeping, she was being more direct. Her nude embrace, I feel her small frame leaning on me.

It all hit me at once, all the pent up sexual feelings that I had for Hyojin. The desires that I had for her, what I had wanted to do really hit me and got through the once solid guard that I had. So when I felt her hands travel down from my chest, lower and lower teasing me. I didn’t tell her to stop, I let her continue and ignored all the consequences that would follow my reckless actions. I was going to be selfish for once, so when I turn around I don’t waste any time and capture her lips pushing her onto a wall nearby.

Needless to say we did finally kiss, we kissed and it was hot and steamy and passionate like I had imagined. Hyojin wasn’t someone I could break, she wasn’t fragile or soft, she was fiery, feisty and a better kisser than I had ever experience. Not only that but everything felt natural with her, it was like we were in a dance that felt comfortable just us two. The half an hour that passes feels like a silent fight between the pair of us for dominance, it’s hot, aggressive and visceral. It was intense, and the more kisses I got from her, the more that I became addicted to it and to her.

Our foreplay from the shower, moves to the bedroom on her bed. The taste of her is sweet, the way her body reacts as I lick and suck between her legs. She gasps reacting, running her hands through my hair, muttering my name over and over. The reaction was spurring me on, to go further and further, I was encouraged and enjoying the slight bit of control that I had over her for the brief time. The fact that she was gaining pleasure from me, it made me feel stronger for some reason.

Hyojin clings to my arms as I climb on top of her, her beautiful longs legs make their way around my midriff as if to not so subtly hint to me what she wanted. To be honest I had gotten impatient too, I was hard and ready to be inside of her, and feel her. The way I had imagined it, except in real life it eclipsed even my own imagination. It was hot, sweet and intense, unlike anything I had ever experienced before. Anything I wanted she could hear in my thoughts, and I could hear and feel her too.

It drives me crazy, as I feel her squeeze around my length. She was purposely trying to send me over the edge, even now in this passionate clinch she still was stubborn about being weaker. However I wouldn’t be letting her down like this, I wouldn’t give in and I would drive her crazy. I thrust into her, harder and harder and win the same reaction from her. I dig in and thrust into her heat, until finally she comes groaning at the sheets behind her. She pants and gasps as I continue to thrust into her, until finally I reach my peak and come into her.

"SHIT" I groan as I flop onto and slowly try to catch my breath, I feel her arms wrap around my waist. I can hear her faintly humming before leaning her head onto my back, without saying a word the two of us fall into sleep. It was the best I had slept in a while, despite being such a short night sleep, we were in bed for several hours. It was warm and felt like home to me and honestly I hadn’t felt that way in such a long time

There was a closeness between us, an unspoken bond, something that I couldn’t control. Her nimble fingers make their way up my chest, she teases the faint lines up my body. I had to admit since being the active leader of my pack my body had become more defined, there were muscles growing, my shoulders had even become broader. I was starting to look different and I wondered if she had noticed. Did she like the way that I looked? Did she like how I felt? She seemed to like it enough to be clung to me like this.

“That was amazing” Hyojin purrs into my ear, her hands continue to wander around my body with purpose. She had finally done it, we had finally done it. After what felt like years of trying to resist her, I finally caved and gave into the elder and her advances. Even after countless rejections and words of disapproval Hyojin never gave up, and even though I wanted to call out for it, I couldn’t. There is nothing else that she could have done, not that I was so irresistible to the general female population, but that I was irresistible to her.

It worked both ways though, to me she was someone I had spent so long trying to resist. I had spent so long trying to fight nature, and here I was lying on the soft plush mattress of the double bed in Hyojin’s surprisingly bright and girlie room. The room was barely lit by the lamp in the room, but I could see the posters that belonged to her favourite groups and artists. She was a little bit more human than I had been lead to believe by her intense and strong exterior.

So here we were, now awake after the night before. The birds were chirping outside completely unaware of what had gone on inside of the house, I wondered if anyone had heard us or seen us. We hadn’t exactly been quiet in our love making.

I couldn’t do this again, not ever again. Park Joy, she doesn’t deserve to be betrayed again in the future. I knew that I had done her wrong, so as much as I didn’t want to, I get up and pull away.

"Kyunnie?" Hyojin calls my name, she sits up and watches me, the concern is written all over her face. Shit. Why is my heart pounding like this? My eyes roam down from her beautiful face, her neck and even down to her breasts. Hyojin gets up to her knees, before reaching over to her hands. “Where are you going?” Hyojin leans over landing onto my chest, she leans in to kiss me. Immediately I hold her up and kiss her back, before my brain can even work to stop me, my lips work with hers.

Softly and sensually she takes her time and really kisses, it was a kiss that couldn’t be translated into words. Although it was a kiss that said that she didn’t want me to leave, and weak to it I don’t, I stay with her. Hyojin’s hands slide down my shoulders, down to my chest, lower and lower. Being with her right now, I couldn’t control how I felt right now. This would be the last time that this would happen, it would be the last and then I would cut things off with Hyojin. For Joy’s sake and for my pack too.

Two hours pass and Hyojin is finally asleep, she looked so peaceful and quiet. Part of me wanted to stay and just hold her in my arms, in fact right now it felt like less of a part and the complete whole of me. I would have probably stayed too, had it not been for the call from Joy that bought me out of my brief slumber, now I knew I had no choice but to hurt her. I watch her torn, I knew I had to do what I had to do, but I knew if I did, and then I would hate myself for it.


	14. XIV

Bobby’s POV.

 

“Open your mouth and say it!” the lady on top of me nudges her slight and toned thighs to my face. My face was sandwiched right between her thighs, and close enough to her core that if I so much as blew out a puff of breath, I’m sure she would be able to feel it. I couldn’t say that I was complaining about the position, in fact I had found myself underneath the nude young woman who was taking care of the situation. She was the aggressor and had pinned me down to the bed, and she wanted me to say the words that she desired to hear.

 

“Why do you want it?” I ask my same aged friend, my hands slowly sliding up my thighs towards her ass, I paw and grab. “I liked hearing it from your mouth earlier” she confesses before leaning down and stroking through my hair. Despite our strange positions, we were both really comfortable, in fact because we were comfortable we found ourselves in our positions. Lying down on the comfortable bed, I look up and watch her and smile before simply replying and repeating the truth.

 

“I think that I may be falling I love with you” I confess the truth. Over just two months Park Junghwa had won my heart, she had turned my head and forced me to acknowledge her as a woman. She not only was the beautiful, sexy, confident young woman who had won my eyes, but she was sweet, fierce and loyal and she had won my heart.

 

A wide grin spreads across her face in reaction to my words, her big bright eyes shine through even as we lay in the dark only to be illuminated by the moonlight. We were completely naked on my comfortable king sized bed, it was very early in the morning and we were the only ones awake. Or at least I hoped we were.

 

The two of us had come in late. After our late night patrols around town, we made our way to the Happy Strikes Bowling alley for our change of clothes. Whilst there the other had invited herself to stay over, she had gotten bolder. Her actions had started with just wanting to be around me, she wanted to be around me and at first I did my best to decline and even avoided her. However, her persistent worked, from “coincidental” meetings, to planned meetings, my opinion of her changed. She went from being the kid that I had grown up with, who was young shiny and naïve, only over time she had revealed herself to be more.

 

Park Junghwa was a self-confident woman, so aware of herself and her skills. She was assured and never had to ask for assurances, not about her skills, what she could achieve with her own mind. Her mental strength was something different too, she was stronger than many people in the pack, and she handled daunting situations. She could handle haunting situations and harsh realities with class. She was funny too, I had found out that her wit wasn’t like many around her, she was well read and maybe that influenced her point of view.

 

So yes, I think I had fallen for her slowly but surely. It wasn’t that the raven haired woman had been imprinted on him against my will, but it felt like I had slowly let himself fall in love. I knew I was lucky for it, I knew how painful it could be to imprint on someone and try to resist it. It was like trying to control all the cells and hormones, the way your heart felt, the way your brain worked and the way your muscles moved all in one go.

 

“Do you love her too?” Junghwa asks reading my mind, she was never afraid to tap into my brain even if it was against my will. Even though she knew that another person had imprinted themselves onto me, she never seemed threatened or willing to show it, but her asking this question it seemed that she was curious. “Yes” I truthfully answer; she freezes not moving seeming to take the answer in. So I take advantage of the situation, reaching for her silky smooth waist, and sit up. As I do I push Junghwa onto her back, until I was on top of her.

 

Her slender and toned legs make their ways around her waist, she watches me closely again without saying a word. “I love her and I probably always will” and although Junghwa looks disappointed to hear those words, she nods her head as if to say she had accepted that reality. “The one that I imprinted on and one you imprinted on have people they love, they don’t even recognise our love. Isn’t that sad?” I tease her, before laying a kiss down on her cheek. We shared the same fate, but sharing that fate with her somehow made me feel less pitiful.

 

“Well it can happen can’t it? Imprinting doesn’t necessarily guarantee you end up with that person” Junghwa says softly chuckle. “I guess it’s just about us, not being torn by it and living empty lives”, she reaches down to stroke my face, a comforting gesture on her part. “That doesn’t mean settling for whoever, it just means living happily” I nod my head agreeing with her words. She was right, Park Junghwa wasn’t a consolation prize, she was the prize I didn’t deserve but would only be to lucky to have. “Think of it that way Kim Bobby, you’re lucky to have me” she says with a bright smile, with clear optimism. “Remember, at least your imprint wasn’t on the only gay in the village!” she jokes.

 

Flopping next to her I nudge her and ask not to tease my friend. “I know I know, you like Choi Youngjae” she settles, leaning her head into my shoulder. “I know I know you love Choi Youngjae” I tease Junghwa. Junghwa giggles in my shoulder in reply, we felt so comfortable and so right. “I know I know, you love Lee Hayi. But she is getting married right?” Junghwa knew the answer to that. I simply nod my head in reply, the wedding was in a couple of weeks, it was the New Year and the big day was fast approaching. “Do you want to stop it?” she asks a question that has one answer and many reasons.

 

“Yes I Do”, for Hanbin. He wouldn’t be happy if he went through this, he would regret it, “Yes” because Choi Youngjae deserved to be happy with my best friend, and they were people who worked well together. Youngjae loved Hanbin in a way that I had never seen anyone love Hanbin before, he was one hundred per cent transparent. Youngjae never hid anything from Hanbin and he opened Hanbin up. Hanbin now resembled the joyful and happy kid that I had grown up with and I didn’t want to rip that away from him. Lastly a “Yes” for Lee Hayi, despite her thinking otherwise, she was also a victim too.

 

Instead of being with a person who could love her, as much as she deserved to be loved. She had spent a great chunk of her adolescent chasing Hanbin who didn’t return the intensity of her love for him. She had to be in great pain knowing that, I knew the feeling of being around the person you loved and them not returning those feelings. The difference between Hayi and I, was that I wasn’t committing myself to a life time of that, Hayi had a strong mentality, but I wasn’t sure if she could continue on this way.

 

“If the wedding doesn’t go ahead… Youngjae will be with Kim Hanbin. I don’t want that” Junghwa easily confesses. She strokes through my hair before sighing and flopping back behind her onto the bed. I nod my head, it was funny that fate had bought us together like this, two rejects with our own love story. I lean over and kiss her slowly down her neck. I rest my head onto her shoulder, my hands slide around her waist and for a while we stay in silence, until finally I fade off into a peaceful slumber.

 

When I wake up, I find myself alone in the bed I had been sharing with my lover. Despite the warm blood coursing through me, there’s something quite cold about waking up alone without the person I had gotten used to as a bedroom buddy. Looking at my phone on my bed side, I check my messages and see a few overnight messages waiting for me. Park Junghwa’s message is the most recent message, it’s a very bright message which reveals she had to leave early and head to work.

 

Scrolling through the rest of the messages, I see that Youngjae had left me a message just a couple of minutes ago.

 

“Hey dude, the gang is meeting up. At the bowling alley, Hyung, Binnie, Kyunnie, Joy and I will be there. Bring your friends. Fun is on the agenda”

 

I grin, relieved. Normally Youngjae seemed sensitive, worried about doing anything in groups. Especially since Mr Kim had found out about his relationship with Hanbin, they had been so low-key and hidden since Japan. For him to suddenly announce this somewhat semi-public outing for not only him and Hanbin, as well as Yien being around. It made me insanely curious how that would turn out for the day. Of course it would mean an excuse to see the woman who I was growing so very fond off whilst she worked.

 

Downstairs I find my mother was in the kitchen preparing lunch for later, my mother was a well put together, and organised woman. She loved to think ahead and do everything on time, she didn’t enjoy complications and that was a trait that seemed to be passed on to me.

 

The woman of course hadn’t lived a life without any complications, no afterall she had been born with the blood of a wolf, and passed that blood onto her son. The alpha had lived in Mokpo most of her life to defend the town that loved, and was well known and respected with in the wolf community.

 

“Good afternoon my cub” my mother teases my late start to the day. Much like her husband, as my mother she was laid back and trusted me to make my own decisions. Not that I was straying off into a direction that could concern my parents, so a late start to the day didn’t seem to worry, concern or irritate her. She still cared about what I did and who I did it with, but she afforded me a lot of freedom and with that I didn’t stray.

 

“Any plans for today? “ my mother had always shown genuine interested in me and what I was doing. Recently my back and forth travelling had left me out of the house more often and then when I returned I was out with friends or on patrol, so I rarely got to catch up with my parents. So when I tell her that a group of friends and I would be going bowling, she seems to show a lot of interest in the friends which friends were coming along.

 

Honest as usual, I reveal that Hanbin and Youngjae would be going too. The elder tenses a little at the sound of both names, the elder was close to Mrs Kim and had surely heard about the relationship through the elder. “Hanbin and that boy, they’re still seeing each other?” the elder asks curious. I nod my head unable to lie to the elder, but only because I knew that I had nothing to worry about, she wouldn’t go to report this to Mrs Kim cause ages ago we had made a pact that meant anything I chose could stay just between us.

 

“Do you think it’s wise to be letting Hanbin sneak around like this?” the elder questions, and I understood why she felt this way. Mr and Mrs Kim still blamed me for the relationship of Youngjae and Hanbin beginning, the elders felt that I should have pressured Hanbin into avoiding that path. “Do you think Hanbin is wrong? For falling in love?” I ask in response, I genuinely wanted her answer.

 

My mother shakes her head in response. “So you think he’s in love?” my mother serves back with another question. “He probably doesn’t know it yet, but yes” Hanbin was someone who had denied his feelings for Youngjae for so long, to shield himself from pain I think he would also ignore the depth of his feelings. I knew this was something that was going to hurt him, but I knew the regret he would feel were he not to try with Youngjae would be more painful.

 

“Then just remain the good friend that you have always have. Protect him at all costs” I nod my head in response and eat the food that my mother serves. The elder smiles as she watches me eat, the fondness in her eyes was something I had seen Hanbin envy so many times. It wasn’t that his mother didn’t love him, or that she didn’t show him any fondness either, but unlike his mother, mine did it with no strings attached.

 

Bobby Kim didn’t have his life planned out for him by his parents, I was to follow the path that suited me best and would have the support of my parents. Fortunately, the path closest to my father’s was one that I was taking, and part of me believed that I would be ending up with the girl that he approved of the most. Even my mother approved of Junghwa seeing her as a charming girl, my saw a lot of herself in the younger and had a small connection with her.

 

“How is Im Changkyun doing?” my mother asks a question to which I wasn’t certain of the answer. Honestly I hadn’t spoken to Changkyun in a while and I could sense it was for two reasons, the first was plainly obvious. My involvement in setting Hanbin and Youngjae up was something the elder disapproved of, I knew he was worried about his friend and to be honest I didn’t blame him for feeling the same way. I definitely conflicted in my actions, but it felt like it was too late to go back, Youngjae and Hanbin were in too deep.

 

Secondly my connection with both Joy and Hyojin meant that I was constant reminder for him of his temptation and his feelings. I knew Changkyun loved Joy, he treated her well, with love, respect and so many things boys our age weren’t normally able to. Joy often felt lucky for that, he was patient, understanding and seemed to be a calming effect for her. However, I knew that Changkyun was also struggling with his feelings for Hyojin, imprinting affected not only emotions, but it also affected a person’s hormones.

 

Changkyun was having a hard time, and I must have felt like a reminder for him and so it seemed that he was pushing me away. Maybe going to this bowling event might remind him that I wasn’t such a bad person to be around, he was going through a lot and I didn’t want him to push me away not when I can help him. However it’s a lot to explain, so I simply reveal that we would be meeting at the bowling as well to which she is happy to hear too.

 

“That poor boy works so hard, take care of him” my mother sympathises, as someone who was once a pack leader she understood the pain. She asks me to continue my support for him and I nod to ensure her that I would, even if he didn’t like me at this particular moment. Our bond in the pack meant that we were no different from family, and family always has each other’s backs.

 

After lunch with my mother, I excuse myself and make my way to the bowling alley. In the parking lot I bump into two familiar faces and I make my way to alley way and they both greet me. Youngjae does more of the greeting than Yien does, the elder and I never had a friendly kind of relationship, but I’m pretty sure my helping Hanbin and Youngjae to get together. I suspect that the elder also blamed me for his best friend and the person he loved being with my best friend and the person that he hated. So he wasn’t my number one fan, and despite the fact that in less than a week his heart would be broken. This fact lingers when I see him.

 

“Binnie is coming over with Hoseok hyung, apparently the Kims are fond of him?” Youngjae explains, and he further adds that Changkyun and Joy were both on our way. So we head to the counter and order our shoes, and our lanes and head over to get some food, that’s when I hear someone yell out my voice. “Kim Jiwon is that you?!” when I turn, I see the woman I had been sharing the bed with just hours before. “Oppa what are you doing here?” Junghwa says as she leaps into my arms. She giggles with excitement to know that we would be bowling, she was less excited by the fact that Yien and I were here.

 

Junghwa immediately clings to Youngjae, literally. She hooks arms with Youngjae and chats happily with him as we wait for the rest of our party gets there. I watch on with a smirk as Yien sends eye daggers to a handsy Junghwa, who looks to be in paradise while being latched onto the person who had been imprinted to her years ago. She had ached for years watching the other from a distance, and this was the closest she had gotten to him in so long.

 

According to Junghwa, the pair had met when they were both very young. Junghwa had been at a playground with her school mates, said school mates had bullied the younger due to her appearance and Youngjae had swept in to defend her. At the young age of 12 Junghwa laid eyes on him, the person she would do anything for, the person she would love more than anything til the day she had her last breath. There had rare interactions, due to both attending to different schools and living across town from each other their interactions were few and far between.

 

I had never seen Junghwa this happy, her eyes sparkled as she played a simple game of rock paper scissors with Youngjae. The way her eyes lit up when Youngjae laughed, the way he reached over to fluff her hair affectionately and the way he seemed comfortable with her hand on his lap. I watch from a distance as the two get acquainted, when Yien gets up to refill his drink he questions me about my relationship with Junghwa. He seemed curious about the girl all over his beloved, but relaxes when I reveal that she was the woman I was in a relationship with.

 

“Ah she’s just being nice. For a second I thought she was in love with my Youngjae”, Yien comments. “She is in love with him” I reply only to receive a raised eyebrow in reply from the elder. “She can try if she wants, she wouldn’t be the first misguided girl. Youngjae is gay on fleek” Yien jokes. I nod my head, Junghwa knew that, she could tell Yien she had known that since she was 13 years old. That was around the age she bumped into Youngjae at a local library, she had said she had been too nervous to speak to him, but by simply watching him the younger could tell that Youngjae was different from other boys.

 

Knowing he was gay never really made her sad, it was the fact she knew she couldn’t protect the one she loved from being hurt. The fact that she had to stand back and watch it happen, because if she didn’t she would be forcing him not to live. Even from a young age, Junghwa had been so self-aware, this was a quality that had helped me fall for her. So I smile and watch her, as she interacts with the person that she loved for as long as she can.

 

After some time, the rest of the guests Youngjae had invited join us. Hanbin and Hoseok make it over first, the two are bickering and from what I could hear, Hanbin was warning Hoseok away from Dongjun whom I didn’t know was back in town. However recently Hanbin and I hadn’t been in contact like we used to be, I could be assured that it wasn’t anything personal and his parents probably bearing down on him was the cause. But he was here, so I would be here to help and ensure he could be around Youngjae without the interruptions that I could sense were to come.

 

Youngjae glows as he spots Hanbin, despite the parental disapproval and the general angst of his situation with Youngjae he still watched my best friend like he was the best thing in the world. Hanbin greets Junghwa and Yien, before planting a kiss on Youngjae’s lips in public. Yes, since being caught by his father and being locked up for days and days on end Hanbin had decided to throw caution to the wind. His logic was that he could enjoy Youngjae when they were together and if he was dragged away and locked up after that, then he would have no regrets. 

 

The Kims were also trying to control their son with the use of Hayi and her parents, using them as emotional manipulation. If Hanbin screwed things up with Hayi then their family would be ruined, not only their reputation but their business relationships would be affected. The emotional manipulation that Hanbin’s parents worked on him, but he hadn’t given up on Youngjae. Whenever he could, Hanbin would sneak out to see the boy he had fallen so hard for, and today Hanbin reveals that he had told his parents he would be with Hayi, but he came here instead.

 

“It’ll buy me a few hours, and from then Hayi will probably try and track me down”. It was times like this that I wished I could help Hanbin out, if it meant just getting Hayi off of his back. Hanbin was only ever allowed freedom if he was with Hayi, but Hayi never allowed him out of her sight when he was around. I knew why she was acting that way, she believed that if she could separate Hanbin and Youngjae then she would be winning. Little did she know that the intensity of Hanbin’s feelings for Youngjae had ensured that she had lost a long time ago.

 

The truth was that Hayi knew as well as I did the feelings that Hanbin had for Youngjae, she had known from the beginning just like I had. She had noticed the change of behaviour in Hanbin and over the recent time that had become evident to me. When I thought down to it, the way that Hayi knew Hanbin like the back of her hand, maybe it wasn’t that she had just missed out on his feelings for Youngjae but that she had ignored them. For someone who was as obsessed with my best friend as her, I couldn’t believe that Hayi had never sensed something. It also explained the way in which she treated Youngjae over the last year, she had to have known and tried to punish Youngjae for the feelings her boyfriend had for him.

 

Whether or not she knew then made no difference, the fact was that she knew now and was trying to make things difficult for Youngjae and Hanbin. If I was the one to lead them to realising their feelings, then the least I could do was make sure that the time they got to spend no matter how limited would be special. I was also planning to help make sure that there was more time for them to spend together, I had a plan but for now I would enjoy their time.

 

Our cosy group of friends is split up into two, Hanbin, Joy, Yien and Hoseok are on one team together, against, Youngjae, Changkyun, Junghwa and I. The choice of teams is up to Youngjae who announces that due to the fact that he had set up this meeting then he should get to choose who is on what team. The choice of having Yien and Hanbin on the same team is interesting, his attempt to maybe get the two most important men who weren’t in his family to get along? Joy was around it seemed to play a buffer, cheerful and bright she would cut into any tension, and with Hoseok around Yien would get some eye candy.

 

Meanwhile Changkyun and I being on the same team was interesting, it seemed that Youngjae didn’t know about any falling out we had but still it worked out well for me. As the fun and games take place, I take the opportunity to slip into Changkyun’s thoughts and really force him to confront some things. Of course Changkyun is pissed that I would invade the space in his head, so he heads off to the refreshments area and I follow him only to be confronted.

 

“Listen, if you have something to say, then say it. Don’t sneak into my thoughts without my permission” I apologise for invading his privacy. “Look, I get it. You blame me for Hanbin and Youngjae getting together. But you know they would have regretted it if they just let it pass” Changkyun doesn’t answer to begin with. I expect him to rip into me, but he doesn’t he shakes his head and watches me. “Youngjae made his decision. I can only choose to be there for him” he explains that he did initially blame me, but as time has passed he doesn’t anymore.

 

I tackle the subject that I thought lay at the route of our recent animosity. The fact that I felt that he was penalising me for knowing his feelings for Hyojin, I tell him that it’s unfair. “That’s… not true…” he tries to deny. “Truthfully it’s because when I look at you I see who Joy should be with. Someone who cares about her, and would adore. Someone she has imprinted on” I nod my head finally understanding what he believed. He believed that Joy had imprinted on me, and that part of him wanted to send her over to me, he was too selfish to.

 

“Lee Hayi”, I invade the wolf pack’s thoughts and explain that I was the least of his worries, and that my crush on Joy had been an attempt to avoid my true feelings for her mortal enemy. “I’m guessing Kim doesn’t know you have feelings for his fiancée right?” I shake my head and watch him as he takes the information in.

 

“It’s complicated isn’t it? Being around a person who your mind tells you isn’t right, but your heart thinks the complete opposite” Changkyun seems to muse out loud. He looked as conflicted as I would expect him to be, he was torn between his love and his genes talking over. I wondered what he was planning to do, would he keep avoiding Hyojin as he had been doing until he finally left Mokpo? Did he think it would be that easy?

 

Being away from the one he was fated to, it would be the most painful thing he would experience, mentally and physically. He wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about her, not even if he tried everything. He wouldn’t be able to do anything about it physically; he would crave her as if he were going through withdrawals. Personal experience had taught me that it was almost impossible to deny.

 

“Is she alright?” he asked hushed, and despite him not mentioning anyone specific, I know who he means. He looked weak just asking, like had betrayed himself and was regretting, but there was something needy in his tone. He hadn’t been purposely avoiding her, but little did he know that being away from her made him weaker. Hyojin was the reason he was like this, he needed her and he would have to admit it eventually.

 

“She’s doing as well as someone who has been separated from their mate would be doing” I wasn’t trying to make Changkyun feel guilty, but I needed him to know what was going on. Last time I had seen Hyojin she hadn’t looked so good, she looked to be just about holding it together. She looked like she was in mourning, she wasn’t with the person she wanted the most and it was messing with her head.

 

“Boyfie! It’s your turn Im Changkyun!” Joy sneaks up behind Changkyun, wrapping her arms around his waist. Changkyun jumps a little startled, before turning to facing his girlfriend who was grinning like a maniac. “Your team needs you” she says before leading her man back to the lanes we were once on. Suspicious, but I brush it aside.

 

With Changkyun and I having talked, I become a little hopeful that in this important time moving forward, he becomes someone who needs me by his side. “You all made up?” Hoseok buts into my head, despite being sat on Yien’s lap biting on his ear, he still watches me and Changkyun with a smirk. “Let’s kill this scum then guys” the elder encourages, whilst Junghwa does an encouraging fist pump chanting fighting.

 

Victory goes surprisingly to Yien, Hanbin, Hoseok and Joy. Despite there being some tension between Yien and Hanbin, the pair seem to throw that side with the goal of kicking ass. Their competitive spirit wipes away any animosity, and a hopeful Youngjae watches on as his best friend and boyfriend seem to get along. The grin on his face, even as he strikes out several times, he has comforting kisses from his boyfriend and hugs from Yien.

 

The mood was good for Hanbin, for the first time in a while he looked to be relaxed and at ease. I knew that came with being around Youngjae, and even if he wouldn’t get that forever, I decide that I would help him get it for a little longer. “I suppose that could work” Junghwa casually comments when I run past my plan with her. “Do you think you can get it done?” she asks, to which I honestly I wasn’t sure but I knew it didn’t hurt to try. “Will you be okay?” she asks, all the worry in her face hard to hide, I nod my head. I knew it wouldn’t exactly be easy but I had to.

 

Time passes and eventually we all have to go our separate ways, before I do I chat with Hanbin briefly. He seemed in good spirits, and I didn’t want to talk about his impending prenuptials approaching soon, I avoid that subject but I advise him and nudge him. “Take advantage, you can act out now and the consequences won’t be as big” I tell him to do something spontaneous and with that my best friend thanks me and hugs me briefly. I didn’t have to say it all, but he knew what I meant and so with that, he pulls away from the hug and promises the call me later.

 

As he makes his way out I can hear him pull Youngjae in, the boy who had been waiting for him smiles as Hanbin pulls him closer. “Are you doing anything this weekend?” he whispers to Youngjae, who begins to list out all the plans his has but when Hanbin interrupts to tell him to cancel, Youngjae simply chuckles before answering with a yes.

 

“Babe, we need to go” Junghwa interrupts my thoughts of the pair, as she grips at my arm. I can immediately sense danger in the air, with Hoseok and Yien heading out to wherever they would be, and Changkyun escorting his girlfriend home. It was up to Junghwa and I to work as back up for the young wolves who had called out for our help, so the two of us take the back exit and rush out without our clothes and burst to where the danger was.

 

The danger is pretty close by, on the inner skirts of town, out in the public for people to see. However fortunately no one was around, or else wolves ripping apart humans in a school running field might become big news. So for now we had to move quickly and help whoever was in danger, and when we get to the school field a public school across town from my school there are a few wolves surrounding one scared human. Rolled up in the foetal position, a petit student dressed in jogging attire cowers away from a two predatory drainers.

 

“Get up little human, I don’t like my food rolled up like those” one of the drainers taunts. The other quietly watches on in what looks like disgust towards the other drainer it was strange. No matter how hungry both drainers were, hunting humans like this in the light of day, it was ridiculous. It’s like they wanted to get caught, or worse yet to leave evidence to the public that made them not only fear the night but also the day. They were being stupid and reckless either way.

 

It doesn’t take long for one of them to catch scent of us, and soon enough the both of them are on guard as they watch Junghwa and I approach. “Oh, what’s this, some mutts coming to the rescue?” one of them comments, then he grins knowingly. As he looks to the other drainer, they both seem to have a brief unspoken communication. Suddenly two drainers become more, a few drainers come out nowhere leaving to attack.

 

Junghwa and I are immediately hit by a wave of drainers. So the fight starts off with us out numbered, it’s up to me and Junghwa to juggle attack and defense from all sides. Junghwa is quick and fierce and pretty much wipes out most of her enemies, whilst I am left to struggle with the stronger fighters. This felt quite planned, like we were meant to being hit like this, with the objective to take us down but it seems like they had under estimated us.

 

I swipe and bite and chew and try to rip those who try to hurt me apart. I didn’t like fighting with anyone, but if someone was to hurt humans they I would have to take them down. As they fight, they somehow manage to boast about their leader, and now that he was gone there would be a new beginning. I wondered if it was the new messy leader who was encouraging this reckless behaviour, we had to end this as soon as possible.

 

So with Junghwa’s help, I plan to take most them down and to choose just the one person. The one I chose to keep alive was the one who had not being talking most of the time, he seemed like he had more information to speak on. I needed as much information as I could get, and so I force myself out of my wolf form into my human form and with the help of Junghwa question him. The small and spineless drainer has blood from all the attacks he had tried to hit me with, as we do fight he reveals that since Kim Woojin was gone they were given free rein to do as they pleased.

 

However he explains that free reign was forced upon them. That they drainer who was ordering the others was giving drainers no choice, if they didn’t hunt humans then they would die. The look on his face, he looked a bit conflicted when I looked at him. Part of me believed what he had to say, but in truth if he was as conflicted, then why did he continue to feast on humans? He could run away and end all this, and that’s something that Junghwa seems to agree with. She watches him pins him down with further force.

 

“Bullshit, if that’s the case then why not run away?” Junghwa growls her distrust to the drainer below her. I also knew that in reality that I knew that drainers had other options, in fact I would have alerted the il proteri an organisation that I had heard was in charge of the drainer community, they had power. I ask the younger underneath Junghwa and receiving a blubbering answering, in which it is revealed that the il proteri had their hands full in Venezuela with a crises that was being caused by a drainer.

 

The name that leaves the drainer’s mouth is one that catches me off guard, I knew that name. The drainer below me the look in his eyes, I knew what he was saying was the truth, why would he make up a lie like that? The name he had said had to be familiar with his community, and it was among the older members of the pack. It was a name that we didn’t bring up often, we didn’t bring it up. There was a story behind it and I didn’t know all of it, but what I knew was enough for me to understand the cloak and daggers of it all. The name the name my mother had warned me to be wariest of, and the one person she had told me to protect my pack leader from. His father.

 

"Let him go” I instruct Junghwa much to her surprise and the surprise of the drainer. She holds on longer and argues with me, but I reach over to stroke her through her fur and calm her down. Scared under the weight of the large wolf, the young drainer watches on shaking in fear. “If you don’t want to do this then run, leave Mokpo and don’t come back”. I warn the young drainer that if he does return and I do catch him then I would personally kill him.

 

“Okay, I swear I won’t come back!” full of fear the drainer, he seems to mean it and with a brief moment of hesitation Junghwa lets go of the young drainer and backs up but still stands up ready to defend herself. However, I didn’t sense anything to be worried about, I just watch the drainer as he thanks us for sparing his life. “Where should I go…?” he asks looking briefly uncertain, before heading off. Part of me felt for him, if it wasn’t the mortal enemies us wolves warning him out of town, his so called allies were forcing him to stay and kill. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place, and I could only hope that I had done the right thing in believing his words. If not, I was putting someone else at risk.

 

The drainer eventually turns and runs out in the direction of a woodland nearby, and it’s left to Junghwa and I to rid of the remainders of those who attacked us. The woman the drainers had originally attacked was knocked out, or at least it looked like she had fainted. Junghwa offers to take her to Hoseok, she needed to be talked to about what she had seen. We couldn’t have a civilian running around telling stories of wolves and humans fighting, not only because it would be received with a lot of disbelief. But it could also be believed by some, as a pack we had decided it was best for us to continue to work and protect our people in the shadows without interruption from the masses.

 

As we make our way back to the bowling alley, Junghwa and I talk. Junghwa asks if I knew him, she didn’t understand why I let the drainer go and isn’t satisfied with the answer I give her. Junghwa saw things in black and white, and for her this was cut and dry, he was going to do something wrong and should die for it. She was tougher than me and in some ways it meant that she was safer than I was, I didn’t ever have to worry about her. Junghwa was fearless, but she could also be cautious, especially when it came to protecting the people she loved and cared about and I’m sure letting a drainer walk away like that wasn’t her idea of caution.

 

As we walk back I think a little about what the drainer had said, about drainer who was causing a commotion in Venezuela. I wouldn’t speak of it now, but I knew that Park Minha had lied to her son when she had told him that his father had died. She had shielded him from the reality that his father was one of the monsters that he fought every day, the monsters he killed. It was a secret I had been willing to take to the grave, after all he hadn’t been seen of or heard of in so long, what would be the point of stirring trouble? I rethink whether it would be right to tell Changkyun, he was already going through so much, I don’t think he could handle this new piece of information, not when it didn’t impact him, right here, right now. Would it ever? I begin to worry.

 

My worry doesn’t last long, I drop off Junghwa and the human who to this point hadn’t spoken. Hoseok is already there and waiting, he’s impatient however, with Yien already waiting for a “round two” apparently, he had things to do. So Hoseok quickly gets himself acquainted with the human we had saved and Junghwa goes over to help him. I excuse myself and make my way home, I had a plan in my head and intended to not only help out my best friend but at the same time I would partly satisfy a desire of mine at the same time. I wasn’t one hundred per cent sure if it would work, but it would sure make things a little messy and that’s what I needed or now it would a life line for Hanbin.

 

At the same time this plan fed the desire to see Lee Hayi. Over time I had built up an immunity to wanting to see her, of aching for her, but even with that today I would give in to it for Hanbin. Well at least that was what I was telling myself, there was selfish streak within me. For the sake of helping my best friend, I would be giving into a selfish desire and hoping the results ended well for me to make this all worth it. Part of me was scared that this could back fire on me and lose me the best friend that I had tried to protect with every fibre of my being. I was going back and forth in my head about it all, I don’t gain my conviction until I step into the foyer of the home that I had grown up in.

 

My first move as I get home is to head through the foyer towards the living room. As I make my way there I am greeted in the living room by the house keeper, she explains that I had a guest waiting for me. I smile, to my relief she was punctual as ever and was on time, and looked to have been waiting for me. Hayi had been waiting for me briefly, although her face didn’t seem too happy to be here, she was still here. She didn’t have to be. Hayi was sat on the marble counter in the kitchen, dressed in a black laced dress that clings to her petit body showing off some curves. It was tightly clinging to her chest, and short it stopped just above the knees. I knew that I was happy to see her around, my heart reacted in a way that I had no control of the way that I had of her.

 

“Kim Bobby, what did you call me here for here shit head?” she doesn’t bother at all to hide her suspicion or distrust but then again Hayi rarely ever did. Ever since we were young Hayi was always confident in expressing her animosity towards me, we were in competition for Hanbin’s heart and she often saw me as someone who was a bad influence on him. I gave him the ability to speak up and that wasn’t something that Hayi was a fan of, if it contradicted what she felt about something. So we rarely interacted by ourselves, and I’m sure she was suspicious as to why I had told her to come to my place. Her frosty reception sends chills through me, but encourages me to melt and thaw her down.

 

“Where the hell is Hanbin?” she asks watching me with disapproval. Slowly her brain seems to tick over and she realises that I had deceived her with the use of her fiancé as bait. “Is he with that-“she asks half curious and half irritated. I nod my head my head to answer her and her reaction, her mood immediately darkens. “Yes we had lots of fun, you missed out” I goad her slightly. She scowls irritated, the look in her eyes was full of grit and determination and she starts of in her stride without another word she heads out. However needing her around I reach for her arm and stop her in her tracks, although she tries to struggle e out of my grip, I hold on.

 

“Why are you like this?” Hayi suddenly snaps, shaking with anger. Why do you support your friend when he does things like this?” the look in her eyes, the fury and upset. “Why would I stop my friend from falling in love?” I counter with confidence. “You call that being in love?” she scoffs in response. “Letting him go of all sense and letting his hormones take control of him” he mutters. “It’s stupid and I won’t let you ruin his life” Hayi half argues and lectures me. She snaps her hand away, she tries to pull away.

 

However determined to get my way, I block her path. Hayi tries to avoid me several times, I keep persistent and block her path. “How long are you going to deny it Hayi?” Hayi tries to push me to the side. “Will you keep denying the truth, the fact that you have spent so long denying?” I follow her all the way as she makes her way out. “I’m sure it hurt you-! I try to sympathise but the look on Hayi’s face is frosty, but I take the opportunity to not keep talking. I stand directly in front of her and watch her head on, being as genuine as I could be. “You deserve someone who can appreciate you, who can love you and never even look at another person?” We share a charged moment; it wasn’t our first.

 

The amount of arguments of loud, angry emotional arguments we had in the past where it had nearly led to this point. My heart beating out my chest, my hormones bouncing off of the walls and me clinging on to the little bit of will power that I had and never over stepping over the invisible line written to separate us. I knew part of this was a taboo, but today I wouldn’t resist it. I had spent so long resisting the girl that my best friend was meant to marry, his former girlfriend and part of me felt like it wasn’t just on my side, she had almost fallen into it. Say what she may, Hayi had an unspoken sexual chemistry.

 

“What? Would that be you?” She mocks. I grin and nod my head. “Or you could just continue to pine over someone who doesn’t love you” Hayi flinches at those words, I knew she wanted to think that Hanbin loved her the way she loved him.

 

“Someone who you’re forcing into a marriage. Someone you could never be happy with” my words seem to darken her mood more and more. “Is that want you want?” I ask Hayi earnest. Because truthfully I had seen it be done, I had seen couples who didn’t love each other marry due to duty and obligation and end up miserable.

 

“Honestly… right now I just want a drink” she suggests as a way to avoid my question. She doesn’t move, her eyes are fixed on me and it feels like she was watching me, or checking me out or even more.

 

We had been in this very position before, but instead of staying strong to denying myself. I let myself have what I have wanted for so long. I grab her by the face and lean in to kiss Hayi, although she tries to pull away initially. I am determined and lean in, and when my lips finally meet hers, she stops struggling and after a brief pause she finally reciprocates.

 

Hayi kisses me back, more passionate, kissing, her hands wander down exploring my body, this was the first time we had been this close, I felt like I was on fire. Being with the one that imprinted on me so early on into my life, the person who I had no choice but to feel this way. I kiss her, grabbing her by the thighs and lifting her up I push her onto the wall. Continuing to passionately kiss her, Hayi was in this more than I could have ever expected or wished for and right now I wasn’t questioning it all.


	15. XV

Hanbin’s POV

The rain did not seem to be letting up, we had to have been sitting in this car for at least an hour and still it was falling harder and stronger and it was late afternoon and it was getting much darker. I could barely see past it, I couldn’t see through it to the other end, it was a pathetic fallacy. Despite being with the person that I cared about the most and who bought me the most joy, my mood right now was far from bright. It mirrored the weather, it was dark and tense and there was some uncertainty at what when things would clear up for me.

“You’re thinking dark thoughts again” Youngjae waves in front of my face to bring me out of my intense trance, he grips at my arm and turns my face to look directly at me. “Did I waste my weekend to be with the moody Kim Hanbin?” he teases me dramatically, fluttering his eyelashes and pouting a bit more. A smile spreads across my face, without even trying Youngjae could wipe away the darkest thoughts that I had. He calms me down and gives me some temporary sanity, and even though I was selfish for it, I would be clinging onto to him a little longer and tighter.

“Is the story finished?” Youngjae asks, he had told me so many things and I had told him a lot of things too. We had cleared the air, so many things that we had not been clear on were now cleared up. I knew that the two of us, we had a strong and good relationship and we had a chance to be together. I felt a lot better about some things, any of the doubts that I had about Youngjae and his feelings for me. Every kiss we had shared within the last hour had become sweeter, the hug felt warmer and they were becoming sweeter. We had one more week together before I got married, and right now we had so little time together.

The moment was so peaceful, Youngjae’s hands slides up my arm slowly and playfully before tickling me. His fingers feather slowly up her arms to my pits, he tickles me causing me to laugh wildly. More wild than I expected, but with Youngjae, everything felt better than usual. I take him by the waist and turn him around onto his back, moving quickly I climb on top of him to straddle him. Without hesitation, I lean in to kiss him with urgency. It begins off as a chaste but passionate kiss, but as Youngjae grips at my arm and pulls me down to me keeping me in the kiss. His tongue slips through my mouth, there is a wrestling of tongues between us.

Youngjae tasted so good, his strawberry sent from the lollipop he had just eaten. The more I sucked and licked the inside of his mouth, the mouth that I had gotten so hooked up on. He was always delicious, he was someone I wanted more of and like an addict I knew that I couldn’t stop myself if found within his vicinity. As the kiss continues, I climb up on top of Youngjae with the purpose of progressing more with the kiss. Whilst on top of Youngjae, he reaches for my thigh and his hands slowly slide up to my ass.

My beau takes the opportunity to squeeze my butt, he grabs and he gropes. Youngjae continues to slide his hands to the curve of my bottom, his hands slide down the front of my pants and past the waistband of my trousers. I pull away and watch Youngjae panting and catching my breath, taking it all in, this moment that we shared. “Your ass isn’t too bad either Binnie, not as good as mine but not bad either” Youngjae says as his hands continue to wander, to play and fiddle causing me to moan and react.

Buzz! My phone goes off and pulls me out of the hot and steamy moment. Honestly I could avoid the phone call and continue to make out with my favourite human being, but hearing the ringtone it pulls me out of it. I knew who the ringtone belonged to, it was usually sweet, mild mannered and kind mother. She was all those things for me growing up, she was kind, maternal and nurturing to all her children. I loved her with all my heart, she showed this side to me for the most part. However when it involved my potential marriage to Lee Hayi, and my future as a prosecutor, she could be pushy, hard on me and completely blunt.

Our last conversation had been more of that, more of her pressuring me to do well with Hayi, to think of my future and to behave in a way that she considered appropriate. “Stop seeing that boy” she scolds me, she had come home especially early just to scold me. “Your father and I told you to stop seeing that boy, he’s not part of your future” she goes as far as threatening me. She warns me that if my behaviour persists that she would target Youngjae, she mentions his move to Seoul and his university. I knew that she wasn’t just threatening me, she would actually go through it all.

She moves on the conversation and asked for me to focus, my mother lectures me on spending longer time with Hayi and making an effort with her. “As the wedding approaches, I don’t want her to have any doubts, you should work to be sweeter and more romantic” her words mirror the words of Hayi not long ago. It felt almost like Hayi had been in her ear about the treatment that she had been receiving from me, the elder seemed powerless against my 18 year old fiancé.

“Being sweet and kind, that’s how your father won me over” My blood runs cold with bitterness, how come her and my father could have the love story of theirs. Where they met at law school and despite their parents being mortal enemies, they fell in love and married? It was torture to know that they could be like this, they could push aside the only bit of happiness to the side and pushed into the biggest decision of my life. They were people who were using the love of theirs that I craved against me. I was starting to resent the two people I was supposed to love.

However in front of my mother with no spine, I cower back down and keep my thoughts to myself. Even though I had plans for the next two days and it involved ignoring calls from friends and family and being with my secret boyfriend whom my mother was threatening. Even still I was too selfish to push him away, not yet and not with a text from Bobby telling me to go on the trip and rely on him. I knew that he was someone that I could depend on with my life.

Later that day I headed upstairs to my room, to find my younger brother casually lying on my bed like it belonged to him. Spread across the bed he ignores my instructions to move from the bed, Jungwoo sits up and watches me briefly not speaking as I change out of my clothes into more comfortable clothing. Once I was dressed the questions come flying my way, he was curious about Youngjae, it had been a while since the two had seen each other. Since the abrupt end to the Tokyo, Jungwoo had been on a shorter leash and there was more of a focus on his studies. He was feeling the effects of not being trusted by my parents, and it was my fault.

“How is hyung doing?” the younger seemed genuinely curious, it was quite interesting. “Its funny, I miss him despite not spending that much time together” a pout spreads across his face. I reach over and fluff his hair fondly, I couldn’t deny his genuine affection to Youngjae. “Is he doing well? All of this is intense. You have be around him and comfort him” the younger encourages. “What kind of crap are you spouting little one?” Dongjun makes his entrance, with a face that reeks of disapproval.

Jungwoo rolls his eyes at the nickname, he hated that Dongjun still saw him as a baby. “Don’t encourage him” the elder lectures like a father. “What you’re getting involved in Hanbin, this isn’t wise or right” Jungwoo rolls over on the bed wearing a grimace on his face. “Lee Hayi shouldn’t be treated like this, she’s a person you have grown up with!” the elder continues on with his plea/ lecture. He had grown up with Hayi and so his opinion and lecture comes across a little bit biased, they had a good relationship after all and he wouldn’t want to see her get hurt. I understood it.

“Wow hyung you say that all so casually ignoring the irony!” Jungwoo half jokes and insults the elder, he really had no fear. Fearing for his safety, I warn Jungwoo to watch how he speaks to our elder despite how much I agree. “You’ve gotten brave haven’t you little boy?” Dongjun complains, I understood his disapproval of the elder. “Someone in this family needs to be brave, you were weak when you gave up Yenny noona and now you want hyung to give up the one person who makes him happy how is that fair?” All the things that I wanted to say, my younger brother was ballsy enough. It was quite embarrassing.

“His family should be enough” Dongjun tries to argue, but honestly it sounds a little bit weak coming from him. “It’s not and you know it isn’t. It wasn’t enough for you, you’re tired of your marriage and here you are coming home more often to escape the wife you don’t love” Jungwoo continues to earnestly fight my corner, whilst I just sit in the background without speaking any further. “Don’t be like that Jungwoo” I warn the brave younger, I didn’t want this argument to cause a rift between he and Dongjun.

“Now Yenny noona has broken up with Youngjae hyung’s brother and you’re back and you think we’re stupid?” Jungwoo doesn’t hold back, the younger seemed to be speaking for me and part of me didn’t want him to stop. “You think that none of us know what’s going? Save your morality brother” finishes off stating his mind. Leaving Dongjun silent and unable to speak up, he looked like he was a little hurt but also like he was thinking over what the younger had just said.

“You had Yenny noona and Hanbin. He has Youngjae” he says before getting up, patting the elder on the shoulder and walking out of the room. I admired him because he honestly had the courage to say what I had been wanting to say for so long.

When he leaves, there is a brief silence between the two of us, so many things that I had kept pent up and unsaid floated in the air. “Is he really that important Jinwoon’s brother, is he important to you?” I nod my head in honest response. Dongjun looks surprised, he raises his eyebrow watching me in genuine surprise. “Then do what you must. I’ll be here for you” I nod my head grateful to have him around, little does he know his help would be needed much sooner than usual, I was hopeful that he could be a lot of help. 

The next day with the help of Dongjun, early in the morning with my brother’s help I simply walk out of the house with him. On the pretense of a brother’s bonding experience at the local golf course, my mother trusting in Dongjun allows us to both leave. Calmly and coolly I drive the elder to Park Jinyoung's café there waiting for him was surprisingly Choi Jinwoon. The elder was there with Youngjae and it looked odd. I didn’t know how to approach this, only a close circle of people knew about us, so if I were to approach Youngjae, it could be like admitting to our relationship.

As for Youngjae, he was stood behind his brother. He looked worried, in his hand he had a bag, so I wondered if our trip was going ahead. Jinwoon steps up and makes his way towards me and Dongjun, the look on face wasn’t of the normal bright and kind relaxed face, his expression looked so dark.

“Don’t look so worried” Jinwoon softens a little when speaking to me. “If I were to do something bad, I would have done it that night I found you in bed with my brother. One of many nights I might add” he clears his throat his jaw slightly tensing. 

My heart drops down, he had known all this time and let Youngjae and I continue on as planned. “Whatever I have to say to you will come later” the elder watches me with a strict warning. He dismisses Youngjae and I, leaving Dongjun and Jinwoon in an awkward face off. I’m sure they had lots to discuss. So I take advantage of it and take my boyfriend by the hand and lead him away, as quickly as I can scared of being caught somehow.

“Where are we going?!” Youngjae giddily asks, sitting next to me taking ahold of my hand as soon as we sit in the car. “The weather forecast said it will rain later” Shit, I mentally berate myself for not planning properly. I hadn’t seen anything like that, it looked surprisingly warm and sunny despite the time of the year. So I thought we could take advantage of it and head off to a spa nearby.

“Wow, this place is ridiculously expensive!” Youngjae comments as we change from our normal attire into the comfortable clothing the spa had provided. Honestly the spa is expensive, but it was a good place to be, we need somewhere quiet and relaxing and far away from our families. We were both out of town and the place would be discreet, I had paid well, with cash and hoped that it wouldn’t come back to me. It wouldn’t reach my parents, but I had planned to ignore them and any of their calls.

It was large, a peaceful and Zen area. Full of whites and peaches, and the décor set to express a sense of Zen and peace. Fortunately there are relaxing areas, with massages and facial therapies and also Jacuzzis even with a swimming pool area. Youngjae and I had actually been here before, and that was part of the reason I was so happy to return back, I wanted to make Youngjae remember and to talk.

Whilst at Yeung Heung, some of the higher performing students were treated to a trip here at the spa as a reward. Youngjae and I happened to be part of that group, back then people were still surprised that I was a high achiever and top student. There were few of us the Park siblings both worked as our chaperones. Whilst most people went in their cliques, without Hayi and Bobby around, I was more reserved and to myself. People tended to leave me alone and I preferred it.

Youngjae at this point was already an outcast, he stayed within the building boundaries. He was meek and introverted, without Yien around, he wasn’t one to smile or shine around people. He was having no fun with people, he looked like he would much rather be around other people. At some point he asked Park Kwangji to go to the pool but Yeeun and Kwangji wouldn’t allow him to do it alone. So Kwangji suggested or rather forced me to go along, well back then that’s how it felt. It felt like a force was putting that moment into motion to change everything for me.

Its awkward for the two of us, no one speaks as we make our way to the pool. I thought of as the school outcast, who I would for social order I taunt and tease without ever meaning.

I take a seat sitting in front of the pool, with absolutely no intention to even get wet at all. At that age, of all things that I was confident in, swimming wasn’t one of them. A scare I had a child had put me off and scarred me, I had been learning to swim and banged my head which caused me to lose consciousness.

Since then I tried to avoid swimming and even bribed teachers to avoid embarrassing myself in front of my peers. So that day I sat by sidelines my life was changed, that was the day I fell in love. I hadn’t expected for things to happen the way that they had that day, but every day since has been a long journey, with a path that I had tried to so hard to avoid.

Back then as I sit at the pool side, seeing Youngjae in his shorts like that, it affected me a way that I had never ever felt before. My heart start racing, the hairs stood up, I was flushed and couldn’t rip my eyes from him. The way he stretched, the way his pale skin looked and the few moles he had on his body, the thighs of his that I had never paid any attention to but were becoming a revelation. I was so flustered and couldn’t stop looking, until that is I was caught.

Choi Youngjae suddenly turned to me and spots me watching him, he looked awkward and uncomfortable. “Are you not swimming?” he innocently asks looking slightly awkward in expression. I coolly dismissed him and hoped that he couldn’t tell how shaken I was right now. He had shook me up. Choi Youngjae had messed with my heart, he had me flustered and I didn’t know to deal with it without being the cold heartless bastard. Youngjae retreats before diving in to the pool with a great splash, he makes some laps and as he does I can’t wipe the image of his flesh and body.

All the things I was imagining, it was overwhelming to me. I had never had these kind of thoughts for men, so this was really a bit troubling. So I have to stand up and try to walk out, however my attempt to leave is stopped as I slip over a puddle of water and straight into the deep end. Panic ensues as I struggle to rise up, the water engulfs, holding onto me and pulling me down. But I flail around in the pool, I continue to throw my arms around hope to find something solid to pull me up.

As I struggle, I lose and slowly fade in and out of consciousness. The few flashes pass by and I feel his arms wrap around my waist pulling me close then a fade till I feel a solidness. The next flash passes and I hear him call out, his lips, I feel it all. He was trying to save my life, but he didn’t know that what he was doing was slowly changing it. I wanted that new feeling, I wanted that warmth to engulf me.

“Why are we doing this?” Suspiciously Youngjae questions me as we walk through the spa. We were amongst the youngest attendees that day, most of the people around were middle aged women there to settle down and relax. Enjoying the music and the certain treatments available, they seemed to laughing and gossiping between themselves. We seem to be part of that gossip, I can hear the excited chatter as we make our way to the swimming pool area.

Holding hands and without shame, I take Youngjae to the place where our story had first began. We head over to the swimming pool, and for Youngjae it’s the only place that he wanted to swim and work himself out. Meanwhile I was just happy to watch him and I would wait for the right opportunity for the two of us, it would be a different mood change so for now I watch Youngjae swim.

Youngjae and his slender body dips deep into the water, his arms dig deep and pull him forward. Youngjae repeats this movement, putting his arms to work, his biceps, his hands are magically pulling him forward. His feet work in harmony pushing forward, he looked so cool right now. He was completely focused on finishing his lengths, he goes back and forth. I marvel over him, he looked strong and elegant, something I was sure the humble male would never think of himself that way.

To me Yougjae was strong, he had been strong throughout all of this. Not once had he ever shown any frustration or hurt feelings. He wasn’t a pushover, he didn’t cower to me, and he would put down his foot and told me his thoughts and feelings when he thought I was doing something wrong. He was elegant, not that he was the stereotypical kind of elegance that was soft and fragile.

No the elegance he had was in how he never played tricks or games. Despite me being in another relationship, he never trashed Hayi and he seemed to even sympathize with her. He had a lot of class and always blew me away with how much more grown up he was in his mentality than I was. I had learnt so much from him and grown so much just from being with him, it was days like this when I could not do without him.

As Youngjae swims to me, I decide to reenact a special moment to me. The Moment that he had gotten under my skin, as Youngjae approaches me, I take in a deep breath and jump into the deep end. I could swim and it was really stupid of me, but I knew with Youngjae around then I would come to no harm.

Immediately the water engulfs me, pulling me down. I flail weakly and without any grace, I cling tightly to the lightly that I had and wait for Youngjae to save me once again. It felt like I was drowning and struggling for air, with everything Youngjae swoops down, I blink through the water and wait.

Blinking through the super blue and chlorine water, it strings and burns and the struggles becomes harder. I had my eyes wide open and see as Youngjae swims towards me, he floats close to me. He reaches for my arm and pulls me close into his arm. I feel his strength as he pulls me from the deep end, this wasn’t the first time and I love him.

I feel myself pulled from the deep end and dragged to the side. I can see and hear everything, although some of it was little fuzzy, as Youngjae calls out my name I get pulled out into reality. Youngjae dips down like he did a year ago to deliver mouth to mouth. This time when his lips meet mine, I reach for the back of his neck and pull him down into a kiss. He seems to try to pull away, but I keep my grip at his neck and keep kissing him deeper and deeper till he relents.

The kiss like most others we had shared, he still drove me crazy, my heart was thudding out of its chest. Youngjae is the first to pull away, he slowly catches his breath and looks down at me looking briefly confused, but as I smile he seems to relax. “Are you okay?” he asks stroking my face, he seems relieved and relaxed when I nod my head. “De ja vu” he comments, “only this time you don’t look grossed out to have your lips on mine” he says looking slightly sheepish.

“Did I look grossed out?” I ask and am left horrified to realise that I had left that kind of impression on him. Youngjae nods his head and even though I could telling he was thinking back to the memory that made him insecure. In typical Youngjae fashion he tries to laugh it off, but I could tell it still affected him.

Reaching over to the back of his neck, I pull him down once again and give him a deep and longing kiss. I wanted to wipe away any of those feelings of insecurity and sadness that I had forced onto him. Youngjae grips the side of my face pulling me closer to him, my heart continues to race and it feels close to him, my heart continues to race and it feels like a swelling that would lead to a physical burst inside of my chest. He affected me to this degree.

As I slowly pull away for air, I feel Youngjae thumb down my face and pulling me closer again. I had never really felt this way before anyone, he was so precious to me.

“I love you” the words seem to hit him like bullets, he winces a little the reaction wasn’t exactly what I had hoped for. “I have loved you since that moment” the words seem to shock him, but how could they? He had to have known. “I love you so much Choi Youngjae” I repeat, I just needed him to know and to hear it from me. “Thank you” he replies leaving me the most disappointed that I had ever felt.

There is a brief and awkward silence between the two of us, not another word is spoken. Not until I feel Youngjae wrap his arms around my shoulders, pulling me into his warm embrace. No matter how hurt or upset that I was, I couldn’t let go of him at all. “I can’t say it. Because if I say it. Then this all becomes real” Youngjae explains, and that explanation is enough for me

Just knowing that he felt that way for me was enough, I didn’t need to be greedy and hear it. I pull him closer into my embrace and for some time we stay still, until eventually Youngjae announces that he no longer wanted to be there. He had lost interest in the Spa and so I decide to move him onto our next destination.

It’s midafternoon as we make our way out of the spa and to the car, and as we do make our way it starts to really get raining. It’s not a heavy type of rain, I use my hoodie to try and cover Youngjae to open the door up for him. I hadn’t seen anything in the forecast for this rain but it looked dark and that it wouldn’t be letting up any time soon.

An hour later, with the rain still falling, not as hard as before but still it was lightly tittering in the background. “I’m not as strong as you think that I am” Youngjae hums into my chest. Here we were, in the backseat we were both warm, and cuddled up together. I stroke through his hair, I was too content and happy to try and interrupt him and plus I knew he had more to say.

“I don’t want you to get married, to leave me. But I can never tell you that because if I nag too much that you could run away” Youngjae pulls away to watch me closely. “I don’t speak my mind, cause I could lose you” Youngjae confesses. Those words shock me, did he really think that I would leave out of choice? I lean in to whisper in his ear. “I love you, do you know that?” I tell Youngjae that I could hear him nag for the rest of my life and those weren’t just words. It was how I felt, he was truly my first love.

Youngjae was someone who I loved truly and deeply to the point that it ached every day that I couldn’t be strong enough. I hated that I couldn’t go against my family for him, I felt pathetic when being around him. I pepper his kisses down your face and neck and I was feverishly excited to express my love for him. In reaction, Youngjae grips at my arm and I hear him hum in reply as my hand slides down my chest. My hands continue to slide down to his crotch, and I loved him in every way and this moment I needed to show him.

With the rain still falling, not as hard as before but still it was lightly tittering in the background as Youngjae and I connect with him. We make love, it was in the confined space of the back seat of the car. It was at the side of the street, we could get caught but I didn’t care. The warmth of his flesh and his grip on my shoulders as he pushes himself down onto my lap, I grunt as he grinds down onto me I hold him at his hips enjoying the friction between us, I was so hard right now.

It felt so close to him, and even if he didn’t say it to me. But honestly I knew how much he loved me, I could tell that because he was passionate with me. I thrust upwards into his tight and hot core, I moan into his bare shoulder. The harder we went, the more of him I wanted. Without saying much we were expressing ourselves and making use of the rainfall.

Once the rain clears, we get dressedand we head over to the pension that I had booked for us. With the help of Jungwoo, he had managed to book the trip for the two of us. He had apparently used some mysterious bank account that wasn’t linked to my parents, it was secret and couldn’t be tracked by my parents and he wouldn’t be able to find us.

The pension is so prettily decorated with fairly lights leading us down the long dirt road path. The pension was a converted farm house, with a few large and spacious rooms. The décor is bright, warm and homely, there’s something magical about it. Youngjae and I are greeted by a small, cute and curvy young woman. She had such a grown up and curvaceous body, it was paired with a beautiful and bright face.

“Mr and Mr Kim?” the small cute one greets us, she looks over the reservation with a playful grin. On her face was no judgement or disapproval, she was looking at as if we were any other couple. It was the first time that we had been given a non-negative reaction when we were together and out in public. I was grateful for it, the thought that we could be together without there being so much drama involved. The woman is warm and friendly and teases the pair of us, showing no issues to their situation.

Youngjae blushes at the silly title, my younger brother had put for us when reserving our room. I reach to hold his hand and proudly claiming my man. “So cute!” she brightly comments, before handing over the keys. “You too young boys keep it down, I understand the hormones that are running wild. But please make sure to use your inside voices okay?”, Youngjae slowly burns up. His whole face was turning red, and he looked extremely cute right now.

“Oh how embarrassing” Youngjae complains as we settle into our warm homely and cute master bedroom. It was more spacious like suite, and worth all the money that I would be owing back my brother a lot and he would hold it over my head I was sure. Youngjae unlike last time isn’t uncomfortable by the lavish setting, instead he was too busy being mortified from the earlier checking in incident and watching him whine about it was incredibly adorable.

Youngjae flops onto the sofa behind him, before signalling for me to sit on his lap. He gives it a playfully pat and quietly and patiently waits for me to join me. I smile and without hesitation take a seat onto his lap, and feel his arms wrap around my waist, before he leans his head on my back. “This is nice. Thank you for bringing me Hanbin” as always Youngjae was grateful for the things I did, despite how much I lacked he seemed to think of me as just enough. 

The pair of us just sit there in a comfortable silence, a silence we hadn’t really had recently. Things had been so hectic, they moved so hastily as we rushed to get in the little bit of time that we had together. It was rare that we got to really to take it in and fully appreciate just being with each other, it had been a while since we had been still like this. I felt more comfortable with him after trading stories through most of the afternoon, it was surprising hearing his side of things in our story.

As Youngjae told it from his side of things, he had never really thought of me as much as I thought of him. He had thought I was attractive, but to him I was just the same as the other male students at school. It wasn’t until I had changed my attitude towards him, had any feelings on his side developed. I can’t help but wonder if I had taken the plunge much sooner, I would have gotten much more time with him. Would it have made any difference? Would I have loved him any more or less? Was I just being greedy?

“Don’t marry her” Youngjae murmurs into my back, he was quiet but I could still make out what he was saying. “Leave your family and be with me Kim Hanbin” Youngjae suddenly speaks up, surprising me with how direct he was being. The thing we seemed to avoid talking about the most, the thing he had never bought up or even asked me. “Be with me and I won’t make you regret it, for the rest of our lives” he says and just like that, I’m broken down.

I probably would have to start planning my life away from my family, to live without money. Take a part time job, maybe Bobby’s father could help me out there. It looked like I would be cutting ties with my parents, because the one I loved the most was asking me to be by his side. There was no way that I could say no, I couldn’t even let the words slip past my mouth.

“I’ll do it” I reply, but there is a brief silence between the two of us even after. “What am I doing? Am I crazy. Why would I ask you to do something like that? Am I being too selfish?” I hear Youngjae sound a little panicked, so I quickly turn to him and pulling him into a hug. A tight hug, and I pat him on the back trying my best to comfort him. “I will do it for you Choi Youngjae. I love you” I try to reassure him before leaning in to kiss him.

“Will you really do it?” his eyes search mine, like he was searching for any doubt lingering in my mind. “Yes” the words were really strange coming from my mouth right now, these were the words and promises that I told myself that I would never make. I didn’t think I could keep them, so there would be no point in saying them and leaving Youngjae to be disappointed. I had tried to avoid conversations like this, because I knew that I would be weak if Youngjae asked and here I was.

“You won’t be able to do it. You love your family too much” he says looking down avoiding my gaze. I nod my head and lean my head on his, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. “You don’t know how much I love you, do you?” I ask Youngjae, only for him to look up to me and try and read my mood. “You aren’t going to throw them away nearly twenty years of people that love you, for me” I replies defeated.

The lack of faith that he had in me, it disappoints me and it hurts me. Not only was I pissed in myself for having been this week up until this point, I was mad that Youngjae had no faith in me at all. “I’m sorry” I simply apologise, I know that words would not be enough for him. So I would show him, as for now I reach for his arm and pull him up onto his feet.

“Come with me” I lead Youngjae to the bathroom attached to the room, it was a top of the line spa bathroom that came with every room in the pension. It had a large Jacuzzi tub which would fit the two of us, so I let the water run and get the tub ready for the two of us. I put the uncomfortable thoughts at the back of my head and try to distract Youngjae, we didn’t come here to be upset, or angry with each other, we came here to connect and that was what I would do.


	16. XVI

Youngjae’s POV

Everything felt strange and uncomfortable. It was like I couldn’t move at all, I had been tranquilised and the only thing I could do was think. My eyes dart to look around in the dark, but still I can’t see anything. I can hear everything, the soft music playing in the background. It calms me down despite the feeling that was overwhelming me, I couldn’t move but part of me knows that I probably wouldn’t move anyway.

“Youngjae. I won’t hurt you” a mysterious, silky voiced male whispers to me. His breath hits the corner of my ear like a fast moving bullet, it doesn’t hurt but the impact is almost immediate. It felt good, I could feel the tingles down my spine, and I didn’t understand why it felt so good to me. It didn’t sound like Hanbin’s voice to me, but there was something quite comforting about this person’s voice.

I was hyper sensitive to everything right now, the stranger’s touch over my torso felt like someone was cutting into me. Instead of pain, I was left with an overwhelming sense of pleasure. I had never felt like this before, it was a strange feeling, it was almost out of this world. Whoever was doing this to me didn’t feel like a human, but if they weren’t human then what the hell could they be? Was I overreacting and it was simply just a dream. Yes, this was obviously a dream.

Why was I dreaming about someone else, when I was a person who was so deeply in love with Kim Hanbin? Remembering that fact, I try to move away from the man with the mysterious voice, but I am physically unable to. My brain tries to order the rest of my body to move, my brain tells my body to move and run far away, but I can’t. Instead I feel my arms finally move, they travel to what feels like a neck and feel through strands of hair. They push the head downwards, and soon I feel a part of me enveloped in a warmth, a hot and tight warmth.

Holy shit. I knew this feeling, was I having a sex dream now of all times? Why was it with a stranger and why did It feel so good? I felt so comfortable around him, a warm tingles travels down my back. A moan escapes my lips, and the person on the other end pulls away and whispers in my ears. “Forgive me for I have sinned” the voice whispers and leaves a kiss on my lips, it takes away my breath. I can’t see anything, I can only feel and hear.

The person on the other end of this heated kiss wasn’t someone I knew, it was strange. Was I having an anonymous sex dream? The person chuckles between kisses, before his hands slide up my shirt. Everything in me begins to relax, I trusted this person and so I let them continue. I feel someone climb onto my lap and a tight warm surrounds, it was familiar and strange at the same time. It felt ridiculously good, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t. “That feels so good, my smart Choi Youngjae” the other man praises, I can feel myself flush from embarrassment. I never got this kind of praise before, it felt good. Finally my body moves and reach for what feel like a plump pair of ass cheeks, giving them one harsh smack.

Loud moaning is the first reaction, before the male continues to chuckle like before. “You feel so good inside of me” the man half moans and praises before slamming down onto my lap. The move momentarily takes my breath away, I gasp before bucking up to the stranger. “Youngjae…” the voice whispers and repeats, from the sounds of it, what I was doing was working on the other. It felt so good on my end, there were the tingles I felt, building into that explosion.

“We’re too people who shouldn’t do this, but doesn’t it feel good Youngjae?” I hear the voice hotly whisper. I didn’t know what he meant, could it be the fact that I was in a relationship? Could the voice be in a relationship too? It was strange for a sex dream to leave me so conflicted, but there was something so real and intense about it. Part of conscious didn’t want to let this go, I didn’t want to stop the feeling, I was enjoying being so deep inside the other person. I wanted their tightness.

It was strange, even through the voice wasn’t someone that I could recognise about the person. There was something familiar about the person on top of me, I could feel the person’s breath on my neck sending me over the edge. I thrust harder and harder into the mystery person. “Youngjae” the voice calls my name over and over again until slowly I feel myself being pulled out of my haze.

“Youngjae wake up!” the voice becomes more solid, more real and different. It was still deep, but it wasn’t as smooth or silky, but it was definitely more familiar. A warm and comfort settles over him as he blinks away the sleep, it was still pretty dark outside. It was after all a cold winter’s night, day was rising a lot later in the day but for heavy sleeper like myself that wasn’t something that I minded too much.

“Jeez, I knew you were difficult to wake up, but this is another level Choi Youngjae” Hanbin teases slightly with a playful pout on his face. I chuckle amused and sit up before pecking him on the cheek, I knew my breath wasn’t the best now so I would subject him to the harshness of it right now. As I get up to make my way to the bathroom, Hanbin reaches for my arm pulling me down, he lunges at me.

Within seconds we’re caught in a passionate clinch, Hanbin was on top of me pinning me to the bed. I was beneath his solid and warm body, not that I ever had complaint with that. What would there to be complain about? This moment and many I had shared with Kim Hanbin were all so precious to me, but it seemed as the clocked silently ticked on our time together. Each kiss was becoming more and more precious, like they were were ones that I to store and save for another time. Was there a way to collect them, freeze them and save them for the future? It was crazy that those were the kind of thoughts that were running through my mind, but the looming end to our relationship had many thoughts running through my head. There was conversation that we needed to have, but I was dreading it.

So I prolong the fun time that we were having. Sex was always a good distraction, I wrap my legs around his waist and pull him closer. I whisper all the filthiest thoughts that I had ever had for him, in an hour’s time we wouldn’t be able to be close like this so I put my all into it.

The haze of passion that had surrounded us finally drops, and finally we’re forced to leave the room. I ask Hanbin to come with me for a walk he obliges me. It had snowed the night before, so Hyerin lends us large coats, gloves, woolly hats and boots. “ Don’t get lost, just follow the footsteps well” the elder warns us before we head off to a field that was nearby. It would be the perfect place for us to talk without interruption.

As we take our stroll, Hanbin takes the lead. It’s hard to deny the awkward silence, it was us trying to avoid a conversation that we needed to have. “We need to talk about yesterday” he is the first to break the silence, he looked serious and immediately I felt tense and uncomfortable. We were rarely this serious, but lately things had been complicated for us.

“Honestly, it feels like we kind of just skipped past it and that’s becoming a bad habit of ours” Hanbin speaks softly and with a patience he rarely ever showed. Hanbin reaches over to stroke my hand, his fingers softly start caressing and travelling upwards. As usual the butterflies ensue, fluttering around makes its way in my stomach and I get a warm feeling I my chest.

“I’m sorry… that I have been nothing but weak for you” my heart is immediately weak. He looked pained and guilty and I was obviously responsible for making him feel the way he was feeling. Hanbin feeling weak and less than had always bee a common and running theme in our relationship.

Powerless to his parents, he always felt regretul that we had to sneak around like this. Sometimes I resented how dependent he seemed to be to his family. I was greedy for him and wished that he could cut the cord. I compared him to myself and I knew that if I push came to shove, I would leave my family for him. I knew that I would do it and that even though initially we might but heads and be seperated, we would eventually find our way back together. My family would eventually accept me, they loved me far too much.

Hanbin didn’t have that kind of confidence in his family, in fact he didn’t have any confident in them. He had never been given any reason to feel any confidence in the past, they had pressured him most of his life to folo a life that had been mapped out for him. Hanbin hadn’t seemed to stray and go against it, not until he gave into his feelings for me.

“I have never completely felt comfortable with the path that my prents chose for me. As I grew up, I thought it was wrong and unfair” he had never hidden those kinds of feelings. “But over time I grew up to respect and admire the things they did and wanted for me. I don’t mind everything that they have against me”. I had always seen that Hanbin did have a genuine interest in the law.

“Marrying Hayi and becoming a prosecutor. I used to want those things. That was until I fell in love with you”my flutters get stronger just hearing those words. Part of me feels a bitterness because I knew where this was all leading and I wouldn’t be happy to hear it.

As much as Hanbin loved me and as much as he wished that he could convince his parents to see things differently. He couldn’t and wouldn’t risk falling into the same path as his older brother Kim Dongjun, he had caused a lot of hurt and upset for his parents but in the end ihe just fell back into his parents.

Kim Dongjun had worked as a cautionary tale for his younger brother. Hanbin had seen his parents cut the elder off, financially and emotionally and he he had seen his brother run back into his family fold, abandoning the woman that he had loved. In the end the Kims won, and Dongjun had married the woman his parents had chosen for him.

“Choi Youngjae, for you. I’ve thought of leaving my whole family” Hanbin announces, there was sincerity in his eyes. “Don’t talk about it unless you plan on doing it. I don’t need thinking from you, I need action”

This was possibly the harshest that I had been to him in a log time. But I needed to be this way. Every time I was soft and lenient on him, nothing was addressed and we stayed in the same place avoiding the inevitable. “I don’t think that I can live without my family”, Hanbin confesses. “Well then we should end it cleanly today” I express coldly.

I couldn’t keep clinging onto him like this. Because honestly I was getting tired, being in his relationship with Hanbin. It was like playing a tug of war, and my opponents were Hanbin’s parents who had put in so much effort to raise him. I was also going up against his childhood sweetheart, the beautiful smart elite Lee Hayi. When looking back, we had been in this push and pull game for Hanbin’s heart for a lot longer than even I had known.

According to the all wise and knowing Bobby, Hayi had been wise to Hanbin’s feelings for me very early on. It explained a lot of her animosity towards me, why she had targeted me and showed a lot of hate towards me. To her it looked like, without trying I had stolen the love of the man that she had been so loyal to. The man she loved, had come to me and I hadn’t even had to try for it.

I understood Hayi, to her I had always been a threat to her future happiness. Yet something in her I knew was confident, she knew that she would be the winner. I didn’t doubt her confidence, after all she had the people who made Hanbin weak on her side.

Hanbin looked slightly defeated, he doesn’t reply and part of me feels relieved. If he gave up right now I would be hurt for sure, but I wouldn’t be in this prolonged that I felt. I wouldn’t continue any further, not without Hanbin giving me his all. I wouldn’t be continuing this way, letting him get married and continue to sneak around. I was either getting a solid from Hanbin, or I was ending things and it seemed that things were reaching an end.

Tears were clouding Hanbin’s eyes and immediately I’m cut, It was the fist time that I was seeing him like this. I’d seen him hurt and on the verge, but he could usually hold them back and always found the strength to carry on. But right now he looked distraught, weak and defeated. I was tempted to drop this all and pull him into a hug, and to comfort him through it all. But we would have no resolution to my issue, if I did.

“Youngjae…” Hanbin watches me with pleading eyes, the same expression that I had fallen for so often. He looked like a little hurt puppy dog, he was the hurt little vulnerable kid that I had to protect. So I decided that I wouldn’t be doing it any longer, I wouldn’t keep aiding this cycle that we were stuck in. I was conflicted and hurt and was really struggling, but I slowly start to back away from him.

Taking back several steps backwards, there was nothing but the sound of snow crunching under my feet. With each step it was getting harder to breathe, as the reality hit me. Hanbin was not reaching to me, he never did, I had to be the one who accommodated him. I bent over backwards to meet his needs, do make him happy and I knew that I was willing to risk it all for him. I hold in the tears, because I couldn’t and wouldn’t cry in front of him, I wasn’t going to sway him this way.

Hanbin breaks down, falling to his knees and he starts to sob and cry. I shake trying really hard not to break down with him, to reach out and comfort him. “Youngjae I don’t want to lose you” he cries upset. “Please don’t make me choose”, he pleads me tearful, his eyes filled with tears there seems to be no end to the tears.

I stay still and watch him, holding back the urge to kneel and pull him into my arms. Instead I walk backwards and turn away from him, making my way back in no particular direction I just needed to get away from him. I keep going walking and ignoring Hanbin as he calls for me, he pleads and whines for me. As I make my way, I do my best to avoid my feelings from wavering. I needed to really leave and end this. It had to end.

Ring! Ring! Ring! My phone suddenly rings, breaking the silence that was there between the two of us. I for some reason, take off my gloves the chill immediately nibbles at my fingers. I was chilled, but I answer the phone, and it was Yien. Without hesitation I answer the phone, still holding back the tears I bite my lips and wait for Yien to speak.

“Why did I feel like you needed me right now Choi Youngjae?” because you’re who knows me the best, I think. “My dear sunshine boy. I am here for you, you know that I am”. I nod my head, without a doubt I knew that I would have Yien in my life as long that I lived. “Take a deep breath, do it for me” so listening to the elder, I take in a deep breath, it burns my lungs a little but it clears my head up a little.

“Tell me what you need to do” the elder’s voice is so patient and calming on the other end of the line. “I need to leave him. Help me” I plead the elder, still trying to follow his words and take in as many deep breaths as I can. “Close your eyes Youngjae” he continues to talk, almost as if he was whispering to me. I close my eyes and wait patiently for him to speak, Yien would say the right thing, I knew he would. “Can you imagine him in your future?”

The question makes me briefly hesitate, but trusting Yien I think over it clearly and with an honest mind. “Do you think that he will leave his family and be with you?” with my eyes closed I can’t picture it, not matter how hard I hard I tried, there seemed to be no Kim Hanbin in my future and that feeling left me with dread. My stomach churns at the reality of a future with the person that I had fallen I love with, it didn’t make sense, even if I thought of him choosing his family over me, I should still be able to at least imagine him being with me. But I can’t.

“Don’t drag this out Youngjae. End it” Yien continues to be calm, he wasn’t pushing me or arguing, he wasn’t lecturing me, he was trying to save me. “Go somewhere warm and wait there, and I will come and get you. Okay?” I reply simply with a yes and tell Yien when I found a place nearby I would text him. I would follow his word and I would try to save myself, and I knew he was the only one who could pull me from this situation that I had idiotically fallen into.

Hanging up the phone, I turn to see Hanbin was still in the same position. The tears seemed to have run dry and he was watching me closely, his eyes still pleading with me, all the way across the field. “Youngjae, you know it’s complicated” he tries to explain, but it all sounds weak and pathetic to me right now. How long have I been falling for that line? How long would I keep doing it? Letting him win, letting Hanbin talk me out of the way that I felt, in order to please him?

“Youngjae please” Hanbin pleads one more time, reaching out to me but I pull away and I turn away before I can waver. There would be no more of that, what was I expected to do? To stay by his side and let him marry Hayi? What did he want from me? Did he want me to stay by his side and be his mistress? There was no way it could happen, not if his family was going to be sending him all the way to Europe. No there was no solution and clinging onto him was only making sure that I was getting hurt from it all. I needed to cut him off.

Without turning back, from the field I make my way in the direction of the roadside, I didn’t know where exactly I was heading but I didn’t mind any long walking, not when I had just ended my first love. I had only once gotten to tell him that I felt that way once, I had been too scared up until that point and I didn’t even know if Hanbin even felt that way.

However how Hanbin felt seemed not to be enough, he wasn’t putting himself first. He wasn’t putting me first and part of me couldn’t blame him. To be with me Hanbin would have to sacrifice everything, he would have to sacrifice the near perfect upbringing, his family and some of his friends. Maybe one night’s sleep had been enough for him to realise that I wasn’t worth the risk to him. He had been so confident and sure of himself, that he would be able to do it but had been so easily discouraged. Why hadn’t I tried to encourage him? Would it have helped?

After some aimless wandering roadside, I come across a converted cottage which was used as a coffee shop. It was small and cosy, the décor was that of a renovated cottage, it was something from a fairy tale, only there were IPADS, TVs and little splashes of technology around. I order a a warm drink and find a table for two in the back of the shop to settle in alone, I sit down and fold my arms on the table before leaning my head down. I didn’t want to cry in public, but right now it felt like a dam was about to burst, my head was hot and full of hurt and upset.

“If we gmet into a fight, could it bring him out?” a strange voice suddenly springs me out of my dark void of self-pity. I stay still, wondering why it sounded so close to me. “Surely if he hears we’re fighting his son, then he would come back for you oppa?” the same voice, it still sounded so close. I look up and peak from my arms, I see in front and at the side of me were three strangers. Two pretty and cute young women who looked to be in their early twenties, both quirkily dressed.

Meanwhile directly in front of me was an older man, he looked to be in his forties and looked built, tan and strikingly handsome. The three had made themselves welcome and joined me on my table in the corner of the room and all seemed quite comfortable around me a virtual stranger. They continue their conversation without any hesitation.

“What are you talking about you crazy girl” one of the girls laments the other. “Do you honestly think that kidnapping a kid, and fighting with his friend will bring back the almighty Im Chang Jung?” the woman scoffs, before turning to look at me. They both look at me, were they were talking about? Who was Im Chang Jung? Was he someone I was supposed to know? “Well it was only a suggestion” the other answers with a pout, a very cute pout.

“So far anytime we try to lure out the son he’s either with his pack or that bitch Hyeri is on our trail” the first girl complains, adding another name into the mix that I did not understand. First they were talking about kidnapping, now they were talking about luring out? It made me wonder what kind of bullshit these women were in, were they criminals. “Why is it so goddamn complicated?” the second woman this time complains.

“Are you having a hard time?” The male asks, seeming to ignore the two ladies he had bought with him. His attention was focused on me completely, he almost looked sympathetic towards me. I didn’t know this man but yet he was looking at me like he knew me, like he understood me and what I was going through. Why did he feel as comfortable as he did to even sit on this table with his friends, when there was plenty of other seating? Why did they talk openly as if they knew me, why was he looking me so directly in the eye, as if we were akin to each other?

“This will pass for you Youngjae” surprised I sit up watching the elder confused, how did he know my name? “This tough time will disappear and become a distant memory for you”. How the hell did he even know my name, I blink a little startled. “Listen kid, its better you left him. Imagine if you had stayed with him, do you think that you would have lasted as a couple?” was he talking about Hanbin and I? How would he know about us? This was all so suspicious.

“Do you think that he would have left his rich family to be with a cute queer boy?” the first girl casually adds. How did these strangers know about Hanbin, why were they commenting on it? “Come to your senses? I watch the group of three totally confused how these strangers seemed to know my story. “That boy is weak. He hasn’t got enough strength for the both of you, so you should quit while you’re ahead Youngjae-ah” the second girl speaks up, she reaches for my shoulder giving me a light squeeze. “Trust me noona, has experience when it comes to boys like him”, noona? Who the hell did this woman think that she was?

“Who the hell are you?” Finally I snap out of my silent trance, instead of watching on. I speak up, although I rarely did speak up against elders, but normally those elders never talked shit about me and my boyfriend… Well he was my ex now, that thought was hard to process, he had barely been someone to me. We hadn’t even had enough time to be together and yet here we were, over.

It had been a few hours since our face off in the field nearby and Hanbin hadn’t even tried looking for me, I hadn’t gotten any calls or even texts from him. He really hadn’t even bothered to reach out for me, the person he so called loved. So as that thought hits me, I didn’t feel in the mood to be surrounded by strangers who were talking shit.

“We’re people who are interested in you” the elder speaks up and his side kicks seem to listen. The words send shivers down my spine, I didn’t really feel comfortable with strangers being interested in me. “Count me out oppa, I don’t have interest in him. He’s boring!”, One of the side kick announces with a pout, she turns from me and turns her attention to the man sat opposite me. “Oppa why did we follow a person like him? He’s not even good looking. He’s very average!” the same girl continues on shamelessly, she sounded so immature.

“Don’t be rude, if we followed him, then why would insult him like this?” the man lectures the girl. He sounded like a father who was telling off his child. “Apologise” he instructs and just like that, the girl reluctantly turns my way and makes an apology. Fake or real, part of me is appeased.

The elder continues to watch me, and instead of getting up and leaving as fast as I can, I sit there and watch the stranger watch me. “You really look like him. It’s so strange” he comments, catching the attention and curiosity of his sidekicks. “Like who oppa?” one of them asks, she watches him close trusting him as if his word was gospel. “Just a person who I used to know. A very special person…” “Used to know? What happened oppa?” one of the sidekicks asks a question that I honestly couldn’t help but be curious about. The way he watched me now, it seemed to be someone he had cared about a lot, maybe a lover or friend?

“What might feel tough now, won’t hurt as much in the future” the man seems to be trying to comfort me, but for what reason I didn’t know. There is a brief moment of silence as he watches me and smiles fondly before continuing. “What you’re going through now, this will only make you stronger hyung…” I watch him confused, hyung? This man looked to be much older than me, and to be addressing me as his hyung, it felt like maybe he hadn’t been talking to me at all but he had been addressing someone else. The person that I happened to look a lot like, and when I looked at him more and more, I began to wonder if I recognised him too?

He wasn’t someone I would see in school and in my normal small social circle, maybe I had seen him at work? Had he been a customer that I served? Could it be that he had been someone I had bumped into on the street, or a club or was this really our first time seeing each other? Why wasn’t I moving? In other circumstances, I probably would have gotten up and left without hesitation. Had my break up with Hanbin affected my judgement? Was I suffering from shock and unable to function from it?

“This too shall pass, Youngjae and one day you’ll be someone who leads and not follows” it was easy for him to say, a part of me thinks. “You won’t have to follow queerfused boys, and have to hide the truth from your friends and family. You will be someone who lives their life happily, and in the truth”. The stranger’s words, they have more effect on me than they should. Without warning tears start to flow. Why was this happening? This stranger seemed to know about me and what I was capable of, because right now I didn’t even know if I could get up and make it home. Let alone be in a place in which I was happy and free and out, instead of the hiding that I was doing. I didn’t want to keep hiding anymore, to keep lying to those around me and to myself.

A sigh escapes my lips, it’s deep and heavy one that I didn’t even know that I had in me. I guess I had been more stressed and tired than I had even been aware of, I couldn’t keep doing this. I couldn’t keep clinging onto Hanbin and the thought was just settling in my head, for me to live the life that I had always wanted. A life of honesty and happiness, the life that I had seen my parents have, the life my sister shared with her husband. The life my brothers had, as they worked successfully in their fields, doing what they were passionate with and openly dating.

Even though Jinwoon’s heart had been broken by his childhood love, he seemed to be moving on. He wasn’t completely over it, and some days were more difficult for him than others, but he seemed to be moving forward. Maybe I could do it, maybe I could move forward without Hanbin. I had already started, leaving him on the snow covered field like that. I had left him looking weak and heartbroken…No. I couldn’t waver.

I shouldn’t, but honestly it was getting hard not to. Falling in love, had been so easy but here I was trying to shake it off. It wasn’t going to happen so easily was it? I don’t know how long I’m sat in my own thoughts, but by the time I’ve pulled myself out of my torturous trance. In which I think over what I could have done to avoid all of this, if I have just ignored Hanbin’s feelings. If I pushed him away the very first time he had kissed me, or not stayed with him alone at Bobby’s party or even after our football final. I had been weak and stupid and here I was.

When I look up, instead of the three strangers who had sat down with me uninvited had now disappeared. In the place of one of the sidekicks was a face that I had been so desperate to see, the person that I needed more than anyone else right now. Without a word, the love of my life wraps his arms around my shoulders and pulls me in close to his chest. H

Right now smelt sweet, like he usually did. His cologne mixed which always clung to my nose. I rest my head on his chest, he felt so solid and warm to me right now and in his arms I finally break down in his muscular and toned arms. He pats me on his back, he is calm and patient and doesn’t push me to speak up, he gives me the time to get it all out.

As I cry I can’t even think that this was it, on the inside it didn’t feel like it could ever end. The more I thought about it, the more it hurt. The more I cry, the closer the arms pull me in, and soon I hear some shushing that somehow work to sooth me and put an end to my tears. Whilst I pull away from the embrace, Yien watches me closely with concerned eyes. This was the most worried he had looked for me, so I must look like a wreck, I must look weak and pathetic in his eyes.

Softly and slowly, Yien kisses me down my face, my forehead, my cheeks and to my lips. Without a word protest, I stay still and let him move forward. Yien cups my face before leaning to kiss him on the lips, before pulling him close to me. It was a soft and sweet kiss, it had been so long since this had happened before. It had been almost a year and right now in this moment I felt so conflicted by this. I was still hurting from what had happened with Hanbin, but I didn’t move or push him away.

Yien and I had kissed a handful of times before, since becoming friends. When Yien had something to drink, he often liked to kiss me too, he was affectionate and horny. It wasn’t just on his end of things too, I kissed him too, I had learnt how to kiss from the elder. He was my first kiss. However in order to keep our friendship clean and non-complicated, I hadn’t been doing much kissing with the elder. I worried that the way my heart had been beginning to flutter would change things, if I attached any meaning to the kiss.

Last time the elder and I had kissed was at his graduation ceremony. The elder had pulled me into one of the classrooms to discuss his plans to defer for the year, he had explained that he wanted to start his university year at the same time as me. While we made plans together for our future, the elder had been especially affectionate. Yien had kissed me and to be honest around that time I had been feeling a little low, but it wasn’t just because of that. He made my heart flutter and it scared me.

So scared to lose the friendship that I valued more than anything, I talked to the elder and asked that we just stick to clean and clear lines. The elder had agreed to it without much fight, he was someone who cared about me and it seemed that he didn’t want to make feel uncomfortable. As much as I liked to complain about him, in reality Yien was someone who put in a lot of consideration to my feelings, despite his sometimes over the top behaviours and vulgarity.

A year later after we had decided not to blur the lines in our friendship, here we were in the coffee shop sharing a sweet and brief kiss. Slowly pulling away, Yien smiles and pat me softly on my head.

“Why didn’t you tell me when you first started feeling this way?” Yien asks, he looked calm and genuinely curious. “Were you scared? Did I make you scared?” I shake my head to answer him, I wasn’t scared of him. I had just been selfish, I wanted to be with Hanbin and cling to the feeling that he had given me. I had wanted so hard to fall in love with Hanbin and for it to be reciprocated, with Yien around then I probably would have listened to him. I would have never pursued things.

“Youngjae… that’s really stupid” Yien replies when I explain myself, a smile creeps on his face. “Truthfully if I had spoken up, it wouldn’t have stopped you. It probably would have pushed you closer to him” Yien muses, and I find it hard to believe. “If I tell you to push him out of your heart now, would you listen?” Yien asks as he cocks his head and raises his eyebrow waiting for my answer. My head felt so muddled up and I didn’t know how to honestly answer that question.

“Okay. Well right now that doesn’t matter”, Yien decides to move on instead of waiting for my answer. “W have things to do. Like getting home, so lemme take you home my precious Choi Youngjae” Yien cards through my hair once, before standing up and reaching out to me with his arm. He waits for me to take his hand, and once I reach to clasp his hand, he grips tightly and pulls me up to my feet.

“I’ll lead the way and you’ll follow, okay?” Yien asks and I nod my head without even hesitating. Yien pulls me forward and leads me towards the café’s exit and trusting the elder I decide to follow him. Yien leads me to his car which was parked nearby, he is careful and takes care of me. He puts me in the passenger seat of his car and he puts on the heat of the car. He warms me up and watches me with care and concern for him.

Later that night, Yien takes me home and we head over to my room. We talk, but not about much. Yien orders me to go and get a warm shower, he had some things to sort out for our move and some other business to sort out. So I do as he says, I was frozen and feeling bitter and I needed to wash away something that seemed to be lingering.

As I let the hot water wash over me, it’s not long before I’m caught up in a trance. I couldn’t stop picturing the face of the person that I loved so much, and being concerned about him. I had turned my back on him, but was he still there? Where was he? What was he doing? Yien had taken my phone whilst we were in the car, he had told me it was to stop me from calling Hanbin. I needed not to reach out and back dip into him.

“Are you clean?” I suddenly feel a pair of arms slide around my arms. When I open my eyes, instead of Yien’s arms which I was expecting or even Hanbin’s arms which had been around me. There was no one that was no behind me, instead it seemed to be me who was hallucinating. My mind was playing tricks on me, I sigh and lean onto the wall letting the water wash over me completely.

“Choi Youngjae” the familiar voice whispers in my ear, it sends tingles down my spine. It wasn’t the voice that belonged to my best friend, my ex or anyone that I knew, but it was one that I had heard recently. The silky voice is familiar, I hear a giggling in my ears and I feel a light tracing of fingers down my front, this all felt familiar. But when I turn around, there was no one there, I was really going insane.

Worried about my mental state, I cut the shower short and head to my room to clean up and get dressed. As I do get dressed, there was no more of the silky voiced man on the other end of it. Yien soon comes in with takeaway that I had assumed that he had ordered whilst I was in the shower, it had come in quite quick or had I been in the shower been in there for so long? I didn’t know.

“I got you something yummy for you” Yien says as he sits down. He had too changed out of his warm winter wear, and was now in a shirt and shorts, his hair looked a little wet. He explains he had used Jinwoon’s shower to get himself cleaned and warmer. He had also gotten some things sorted out for our move to Seoul, apparently the apartment we would be moving in was ready for us. He had some of our things shipped off together to Seoul, and the landlord of the building would be keeping them in the meanwhile. He had used a lot of his family money to get it done, and he wouldn’t allow me to use my money at all.

As usual I was indebted to him, and he never allowed me to give back to him. “Just eat” the elder instructs, sitting legs crossed on my bed he starts unwrapping and serving the food on the bed. It smelt delicious and the way my stomach reacts, reminds me that I hadn’t eaten all day, but I had been so distracted that I hadn’t even had time to even think about.

“Let’s watch this movie” Yien sits up and walks over to his laptop, he switches it on and soon starts searching the internet. He had a movie in mind that he wanted to watch, he describes it and seems to be excited about it and somehow I get swept up in the excitement for it. “It’s super popular in the states at the moment” Yien lights up excited as he finds the movie that he was looking for.

It was a story of an attractive and brooding priest who is charmed, and seduced by a quirky and attractive young woman. It was totally cheesy and angsty, but it seemed to make Yien laugh wildly. He was translating for me, holding my hand stroking my hand and keeping me company. He felt so comfortable to be around me, so I lean over on his shoulder and I hook arms with him and settle down with him.

Yien strokes through my hair as we continue to watch the movie, there was a comfortable silence between the two of us. I hum and my eyes start to become heavy, it was early in the evening, but the day had felt much longer than that. I try to keep my eyes open, but the harder I fight sleep the quicker it wins over my willpower. One minute I feel Yien stroke my side, and the next everything is blank.

Strange dreams were starting to become a theme in my life, instead of the sex dream that I had before. This dream is a little scary, it was traumatising. Like the dream before, it starts off with me being frozen on the ground and I was unable to see but I could feel and hear everything. Instead of the pleasure that I had felt before, this was a sharp pain.

Honestly as much as I want to yell out in agony, I can’t. There was something stuck in my throat, and I was struggling for air. My body starts to shake, and the more I wheeze the more painful everything felt to me. The sharpness I felt originates from my stomach, it really hurts to much and I didn’t know why. Why was I feeling this way? I felt so close to death, I had never felt anything so overwhelming like this before.

“Youngjae please don’t die” I hear a familiar voice weep. It feels like someone sweep me up in my arms, it feels like the arms of someone that I could trust. “You need to do it now, you need to change him!” a new voice joins the mix, it was woman’s voice and it sounded almost as desperate and urgent as the voice before. Whoever it was, they both sounded so worried about me, or at least I thought it was me.

“IF YOU DON’T CHANGE HIM, THEN I WILL! We Have to save Youngjae” the upset and desperate voice changes into an angry and impatient one. What happened to me? Why did they need to save me or change me? Why was I in so much pain, and what could they do to stop it? “Do you want him to die?” my heart skips a beat at those words, those tough and harsh words. “No…no… he can’t” the man with the silky voice sounded conflicted, and I couldn’t help but worry and sympathise for him.

“Then do it! Save our Youngjae!” the woman desperately encourages. Our Youngjae? Who was I to these people? Why was I so important to them? There is a brief pause, I can hear some screaming and yelling in the background, it sounded like people were fighting. Suddenly I feel an intense pain in the crook of my neck, it hurts too much and sends all the pain through me, from my head all the way down to my toes.

Pain radiates through me, but there was something different about the pain that I had felt from before. It felt like this pain was giving me strength, it was definitely very strange but it was also welcome. I was in need of some strength, so when I wake up in a cold sweat, I’m disappointed to have lost some of that feeling.

The lights in the room are completely turned off, and looking around the room Yien was lying down next to me. He had his arms wrapped around my waist, and his head was nestled in my neck. His laptop was on my bedside table and the food we had eaten was on the floor. Everything was silent and still, and slightly lonely.

I slowly and quietly get up out of Yien’s embrace, ad up off the bed heading to the bathroom. The rest of the apartment is silent, Jinwoon was in his room peacefully sleeping. He had been working more and more since his split with Yeeun, he more than anyone else at this moment understood how I was feeling right now. I sneak inside and watch him, I was double checking on him, not for long.

Moments later it passes, I get up and go to the toilet. It felt a little lonely today. I couldn’t help but feel like the hours that I had spent with Yien were for naught, they couldn’t wipe away the thoughts that I was feeling. In the bathroom I sit on the bath tub, I let the thoughts that Yien had tried to keep at bay take over. I was now replaying what had happened, I kept trying to play the replay everything. I was regretting it, I regretted doubting Hanbin, I should have just let him see through his promise.

“Youngjae?” I turn to see in the doorway calling me that it was Jinwoon, the elder seemed to have woken up. He looked a little tired why was he awake right now? “Why are you still awake?” the elder approaches me, his face wears a lot of concern. Last time I had seen him, I had been heading out with Hanbin for our trip, and now I had returned sooner without even an explanation. Jinwoon had been very laxed in that area, the area in which I should be explaining things to him as my guardian.

The elder had seemed to know what I was up to, however he didn’t make moves to interfere. Had it been Junhyuk who had found out about me and Hanbin sneaking around, he would have lectured me, and then killed Hanbin in a very bloody mess. Jinwoon had handled things differently, and it wasn’t until the other day did he reveal just how much he knew.

“Honestly. I wanted to protect you, but I knew that I couldn’t shield you from something that important” Jinwoon explains why he had let me be. “I know what it’s like to be heartbroken, but I know that I would have regretted not being in love in the first place” he explains. Reaching over to stroke through my hair, and he smiles. “It will be hard to move on, and you’ll probably regret not doing more but I know you Choi Youngjae. I know you did everything that you could do” Jinwoon tries to comfort me.

“Yien is a good kid too. He doesn’t let many people know it, but for you he’s been great” Jinwoon gives Yien a rare compliment. He was usually too busy swatting Yien’s shameless advances away, it was good to hear him speak well of Yien. “H e helped you come of out of that shell of yours, and I know he can help you through this. So trust him okay?” I nod my head, knowing that it was what I should be doing. I just needed to trust my friends and family and I could get through this.

After a brief chatting between the two of us, Jinwoon instructs me to get back to my room and get rest. I would be leaving in a few days and so I had so much to do, maybe it was fortunate that things turned out this way. I had a new path to take and new life, I would be happy. I think.

When I get back to my room, I hear a continuous buzzing. It was familiar and looking around the room, I find the source of it. I find a bag behind the door, it was Yien’s bag and when I look inside I find my phone which I had given to him earlier. I had so many unread messages and unanswered calls, some from friends and family but the majority of them come from Hanbin. I knew I should probably switch off the phone and ignore him, I needed to trust and follow Yien.

In this moment I was weak and I missed him so much. I sneak out of the room and take a call from Hanbin, he sounded quite relieved to hear my voice. He whispers to me, it sounded like he was sneaking around. Was he back in his home? Why was he calling me?

“Youngjae. I missed you”, I sigh because of the sound of his voice, I missed him so much too. I didn’t want to feel this way, but I did. I Was weak for Kim Hanbin…


	17. XVII

Hanbin’s POV.

“Have you lost your mind?” the look of shock is warn across my mother’s face was unlike anything I had ever seen from her. Sat perched on the desk in my father’s study, she looked taken aback and was still trying to process my words. I had after all just told the woman who had gestated me, birthed me and raised me that I would be leaving the family home, to be with the man that I had fallen in love with. I’m sure this was all a lot to take in, but it was actually happening. I was cutting myself off.

Sat in the chair behind my mother was my stony faced father, he hadn’t even seemed surprised to hear my words. My mother on the other hand was having a miniature mental breakdown of her own, mouth agape she was watching me with pure and utter astonishment. Even though she had dealt with a son ex communicate himself from the family before, she seemed to be having trouble reconciling that I was also doing it.

In reality neither adult should be surprised. It’s not like they hadn’t dealt with something similar in Dongjun hyung, it’s the reason why they had watched over me and observed me so closely. It’s why they had pushed Hayi closer to me sooner and why they had planned our wedding to be only a few months after my high school graduation. They didn’t want me to have the chance to act out like my brother, yet here I was.

“Hanbin don’t be ridiculous” my mother suddenly switches from disbelief to irritation, her expression wasn’t good. Meanwhile my father had stayed the same, he looked to not be at all phased by this, or maybe I had surprised him too much. After all when he had found out that I was with Youngjae in Tokyo, he had rushed to the airport to pick me up and the lecture that I had gotten when we had come back home. I’m sure my father thought he had been stern enough to put me off of making further contact to Youngjae, he must have thought he took care of it.

“You won’t be side tracking the life we have set up for you for some scruffy little boy. I let you do it”. My mother seemed determined and the look in her eyes said so, I could feel a hole being burned in my skull as she spike. “You are going to marry the lovely Hayi and you’ll become a prosecutor like your father_”. I take one last look at my father. He was still stony faced, it was hard to read his expression and honestly I didn’t need to. I didn’t need anything to have anything make me waver.

For the one that I had fallen in love with, I often let him down by giving into my family. I was a let down and now finally I was done with being that guy, I need to be strong and dependable. Sure I would be leaving my family home, with no money, no clothes, and probably I would be disowned but it was what I had to do. Not just for Youngjae but for me.

Even if I hadn’t met Youngjae and fallen so hard for him, I probably would have rebelled at some point. Its better that I do it before I got myself tied up into a commitment. I wasn’t happy, I never truly had been and I couldn’t marry Hayi. I would have regretted it and resented her and I didn’t want to hate her, we had grown up having a good relationship. I didn’t want to move forward and dislike her, going through the motions for our families. How could I be here husband? How could I have children and raise them with her?

“You will ruin your life Hanbin. You need to trust your parents, like your hyung learnt to do” is that what they thought? Did they really believe that Dongjun trusted them? That he was happy? He wasn’t. He had bent to their will and because of his resentment towards them, he moved abroad and hardly even saw the people that raised him. He wasn’t happy and for the last few years of his marriage, he hadn’t been happy at all.

Dongjun had kept away as long as he could until he eventually cracked. He was back visiting Mokpo and it wasn’t because of his desire to visit family. It was no coincidence that when Yenny noona had broken up with her long time boyfriend, that Dongjun had come around with his tail wagging. Four years had passed and still Dongjun hadn’t been able to get over his first love and now he was in danger of ruining his marriage and hurting the two women.

So here I was determined, there was no way that I would not do that to Hayi and Youngjae. Especially Youngjae, I loved him too much to mess with him, I wouldn’t be breaking his heart and leaving him, and then pulling him back to me when I waver. No. I had to cut off my parents and it wasn’t easy to do this, but in the end I could only hope eventually that they would forgive me one day. But it was doubtful.

“I’m sorry. I can’t follow the path you set for me” I genuinely reveal. “Then leave” my father suddenly pipes up, he looked stern and that he meant it. My mother looked shocked and irritated, but before she could speak I excuse myself and head off outside of the house.

There was a moment of dread. My stomach was tensed up, my heart was hammering, I feel like I would faint any time. My parents don’t chase or shout after me, Jungwoo and Nari were still upstairs studying. I had called Jungwoo and giving him forewarning about what I was going to do and the younger as usual had been supportive.

All he was worried about was when I would pay back his money, but we would talk when the time came around. For now I had a person that I wanted to see, the person who I loved the most.

We had briefly talked in the early hours of the morning, after hours of calling Youngjae I had finally gotten through to him. Despite there having been only hours of separation between us, I still missed him. Just the thought that we could end like that snapped me out of it, when he hung up the phone on me, I knew that grovelling wouldn’t be enough for him this time. I shouldn’t be enough, Youngjae deserves so much more.

So the next morning I had prepared myself, with a small bag packed with a few clothes and some important personal effects I headed downstairs to confront my parents. I had no expectation that either would bend and let me be with Youngjae, if anything I believe that this is something they will never forgive me for. I would not be returning back to the place that I had grown up in, but I realised that I was grown up.

The minute I became eighteen years old, I became my own legal responsibility and legally I could leave. Legally I could find a job and work to survive, and legally I could take care of myself and have my own freedom. I had almost legally signed away that freedom and I would have done it had it not been for Choi Youngjae.

The first call that I make is to my best friend, he had been the person who had consistently pushed me to make this move and I would need him going on from this point. I don’t give all the details of what had happened and head over to the Happy Coffee shop, I try there first in hopes that I could catch Youngjae there alone and that we could talk. However when I get there Jinyoung informs me that I had just missed Youngjae who had been there to collect his pay, he reckons that he wouldn’t be far away from the building and encourages me to try for the bus stop.

As the man had stated, I headed over to the bus stop hoping to catch Youngjae before he caught the bus. He hadn’t been answering my questions, since this morning he had gone back to ignoring my calls. I had to find him and talk to him, he needed to know that I hadn’t been weak to the end. So putting a bit of hustle in my step, I rush over to the bus stop which was a few minutes away from the coffee shop.

This wasn’t the first time I had followed Youngjae to a bus, it reminded me of the first that I had held him in my arms. That had been the moment that had set into motion for the two of us, before then Youngjae wouldn’t have ever questioned my feelings for him. He would have continued to think that I was someone who didn’t like him.

I was relieved that I had acted out like that, had I not moved so recklessly back then I could have missed out on loving Youngjae. I wouldn’t be missing out on it any further, I had only just gotten a taste and I couldn’t leave him.

“Youngjae” I call out to him when I spot a frame that suits his at the bus stop, he was leant over a little looking at the bus time table. No matter how many times he caught the same bus, Youngjae always checked it again, it was like he never let go of hope. The hope that another would come sooner, had he still held out hope for me or had he given up.

When he turns around, Youngjae looks on surprised. He didn’t look like the Youngjae that I knew, immediately I notice that there had been a recent change, his hair was back to his beautiful brown locks and it was pushed up from his face. He was dressed in his usual casual attire, the snow from the day before was slowly melting away but he was still dressed appropriately as it was still cold. His face looked thinner already, we hadn’t seen each other in around 24 hours but he looked like he had drastically changed and not for the better.

“Hanbin?” Youngjae looks surprised, I bet that yesterday on the snow covered field would be the last time he would see me, and even after my call last night I don’t expect that he had much faith in me. “What are you?” he asks confused. He didn’t look good, he didn’t look like the Youngjae that I come to know. I had really fucked up, I had taken away the spark that I had loved so much.

Before I can step forward towards him, out of nowhere I feel my shoulder forcefully yanked back. The look on Youngjae’s face is that of panic, I am made to turn behind me and the face that greets me is far from happy. In fact the tall elder looked pretty pissed off, and it’s not like I could blame him, right now all he knew was that I had broken his little brother’s heart.

“What are you doing here?” Junhyuk questions me, his tone is rough and straight to the point. I would be lying if I said I didn’t gulp down in fear, the elder had been an icon of fear at Yeung Heung during his reign. Despite being much older than us, his reputation got back to those younger than him, and for a while it was what saved Youngjae from being bullied or harassed. It wasn’t until he went away for a few years at university did anyone pounce and in all honesty, Youngjae could have simply used the threat of his sibling to shut down most of the school.

However Youngjae wasn’t the type, he didn’t want to rely on his sibling to defend him and fight his battles. But here he was, with a fistful of my shirt, the glare in eyes signalling my impending end. Youngjae had warned me that no matter who, good or bad Junhyuk was never going to accept anyone who had eyes for him. Choi Junhyuk was protective of his only younger sibling, he would go to war in the name of Choi Youngjae.

Youngjae revealed that it had taken a while for Junhyuk to come round to accepting him, to accepting his sexuality. The elder hadn’t been particularly bigoted before discovering Youngjae’s sexuality, no the elder had friends from all walks of life and was accepting of everyone. But for his brother he worried, he knew how difficult it would be for Youngjae to live as a gay man. He still worked hard to shield him, the way he does that as he shoves me to a wall nearby speaks

The force with which he does forces the break out of my lungs and leaves me briefly disorientated. As I try to catch my breath I can hear Youngjae call out for his brother, he was pleading for the elder to stop but Junhyuk with flaming eyes staring at me. His mouth foams, he looked like he was going in the kill for me, the elder didn’t care about anyone passing by and what kind of scene he was causing and pulling me into .

“Do you Kims hold a personal grudge against the Chois? First the older Kim steals my brother’s girlfriend and now you messing with my brother’s head” before I can try to protest. The elder pokes me in the head a few times, despite my best intentions, I was definitely physically weak against the elder. But I knew I had to speak up, even if I would be strangled before I got to the end of what I needed to be done.

Looking past Junhyuk’s shoulders I can see Youngjae pulling at him and pleading with him with no success. “Tell me what the fuck you want with my brother, cause if you want your little thing for the side then you’re mistaken-“ the elder warns me. Youngjae watches on looking mortified at the scene that was unravelling in front of us, even though no one had interjected to the scene, there had been people to gather and watch.

“I left home. I told my parents that I wouldn’t be getting married and well… I left home” I look past the elder and watch Youngjae. “For real?” Junhyuk airs out his suspicions, meanwhile Youngjae looked too shocked to even speak. “I’m sure my parents hate me and that I’m disowned but… I love you Youngjae” once I say that the elder loosens up on his grip. Still Junhyuk watches me with distrust, but he backs away and watches Youngjae who at this point was still frozen. It looked like he was still trying to process what I had said, but I don’t give him the time.

Unable to resist I move forward and reaching for his shoulder, I pull Youngjae into a hug. Thankfully he isn’t resistant, although it does take him a little longer to melt into my arms. “Did you really do it? Or are you just trying to mess with my brother?”, I shake my head in response, still keeping ahold of Youngjae. “Starting from today, I am no longer my family’s son”, I reveal before leaning my head into Youngjae’s shoulder.

Slowly I feel Youngjae’s arms wrap around me, he pulls me close and it truly felt like he believed me. Junhyuk on the other watches me with a raised eyebrow, he looked like he was trying to call my bluff. “You did it. You really friggin did it” Youngjae murmurs into my chest, he was accepting this better than I thought, he didn’t seem to have any doubts initially. No, it’s not until later do the question begin to fly at me.

By then Youngjae has invited me back to his brother’s place, Jinwoon was work and Yien was away apparently he had been with a friend. There had been a brief call between the two when we had reached the apartment, Youngjae tells me that Yien was out with a friend and wouldn’t be back until the next day. So for that night I don’t have to worry about the third wheel that Yien was, the thorn in my side.

Whether he had tried or not, the elder inspired a lot of doubt in Youngjae. He was influential on Youngjae, and all it took was one fuck up from me and Yien would probably pounce. My time with Youngjae had been littered with little fuck ups, spread across time which have led to him mistrusting me. So when he get home alone in his room, he doesn’t wait long before he’s asking me to repeat step by step what happened.

“So they just let you walk out?” Youngjae quizzes, his expression still holding disbelief. “Why when your father went all the way to the airport to drag you back, would he just let you leave?” Youngjae questions. That thought hadn’t really crossed my mind, but in the end my father had let me go without kicking up a fuss. He wouldn’t bend or break and he was stubborn to change his mind, after all he had left me a warning.

Weeks ago my father had done a private investigation on me, he had been not surprisingly he had been prompted by Hayi to do so. It didn’t take long for the results to come out that I was seeing Youngjae, and of course he was livid hence the public scene at the airport. He was fuming and later blew up, he shouted to the top of his lung that I would either follow his way, or I would be disowned and I guess this is what he meant.

“No son of mine will be with another man” he had warned me and in deciding to go against him, I had sealed my fate. I was now no longer a person who could go back, not if I wanted to keep the only precious thing in my life. He was the love of my life, and I don’t think I could have functioned at all, had I not been with Youngjae.

“So your wedding…?” Youngjae tentatively asks, he watches on with a look of hope. I had been receiving a lot of calls and texts from Hayi for the last few hours, but I had ignored them all. I knew that I should at least tell her that I had ended thing, but for now that was a conversation that I was saving for another day. Right now the person in front of me was my main concern, so I do my best to reassure him. I tell him that the wedding was off, the marriage would be off as well. I wasn’t going to sacrifice any longer.

“Is this for real?” it takes the whole night for me to reassure Youngjae that I had left my family. Through touches, kisses and constant reassurances, Youngjae seems to relax and accept the news. He is the first to fall asleep that night he falls asleep in my arms and my heart settles for the day, I try not to think about my messy situation too much. Once everything settled and I figured where I would be staying, then I could plan talking to Hayi and the Lees and cancelling the big day.

Despite me disappearing for a few days, it seemed that the plans were going ahead for the wedding. I couldn’t not turn up without any explanation to the other side, I knew it would involve a lot of shouting my way, but for now I could enjoy the peace that I had with my sweet boyfriend Choi Youngjae. Was he my boyfriend? Were we back together? He hadn’t said anything yet, I remind myself to ask that question tomorrow, but for now I rest my head in the crook of Youngjae’s shoulder and close my eyes ready to sleep.

The way that I wake up the next morning is a little abrupt and noisy. It’s actually a clanging of dishes and pans making similar sound to a drum symbol. My head is spinning as I am forced out of my sleep and into a sitting position, it takes me a few seconds to process what had woke me but it’s all clear as I rub the sleep from my eyes. When I open my eyes I see a tall frame standing over the bed that I was sharing Youngjae who had only groaned and turned around away from the commotion.

“Wake up love birds!” Jinwoon greets loudly, he wears a forced grin on his face. The look in his eyes was easily the most of displeased I had seen the normally affable, I concluded that me being in his house in bed with his youngest brother would be the source of his irritation. Last night I hadn’t been able to even talk to the elder, he had arrived home late and by then Youngjae had only been able to inform him that I would be there. We hadn’t talked and I’m sure he had received a call from Junhyuk, but it would be better to hear everything from me.

“Help me make breakfast, when he smells food…He’s more receptive” the older explains, his tone was still formal and uncomfortable. But being in his house I stand up without hesitation and follow the elder out, it was definitely in my best interest to stay on the good side of him.

“Leaving home isn’t something you do lightly” the elder warns me as we prepare a breakfast. The elder was 90 per cent done with the breakfast, it was just as he finished it off, he uses it as an opportunity to talk to me. He was watching out for any uncertainties on my side of things, he was trying to catch and change my mind. I’m sure for all those involved excluding Youngjae and I, breaking up would be the easiest thing.

On his side of things I understood Jinwoon’s dilemma, he would want Youngjae to be happy and so he would never stand in his way. But Jinwoon was also a respectable person, if it was seen that he had helped aid my leaving my family home, from his former work sunbae that being my mother, I’m sure he would receive a lot of hell. Worse yet was I’m sure he had to worry about what he would tell his parents. Afterall this was all bound to get out to them, how he would explain that he had allowed this to happen.

“I’m willing to take a lot of flak and support you, if you are someone who is stable” I nod my head understanding him. “I love Youngjae…” I try to reassure the elder, but the look on his face, he doesn’t seem to really believe me. “It aches when I’m not with him…” his expression seems to soften in reply.”I can’t keep it up, being with him makes me feel better”

With that Jinwoon’s body language seems to relax, a smile graces his face. “Okay, well then I will look out for you” the elder expresses with a nod of the head. “If you are here to make Youngjae happy, then I will trust you” I nod my head in reply. “So once we have breakfast, we’ll be going shopping… just to get you some basics” I try to decline the elder spending money, but he is determined.

“Also, I hope you enjoyed your night sleeping with my brother in his bed. That will probably be your last one for a while, it’s the couch from now on” the elder sternly warns and whilst we under his roof I would follow that. I didn’t know how long that stay would be however, Youngjae was still heading to Seoul to start his studies. I figured that I would follow him there, I had sparse savings in an account that I put to the side away from my family over time. I also had a friend like Bobby who had always shown his support for me, maybe I could get a job in the Seoul branch of Sonic with him. It wouldn’t be bad to work whilst I saved up for college.

Those were thoughts that were swimming around my head and I hoped maybe by the end of the day I could at least get some of those questions answered. But for now I had a sleepy boyfriend or ex-boyfriend depending on how you saw it who I needed to wake up.

After a good five minutes trying to wake up the most stubborn person ever in the morning, Youngjae finally joins Jinwoon and I for breakfast. Watching the interactions between the pair is quite eye opening, in fact watching the Choi siblings makes me wonder if either my own relationship with my siblings was cold or that the Chois were overly affectionate. I sit on the fence over the day, as we move on from breakfast and all get washed up and cleaned up.

Jinwoon had already gotten showered and cleaned, so he allows me or rather he instructs me to shower in his room. He was putting effort into separating Youngjae and I from anything remotely sexually, the elder had probably had to resist the urge to do this before. There was a conflict between Jinwoon’s desire to protect his brother’s virtue, but at the same time had to let Youngjae experience things and grow at the same time. That was when things were hidden, but now we were out in the open, I supposed there had to be some rules that were followed.

Unable to join us because of a hectic day at work Jinwoon excuses himself and instructs us to go shopping. With the money he had given me, Youngjae and I head out to buy some essentials, and a few clothes. I was already indebted to the elder, and when I could I would pay him back.

Without my dearest Beatrix travelling around with Youngjae is a lot slower as a journey but I don’t mind. We walk at a comfortable pace, this was the first time that we were out in public after me leaving my family home. There are a glances as we pass by, some whispering under breath and gossip but for the most part Youngjae and I manage to get to the mall unscathed. We manage to find all that I need and chill, Youngjae offers to buy me a meal as it approaches mid-afternoon and like his older brother he doesn’t allow me to decline his offer.

As we head over to a fast food place within the mall, we bump into two familiar faces and immediately the scene is awkward. Just from the look on his face I can tell that Youngjae hadn’t been expecting to see Yien or Hoseok together, immediately he seems to back into a little shell.

Hoseok is the first to greet us both, whilst Yien burns a hole in Youngjae’s forehead, he doesn’t rip his gaze from him. I do try and greet the both and hope somehow it well make things a little less awkward, but the more I talk the harder Yien stared at Youngjae. Hoseok sensing the awkwardness and tension is all smiles and jokes, he addresses Youngjae who eventually speaks up and greets the pair of them.

It looked like since the bowling night that we had spent as a group, that Yien and Hoseok had gotten quite close. From Youngjae’s body language I could tell that he was uncomfortable because he had hardly spoken to Yien and that he had gotten back with me. They some things that they needed to talk about, meanwhile I would be staying out of it.

What I do also notice while watching Youngjae’s demeanour is the look of jealousy and insecurity in his eyes. He wasn’t happy with Yien spending his time with his ex, I didn’t know if he was jealous as a friend or romantically. I had never been able to decipher his feelings for Yien, on the surface he spoke of a friend, but to me it was sometimes more.

“Word on the grape vine is that you busted out of the family home and cut the shackles, is it true?” Hoseok asks. It seemed if that it had gotten to him that the news would find it’s way to everyone in our close circle of friends and then outwards to the general public, I had to brace myself for a lot of scrutiny in the future.

“Let’s see how long that lasts” Yien finally speaks up, with a roll of the eyes, he wore his lack underwhelm across his face. “How long did the older brother last?” he adds, continuing to basically shit on my actions. “Don’t be like that Yien” Hoseok interjects, whilst Yien stands behind me quiet and not speaking up on my behalf. The doubt that I had tried to wipe away seemed linger on his face, just being in Yien’s presence seemed to make Youngjae doubt me.

The scene that was playing out right now was a little intense. Last time I had seen Yien and Youngjae together had been at the roadside near a cottage café, I had followed Youngjae there but didn’t have enough courage to follow him inside and beg for him. So I was there to watch on Mark picked Youngjae up, and scene that I saw was very emotional. It was enough to snap me out of it, it made me realised that I couldn’t end things with Youngjae, not easily.

Honestly I didn’t want him to be happy with anyone who wasn’t me, and as much as I knew Youngjae loves me, I also know with Yien around, he could get over me. Not that I wanted Youngjae upset and longing for me, but I didn’t want him to forget me.

“Hyung, I was gonna call you” Youngjae tries to address Yien, but the elder didn’t look up to it. “Youngjae… hyung will be in Seoul starting tomorrow, you can join me when this all falls “ Yien coldly says, before sending eye daggers my way.

“Bro, don’t be like that” Hoseok tries to interject, but Yien doesn’t back down. “He’ll be just like his hyung, he’ll try to run away from his family, but eventually he’ll run out of funds and realise that he misses his family, his money and all that comes with it!” Yien is open with his doubt of me, unlike Youngjae. Although he does stay silent, I could tell that Yien had been successful in planting the doubt. I knew that thus far I had given him little reason to believe in me, but I would keep working and going with Youngjae to wipe away any doubts.

Before Yien excuses himself to leave, he pulls Youngjae into a firm hug. The elder whispers something into Youngjae’s ear that leaves me dying of curiosity. As I watch I know that they shared something betweent he two of themselves, and I hated knowing that it could be a threat to my relationship with Youngjae.

Yien does leave with Hoseok in tow, as he does he doesn’t even give me a second glance or even acknowledge me further. I understood we were people who were just destined not to like each other and I accepted it. After that run in, Youngjae is briefly silent and is on an island alone in his thoughts, so I give him some time to take it all in.

Later on we head to the burger bar as promised, and inside the bar there a few familiar faces. Most of which greet us but don’t further interact, choosing to observe Youngjae and I. I wonder how long it would take before the rumour mill was in full force, it was something that I shouldn’t care about but human of course I was curious. I didn’t want Youngjae to get any unnecessary hate, after all he was the innocent party in all this, I was the one who had cause a lot of damage.

“Stop watching them watch you Hanbin and eat for christ sake” Youngjae complains as he tucks into the food. He had ordered in for us and was testing me, he was testing if I could stay and eat with in public with him. So I would pass the test with flying colours, I tuck into the food. I reach over to touch Youngjae’s hand and to show him as much affection as I can, I wasn’t going to hide these feelings any longer.

My phone buzzes continuously in my pocket, and irritates me to the point of needing to check things out. Bobby had called me a few times, so I call him up and I’m met with excitement on the other end of the phone.

“Dude, you’ve got SNS lit right now!” Bobby reveals that we had been snapped by some of the people in the burger bar and our picture was already being circulated on the internet. “You’re famous dude, the couple that’s got everyone losing their shit” he is genuinely excited. I on the other hand was worried beyond belief, if this was on SNS then it wouldn’t take long before it reached my parents.

I try to push that down dread when Youngjae and I head out of the bar, hand in hand we walk towards the exit only to find a group of men in suits blocking the way. No word of a lie, it was like you saw it in the dramas, scruffy men in black suits, all uniformed and tough. They had barricaded us all in and wouldn’t be letting Youngjae and I out, immediately I can tell that we’ve ran into trouble, as I recognise one of the uniformed men’s face. It was Lee Hyunwoo was the younger sibling of the secretary, he didn’t have the best reputation in town.

“Young Master Kim, we’ve come take you home” Hyunwoo speaks up, his facial expression is stoic. He shows no emotion, just like his sister he seems only focused on following the words of those that had instructed him. It was doubtful that my mother was person who instructed him and his goons to come after me, but it was something that my father had done. “let’s not make a scene, come with us the elder calmly demands.

Stood behind me Youngjae watches on, he looks a little overwhelmed by this all. “If my parents wanted to talk, they should have just called me” I complain disapproving, but Hyunwoo doesn’t budge. Instead he signals for one of them to move forward and grip my arm to take me away.

It all happens so quickly, before Youngjae can even try to intervene, I’m surrounded by a group of hulking suited men. There was no way that I was going to escape, so I’m left to watch on in frustration as Youngjae struggles against Hyunwoo who was holding him back. He looked scared, it was totally pissing me off, and this was too much. Why would they let me go, only to force me back into their home and make sure that I was unable to leave?

“You’ve caused quite a commotion” my mother complains as Hyunwoo pushes me into my father’s study. It was just her sat perched on his desk, surprisingly it wasn’t my father who had teamed up with his mistress’ brother and his gang of thugs. I guess that my mother had to ignore a lot of her pride to get me here today, and she didn’t look pleased about it.

“Roaming around town with that BOY-“she exhales with displeasure. “You are ruining our family name and you’re doing it with no shame-“my mother complains and lectures me. All she cared about how it looked to her, how her friends and the people of the town would react. She had never taken my feelings into consideration, and being someone that loved her I had always ignored that fact. The fact that her love for me seemed to have its limits, it limited my happiness.

“You’ve startled the Lees, they think that my son has left their daughter for another man and that’s something that is not possible” my mother doesn’t give me any chance to try and correct that. Before I can try and argue against it she interjects, stubborn as always she speaks about a plan that she had for me to make it up to Hayi and her family.

“We could still make it up to her, although we have to delay the wedding. If we apologise this could still go ahead” my mother sets up a plan for my father, I and herself to meet up with Hayi and her parents. We would have a private dinner to discuss the wedding going ahead, but for now my mother instructs me to go upstairs to my room. She warns that there would be tight security on me and that I wouldn’t be leaving soon, and that I shouldn’t. Without letting me speak she dismisses me, leaving with me with no room to argue now, but I knew that I would run away with my first opportunity.

“This is the best for you Hanbin, you’ll thank me later for this” my mother calls out as I leave. Bitter and upset, I ignore her and head out of the study without another word. However a few steps outside of the study Hyunwoo stops me, he reaches for my arm to stop me and then searches my pockets until in my jeans pocket he finds my phone.

“I’ll give this back when your parents see fit that you need this, okay?” he didn’t seem too concerned about the fact that he was helping my parents keep me hostage. To him it was probably a good job that took care of the bills, and right now I could say without a doubt, I was really struggling to hold it all in. Right now, I had to be patient, but I knew that I would see Youngjae and I would be with him.

“Your parents are worried about you, that’s why they did this” Hayi is stood in the stairway on my way to my room. I don’t know how long she had been there for, but honestly I didn’t want to see her. Especially when she was like this, when she was siding with my parents because it suited her needs. For someone who claimed that they cared about me as much as she did, she was far too comfortable with me being imprisoned.

“Just give it time, you’ll get over this. You’ll appreciate the path your parents set up for you” Hayi does a lot of pleading with her eyes. The way she was talking to me, how calm she was being despite the fact I had ignored her calls and texts and had run off to be at the side of my lover. She was trying to control me, she never did it by force, she always seem to try and do with her honey words. I didn’t trust her.

“Lee Hayi, as long as I live. I will never love you” I knew this was harsh and the cruellest thing I had ever said to her. “I won’t marry you, and if you think me being with Youngjae will be a weapon you can use against me, then you’re wrong” my words seem to strike a chord with Hayi and leave her frozen and hurt. “Next time you sleep with my best friend, make sure you talk it out with him to be discreet” Hayi blinks surprised that I knew, she stares at me speechless.

It had been a couple of weeks since Bobby had slept with Hayi and immediately after he had told me, he had apologised but also instructed me to use it as a bargaining chip. So I would, I would use it tonight in my dinner with her family. I would tell them I was in love with a man and I could not would marry a woman who had been with my best friend, I knew that on this even ground Hayi’s parents wouldn’t have any protests.

Without another word I walk past Hayi and make my way to my room, the first thing I do is back another bag with more clothes and belongings that I would need. I could stash those elsewhere and take them for when I left the house, I needed to move quick and maybe even move out to Seoul with Youngjae. It seemed being in Mokpo meant being too close to my parents and now that they were resorting to kidnapping me, it meant that maybe a fresh start was needed.

Before that, I had some loose ends to tie. So I wash and dress up in something fresh for the night, and wait for my parents. However a few hours pass and suddenly my silence is broken when my twiblings burst into the room. Jungwoo attempts to hold my fuming younger sister back, but she seems to overpower him.

Mari always walked around innocent and pouty, she was often one to sulk or get upset but rarely did she get mad. Jungwoo was doing his best to warn her away, and even my attempts to tell her to get out don’t work, she seems to be riled up and it’s not until she speaks up does it all become clear to me.

“How dare you treat Hayi like this?!” I groan in response, no matter what even her own brother it seemed like Mari was always going to be very biased to Hayi. I try to tell her to leave again, but Mari doesn’t listen. “You are being selfish and hurting everyone, all for that misfit and it’s not fair” Mari continues her complain. Meanwhile Jungwoo tries to interject and tell her that it wasn’t her business, but Mari doesn’t listen.

“It is our business Jungwoo, and if he doesn’t marry Hayi then you know what happens don’t you?” Mari snaps the look in her eyes it was full of fear and upset. Meanwhile Jungwoo looked conflicted, he looked like he agreed with her sentiment of fear, but that he was trying to protect me from the truth. “While you’ve been around fooling with the school misfit, you’ve failed to notice that our lives are in danger. That your siblings’ lives are in danger”. My heart drops suddenly as I watch the pair, there was something that I was going to regret asking. I was going to regret it.


	18. XVIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 1

Changkyun’s POV.

“Stop fucking talking to me like I’m an idiot, I’m not an idiot!!”my normally affable and sweet girlfriend’s words weren’t dripping with honey as usual. Instead she was slurring on them, they seemed to leave her mouth a sort of bitterness.

The look in her big brown eyes that was usually filled with warmth and clarity, were clouded over and dissonant. She didn’t seem like the same girl that I had fallen in love with, she was upset, angry and frustrated. It had all been pent up and it didn’t help that a few hours ago, she had started on a pub crawl with her close girlfriends. It seemed they had reconciled in the name of men bashing.

After graduation it seemed the divisions that had been set up in Yeung Heung held no bearing outside of the school. Now people who weren’t necessarily close or had lost touch were becoming closer again, all was forgotten especially in stressful times. So over time I hadn’t spoken on or tried to speak about her hooking up with friends who had never really hidden her disdain for me, not when I was someone who disappeared often and without explanation. I could understand that Joy needed people to vent to, and so I let it be for a while.

However recently, these venting sessions usually involved a lot of alcohol and partying as clubs till late hours. Joy had a lot on her mind and leaving her be when she was like this, it was something I couldn’t do. Especially when late at night, instead of heading home with her friends or getting a ride off of her trusted family employee Donghyuk, she chose to call me. Not that I minded picking up my girlfriend and making sure that she got home safe, no it was just the fact that it was becoming a pattern.

Joy was going out, going out more, drinking more and getting shit faced more. It wasn’t good for her, she was barely getting over one night of mess before starting another. I couldn’t avoid and ignore it any longer, I was trying everything in my power to be patient with her, hoping that this was just a brief phase but moments like this had me concerned.

“Do you think that I’m stupid?” Joy yells as I try to usher her home, despite my best attempts to get her into a cab she was resisting more than usual. I hadn’t spoke up to complain, I had been careful and hoped to usher her home without incident. I was responsible for her, and right now I couldn’t have a conversation that was greatly needed. Right now she was shit faced and belligerent and loud.

As I try and usher my drunk girlfriend to the sidewalk to try and flag down a cab, but she was totally against it. There was an argument she seemed to want to have right here, and right now. No matter how hard I try to convince her to get in a cab that I had flagged up, she seemed to want to get her anger out on me right now.

“I know what you’re up to! You just want me to shut up!” the more that she became resistant, the more that statement became true. “I’m not some idiot that you can shut up you shit face, shit head!” although she was being harmless and this was probably mostly the drinks doing this, I wasn’t a fan of the name calling. So I stand still in front of her and watch her, not speaking until she is done with her verbal attacks.

Calmly I speak to her to her, I make sure that she hears every word. I won’t be talking to her right here and right now and we would do it later. Simply speaking to her like that seems to take all the fuel out of Joy’s fire, she seemed to realise that I wasn’t down for a fight. So instead of shouting, tears suddenly fall down her face smudging the mascara as it falls down her chin. Her lips quiver but she doesn’t say a thing, it looked like she had quickly run out of fight.

I wipe away her tears and pull her into a hug. I couldn’t talk to her and comfort her in any other way. When I was around her I felt constantly guilty, it had been weeks since I had betrayed her and I was so conflicted. Should I tell her and cut our ties cleanly, or just stay with her, I loved her and I knew that she needed me. I was really conflicted and I Still couldn’t come to a decision, but right now the pair of us, we weren’t happy.

The pair of us stay in this silence, ignoring the party goers passing by and the cars and the general wildness of the night. We were to wait there until Donghyuk arrived to pick her up, I had called the drainer to come for her and despite the time of day he was rushing over. He was someone I could rely to when it came to taking care of Joy, he seems to feel the same about me. He thanks me for looking for her and he ushers her into his car, Joy doesn’t address me when getting in the car. Instead she instructs Donghyuk to take her home, which he immediately obliges.

“You know where your problem stems from don’t you?” Junghwa asks as we sit on our nightly patrol. We were sat overlooking the city and conversation had somehow moved onto the problems that I was having dealing with my girlfriend. Junghwa was very mature, well-spoken and her blunt nature often helped when it came to helping me make some decisions, whether they be pack or personal decisions.

It was just the two of us, Hoseok was out of town for a few days. I had decided to still keep my patrol time with Junghwa, she was someone I could trust to fight well with me, and normally in a patrol the minimum I allowed to walk alone were four members. A lot of the wolves were very young, and I couldn’t allow them to be in small groups at risk. I barely liked the thought of them going out on patrol at all, but they wanted to their bit for their town and their pack and I couldn’t refuse.

It was a lot of responsibility having their lives on my conscious, so I was extra cautious and usually my pack listened to my word without acting out. The bigger the group, the easier they could take out drainers and it was more efficient for them, and it was safer for them in the end.

Meanwhile wolves like Junghwa, Hoseok, Bobby and Hyojin who were more experienced and higher up the pack chain were people I could trust to be in smaller groups. Today it was just Junghwa and I and between the two of us I could imagine that would handle any drainers that came our way, I was pretty sure with how much stronger Junghwa seemed to be getting in recent times, she was someone who could handle things for the both of us without breaking a sweat.

However a couple of hours had passed into our patrol which was due to end at dawn which in the winter months was quite later in the morning. Junghwa and I were talking to pass the time by and seeing as it was just the two of us, it was a little bit more comfortable between the two of us.

“You can’t fight nature, not when it’s an imprint that’s so intense” wolves imprinting on humans was different to wolves imprinting on wolves. A human always has the choice in their feelings towards the wolf that they had imprinted on, they could decide to love someone else instead. Bobby and Hayi was a great example, she had never seen Bobby in anyway romantically, probably because she had been focused on Kim Hanbin.

Wolf on Wolf imprints are different, they are rare but different. Neither wolf had any choice, it was in our blood and it seemed that the more I struggled, the harder it got for me. I had suffered a misstep nearly couple of months ago and since I had been avoiding Hyojin but honestly it was hard. Once I had Hyojin physically, I began wanting her in more ways, I was craving her. I felt like an addict who needed his fix.

“Talk to noona… she’s having a hard time too” Junghwa reveals, spurring me on. I had been avoiding Hyojin since we had our talk the night after we had slept together, after all our conversation had been pretty definite. I had apologised for my behaviour but asked for her to stay away from me, I had told her that I had chosen Joy over and without much protest, she had left and hadn’t made contact with me since.

Since than I had been struggling, so I wondered what state Hyojin was in. Was I punishing her when she was doing what felt natural to her? It had felt natural to me to, being around her, being with her it felt like breathing, it was second nature. Outside of me being with Joy, there had never been any real uncomfortable or awkward points between us. No matter how much I tried to deny it, I was missing her.

The conversation moves on from my rocky romantic situation to another rocky romantic love story. It had been a tough road for Youngjae, from being bullied by the whole school, to falling for one of his own bullies and then being pushed and pulled by the same bully. His situation was unfortunate and he wasn’t dealing with it too well.

Junghwa is the person to bring it up, she enquires about Youngjae showing pure concern. It didn’t seem that she was asking to be nosy, but that she was generally concerned. Youngjae had been promised a life with Hanbin, only for him to back out at the last moment, he was devastated.

According to Youngjae during the short chat that we did have, Hanbin had met with him after being ambushed and dragged away. Hanbin revealed that he was unable to let go of his family and their fortune, he had made no excuses or expanded on that. Hanbin simply broke up with Youngjae and was now on his way to Paris to Hayi, it was a total mess.

Youngjae didn’t deserve this, to have taken the risk on someone like Kim Hanbin only for him to have his heart stamped on. Youngjae didn’t go into further details about it, but what I got from him was that he didn’t regret things at all. HE had no regrets about following his heart.

“Maybe you need to too” Youngjae suggests, he doesn’t push or prod but it’s obvious that he’s talking about love triangle that I had gotten tied up in. “Joy will only get hurt if she falls deeper for you, maybe now’s the time to end it” that was all before I had seen Joy topsy and turvy at the club earlier on. I was still so uncertain and conflicted, was leaving Joy when she seemed to need me the most the best move? I had a lot of thinking to do, but that would be something for the future.

Later that day after a very brief sleep at home, I am called out by Bobby who claims that what he has to say is important. The urgency in his voice and wording of it all had me concerned enough to run all the way across Mokpo to the large Kim estate, an overwhelming expensive looking compound. I should feel out of place and uncomfortable to be here, but there was something about it that made me put my guard down.

When we get there, I am greeted with the sight of not only Bobby but also his mother Mrs . The elder had once been a pack leader, she had been the person to take over after my mother had left with me for Busan. The elder was known for being very fair, she was someone who had been lauded as a fantastic pack leader, and had it not been for my returning to Mokpo, it would have been more than likely that her son would have been the person to take over.

The older woman would have to be in her early forties, yet she still looked youthful, elegant and well put together. Her demeanour was calm, she was bright and warm, and she shared some similarities with my mother so I couldn’t help but be silenced and startled briefly whilst being around her.

“I am glad that such a smart young boy is taking care of our treasured back. I am glad you doing well” the compliment was something that I had heard before but it felt good hearing it from Mrs Kim. Her warm smile, it was just the same as my mother, my heart warms up involuntarily.

The elder walks directly in front of me, her facial expression changes, she looked more serious and immediately I get worried. What had I been pulled into? Why did I have an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach right now.

“Apart from wanting to see you face, was also because there’s something I need to tell you” my suspicions are immediately up. I turn to Bobby looking for an answer, but he stays silent and watches his mother waiting for her to speak up, he looked a bit uncertain.

“The reason I called you here was because my son has informed me of something and I’m sure he was struggling with whether or not to tell you this”. I turn to look at Bobby and indeed he did look quite conflicted, he was biting his lip, a sure sign that he had something to tell me, but why was he making his mother tell me instead of me.

A few seconds pass but they seem like hours, the Kims let me sweat it out until Mrs Kim finally speaks up again. So I take a deep breath and brace myself for the bad news, how was I supposed to react?

“Your father is still alive” five words immediately rip through me like a metal bullet, they leave me breathless for a short time. Mrs Kim watches me and waits for me, I could tell that she was trying to get me to wrap my head around her words. It was impossible, surely she didn’t meant what she had said, my father had been struck with cancer the day before my mother had been able to give birth to me. It was a sad story.

Looking me straight in the eye, Mrs Kim’s gaze doesn’t waver and when I turn to Bobby he seemed a bit more steely eyed. “It’s the truth Kyunnie” Bobby backs up his mother and I can’t deny it, Bobby wasn’t the type to lie. Even if I snuck into his head through our connection, I would probably get the same answer, so I honestly didn’t see the point of trying to.

“Your mother wanted to protect you, that’s why she lied” Mrs Kim explains that the whole story was complicated. She explains that my mother had done everything she did for a reason, she had kept me away from my father for a reason. She had lied and told me that he had died to save me the angst of knowing he was somewhere alive and not here with me. It felt believable to me, I wondered if it was the truth.

Mrs Kim tells the story of my parents, she reveals that it had been a love story that dated back to their youth. According to Mrs Kim, my mother had imprinted on my father as they were children who lived in the same town. My father had grown up in Mokpo, and a chance meeting between the two had meant that my father had imprinted on my father.

She explains that my father’s family was very wealthy and they lived comfortably and travelled the world. The Ims moved abroad splitting my mother and her chosen one apart, and for many years they both lived their separate lives. My mother grew up and began to be busy working hard during her part time job, as well as learning to lead her pack.

“However fate brought the two back to gather, your father took over a branch of his company’s business” there he was reunited with my mother. “Like those dramas on TV they fought from the beginning, fighting and arguing” she says with a chuckle as she thinks back fondly. “The righteous Park Minha who didn’t like to be looked down” she reveals that my parents bumped heads for other reasons.

“Your mother was really conflicted; she had imprinted on your father as a child”. Mrs Kim reveals that her parents that she cared for him, but she also had a pact to protect from her mortal enemies. My father was just that, he was a mortal enemy, he was drainer.

My blood runs cold as Mrs Kim tells the story of my parent’s stormy love, how the wolf had imprinted on the dangerous and heartless vampire. My mother feel in love with my father and tried to tame him in the process. In the end she was forced to fight him in a complicated power struggle.

“She really did try to protect you, after your father because you so much trouble” she tells a story of my father’s path of destruction. He had let his greed, anger and thirst get in the way of his love for his mother. “Your mother took you away in order to protect you” he explains.

I knew what she was saying was true, my mother had always put my best interests at heart. I was first to her even before her pack, she worked herself to the bone in order to provide for me. She wouldn’t have kept me from my father out of spite for him. By imprinting on my father, no matter what kind of person he was, my mother would have loved him unconditionally. She had no reason to keep the man she loved from the son she loved, unless that man was dangerous.

When I thought about it broke my heart, to think of all the pain that my mother would have gone through leaving my father and leaving my back. She had chosen the safety of her child over her true love, what agony she must have gone through.

“Honestly things had been so quiet that I had thought your father had disappeared but now I hear that he’s been causing trouble in South America” Mrs Kim reveals that she felt it was necessary for me to know the truth. “The il protteri is said to have been dispatched and well… I suspect that he will be taken care of….”.

My blood runs cold at those woods, even though I didn’t know the man, he was still my father. Somehow his potential death made me sad, I felt a heaviness. I had grown up thinking that my father had been a relaxed and playful man who had passed away before my birth. He had been the ideal man that I had based my character off of, I had wanted to be a good hearted and warm person. My recent behaviours had meant that I seemed to resemble the real man.

“Don’t beat yourself up bro” Bobby tries to console me as I try to let everything sink in. The other could sense that I was conflicted after hearing such big news, I need something to numb down all the whirlpool of feelings that I had right now.

“Ooh are we having a pity party? Let me join you!” a loud and animated voice snaps me out of my thoughts. When I turn away from my drink stood across the bar was a familiar face, it was Park Jaehyung and by his side was someone who looked like a friend. His face was familiar, but I couldn’t put my finger onto where. Meanwhile the foreigner fair who had popped out mysteriously. Any of the talking I had done with Bobby goes out of the window, I would not be discussing my personal situation with a virtual stranger.

Bobby invites Jaehyung and his friend Kang Younghyun, he asks the elders to join us, it seemed that he didn’t want to be rude to the elder. So he does and soon the topic moves from me and onto Youngjae, the elder had always expressed an interest in Youngjae.

Whilst Younghyun is curious of the person his friend seems to speak so highly of, he sits back and listens as his friend speaks. “He’s the dude I met in Seoul, totally cute but with the poutiest lips ever!” Jaehyung continues to gush about my best friend. “He’s newly single you say?” Brian teases.

Meanwhile Bobby watches on silently, I could tell he felt some sense of guilt about it all. He felt like he had set things everything into motion, and for it to end as badly as it did Bobby was going to have to reconcile with that in the future and I wasn’t sure if he could.

“What happened to Binnie? “ Jaehyung enquires, the tone of his voice reveals that this is an innocent question. So Bobby truthfully replies that he had gone to Paris and was preparing for a wedding. “I guess he felt that he had no choice” he says not looking at all convinced. I could tell that he was disappointed in his friend.

“No offence dude, in love you need to be brave dude. Like my main man Younghyun” he pokes a prods his friend. “So when is your lady due with Junior?” the subject changes to Youngyun and his looming parenthood. Despite Bobby and I being relative strangers to this man, he seemed okay and sharing about his personal life. He expresses his excitement about the child that was on the way, and despite how young he looked he seemed resolute with the fact that he was becoming a young father.

We talk and discuss life, and as we do that we drink and get very merry. I didn’t drink often, so honestly I was a little wobbly on my feet. I could feel my blood making its way through my body and my heart was beating faster. I was so-so on my feet, but my brain and body weren’t working in harmony with the rest of my body.

As I walk home, the events of the day flood through my head. I was strange, I was always stranger, as I wasn’t always a human. Now I wasn’t just a wolf, I was also partially a drainer? I had always been picked on growing up as a wolf, and now it was starting to become a little clearer to me, I was strange even to the people I called family.

“Are you having a hard time?” I hear a familiar voice call out to me, it brings me right out of my thoughts. Stood outside of the pathway of my uncle Jinyoung’s home was a person that I didn’t know I wanted to see until now, where they stood in front of me in silence.

The person I wanted was Ahn Hyojin, the woman that I had the strongest and most mixed up feelings for. All of the work that I had put into trying to avoid was my feelings was fruitless, when all I wanted to do for her was to hold me and comfort her and be in turn comforted by her.

“I need you” she confesses and it seems to be like she was reading my exact thoughts. Unable to resist, I lean in to kiss her. As soon as my lips meet hers, the unsteadiness and the dizziness that I had felt before was gone. She had wiped away the haziness and now there was full clarity. I continue to kiss her and at the same time, I pick her up and carry her all the way to my home. There was so much that was unresolved between us, since the last time we had seen each other.

After an impromptu and very passionate love making session, Hyojin and I cool down in bed. We chat, in each other’s arms we calmly talk and how comfortable it is for me is mind blowing. Hyojin felt like she belonged in my arms, and I wasn’t going to over think anything.

“Honestly some of us knew… we just didn’t saying anything…”Hyojin reveals that she had overheard her parents discussing me and my return to Mokpo and also my parentage, she had found out through that conversation. The elders of the pack had known but had done their best to not spread it to the kids. “We didn’t judge you… well that is once we saw what you were capable of, you’re important to us” Hyojin tries to reassure me that my drainer linage was no longer a worry of the pack.

Watching Hyojin, I can’t help but smile. Even though I had a perfectly nice girlfriend, who should be the person who should comfort me.

“I missed you so much” I confess before leaving a kiss on her forehead, she chuckles in response before leaning her head on my shoulder. I feel a fluttering that I had not felt in a while, this moment could last as long as it needed to. I was willing to do anything to protect the moment. For a short while there is a comfortable silence as our hands wander, we stroke and caress each other.

“I’m pregnant” Hyojin reveals suddenly breaking the silence between us. The air immediately becomes thick and it’s hard for me to breath, Hyojin doesn’t say anything, she just watches me. I try to deal with the mental bomb that had just been dropped on me. “You’re pregnant?” I repeat back with a very delayed reaction; she nods her head in reaction. “I’m not here to pressure you. I can raise this baby alone” Hyojin speaks up.

What she says leave me with a bitter taste in my mouth, I sit up and pull away from her. The fact that she was giving me a way out of my responsibilities for her and this child. Had I let her down to this degree, where she could suggest something like this?

“Do I look that kind of person?” Do you think I could live comfortably whilst you raised my child alone?” I was disappointed that she thought that little of me. “But you have a woman” Hyojin replies. “I’m tired of chasing after you” she really does sound tired. That’s when I realise that I wasn’t the only one who hadn’t been hurting or struggling.

I had made things difficult by pushing and pulling her until she probably couldn’t believe what I would do or say. She had probably struggled knowing of my situation with Joy too, and I hadn’t handled anything well enough to have her confidence in me. I had messed up too much.

“Sorry…I’ve been weak and I’m sorry”, I sincerely apologise. Hyojin sits up and wraps her arms around me, she leans her head on my shoulder. “Can’t you be with me?” she asks, and this was the first time that she had been so direct with me, we had both pretty indirect till now.

“Yes. I will” I make her the promise to end things with Joy and that I would stay in Mokpo with her to raise our child. I wouldn’t be like my father, I wouldn’t force the mother of my child to push me away like my mother had to do with my selfish father. “I trust you” she explains kissing me on the check before wrapping her arms around my waist.

Turning to her, I cup her face and lean in to kiss her. It’s a soft, heart flutter inducing kiss, when I pull away a grin spreads across her face. “I love you” the words leave my mouth before I even have the time to process them. Hyojin blinks surprised and flustered in reaction.

My hands slide down to her still surprisingly toned stomach, I now know that someone that I had to protect with all of my life. I needed to end this war being waged immediately, I didn’t want to raise a child in some bullshit. For now, I pull Hyojin into my arms, unable to wipe the grin across my face, I was happier than I could ever be.

The morning after Hyojin’s revelation, I leave the future mother of my child to rest a little bit more. I get out of bed and head downstairs, there were some people who needed to know what was going on. I didn’t know how they would react, but even still I had to tell my guardians the truth.

“Wow” Sojin half laughs and half scoffs at my announcement. “You kids nowadays, you serious can’t control yourselves?” despite the bluntness of her words, she didn’t seem losing her shit, which was what I was honestly expecting her to do. Maybe she was a little shocked and was still processing this all.

Uncle Jinyoung on the other hand was reacting well, the elder didn’t seem at all surprised. “This has happened a little earlier than expected, but you’re imprinted on each other, so you must have struggled” he explains that he would be there to help me if I needed it. Surprisingly Sojin doesn’t disagree, she even offers support.

“Is the young lady in your room?, has she had breakfast?” the pair start to fuss over the future mother of my child. So I leave in her the capable hands of my guardians and head off out to meet up with Joy. I had called earlier in the day to meet up with her, and she has agreed to come. Last time we had seen each other in person, I been ushering her into Donghyuk’s car, I had ignored her calls and text since then.

There was an immediate wrench in the works when I go to meet Joy, we had decided to meet up at my uncle’s café. There wouldn’t be that many people there and I thought it would be the ideal place to meet, but when I get there it doesn’t matter if was quiet, there were other people around.

With Joy at the table located near the back was Choi Youngjae, my heart pounds at the sight of them. I knew that this wasn’t going to be easy to do in the first place, but being around Youngjae, I worried how much it would affect me. I knew that it would look so bad.

Joy smiles brightly as she greets me, it seemed like she had completely forgotten our last interaction. She looked cheerful and happy, the same girl that I had fallen for, but not in love with. If she was like this, then it would be difficult for me to end this, but I knew that I had to.

Youngjae is sat down awkwardly, I knew that he was busy with his move to Seoul so I don’t know how he got dragged here by Joy. Part of me was just glad of the opportunity to see Youngjae, but now wasn’t exactly the most ideal moment. Not when I was about to break things off with my girlfriend, who was not acknowledging our problems.

“lets send him off tonight, I’m planning a party for him” although Youngjae didn’t want the fuss, but Joy was determined to send him off with a bang. I try to be as patience as I can as she makes plans for the evening, but I realise that it was my main problem. I was always letting Joy finish, I was always putting it off for another time, delaying the inevitable for us and dragging on the pain.

“I can’t come” I interject, needing to finally interrupt. “I know that we’re busy, we have packing to do-“ Joy had her excuse ready but I wasn’t falling for it. “I’m sorry Joy…”I try to speak to her, but Joy interrupts. “Sorry for what? Why are you making things so complicated” Joy’s bottom lip protrudes, she pouts in protest.

Youngjae watches on looking very conflicted by everything, he was in the middle of this but he was watching on feeling uncomfortable. “Do we have to complicate things? Can we just be a happy couple in a happy group of friends?” Joy whines, to her it was as simple as us plastering a fake smile onto our faces, she didn’t see the deeper problem.

“Guys you need to talk this over” Youngjae says as he tries to excuse himself, but Joy holds him down. “I need you” Joy pleads holding Youngjae’s hand down, the look on her face was so desperate that Youngjae reluctantly sets himself back down.

“I’m in love with someone else” I leave the story at that, after all mentioning the pregnancy would only cause a lot more hurt. I would save that for another time, plus I didn’t want her to believe the reason I Was leaving her was because I had knocked someone up. That wasn’t it at all.

Joy looks struck, hurt she tries to hold back the tears welling up in her eyes. Youngjae reaches for her back to comfort her, he doesn’t say anything however but I was worried about him judging me. “Don’t you love me?” Joy questions. I tell her that she deserves better, that I couldn’t love her the way she needed, not if was in love with someone else. Those words seem to really hurt Joy, she blinks back more tears.

“What if the only person I want is you” she asks, tears were streaming down her face at this point. “Somebody else already has me”, as harsh as those words were, they were also the truth. The truth was what I needed to tell her, even though Joy breaks down I have to excuse myself. Youngjae is there to comfort Joy, he pulls her close into a hug.

Before heading home, I make my way to meet up with Hoseok. He had called me out during my break up conversation with Joy. Hoseok wasn’t all alone, he was waiting in a nearby alleyway and he’s there waiting with Donghyuk. They were in a deep conversation and the way they watched each other was intense. Hoseok always seemed more serious around the drainer, their relationship seemed too deep despite their natural rivalry.

Had Hoseok imprinted on the drainer? The question had passed through my head, it had happened to my mother, and maybe it had also happened to him as well. If so, was it hard for Hoseok? I’m sure that killing drainers and sleeping with one wasn’t easy for him. So I stay back and watch the pair have their moment and even sharing a kiss before Hoseok picks me up for a ride to the bowling alley.

“You got a lot on your mind?” Hoseok queries on the ride to the bowling alley. Hoseok had shown up with a fast expensive looking car, and I couldn’t help but be overly impressed by the motor so much so that the elder had to repeat his question. “Have a lot on your mind?”, sprung out of my fan girl-ing for the car, I turn to Hoseok.

“Breaking up with the princess, and now you’ve got a cub on the way”, I watch Hoseok a little surprised that he knew already. “Hyojin is my best friend, of course I knew what was going on and if you think you’re going to have some sort of identity crisis because you’re a half blood, and then you better think again!” Hoseok was acting like a protective older brother of Hyojin, I knew they were close but I didn’t know that they were this close, but I guess being in a pack we all looked out for each other.

“If your father is a threat to humans and our people, then we will him and anyone who works with them” Hoseok explains and I knew he meant every word. I couldn’t blame him, but I wouldn’t put my loved ones at risk for a person I didn’t show much of a relationship with. “You can no longer run away from your responsibility and your role. You can’t run from this or us” and he was right, I knew that he was.

When we reach the bowling alley, there is a large group of people waiting to meet us. It was the wolf pack of whom were my responsibility. Everyone seemed to have turned up, apart from Hyojin who as still at home with Jinyoung and Sojin. “The kids have something to say” Bobby announces, whatever it was, it seemed serious.


	19. XIX

Changkyun’s POV

 

When we reach the bowling alley, there is a large group of people waiting to meet us. It was the wolf pack of whom were my responsibility. Everyone seemed to have turned up, apart from Hyojin who as still at home with Jinyoung and Sojin.

“The kids have something to say” Bobby announces, signalling for the younger cubs to speak up. Kihyun one of the younger betas steps forward, he speaks up. You can’t be cautious anymore hyung, there any many of us. “We’re your family and you can take this on by yourself” the younger speaks up and is respectful when he does so. “You can’t take this on by yourself, even if we’re young. We can fight for our town like we did with the fairs. You need to let us help you” the younger pleads.

The whole pack seems to agree with this sentiment, they seem to think that I was taking this easy. “I need your help, but this dangerous…”I confess that I was always concerned. “Then if you’re worried for us, what makes you think that we’re not worried for you?” I sigh grateful, watch my pack. I knew that I could trust them, so after a brief time together we walk. I let the pack air out their feelings and their frustrations into the late afternoon. I take in what they had to say and put in a conscious effort to change some things in the near future.

Once the impromptu pack meeting is done, I head out to go home. Waiting outside in the parking lot chatting animatedly with Hoseok was Hyojin. Hoseok was excited talking to Hyojin, he had his hand on her stomach, and he talks to the baby. “Hello little cub, Uncle Hoseok is talking, are you listening well?” Hyojin chuckles amused by her friend.

A smile graces her face when she spots me in the corner of her eye, it sends my heart a flutter. For once I don’t feel guilty about it, I don’t feel guilty about the feelings that came with those flutters. I walk over to her and Hyojin and lean to give her a kiss on her lips.

“It’s really about time, I’ve never met anyone so stubborn” Hoseok teases. The three of us head off into Hoseok’s car. It appeared that Hoseok and I had more to discuss, but as we head to the car park nearby we bump into a familiar but disappointed looking Youngjae. With him was Yien, both were dressed casually and had some take away in their hands, it appeared they were just hanging out.

Whilst Yien watches on intrigued by the scene in front of him, Youngjae looked completely disappointed. I panic, I hadn’t told Youngjae about Hyojin’s pregnancy and I know that he wouldn’t be happy to have found out this way. I honestly hadn’t had the time and I didn’t think that I would be bumping into him like this, maybe to begin with Hyojin and I should have been a little bit more discreet.

“Guess you were right Youngjae, he had another girl” Yien comments, Youngjae doesn’t reply but he doesn’t need to. He looked disappointed in me. I let go of Hyojin’s hand and reach out to Youngjae, but he backs away, he looked to be changing disappointed to being pissed.

“Why didn’t you tell her?” he asks, but we all knew the answer for that. It was because I didn’t want her to be hurt, to think that she wasn’t enough. “But she was, she was enough being she? If she was you would have stayed with her” I freeze unable to speak, what I was supposed to say in reply to that. It was true in the end; Joy wasn’t enough for me.

Yien who was stood next to Youngjae the whole time, looked to have tensed up. “You should have told her everything, now she’s going to walk around like an idiot” Youngjae reveals sounding hurt. It didn’t seem like he was upset about me lying to Joy, there was more to it.

“Are you smarter now?” Hoseok suddenly speaks up. “Does knowing that Hanbin is Paris with blonde devil help you now that you know why?” Hoseok ask bluntly and without sympathy. Youngjae is stumped and doesn’t answer the elder instead he leaves walking away without saying another word, so Yien steps up. “Just because you lie, doesn’t mean you’re protecting anyone. And just because it hurt doesn’t mean it always will. Lies are a delay” Yien is surprisingly calm and stern as he directs what he as to say to me.

“Youngjae doesn’t hate you, he’s just disappointed” Yien reaches over to squeeze my shoulder, a fond smile graces his face. As he walks away to catch up with Youngjae, he stops at Hoseok leaving a kiss on is cheek, before turning and following Youngjae. Meanwhile Hyojin is stood still and quiet, she hadn’t gotten involved and quite honestly I was glad she hadn’t either. Things were already messy without further complicating the situation.

Hyojin does comfort me however, that night she lets me vent all my pent up issues. She listens and advises me, she doesn’t lecture but she does make it clear that she is disappointed in the fact that I had told Joy only half of the truth. “It doesn’t matter what conclusion she comes to, she needs to hear it from you” even though I knew she was right, I still struggled with the concept of hurting her feelings like that.

The next day Hyojin decides to return home and pick up a few clean clothes, she would be staying with us in the Park house. Uncle Jinyoung and Sojin had agreed to let us live there until we could find a place to stay, but there weren’t any rush wolves gestated longer than humans so we would have plenty of time to save up.

With Hyojin going home to tell her father everything, I have time free time to meet up with two allies. I head over to Jinyoung’s café which was working as a meet up spot, there I meet up with the fairs Solji and Jaehyung. I wanted to set everything into motion and I wouldn’t be hesitating any longer, I was gathering the troops and we would take on these drainers who were running amok.

“We’ve been waiting for this for a while” Solji explains that while she was waiting for my word, she had been gathering the troops in the form of her fairs. She had called not only the local community that we had helped, but she also called out some friends not only nationally but internationally. The fair community had heard about us helping them and they were happy to help us back in return, especially when it came to facing off against drainers.

During our sit down, we talk and discuss the operation we were going to put in. We had the man power, but we needed a plan to in depth. So for a few hours, Solji, Jaehyung and I put together our battle plan. Jaehyung was much shrewder than I had imagined, he is definitely an ally that I can rely on. He seemed to know more about the enemies than anyone, it seems he had faced some worse kind of evil abroad.

When I leave the pair after our meeting, I feel a confidence in us. That maybe we could find the drainers at the root of all of this, and defeat them but this would be a lot of hard work. I wasn’t going into this too confident or cocky, but I was still determined.

Later on I get a call from Hyojin, she says that she needs to meet me on a nearby rooftop apartment. I had never been there, but Hyojin had asked me to meet her there and well, I wasn’t going to deny anything she asked at the moment, her word was simply my command.

The neighbourhood she asks me to meet her in is pretty close to the Uncle Jinyoung’s shop, so it’s not long before I am reunited with her on the rooftop. It was block of apartments which were a little shabby looking, but they seemed to be in a relative safe and peaceful neighbourhood. Before I can even wonder why Hyojin has called me up there, she’s leaping into my arms peppering me with soft and sweet kisses, she’s glowing and I was happy that I was the reason for that glow.

“Did you miss me?” I lift up and carry Hyojin until we find somewhere that we could both sit. “It’s weird isn’t it? Despite the fact that I am seeing you more often, means I miss you more often?” she asks with a cute pout on her face. I reach over to stroke her face, just enjoying the silence that was there between the two of us. “I like this place” Hyojin speaks up, breaking up the silence between the two of us.

“We have a year to prepare, to work hard and save up for this place. Does that seem okay?” Hyojin explains that she is grateful for Uncle Jinyoung and Sojin. That her father now knew and he was on board, of course there was a conversation due between the two of us. Hyojin was pleased that we had gained the blessings of the elders, but she didn’t want to rely solely on them. She wanted us to make a life of our own.

I knew that she had to be worried, I had just come out of high school and in this world high school qualifications weren’t enough. The path forward wouldn’t be easy, but my mother had managed alone to raised me and I with Hyojin by my side would be able to do it. I was confident and assured, there was no way I was going to fail my family.

“Do you want a girl or a boy?” she asks, watching me with curious eyes. I shrug in response, with either a girl or a boy, I was bound to be a happy man. Growing up, I had always thought if I were to have a child that I would prefer for it to be a boy. Not because of some misogynistic boys carry on the name reasons. No, it was because I was ashamed of a wolf and did not want to pass that on to my child.

If I was to have a male child, then I would be unable to pass the genes over to him. But with a female child she would have the wolf gene, I was certain that would be the way it would work out, and in most cases, that’s how it worked out. but with my family there was a rare case, that being my uncle Jinyoung was not the person who had received the wolf genes from his mother, but my mother had been the one to. It was a one in a million chance, but then it seemed my family was full of a million in one events.

Imprinting on Hyojin had been a million in one thing chance, and the second I stepped foot into town Hyojin and I went through our cycles together. It was written out for us before we even had the chance to think it over and I had messed up trying to deny nature, I had tried to deny a lot of things and in the end that had caused me a lot of trouble.

However, a lot has happened over time, and my attitudes have changed. As long as my child was happy and healthy then it wouldn’t matter what sex they were, they would be involved with their pack and I would raise them to be good and to do good. So that’s what I tell my partner, that with her and this child by my side. Nothing else mattered.

On the way home with Hyojin, I receive a sudden call. It was from a stranger, it was someone I didn’t recognise but the caller ID the voice was coming from belonged to my best friend who was currently pissed with me. On the other end of the phone it was a woman’s voice, the hairs on the back of my back stand up immediately.

“Wolf boy. Is that you?” my guard is immediately up. Who the hell was this and what they doing with Youngjae’s phone?

“Hey wolf boy, answer when you’re being spoken to” the female voice demands.

“Maybe if I slit your friend’s throat, you may speak up” she delivers her threat with a chilling charmisa.

“It would be such a tragedy to see the xute boy, wih the mole under his eye lose his life” as she says that I’m snapped out of my silence.

This woman was an immediate threat, she had Youngjae and if she was what I thougth that she was, then I needed to cooperate with her.

“Who are you?” I finally speak up, gaining a satisfied chuckle on the other end of the phone. I feel Hyojin’s hand grip tightly at my wrist, the look on her face, she looked as concerned as I felt.

“I’m someone who wants to talk to you” she evades further questioning from me, it seemed that she didn’t want to go into too much detail. She wanted to assure that I was there to meet her face to face. “What I have to say is too important to talk about over the phone” the mystery stranger continues, after a few seconds I hear a murmuring, and then a voice follows on the other end. “Changkyun, help me please”, it’s brief but spurs me to listen to the woman’s demands.

“Where do you suggest we meet?” I ask trying to seem as calm as possible, I didn’t want anyone to treat me as if I was easy. I was a pack leader, I had to show strength. The woman chuckles again, eerily, she tells me to meet her at an old railway track nearby.

“It’s best if you bring a few friends, it’s only right if you come on an even playing field” she sounds logical. “If we fight, mighten it be fun?” she wonders with a chuckle, before hanging up. Evening up the playing field? Was she trying to lure me and my pack into a fight, if so was it worth taking the risk. I was worried.

However, with Youngjae’s life on the line, I decide to take the risk. I can’t tell how many people this stranger will bring with her, but I decide to be cautious and bring my best fighters. My most trusted people would be coming; those people were the most skilled fighters around me. I knew they were people who wouldn’t falter to put their lives in jeopardy to save a life, the were people who were also close to Youngjae.

Despite her protests, I decline Hyojin’s request to join us. She carrying something precious and I couldn’t risk that today. Plus, I hoped what we were doing wasn’t demanding. I was hopeful that this would be resolved with just words, but there was a feeling of dread in my stomach.

Half an hour later I make my way to the train trains, in tow were my strongest and most dependable allies. Hoseok, Junghwa, Jaehyung, Solji and Donghyuk had accompanied me, they had shown their loyalty and they would back me up. They would be my front line fighters, with their sharp instincts and great fighting skills, I knew that in the midst of battle, I wouldn’t have to worry about them.

The train station we meet at is abandoned, this was the pathway had been used for trains to pass through to Mokpo. It was grimy, gritty, quiet and dark, the perfect place for such a clandestine meeting of people.

In front of the burning barrel were a group of drainers, from what I could sense they were strong. But we would be stronger, we had to be for Youngjae, but at the scene, I don’t sense or smell him at all. My guard is back up again, I was uncomfortable all the time.

At the front of the group of drainers gather was a slim, petit and attractive looking woman. The drainers behind her seem to follow behind her, they had blood lust in their eyes, but they weren’t moving.

“That’s Lee Hyeri, the bitch behind all this trouble” Solji whispers in my ear. When I turn to look at her again, it’s hard to believe. Despite her menacing glare, she was still very cute looking and beautiful. However, time fighting drainers had caused me to learn to judge them by face value, some of them were turned very early in their lives.

“Ah Solji! How betrayed I feel!” the petit woman calls out. When I turn to see Solji, she was stood stone face and unshaken. “You were on their side all this time?” the woman continues to address her. The group of drainers behind her snarl, if we weren’t careful, they would pull Solji into pieces. Double crossing the drainers could come at a price, but I was loyal to her and I wouldn’t let her get hurt.

“I knew not to trust you, what kind of fair allows drainers leech of off her” Hyeri calls out, the grin on her face. I could tell that this wasn’t going to end without bloodshed, just the way her lips snarled up, she wanted to hurt us but there seemed to be something stopping us.

My questions about where Youngjae was and what he was doing are not directly addressed. Instead Lee Hyeri makes her way over to me, she glides over to me without a word.

“Is this him? The almighty alpha?” her eyes scan me up and down, there’s complete and utter judgement. “He doesn’t look like much of anything!” she scoffs insulting me, the look in her eye was of hatred and jealous and I don’t know for what reason.

“Where’s Youngjae?” I ignore Hyeri’s words, her insults didn’t interest me at all. I didn’t come here to be insulted by a drainer, I was here to save my best friend, who must be scared and startled. He must be so confused and in the end what was I to do?

“Really? Is this who my lover of 90 years was obsessed by? How pathetic!” her voice was dripping with bitterness and hurt. Poking me in the chest, a deep frown sets into her. “How could he abandon me? To leave me and the life we had created together behind?” I had no idea what she was talking about right now, how was I even involved in this? I had no idea who this man she was talking about and what his obsession could be, what did I have to do with it?

“You little shithead!!” suddenly her temper explodes, and moving swiftly she catches me off guard. She swipes a kick underneath me, and throws me up into the air, pinning me onto the wall.

“WHY ARE YOU SO IMPORTANT TO MY OPPA!” Hyeri yells squeezing my throat. I struggle under her, but her touch was too strong, she was the strongest drainer that I had faced up against, she was beyond anything that I could handle alone. “WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?” as she yells, her face is red, the veins are throbbing from her face.

In the corner of my eye, I spot Jaehyung, Junghwa, Hoseok, Solji and Donghyuk try to move into action, but they get caught in face offs. Junghwa is the only one to escape and she runs towards Hyeri who is forced to let me go, and soon the stronger drainer is put in an even battle fighting the both of us, Junghwa’s speed and my strength worked well.

However, it doesn’t take long until the tables have turned, Hyeri is quicker and slicker than she looks. She manages to out move Junghwa, as she uses her strength and speed to push her over to the floor. In the blink of an eye Hyeri moves, she turns from Junghwa and runs up to me, to try and hit me with what I can sense is a foul attack.

Before Hyeri can reach me, she is suddenly tackled to the floor. It was so quick moving; a blur throws her to the floor with a force that easily seems to outdo her strength. My heart races at the thought that there was someone who could be stronger, I was way out of my comfort zone. This was too much for me; I was scared that I wouldn’t escape this alive.

Everyone who had been fighting up until that point is frozen, the drainers were shocked to watch their leaders and also the wolves were watching on wary. We watch on as three knew players join us, it was two women and one man, they were drainers and I could sense it.

Hyeri who had at this point been full of aggression and frustration, was watching on mouth gaping. She looked quite shocked, her eyes were popping out of her skull. “Oppa?... it’s you” her face lights up, she watches on, tears roll down her face.

“Woojin oppa” she calls out the male who had this point had been stood watching me, he turns briefly to Hyeri and smiles. Just that simple act wipes away all the aggression that she had, instead she watches Woojin, it was like she was experiencing a revelation. She repeats the same name, the name that belonged to Ji Won’s alleged killer, Lee Woojin.

The man she was addressing, was tall, thick, toned and strong looking. He had a regal and smart quality to him, he looked to intelligent and his face and age showed, experience and power. He wasn’t someone who was easy, and I was daunted about the concept of facing off against the leader of the drainers in this community.

Fixed on me is the gaze of Lee Woojin, he wasn’t sizing me down. No in his eyes was intrigue, he looked to be interested in me and it gave me chills to wonder why. Why was I of interest to this Hyeri let alone to the killer that she was her lover. What did they want with me?

“OPPA WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT HIM!!” Hyeri tries to attack me once again, she flies at me once again but she is held back by the two drainers that had come with Lee Woojin. The drainers are strong enough to hold Hyeri back with relative ease, meanwhile Woojin doesn’t even look away from me, he doesn’t acknowledge his former lover.

“LOOK AT ME OPPA!!” Hyeri shouts through tears of anger and frustration, she seemed to be losing it right now. Her mind set was totally juvenile, it explained why she whilst being in charge had asked her minions to run wild. Her desire to bring out Woojin from hiding, had ended up hurting a lot of people, and now that he was here. Instead of asking questions about where he was going, she only wanted his attention.

When I turn my attention back to Lee Woojin, his reaction takes me aback. His eyes were misting up a little, he looked emotional to be looking me in the eye, why was he reacting this way.

“You look just like him… just like hyung…” he slowly approaches me. He doesn’t seem like an immediate threat, so I watch him silently and do not speak up at all. “You have his eyes… the ones that hide the truth… who was he talking about right now? “Chang Jung hyung…” he whispers breathily. He was talking about my father? He knew my father? How?

“Your nose, your lips, you’re so precious” without warning, the elder leans in to kiss me but I tense up and pull away. “You scum get off my oppa!!” Hyeri from across the room screams and yells. Woojin turns and instructs his sidekicks to shut her up without hesitation, they kick her at the feet knocking her down whilst another moves quick to rip off her head.

No one flinches at the gory scene, even as the out of control drainer bleeds out heavily. Like nothing had happened, Woojin turns around to me, he reaches over to stroke my face.

“One day hyung will return to his son, and until then I will protect you” there’s a shift in the mood once he says those words. There is some muttering and confusion from the drainers, who at this point hadn’t stepped forward to even intervene. They looked unsettled at this point.

“If I need to, I will kill all these bastards” he points to the drainers behind the corpse of Hyeri. £If I have to help you and your pack of cubs, somewhere hidden along this forest area” he points out to the forest nearby. “Hello cubbies” Woojin greets my pack in hiding.

“Hyung! What are you doing?” one of the drainers steps up and makes a complaint. “If you want to fight me then go ahead, but just know that you won’t survive” the elder confidently warns before turning around to me, a smile spreads across his face.

“Your precious friend is not here, he’s safe at party nearby” he reveals that Hyeri had stolen Youngjae’s phone to lure me here. In my moments of fear, I mistaken the voice of a drainer to be that of my best friend. This had been a trick on me, and foolishly I had fallen for it.

“Your father is not a good man and one day you might have to fight until then. I will protect you” the elder delivers a tender kiss to my cheek. This was eerie, when he watched me it didn’t look like he was seeing me, but my father. Did we really look that alike? I had to wonder. Woojin strokes my face, before turning to kook at the drainers.

“Bye Bye!” he simply says before leaving, it all happens in a blink of an eye. He leaves and his two drainers follow, instructing the drainers to follow me, they also instruct those drainers to get rid of Hyeri’s body.

It was all so shocking, we had come here ready to fight and instead we had become allies with a dangerous drainer.

“Do you trust his words?” Hoseok asks me as things start to settle down. I nod my head, and when I think about it seemed to be genuine. “His love for Im Chang Jung knows no limit” Donghyuk speaks up surprising me. “When I was younger I saw his dedication. I saw him pine for your father for so long” he explains.

Donghyuk confesses that he had known my father as a child, but it was vaguely through the drainer community. He explains that as Im Chang Jung’s child, I will have a life line, because Lee Woojin seemed to be sentimental about him, about my father. It makes me wonder what kind of man my father could have been, to cause that kind of reaction.

Later the talk continues between Donghyuk and I. He expresses his relief that Youngjae was safe, but because of my messed up relationship with Joy and Youngjae, he suggests that there was a lot of things that I needed to resolve. Joy was throwing a party for Youngjae tonight, so she suggests that it would be the ideal time for us to speak.

When I arrive at Joy’s house, I arrive at a wild and outrageous party. The mansion had been converted into a party house, and some of Youngjae and Joy’s friends had gathered for an unsupervised party. There was alcohol, casual drug taking and nudity, it was fun.

As I arrive to the party with Donghyuk as my guide, there is a lot of whispering judgemental stares directed to me. I guess there had been news of my cheating on Joy already, I wasn’t getting a warm welcome nor did I think I really deserved one if I was being honest.

Walking through the crowd, I look and search for Joy. She was the first person I needed to talk to, and once I get into the living room area, I do find her. I find Joy was surrounded by her closest people, Youngjae and Yien and they were in the middle of playing a messy game of twister.

In the middle of their game, they are rowdy and excitable. Something I was envious, sad that I Was missing on, however I understood why. Once the group takes notice of me and spots me, there is brief silence, before we all flop onto each other.

“Kyunnie! You’re here!” Joy surprisingly sounded excited, unlike the day before when she had cried her heartbreak away. She looked to be happy, it was like she had forgotten that I had broken up with me. Once she was up and out of the pile, she reaches for my hand. “Let’s talk” I say, taking her hand and leading to the quietest place, she follows me.

“I’m so glad you’re here!” she discusses the party and how she was thinking of moving it to the clubs and bars. Her parents had allowed her to throw this party, but she wanted to be out, doing more grown up things, she suggests that we ditch the party and go out together.

However, I quickly explain that I Wasn’t there to hang out with her. Although Joy does her best to direct the conversation away from any other topic, I keep going. I wasn’t avoiding this any longer, I was going to tell the truth head on with her.

It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, hurting the feelings of someone that I cared about. Even as I was confused for my feelings for Hyojin, my feelings for Joy had been genuine and in another lifetime, we probably would have been perfect for each other. We could have resolved our parental issues and travelled the world together, I belief in that.

Sadly, things didn’t end well for us, and I was responsible. I was the one giving Joy’s first heartbreak, and I had done it in a shitty way. I had cheated on her, and I had gotten a girl pregnant in the process and I could imagine how hurt she was.

“GET OUT!!” heartbroken and in tears, she tells me to leave. She cries and complains about all the love and effort that she had put into me. I knew that she would feel wronged and that I had ruined the concept of love for her, at least for now I probably had. But Youngjae was right, I needed to be truly honest with her, she couldn’t find out a year from now that Hyojin was pregnant. She didn’t deserve to be shocked like that, she needs the truth right here and right now.

So yes, I understood her anger and I hoped that eventually it would die down but for now I would let her be angry. I say my apologies, before leaving the party, as I do I hear my name is called out.

When I turn around, I see that Yien is dragging Youngjae and calling me out. He waves me over and unable to resist the chance to talk to Youngjae, I approach the pair.

“Okay, you two cuties kiss and make up” Yien says as he pushes Youngjae towards me. Youngjae looked a bit stubborn but he wasn’t backing away which worked in my favour. “I’m sorry” I apologise to him; I knew it wasn’t enough but it’s something that I felt I needed to do.

“I wish you’d been honest, but when I think about it… I lied to you too about Hanbin and I” he explains that he felt sorry that he had kept the secret so long from me. He didn’t want me to talk him out of his love and so he had hidden the truth from me, something that he regretted.

“So in the future... let’s be completely honest” Youngjae asks and I agree. Relieved that I had not lost Youngjae, I pull him to a hug and we both make our apologies. “Let’s keep in touch okay?” Youngjae expresses his desire for us to remain close in the future. Of course I promise that whatever he needed, I would be there to help and fortunately we’re made up again. I promise not to be a liar again.

Youngjae promises to call me before his leave to Seoul, he would call as often as possible and we would email and text. This wasn’t a friendship, neither of us were willing to give up and I was glad for that.

After saying my goodbyes, I head on home. On the way home, I can feel a presence silently following me, it was totally suspicious first until it becomes familiar. My body relaxes and grin spreads across my face, just being around her made me happy like this.

“Did you miss me?” my future wife jumps and climbs onto my back. Steady, I reach and hold her close, carrying her home. Her slender legs wrap around my legs, I stroke those slender legs. “Your baby is making me really ravenous” Hyojin teases me. I could sense from her that she was tired, I’m sure her body was trying to get used to carrying a child. From now on she would be tired a lot, but I was someone who would be there to protect her when she needed me. I would love her eternally, I was hers and she was mine.


	20. XX

Yien’s POV

My lover and I were perched on the bed, the younger’s elbows resting on the back of the headboard, his knees were spread apart on the cushions. He purrs needily as I was stood behind him, my hands lightly pressing down on his lower back while he thrusted into him. 

 

Lee Suwoong had his head down, forehead pressing onto the top padded headboard, while he let out little moans. I slowly move my hands from the younger's lower back to his shoulders, pulling him toward my chest.

 

“Oh hyung, please fuck me." Suwoong thrusts back onto me, his cute little ass jiggles onto my dick, it turns me on more than it should. Seeing him look weak and needy, getting him worked up like this, it was my favourite sport.

 

The school’s bully was bent over taking me in, the little prick who had seemed to be an outward homophobe was taking dick like a pro. It was glorious sight, one that often gave me the adrenaline and satisfaction that he needed. He gently pushed him back to his original position. 

 

My cock slides in and out of my younger's ass easily, and the younger was meeting the snap of my hips by pushing downward. It felt so natural and at this point we had done it so many times, we had been lovers on and off for the last few years, although in secret of course.

 

“Hyung please," Suwoong begs, voice pitched in an upper octave. "Please, harder." So I oblige him, but this time I change the position, I sit down and pull him onto my lap, Suwoong doesn’t waste time lowering himself.

 

Unable to resist I can’t help but groan as Suwoong brings himself down onto his lap, pressing his warm skin on his thighs. Suwoong tightens around my length as he continues working up and down his length at a stable pace.

“You fuck me so well,” his voice shudders slightly as he starts to move at a quicker pace, with more force. I look up and watch him buck onto me, sweating, shamelessly he fucks me. It was a complete change to our time years ago, we had been close.

“Hyung,” He gasps, slowing down to roll his hips once he finds his weak spot. I groan into his shoulder, Suwoong reaches to hold onto my arm to steady himself. Whilst his other hand reaches down to his length, he was tightening and loosening around his length.

It left me conflicted It had been a year and half now since I had seduced the arrogant shit face bully, I had fucked the straight boy into a quivering little mess that he was, bucking into my lap as he tried to find a release.

Suwoong rests in my arms, holding him closer until there isn’t even a gap of space between them as he thrusts up deep and hard. Suwoong stays in his arms around my shoulders, panting and moaning into the crook of his neck.

My thrusts come short and deep, brushing against all the right places inside him. Suwoong’s cock rubs against my abdomen with each jerk of the hip, quickening the approach of our climax.

My lover becomes louder and needier over time; he tugs at my hair and clenches tight around me. We were both so close to coming with Suwoong whining into my shoulder and crying out. I was snapping my hips up hard and desperate into Suwoong.

“Holy shit” Suwoong gasps into my shoulder as he comes. I snap my hips up and it continues until I finally find my release inside of him. Suwoong falls weakly onto me, I wrap my arm around his waist and put him down onto his back as he catches his breath.

“Thank you hyung” he wraps his arms around my shoulder, leaning my head onto my shoulder, his clinginess was unattractive. I knew his feelings for me were more intense than I was willing to be responsible for, they had been the reason he lashed out so hard towards Youngjae.

Wiping away his matted hair from his sweaty forehead, Suwoong lets out a puff of breath before climbing off of my lap. A grin finds it’s way across his handsome face, it was matching the look of satisfaction on his face. He looked smug, like he had conquered something.

“Wouldn’t Choi Youngjae lose it if he found out that his best friend was fucking his mortal enemy” I’m sure he was right about that, but I never had to worry. I knew that Suwoong was in no rush to tell the truth about us and his sexuality. If he were ever to tell Youngjae, he’d face repercussions from me, I would air out our relationship from the ones he was trying to keep his secret.

The Lee household wouldn’t be happy to discover that their son was a needy bottom who was hidden in the closet. I had proof of our rendezvous and quiet honestly, I could ruin Suwoong but I chose not to.

It would be a cruel and spiteful move and I was many things, many, many unpleasant things but I couldn’t be a jerk who used sexuality to ruin a man’s life. It was beyond wrong, it was totally twisted and unforgivable. Youngjae would never forgive me if I was to stoop so low.

Would he forgive me for having slept with the boy who had mercilessly tormented him for so long? Probably. I had messed up a lot with Youngjae in the past, and those were often opportunities he used to try and push me away. But I clung onto him and made myself necessary to him. I was someone Youngjae couldn’t do without and now more so than ever, he really needed me and part of me felt lucky for it.

“We don’t have to hide like this, you know” this wasn’t the first time Suwoong had expressed this kind of sentiment. Our last hook up at the hotel had ended the same way, Suwoong seemed to desire a commitment from me. He was willing to go up against his disapproving friends and family.

He foolishly believed that because status wise and fortune wise, we were on the same level, that we would be easily accepted. Idiotic, it meant that him coming out was an impossibility unless he was willing to give up the fortune in which he had grown up comfortably in. But Kim Hanbin was proof that the allure of money and wealth was almost impossible to escape. I doubted that Suwoong would be any different.

“If I was Youngjae, you would be able to answer me?” Suwoong pouts, the look in his eyes was a mixture of bitterness and disappointment. It was always the look he got when bring up Youngjae, he had always known how much I loved Youngjae, it was something that I had hid from him.

I had told him the truth, that I was head over heels in love with Choi Youngjae. I didn’t think that I would change and that’s why I slept around. Suwoong had been willing to come out to the world, if it meant he could guarantee a commitment from me.

Suwoong scoots up close to me and leans his head on my shoulder, he doesn’t push or question any further. He had learnt not to dig too deep, not if he didn’t want to me turn my back on him. Part of me enjoyed it, the power that I had over him, turning the school bully into a love sick puppy, I had corrupted him.

Despite our sweaty and gross state, Suwoong lies close to me. He asks me to stay. “Until I can sleep please!” I cringe at his clinginess, but I found it easier to just let him have his way. It was still early in the evening, but Suwoong always liked to sleep, so I let him rest within in my arms.

 

Some time passes, before I finally hear Suwoong’s snoring. It was light, just a small breath, when watching him, I couldn’t help but think how cute he was. Looking at him, if he wasn’t so obsessed with me, it would probably have been better if he had ended up with someone who could treat him right. It wasn’t me, but I hoped maybe he would find someone who could love him.

Slowly and carefully, I roll the sleeping Suwoong out of my arms and onto his side. I quickly move from the bed, before rushing to get the clothes that I had strewn across the room, I pick up my clothes and quickly get dressed. I was ruffled and unkempt, but I needed go get here quickly.

My attempt to sneak out of the hotel is quickly foiled, as I open the door there he was. Suwoong was sat up on the bed, he calls out my name and talks to me. “Call me before you leave for Seoul” Suwoong calls out, I walk out of the hotel room without saying another word.

As I make my way home, I check my phone for the texts and phone calls that I may have received. I scroll past everything, but I focus on the ones that mattered the most, the ones that came from Choi Youngjae.

They were two simple messages; one was asking me where I was whilst the other was asking me to text him when I was available. Both simple, but both enough to make my heart flutter. A simple text could make me feel this way, but ever since I had met Choi Youngjae my flutters had been ever present in my life. Youngjae made me flutter so much.

Late night snack run; you want anything? I would have to pop through somewhere to eat first, and get something from my precious zombie boy. Ever since he had broken up with Youngjae, he was either studying or watching movies or squeezing in a lazy wank session. He wasn’t as lively as he used to be, the soul was gone from his eyes, he was a zombie. A hungry zombie.

Dude, I’m craving chicken wings! Youngjae texts back almost immediately, and without hesitation I make my way to his favourite shop. They were still open, so I would gladly rush to get them for Youngjae, if they made him even a smidgen happier than he was before.

Thankfully the shop is open when I get there, and as usual their service is ideal. It’s convenient and swift and I’m out there in no time on my way to catch the bus home, as I run onto the next bus, I get a call from my mother.

It was out of the blue, but to me it was better if that way, if I was prepared for her then I would probably avoid it. I loved my mother, but sometimes it felt that she was calling from across the pond to nag at me, it was totally draining and sometimes I didn’t need it.

The elder has called to check up on. Within seconds of the call, I hear her complain about me going to school in Korea. She had the hopes that I would move back to Seattle with her, that I could go to an American school and study medicine and be the good boy that she raised me to be, and date all the pretty girls that she knew around her. My mother was still in denial it seemed.

My mother was still in denial about a lot of things, she continued to deny that her son was a promiscuous, bisexual man whose focus wasn’t taking over my family’s pharmaceutical company. She had stayed with my father’s side long enough to try and lead me on that path. Sacrificing her youth for me and my siblings, she stayed in a toxic marriage for us only to be betrayed.

Betrayed and deserted, my mother was left to pick up the pieces of her life when my father ran off with one of his mistresses. Despite it being years since the pair had been divorced, my mother still seemed unable to let go. She was still trying to pull the pieces of her broken family back together.

“Yien… do you need to live with that boy?” despite my mother knowing Youngjae well, and seeming to have been fond of him as we had grown up, but now she had suddenly changed when speaking about him. “Youngjae… will you still live with him?” she suddenly changes her tone and speaks up. “Take care of yourself…” it felt like there was something else that she wanted to tell me, but it was like she was holding back.

“My son, just know that I love you” she suddenly ends the call and to my relief, we had ended things without arguing or problems at all. It was very rare, but I would be grateful that we hadn’t gone too deeply into this.

Once I’m finished, I head off to Jinwoon’s hyung’s apartment. The elder had allowed Youngjae and I to stay there before we were to leave for Seoul, he was usually out or too busy to notice us being there.

This evening however was different, the elder was in the living room area working with an attractive female colleague. They seemed to be discussing a big case that they were currently dealing with at the moment, they don’t take much notice of me when I enter. Youngjae hadn’t come home yet, so I put his food in the fridge and wait for him patiently, using the two as entertainment.

Innocent as usual Jinwoon seemed unaware of his female colleague watching me, he had introduced his colleague as Park Kyungri. She was a very beautiful girl, she was slender, petit and had a veiled sexiness to her. She watches Youngjae’s older brother in awe, and honestly I didn’t blame her, Jinwoon was art. He was a very attractive man, she was talk, thick and warm hearted to boot.

Over time I had often tried my lick and tried to hit on the elder, but with his patience and understanding, he never lashed out to me. Where other brothers would disapprove and blame me for my influence on their precious innocent sibling, Jinwoon seemed to understand that I wasn’t that bad a person, and as a person I was good for him.

Filing through his fridge finding a sugary smoothie, and I Decide to quench my thirst and have a little fun with the elders. Sitting on the kitchen counter, I watch the pair, grinning as Kyungri watching a distracted Jinwoon.

With a flirtatious grin, I slowly spread my legs open setting the honey trap. I had on just shorts and a shirt, I was hoping the new guest could see what I had on display. “Hey Tuna. Close your legs. There are women in the room” Jinwoon warns, next to him I see that Kyungri was blushing.

“Do you enjoy making people feel uncomfortable?” Jinwoon asks disapproving of me. Kyungri tries to step in and distract the elder, but I could tell that she was trying to hide a smirk. “Hyung, I’d love to make this noona very comfortable” I deliver with a wiggler of my eyebrows.

Jinwoon doesn’t take it well and begins to lecture me on my perverted behaviour and sexual harassment. Little did the elder know that to me his lecture was like foreplay. I loved it when he got heated up like this, but the elder instructs me to head over to my room as to not disturb and I oblige him.

Half an hour later, after a shower, I stay in Youngjae’s room. I sit on his comfortable king sized bed and start to draw up some ideas that had been stuck in my head, it was the first time in a while that I had drawn anything that wasn’t the Choi Youngjae. Although admittedly he had influenced my new set of drawings, they were something I was thinking of making into a little project, and if it turned out well, maybe I could do something with it.

A rapid knock on the door has me sitting up, Youngjae sometimes liked to be awkward and knock his own door to check if I was naked. It wasn’t like we hadn’t seen each other in a state of undress, but he still did it. It was very cute. So I call him in to come in and put my iPad to the side, I could draw later but time with Youngjae was to be treasured.

When I turn to the door, it wasn’t Youngjae who was coming inside as I had expected. Instead it was Park Kyungri, she meekly enters and checks up on me, she informs me that Jinwoon had gone out back to the office to get some new evidence for the case, and that she had come to say her goodbyes to me. Except when she sits on the edge of Youngjae’s bed, I doubted that she had any intention of even leaving. When I point this, she doesn’t blush or hide her gaze as she had done before, instead she climbs up onto the bed and crawls towards me, the look in her eyes was full of sex.

The elder slowly crawls until she was on my lap and without hesitation she leans in to kiss me. It’s soft, slow and seductive kiss, I cup her face and kiss her back as hard as she kisses me. Despite being virtual strangers, it definitely felt good, there was no awkwardness at all, I could tell that she would be a good lay, she seemed to have no guards up.

Kyungri is the first to pull away, she grins and watches me before slowly stripping off. As I watch her reveal her curves and lumps, I do my usual last minute honesty. I always did this to give whatever lover I had the chance to reject me and put their clothes and leave, sure I got a view of their naked but I also got a clear conscience as well.

With full transparency I reveal that only a few hours ago I had been in bed with another person. “Did you clean since then?” she checks, the elder wasn’t at all bothered by it. “it was a man” I further reveal, but still she continues to strip, once she is done she reaches for my clothes and starts with me getting to match her state of nudity. “As long as you’re clean and we use protection, then what does it matter” she announces before leaning in to kiss me again.

The kiss is more heated and passionate than before, the elder starts by leading me and assuring me, but eventually I take charge. I loved flipping things over, I loved to be the person who wrangled control from another.

Fortunately, unlike Suwoong, the elder wasn’t clingy once we’re done. She is a busy person with things to do, and she thanks for me scratching the itch that she had, she had hoped that Jinwoon would be the one to do for her but it turns out he was still hung up over. The elder leaves but not before delivering one kiss on my cheek and heading for the exit.

“Oh great!” Youngjae whines as he enters the room, I was in the middle of getting dressed again, whilst he was walking in with chicken wings and alcohol. We were both in a weird looking position, but either way neither of us feels uncomfortable, at least I wasn’t I was happy for Youngjae to see me naked, did he think that I was sexy?

“Could you maybe have sex somewhere else that isn’t my bed next time” he complains before opening one of the windows. The cold air enters the room, but it was welcome and fresh, the air wasn’t so stuffy.

Youngjae takes a seat flopping next to me. Before he starts on a lecture on my promiscuity and the risks that came with it. “You could have a baby like Kyunnie or worse, catch something gross” Youngjae warns. I was grateful that he even cared, but I tease him reassuring him that he wouldn’t becoming an uncle anytime soon. Informing him that Kyungri and I had been protected.

“Good, good!” Youngjae says as he plops down next to me, sharing the wings that I had bought. When I look down, he looked unlike the Youngjae I first met, he looked pale, gaunt and withdrawn. Even since Hanbin had left, Youngjae resembled a zombie too. It was like there was no soul between there crescents that he called eyes, did he know how he had changed? I wonder.

There is a comfortable silence between as we sit down to eat, but suddenly conversation starts to flow. We begin to discuss our days; we hadn’t seen much of each other today. Whilst I had been preparing for our move, Youngjae had been saying his very last goodbyes, he had been at Junhyuk’s house mostly chilling out, or at least I could hope he was.

He reveals that he did bump into Changkyun and Hyojin noona at the coffee shop. He admits that it was a little awkward for him at first, to accept that Changkyun was with someone who wasn’t joy. However, he admits that when watching Changkyun with his new woman, he seemed happy and that made Youngjae happy.

Honestly, I didn’t like it when Youngjae talked about Im Changkyun not too much. Ever since they had become friends, I had taken a dislike to Im Changkyun, he was Youngjae’s good friend who brought a smile to Youngjae’s face and had him happy. My jealous mind didn’t take well to it, I wanted to be the only one that Youngjae who could rely on.

My logic was that if Youngjae could rely on another person, then he might not need me, but after some I had to come to realise how necessary Changkyun was. He had been there for Youngjae in my seed and had allowed Youngjae to grown, he had allowed Youngjae experience his first love without interrupting and I figured in the end Youngjae would be grateful for him.

In the end I knew that Youngjae’s first heartbreak would help him grown, but all this sulking and brooding that I had been watching was getting unpleasant to watch. I hadn’t spoken and aired out those feelings, right now Youngjae wouldn’t want to hear how I felt, his feelings too precedent, so for now I was keeping my mouth shut.

I was going to stay by Youngjae’s side and comfort him for as much as he needed, whenever he broke down. Whenever he questioned himself and he did that a lot. He seemed to think that he could have held on tighter, but there wasn’t anything more he could have done, and I reassured him of that over and over until he half believed it at least.

Understandably he was starting to thin that he wasn’t worth of love. His confidence had been deflated much more than I had expected, I had never seen Youngjae like this. Even as the whole school had come down on him, he had still been strong and able to put up a fight.

However, after putting his whole into loving the prosecutor’s son, Youngjae seemed to have lost himself. So I made it my mission to help him find himself, we could do it when we went to Seoul. We would start off tomorrow, and work our way slowly until the Choi Youngjae I loved was back.

The next morning is the big goodbye, mine and Youngjae’s belongings had been transported to Seoul and were already waiting in our apartment. So all that was left for us to do was take the train to Seoul, but before Youngjae’s loving family gathers around to say an emotional goodbye. They surround us as they take their turns to say goodbye to their precious maknae.

It wasn’t a secret that the Choi parents had never been fond me, but they did put up with me as they knew that I was an important person to Youngjae. So I tended not to ac out too much around them, even though their high and mighty attitudes and behaviours. They were a little too conservative for my liking but that’s who they were and they were the people who had conceived Youngjae and raised him, so for that I was grateful towards them.

Junhyuk, Youngjae’s most protective sibling lectures me on not leading his precious sibling down the wrong path. Whilst Jinwoon simply asks that I take care of his youngest sibling, he seemed to put trust in me.

“Please remind him that he can be a person, without his love. Remind him that he’s fun and desirable” he asks. After recently suffering his own heartbreak, I knew that he was definitely speaking from experience. So I assure him that I would, I was determined to save my friend from the depth of his heartbreak. I would win back the Youngjae I had fallen in love with.

“Keep my boy out of trouble please” Mr. Choi requests. “A big city like Seoul leaves me worried” the elder seemed like he held the hope that Youngjae would change his mind and stay in Mokpo. His parents wanted for him to stay locally and be close to family, but Youngjae was leaving for a reason. Around his family he felt suffocated, like he couldn’t be the person he really was.

Like Hanbin, Youngjae’s family had a preferred path for their son, but none of them had been selfish enough to emotionally manipulate or blackmail their son into it. Suddenly backing out after promising himself to Youngjae hadn’t been a choice for Hanbin, Bobby had eventually revealed that Hanbin’s had been forced. To protect his younger siblings, Hanbin had followed his parent’s plan. The fact that Hanbin had no choice, it was making this break up more difficult for Youngjae to accept.

Youngjae was definitely in need of a new start and going all the way across the country seemed like it would be the best idea. There would be new places, new people and no reminds over the memomories he shared with his first love. It would be truly a fresh start for him.

School was to start soon and Youngjae and I who travelled on a long train across the country arrive in the middle of freshers week. Freshers week was when new students before the semester starts, went out to party and get all their reckless behaviour out of the way before focusing on their studying.

This was the perfect time to arrive, it would be the perfect excuse to drag Youngjae out to see the night life. IT had been a while since Youngjae and I had done anything fun, so I was hoping once we had finished moving in, I could get him up and running around the big city of Seoul.

My hopes are dashed very soon, Youngjae continues on his act that he had perfected so well in Seoul. Unless he had reason to, Youngjae was staying home and he wasn’t stepping outside of the house. For the first two days, he chooses to either unpack or study and he orders in whatever he needs, he didn’t want to leave the house. So I’m forced to do things alone.

A few days into my time I get a job offer, it wasn’t my dream job as graphic designer, but it was a way to make money without relying on my parents. As a coffee shop barista, I would be working at the safe coffee shop that Youngjae had been hired at months before, the owner seemed to find a good concept in me. “The rude flower boy is totally the range” according to him.

Youngjae and I took different classes, so there wouldn’t be much opportunity to see each other, he would be either studying, working or at school. So invading his work area was my best tactic, I could see him more often and check up on his progress, but also to have fun with him. I wanted to remind Youngjae of what fun was.

Giddy with my plan, I head off home taking the bus. I don’t do much waiting, and a bus picks me up within minutes of waiting and takes me down the route towards my home. The bus was a lot busier in the early evening with people heading home, so there weren’t any seats available and I was forced to stand.

Holding myself with one of the polls on the bus, I find myself faced off against a good looking man. He was average height, about the same height as me, his skin colour was a beautiful olive shade and his big cartoonish eyes had an intensity behind them. A lazy smile graces the stranger’s face as he watches me, he doesn’t back down and our eyes lock for a few minutes.

As I try and take it in, I knew what the other man was thinking. There was a mutual attraction, it didn’t need to be said, there was a charged energy between us that said it all. “Do you give or take?” he boldly whispers, the look in his eyes doesn’t show any hesitation, he had done this before.

This wasn’t my first time at the rodeo either, flirting and eye fucking a stranger ever, let alone on public transport. I didn’t mind it, not if the guy was as attractive as this guy.

Although I don’t answer the question, the man isn’t discouraged. He takes out of his pocket a mobile phone which he hands over to me on the contacts page. He had already typed out a name for me, “red heard buys boy”. I can’t help but smirking as I write down my number down, but I take the opportunity to rename myself before handing back the phone.

“Hmmmn interesting” he comments. “Nice meeting you” he says before, turning to walk to the front of the bus and getting off. I can’t wipe the grin off of my face, in Seoul I was bound to have fun.

On the way home I take a detour through to my school, Youngjae was still in class so I would be picking him up. I’m a little early so I wait by the side for him, I watch him through the window partition of his lecture hall. He was sat near the back of the hall; I could make out his brown hair. From the back of his head I could tell that he was really focusing, it was cute.

If he worked hard, maybe it would be enough. It would fill a gap that was empty for him. If he made knew friends and had new experiences with those people, then those sad memories would fade. Moments like this were good, they were signs that he could move on.

Once Youngjae’s class is over, we walk through the school court holding hands. It was comfortable, it wasn’t the first time that we had held hands in public, but it was the first time that he had looked or felt comfortable with it. Seoul seemed to be a comfortable place for Youngjae and made me happy.

“Did you miss me?” I ask Youngjae only to receive a soft chuckle in response. “What do you mean, it’s only been a few hours hyung” he gives me the look he often gave me, the look said I was crazy. “When I was travelling, didn’t you miss times like this?” I ask expanding more on my question.

“Of course I did. I missed you a lot” I grin in reply to Youngjae’s answer. “That’s probably why I fell for him so easily, I didn’t have the person I trusted around me the most” he explains, but I wonder if I had been around if that would have meant much. “Do you regret being with Kim Hanbin?” I ask Youngjae. “Yes” Youngjae simply answers, he hooks arms with me and leans his head on the crook of my shoulder.

“Let’s go, let’s have fun” I suggest hopefully. “I don’t feel like it” Youngjae replies, and at this point it was usually when I gave up but I Wasn’t going to any more. “I don’t care, we’re going out” I dismiss his rejection I reach over and poke his head off of my shoulder.

When we get home, I force him to get ready for a night out. The only way I can convince him to jump into the shower is to threaten to jump in with him, knowing that I wasn’t one to make empty threats, Youngjae goes in ahead without me. Leavening me to put an outfit together for him, as I do I can’t ignore the constant ringing of his phone which was on his bed side.

Unable to resist I check the caller ID; it was Kim Hanbin calling. Weeks had passed after their break up and he still had Hanbin’s number in his phone. The thought frustrates me, he probably had their texts and voice mails. If he wanted to forget Kim Hanbin, then he was doing a pretty shit job at it.

Without hesitation, I answer the phone. It probably wasn’t the best idea, not when I was feeling worked up like this, but I do it. I answer the phone but I don’t speak, I let the person who had called speak first, then I would reply accordingly, but I was definitely seething so it wouldn’t be pretty.

“Youngjae…” he finally speaks up; he pauses waiting for a reply but I stay silent. “I got married today” he quietly revealed, his voice sounded quieter. “I’m not happy. I Miss you” Hanbin expresses regret of his decision. From the sounds of it, he sounded like he had gotten drunk, I’m sure if Youngjae had received this call, it would have gotten his hopes up. Hanbin wasn’t going to leave his wife now, he was his parent’s puppet.

“Don’t ever call him again” I say, those words seem to shut up Hanbin. It was like he knew that it was me. So taking advantage of his silence, I hang up the phone on him and block his number. I lose my temper annoyed, seeing red I throw the phone at the nearest phone, just missing Youngjae who was walking into the room. He looks shocked and confused.

“Hyung? What the hell are you going?” Youngjae in nothing but a towel, walks over to the phone on the floor. “You won’t ever speak to Kim Hanbin ever again!!” I shout at Youngjae. Those words freeze Youngjae to his spot, he looks down at his phone which was pretty much smashed to pieces due to the force of which I had thrown my phone.

“He’s a married man now Youngjae, he’s none of your business” I lower my tone, but I was dead serious. I warn Youngjae that there was now a line drawn down for him that he couldn’t cross, not even if he wanted to. Youngjae silently sits down on the edge of the bed, he looked hurt, weak, like he was retreating inside of himself. He was turning into the zombie and in the movies, there was only one way to make the zombies human again.

Something clicks in my brain and suddenly I lunge in at him, I climb on top of Youngjae lean in to kiss him. At first there is a bit of hesitation, it wasn’t the first time that Youngjae had reacted like this when I did kiss. However, with determination, if I clung on longer, he was usually easy to break. So I keep pressing my lips onto his until, I eventually I feel his lips press back against me. Success.

Taking charge, I cup his face, I deepen the kiss, separating his lips with mine, I slip my tongue inside of his mouth. Youngjae is accepting, his hands slide to my waist pulling me close to him, it’s a hot and passionate kiss.

This wasn’t the first time that we had kissed, but it was the first time that it was this heated this quickly. Youngjae follows my lead kissing me back, his lips were soft and his tongue was working its magic, I could feel the chills were hitting me. Youngjae was so good, but when you kiss the one you loved.

My hands slowly slide down from Youngjae’s chest, further and further until we were in dangerous territory. As my hands skirt around the rim of his towel, I wanted him so badly, usually I could control myself, but there was an urgency to this moment. I wanted so badly for things to change, and I knew that we could do it, if we just did something drastic.

“Hyung…” Youngjae pushes me up and away from the kiss so suddenly, he pants looking a bit disorientated but I can’t help it. I lean in one more time, I was so desperate in trying to kiss him, to cling on this hot and pleasant feeling that he was feeling. He had no idea, how crazy I was going for him.

Youngjae tries again to push me away, he tries to protest and decline one more time. “Hyung we can’t do this…” I try to reassure Youngjae that it was fine, I try to interrupt him and give him any useless thoughts to think about. I am little bit more assertive, as I push Youngjae down onto the bed behind him, and start to kiss him up his neck, it was the soft kisses.

My head was fuzzy with desire, I was so clouded and desperate to make Youngjae part of this. It takes a while for me to notice that Youngjae has stopped moving and was lying still on the bed, not making a noise. When I look underneath me, there wasn’t a look of anything in his eyes, he looked like he had just shut down emotionally. He was a zombie.

“Can’t we have fun?” I heave a heavy sigh, before lying next to Youngjae. “Hyung… We can’t be like this” Youngjae speaks up. “I need you and I can’t lose you hyung…” I pull back and relent, watching the younger. His expression had changed, his face looked a little pained.

“If you don’t fuck me, then you have to fuck someone else” I reach down to his thigh, sliding up the towel. I move upwards with the intent of making him uncomfortable, I needed him to be uncomfortable and to listen to me. “Hyung don’t do that” Youngjae pushes his hand away, as he faces from me.

“Are you angry? Did you want to take the call from the married man?” I ask Youngjae, I question him. “Did you want to hear him whine about being married, to tell you that he misses you?” Youngjae looked pained when watching me. “He left you Youngjae…” those words some emotional harm to him. He looked as if he had been shot by a bully, the truth hurt. That is enough to calm me down, but it doesn’t stop me. 

“No matter what Youngjae, I would never leave you” I lean into the crook of Youngjae’s neck as deliver that promise. I tell him how hard the last year had been without him, how every day that I stayed away had been hard. “I stayed away to give you the space that you asked for” that day of the graduation, after our last kiss, Youngjae had asked for space and I granted it to him.

“Do you realise how hard it was?” I ask, I really wanted to know if he know. I had had travelled across the world, worried for him. I t had been a year and I kept bouncing from country to country, trying to distract myself and not to go running to Youngjae’s side. I missed him so much.

It had been a year since I had confessed my feelings for him, and Youngjae had rejected me and that was fine. I couldn’t hold that against him, but when I hadn’t come back to watch him mope around like this. I didn’t want to watch him be this person, it hurt me watching me like this, so I ask him to stop punishing me, I cling to him as I make that plea.

“So what? You want me to fuck someone to make you feel better?” Youngjae looked conflicted, I could tell he felt bad for the way he was making me feel, but he found my ways a little extreme. “I want you to get under someone, to get over him” I tell Youngjae that he had to live. To do things, even if they were forced, to fake it until he could make it.

“Fine” Youngjae answers simply as he looks up at the ceiling and just like that he gets up to get dressed for the night. I take advantage to quickly get showered and dressed, it would take a lot of effort from me to pretend that this was a normal night. To steam roll past the fact that I had tried to seduce my best friend and had been rejected.

Once I’m ready, the pair of us head out. I was taking Youngjae to club that I had was popular in Seoul. It was supposed to be homo friendly, an old mansion which had be refurbished and changed into a club, equipped with bar, multiple dance floors and for those who felt the need, sex rooms. The place was full of debauchery, I knew Youngjae would be uncomfortable, but I wanted to push Youngjae into the deep end and see how he reacted.

Edm music blasts through the speakers surrounding the mansion, strobe lights flash across the dark space with dimmer lights to help with navigating. The place was full of all types of people of different races, sexualities and social backgrounds, it served as a popular haunt for those in Seoul who enjoyed debaucheries.

It was even rumoured to be a haunt for vampires and werewolves. It was rumour probably spurred on by the decor of the place, it was styled like a British medieval mansion. The rumours were spurred on by those that disapproved of the club and its social aspects, their attempts to put off people inadvertently served as pull. The mansion now had an interesting cult following, which was part of the allure for me.

I don’t allow Youngjae to play a wallflower, once we get some shots in our system I warn Youngjae. If he didn’t find someone to sleep with the, I would have fuck him. So I leave him alone, I didn’t want to watch over him and stunt him, I knew that someone would eventually find themselves attracted to the awkward country boy in the corner.

So in the meantime, I look for someone of my own. I didn’t expect that I would be leaving home alone, not if Youngjae wasn’t either. Walking around the packed club, I look around for anyone who fit my tastes for the night, I set my side on a very foxy looking woman, the ones who looked like they could fight always seemed to be my type. I liked a work out and good fight, some bites and scratches.

“My name is…”, I don’t hear her name, or much else of what she had to say. The woman didn’t seem to mind, we both had something that we wanted to do and it didn’t involve great concentration of words. Before I leave with my lover, I head over to Youngjae to check up on him and he was doing and to my surprise he was doing really well. He looked different, actually animated and present.

Whoever Youngjae was with seemed to be bringing it out in him, all I could see was the back of this stranger’s head. The stranger was leant in to Youngjae and two seemed to be talking up a storm, whatever it was that they were talking about I was curious. I wanted to know how this person had done what I had struggled for weeks to do.

Mid conversation Youngjae seems to take notice of me, I smile and give hi m a thumbs up of approval. This was something that he needed to do, Youngjae needed to go out and meet new people, to know that Hanbin wasn’t the only person he could feel anything for. He would know that Hanbin wasn’t the only person that he could desire, and that would be start. We would start with the physical and work our way up to everything else.

However, when I wave goodbye to Youngjae, I can’t shrug off some of the regret that I felt. I was trying my best to shrug this off, to shrug off the disappointment and the hurt feelings that I had, no matter how much I tried to ignore it, it seemed that even now a year later, Youngjae didn’t desire me the way that I had always wanted him to.

An hour passes after I have left the club and I find myself in bed, next to me was the anonymous lover whom had been a very brief and satisfactory distraction. After round two she had no more energy and feeling comfortable enough to, she had fallen asleep next to me, I didn’t mind it so much, as long as when she woke up she didn’t cling. Sometimes my lovers stayed and clung, but other times they stayed for a comfortable bed. I hoped it was the latter occasion.

Taking out my tablet, I resume the drawing that I had been doing more recently with my comic. I still hadn’t decided if I would ever do it, or if it was just passion project of my own. Time would tell, but whilst I was inspired like this, then I would take advantage of it and work as much as I could.

My attempt to work doesn’t last long, as suddenly I hear a crashing through the front door. I get up to check on what it was, but before I can hear my door I hear an apology from Youngjae followed by some giggling. It was Youngjae, and it sounded like he was talking to another person, so hidden behind my door I listen to what follows.

There’s a lot of laughing and excited talking. Then there’s a brief silence, before I hear another door slam, when I open the door I find that Youngjae’s door was closed and inside there was more chattering and giggling. I could hear Youngjae’s out of control laugh, the laugh that I had missed so much.

Soon enough I am stood behind my door tormenting myself, as I listen to the laughs, the giggles and the chattering quieten down before suddenly there was another noise. It was moaning, it started off a little meek, then it got a bit more confident and drawn out, until I could hear groaning, bed shaking and it all sounded so good but it didn’t feel good. No it sounded like Youngjae was having sex with someone who wasn’t me.

Roughly half an hour passes before everything quietens down, my lover had slept through it all, but I had heard everything. My heart felt like it was bursting, but not in a good way, I was close to losing it but barely holding it together.

The door to Youngjae’s room opens, I hear a deep voice tell him that he was going to raid our fridge and so I take my opportunity to have a word. I was following the stranger to the kitchen we were completely in the dark, so I still couldn’t see him clearly, I could only make out the back of his head, he had short dark hair and that’s all I could tell.

I follow the stranger and quietly watching him as he raids the fridge. I was there to talk to him, with the intention of warning him away. This was just a one-night stand and that he wouldn’t be calling Youngjae back and that he shouldn’t expect more. I had definitely had this conversation before, Youngjae was precious and I couldn’t have him slipping and falling into another relationship. Or at least that was what I was trying to convince myself of. This guy was only a lay.

To get the stranger’s attention, I clear my throat. The man who up until this point had been bent over wearing only a pair of boxers to highlight his perky ass, turns to me. He doesn’t seem startled, despite the fact I had pretty much followed him in the dark, and I was also a complete stranger with him.

The fridge light illuminates the man and reveals him to be a person that I had met before, recently. The man looks surprised when he sees my face, he recognises me and a grin soon follows. “Ah, Mr Versatile?” it was shocking, the man I had seen on the bus earlier was the person Youngjae had picked up from the bar, what a frustrating coincidence. He hadn’t called me since I had giving him my number, but I hadn’t expected a call back soon, but I hadn’t expected him to bone my best friend either.

“You must be Youngjae’s roommate?” the bus stranger breezes past all this, it didn’t seem so awkward for him. It wasn’t awkward for me either, but it was completely irritating, my frustration was quickly becoming fury.

Bus stranger isn’t fazed by my angry aura, in fact he looked somewhat amused. “it’s funny, Youngjae told me that his roommate told him to fuck someone” I grimace in reply and damn Youngjae and his honesty. “Is Youngjae really a good boy, to just listen to you like that?” the bus stranger asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Hmmmn he does listen well; he gave when I asked to receive. He did so well” the elder purrs, before bursting into laughter, it was like he was taunting me. “Choi Youngjae is a sweet boy, I don’t often do sweet boys. He was special” I shake with anger; I was really doing everything in my power not to knock this guy out.

“Wow, you must really love him” the stranger notes, it was like within seconds he had seen something that I never hid but I never boldly advertised it either. Right now I felt vulnerable, I felt weak and I didn’t like feeling this way. “Youngjae isn’t ready to love someone else. Do you think you can wait for him until he us?” he asks quietly, his eyes searching me for an answer. He seemed quite genuine, and his reaction seems to be a little relieved when I say that I am.

“Then take your time, don’t rush things” he explains that he would be leaving. Relieved that he wouldn’t be near Youngjae anymore, I don’t even think to thank him, or ask for him name, and I surely wouldn’t be waiting for a call from him into the future. I just wanted him out of here, and so I wait. I wait for the stranger to get a drink, to take his time while drinking and head off to Youngjae room.

Impatiently I wait and I watch as the man leaves Youngjae’s room fully dressed, when he sees me waiting a grin graces his handsome face. He lets out a little chuckle, and leaves but not before leaving a kiss on my cheek and wishing me luck. He walks out with a spring in his step, he hadn’t let the intensity of my feelings even cloud him.

With that the bus stranger gone, I don’t waste time staying waiting. Instead I rush into Youngjae’s room without invitation, I had never needed one and I wouldn’t start now. I was far too impatient, I just wanted to see him and be with him. When I do get in his room, I find that he was laid in bed in nothing but a pair of boxers and hoodie of mine that he liked to wear.

“I’m sorry” I try to apologise to Youngjae but he turns and stop me. “Hyung you were right, I need to be alive” he confesses that recently he had been walking around and he didn’t feel like himself. “I won’t do it anymore, I won’t stop being a person who lives” he explains that after talking to the bus stranger, that he realised that he had turned into the person he hated the most. He had turned into an autopilot Youngjae.

“Hyung…I’ll be the person that you liked again... please wait for me” Youngjae asks for a little patience, it was hard for him and he was having a hard time but he would pull himself out of it. “Please… stay by my side…” I nod my head without hesitation, I pull him into my arms, hugging him close. That’s all he had to say, because if he said it then it had to be done, I would do it for Youngjae even if it hurt sometimes


End file.
